Godzilla mega-fan Patrick Kelly has taken on the kaiju-sized task of documenting all of Godzilla’s win/loss battles — in two volumes no less — with Godzilla Monster Fight Record Vol. I (1954 – 1975) and Godzilla Monster Fight Record Vol. II (1984 – 2021). Both self-published books are projected to come out September, 2023 via Amazon™, Apple™, B&N™, and Book Baby™. This looks to be a bit premature as Godzilla Minus One is set to arrive December 1, 2023 and Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire comes out in 2024, with new foes and new battle stats. And let’s not forget the Apple TV+™ is prepping an as-yet-untitled live action Godzilla series due before the end of whatever year this is. Maybe Patrick will save those for Vol. III.
The books will have three forwards by Godzilla authorities Barry Goldberg, the webmaster of the long-running Barry’s Temple of Godzilla, John Lemay, author of The Big Book of Japanese Giant Monsters, and James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd and head of Cinemassacre.com. (Much of his content is dedicated to Godzilla.) And I thought I was a G-fan; These guys make me look like a pee-pants newbie.
So while we all stand around waiting for the books release (no word on pricing or exact release date yet), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be a win/loss for viewers…
SLOTHERHOUSE / August 8, 2023 (Theaters)
“College senior Emily Young aims to be voted president of her sorority. When she adopts an adorable sloth, she realizes the animal can serve as the house’s new mascot and help her win votes, dubbing the animal Alpha. The new pet is a beloved addition to the sorority house until a series of deaths point toward the sloth as the prime murder suspect. It’s a survival story of sisters versus sloth as the girls wonder if they can make it out of Sigma Lambda Theta alive.”
What — you can’t outrun a sloth? Sloths go to the zoo to watch turtles whiz by.
NEW LIFE / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)
“A mysterious young woman is on the run from a relentless government fixer. As bodies pile up around the pursuit, the stakes rise for the hunter, the hunted and the world.”
Why is the woman mysterious? How much does a relentless government fixer make? Do piled-up bodies go in recycling or just the trash? These are all reasonable questions that need to be answered before I waste my money renting this rom-com.
WITCHBOARD/ Release pending 2024 (VOD)
Emily and her fiancé Christian discover a mysterious Wiccan artifact — a pendulum board — as they prepare to open a bistro in New Orleans’ French Quarter. Darkness descends over Emily as she becomes obsessed with the board’s power of divination and ability to summon spirits. Desperate to help his fiancé, Christian seeks the advice of occult expert, Alexander Babiaste. However, Babiaste has secrets of his own, including his connection to a modern-day coven of witches. A dangerous game begins as each swing of the pendulum puts Emily’s very soul at risk.
This is a remake of the 1986 movie of the same name. In that one a hot college chick lets loose a stink spirit by carelessly dinking around with a Ouija board. It didn’t have any French people in it, though. For some, that’s a plus.
GRYLU SKER / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)
“A Gothic adventure and re-imagining of the legendary Icelandic witch Gryla, Grylu Sker is the tale of a lost explorer set in a world of Icelandic folklore and a fight for survival on a bleak, unforgiving island.”
This one is said to feature large scale puppets, miniatures and various other all-practical effects. All fine and good, but why didn’t they just go get a real witch? And to make it look like she’s from Iceland, have her eating a snow cone with cherry syrup cleverly simulating blood. Lots cheaper than large scale Pinocchios.
Drinkin' & Drive-in 