Archive for kaiju

Monster Boat, UFO Lyft, Shark Sham

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, paranormal, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It’s called Pangeos, a Kaiju-sized, solar-powered floating city that can hold 60,000 people and sail indefinitely around the world with no emissions. The same cannot be said for Gamera and/or Godzilla, as emissions or “radioactive bodily discharges,” are part of their weapons arsenal. With those kinds of stats, though, no one should get sticker shock at the vessel’s “eight years to build, $8 billion to make” price tag.

From Lazzarini Design Studio’s website, the designers behind this staggering monolithic concept: “Pangeos is named in honor of the Pangea super-continent that existed millions of years ago during the late Paleozoic and early Mesozoic eras.” I didn’t understand a word of that. But Lazzarini, whose name sounds like an expensive Italian cocktail garnished with a bread stick, says the colossal catamaran “is a mix between a five-star resort, a cruise ship and a city, and can accommodate as many as 60,000 guests via a combination of villas and apartments. Other highlights include a rooftop mall, sprawling gardens, several pools and a supersized beach club. Naturally, the yacht is fitted with helipads, hangars and marinas to store choppers, toys and tenders.” Naturally. 

The boat is obviously inspired by Pacific Rim’s (2013) Jaegers (gigantic humanoid mechas — “To beat monsters, we had to build monsters”). As such, the Gamera-shaped floating city that can hold tens of thousands of screaming citizens, is a next-level boat, referred to as a Teryacht, which could easily be a name of a new Godzilla foe (or “nemesis”). Heck, the gargantuan gondola is so big, it could host at least 100 Gyaos on Spring Break.

In rough seas, the next sound you’ll hear is 60,000 people throwing up in unison. So while we wait for Pangeos to be built, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need Dramamine™ to watch…

MISSING 411: THE UFO CONNECTION / December 13, 2022 (VOD)

“In his third documentary, David Paulides reveals the first evidence documenting a link between UFOs and missing people.”

They’re not missing — they did a UFO ride-share to get off this toilet Earth

LULLABY / December 16, 2022 (VOD)

“A new mother discovers a lullaby in an ancient book and soon regards the song as a blessing. But her world transforms into a nightmare when the lullaby brings forth the ancient demon Lilith.”

All the really good lullabies are found in ancient books. That’s why they’re so in popular with new mothers. They get ‘em at ScaryMommy.com. Bet you didn’t know that’s a real website.

WATCHDOG / release pending 2023 (VOD)

“After narrowly escaping an armed robbery, Travis Wilkes invites the drifter who saved him back to the isolated home where he and his girlfriend reside, not realizing that he’s opened the door to a night of terror and brutal revenge.”

You want a night of brutality and terror, open the door to the Tug Tavern.

SHARK TRAP / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

Every summer, the little island town of Ocean Point stirs with new life and pleasure-seeking vacationists. A water park is opening against the wishes of the local islanders. Nefarious business dealings leave a dead body in the water — and it draws a shiver of sharks to the area. The amusement park becomes a feeding ground for a great white shark.”

I thought a feeding ground WAS an amusement park for a shark. Given the over-chewed plot, clearly this is a shark movie made by people who’ve never seen a shark movie.

A Kaiju Reborn, Airborne Apes, Post-Puberty Exorcist

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Gods of All That Is Kaiju have FINALLY answered my last call prayers. Gamera, one of the greatest giant monsters ever in the history of ever (spinning Frisbee™ flight abilities, plasma flames blasting out of mouth AND butthole area, Osmond-sized teeth), is coming back after being in hibernation since 2006. Kadokawa Daiei Studio and Netflix™ just announced they’re working on a project called Gamera: Rebirth for 2023. After I post this blog, I’ll need to go swap out my under garments because, you know…

From Joblow.com: “A giant, fire-breathing, prehistoric turtle monster, Gamera was first introduced to audiences in the 1965 film Gamera, the Giant Monster, which begins with an atomic bomb waking him from a long slumber in the Arctic. Over the next six years, Gamera returned in Gamera vs. Barugon, Gamera vs. Gyaos, Gamera vs. Viras, Gamera vs. Guiron, Gamera vs. Jiger, and Gamera vs. Zigra. When the studio was struggling with financial issues in 1980, they cut together a bunch of stock footage Gamera: Super Monster. Gamera then took a fifteen year break before being brought back in a trilogy of films directed by Shusuke Kaneko. Those were Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, Gamera 2: Attack of Legion, and Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris. The most recent film was 2006’s Gamera the Brave.”

While we look for a time machine to transport us to the premier of Gamera: Rebirth’s exact day and time in 2023, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not taste as good as giant prehistoric turtle soup

ALL EYES / Out now (VOD)

“Allen hosts a podcast about strange people and paranormal phenomena. One day, he gets fired from his job. He’s totally distraught, but soon enough, he comes across a case that just might revitalize his career. He’s contacted by a widowed farmer named Don who claims there’s a monster living in the woods near his house, so Allen travels to the man’s home to interview him and see him capture the beast.”

WTF?!? Monsters live in the woods? Dang — I live right next to some woods. This really upsets my stomach area. Sure, Bigfoot lives in there as well, but he’s not really a monster. He’s more of a Naturalist/organic hippie free spirit who just happens to occasionally scare the kale outta people.

CRYO / Out now (VOD)

“In an underground facility, five scientists wake from cryosleep with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep. They soon make a shocking realization: a killer is hunting them down there, and may even be hiding among them.”

Waking up with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep sounds like they had an epic night at the Tug Tavern instead of an underground facility.

GALE: STAY AWAY FROM OZ / Pending release 2022/2023

“Long gone are the days of emerald cities and yellow brick roads in this dark re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy Gale is now an elderly woman, broken by years of paranormal entanglement with a mystical realm, which has now echoed down to her only living relative, Emily, who is being called to settle unfinished business in this terrifying world of Oz.”

Hoping this one is as bloodthirsty and barbaric as the 1939 original. It better not have dork dancing and ear gouging song interludes, though. Crossing fingers for flying monkeys.

BLOOD FLOWER / Release pending 2023 (Shudder™)

“Iqbal, a 16-year-old apprentice faith healer and exorcist, is tormented by visions of the dead and spirits from other dimensions. When a malicious spirit begins to wreak havoc around him, Iqbal is forced to harness his supernatural gifts to save his family and friends.”

A 16-year-old exorcist/faith healer who can see the dead from other dimensions. At 16 I was a paperboy.

Enfant Terrible, Kaiju Cadaver, Possessed Snow

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Child’s Play, the 1988 horror movie hit about Chucky, a serial killing 36” toy doll (made so via a voodoo soul transfer of the cutlery-inclined murder guy, Charles Lee Ray), has gone on to become one of the most successful horror movie franchises of all time. The scorecard: seven films, a television series, comic books, video games, micro-beer, and tie-in merchandise, generating over $250 million killer coupons. And Chucky, the “tiny tycoon of terror,” has impressive body count accomplishments that eclipse those of Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees and Halloween’s Michael Myers

So it makes perfect financial sense someone would do a Child’s Play documentary. Titled Living With Chucky, the doc comes out on Screambox™ in early 2023, and slices deep into the persistent popularity of the pliable puppet.

From the official press release: “Written and directed by Kyra Elise Gardner, Living With Chucky explores the roots of the iconic horror franchise and details the history of production, as well as focusing on Gardner’s own relationship with the series and what Chucky means to her. Not only is she a franchise super-fan, Gardner has a closer relationship to Chucky than most — her father is puppeteer and designer Tony Gardner, who worked on a number of Child’s Play films as well as leading puppetry on the recent Chucky TV series. Gardner even lovingly refers to Chucky as her “mass murdering 3-foot-tall redheaded stepbrother.”

So while we wait for Living With Chucky and the inevitable Chucky Condoms™ (rubber — get it?), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as resilient as killer Tupperware™… 

WHAT TO DO WITH A DEAD KAIJU / Out now (VOD)

“A large monster attacks Japan, but dies suddenly. While the people rejoice and bask in relief, the giant corpse left behind begins to slowly rot and bloat. If it explodes, the nation will be destroyed.”

A rotting and bloated corpse of a giant monster is about to explode and destroy the nation. I need that tattooed somewhere on my forehead.

ORBITAL / Pending release 2022 (VOD)

“Peter Randof uses his wealth to construct a massive ring around Earth. Destined to finish the project, the fully-constructed mega-structure leads to unforeseen consequences.”

Let’s re-frame this with a metaphor we can all relate to: the ring is the seat, Earth is the toilet. That established, you already know what the “unforeseen” consequences are.

SNOW FALLS / January 17, 2023 (VOD)

“After a winter storm strands five friends in a remote cabin with no power and little food, disorientation slowly claims their sanity as each of them succumbs to a fear that the snow itself may be contaminated or somehow evil.”

One only needs to reflect on the 1974 wisdom of Frank Zappa in regards to tainted winter weather: “Watch out where the Huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow.” Words to live by. Music to dance to.

SHELBY OAKS / July, 2023 (VOD)

“A woman’s desperate search for her long-lost sister falls into obsession upon realizing that the imaginary demon from their childhood may have been real.”

There’s no such thing as “imaginary demons.” Real demons are all over the place. Start with your bartender and go from there.

Godzilla Day, Trolling For Trolls, Werewolf Games

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

To celebrate Godzilla Day (today, right now, let’s party), you might consider buying me (and get one for yourself while you’re at it) the Godzilla: The Ultimate Illustrated Guide (Welbeck Publishing), releasing November 8, 2022 on Amazon™. Really, it’s the right thing to do.

Besides the subject matter, the $29.95 book, authored by Graham Skipper, measures out as 9.25 x 0.75 x 11.25 inches, has 256 pages, and weighs 3.08 lbs (or “pounds”). Best part — TONS of cool photos (or “pictures”). A Spanish review called it, “La mejor guía hasta la fecha de las películas de nuestro kaiju favorito!” Took the words right out of my mouth.

So while you’re cutting back on your Slim Jim™ budget enough to purchase Godzilla: The Ultimate Illustrated Guide, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not taste as good as commercial meat snacks…

TROLL / December 1, 2022 (Netflix™)

“Deep inside the mountain of Dovre, something gigantic awakens after being trapped for a thousand years. Destroying everything in its path, the creature is fast approaching the capital of Norway. But how do you stop something you thought only existed in Norwegian folklore?”

Norway’s version of Godzilla. The movie’s trailer is thrillable on a level that’s quite thrilling. (Redundant — is that a problem?) As stated above, a giant Troll comes out of his mountain retreat and trample stamps its way through buildings, public transportation, landscaped lawns, 7-Eleven™… Watch Trollhunter (2010) prior to get your folklore juices flowing.

BLOODTHIRST / Pending release 2022 (VOD)

“In a post apocalyptic world run by vampires, only the strong survive. John Shepard, Vampire Hunter, is one of them. John has to track down and eliminate the master vampire before he himself gets turned.”

While vampires are cool, I’m with being a vampire hunter. If the world was owned and operated by vampires, it wouldn’t take long to bankrupt their human food supply. And vampires sucking on cows, raccoons and/or hamsters (i.e., fuzzy juice boxes) is just biblically wrong.

WEREWOLF GAME / January 13, 2023 (Theaters)

“Twelve kidnapped strangers must play a game where they vote on who amongst them to murder. At night, the ‘werewolves’ hidden among them come out to brutally kill one of the 12 ‘villagers’ in return.”

This movie is adapted from the famous 1986 “who did it” adult party game, Mafia, which is also known as Werewolves. The other popular game from that year was Orgy, in which players try to gain enough wealth to become a Roman consul. The game’s name was TOTALLY misleading.

COCAINE BEAR / February 2023 (Theaters)

“A drug runner plane crashes with a load of cocaine that’s found by a black bear, who eats it. Inspired by true events that took place in Kentucky in 1985, during which a bear ingested 88 pounds of pure cocaine and went on a rampage.”

I read a news headline on that story: “Cocaine Bear — The Ultimate Party Animal.” That’s freakin’ funny. P.S. Cocaine smells good. (Old joke. Still freakin’ funny.)

God Monsters vs. Mad Science

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

One thing that makes mad scientists mad (or “displeased”) is when no one believes you when you go around screaming at the top of your squeezebox that dinosaurs exist. Can’t blame ’em — that’d chap my stick, as well. (P.S. Penguins are real, too, man — I’ve seen ’em!)

In South Korea’s War of the God Monsters (1985), that’s the case with Dr. Kim, whose jacked up no one will listen to his Jurassic bark. So he finds a young (i.e. gullible) reporter Kang Ok-hee to prove his case. Soon, his drunk-talk of all things giant reptilian was vindicated when a bird-like Pterodactylus shows up and starts crapping on cars from on high. (Now would be the time to yell, “In your face!” Or something more florid.) 

So what does one do when feisty fossils start busting up the joint as if it were Taco Tuesday at the Tug Tavern? Kill ’em and make tacos, of course. Maybe the job won’t be as tough as first thought as the monsters don’t resemble biblical depictions of dinosaurs at all — they look like they were were made from edible Play-Doh™. While we’re on the subject, climate change is blamed for the Kaiju Jamboree; Arctic ice melts from carbon emissions (car farts), thereby waking the not-quite-extinct beasts from their ice tray nap time.

Originally titled The Flying Monster (yawn), the movie is Frankenstein’d together with stock footage from Ultraman (1966), Return of Ultraman (1971) and Ultraman Ace (1972). There’s even pilfered scenes from the 1971 Taiwanese flick, The Founding of Ming Dynasty. (Yeah, I didn’t know that and had to look it up.) The “acting” is written around generic scenes of monsters making buildings go kablooey, side-dished with requisite doses of cry-yelling, explosion smoke and some sort of flaming fire. The confusing storyline makes about as much sense as toy clay-sculpted monsters, but you don’t rent flicks like this for the gripping narrative. War of the God Monster’s best part? The title.

How Abominable Is This Snow, Man?

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , on September 18, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Okay, so yeah — I stopped doing this horror/sci-fi movie blog in June of 2019. Was at it for 10 years to the day. I still, though, pop in every so often to approve/reject comments based on how spam-y they are. Was bored today (September 18, 2022) and thought I’d barf up another post just for S&Gs. Will I keep doing this? Maybe-ish. But in the meantime…

Snow Monster (2019), is the Chinese spin on King Kong, which I believe is in a different language than Chinese. I’ll have to do more research.

Speaking of research, a science team in a lab-equipped Sno-Cat, is doing spin-outs around a remote Arctic wasteland, trying to find out why their readings indicate a geo-thermal event. (Somebody must’ve left the lava lamp on.) What they find, besides enough snow to make one trillion billion cocktail ice cubes, is a Yeti with ram horns, or rather one horn as the other looks broken off as if lost in a bar fight.

But this Yeti is 100 feet tall, give or take a few inches. And he eats size-proportionate ice sharks that, get this, swim in ice! WTF? These sharks leap out of the tundra and feast on humans in one big gulp, clothes and all, thereby turning them into (wait for it)…frost bites. Heh.

But the science team gets knocked a cliff and, for all intents, is f’d in the ice-hole. Apparently, no one prepared for things like a dead battery, getting stuck in the snow and rolling 30 times down a cliff. Dumbasses. So now, whoever is left alive, needs rescuing. (See “f’d in the ice-hole.”)

An Indiana Jones drunk dude is hired to find them. He’d rather fight and drink. That is, until he finds out his attractive but cold-as-ice ex is the leader of the science team, so he agrees to lead the recovery team. After he finishes his drink, of course.

Driving a bunch of gun-enhanced teammates up in the hills of China, they find a spooky temple, fall into a black hole, son, and get beaked by prehistoric seagulls. Talk about your peckers of doom. A grenade-type explosion opens a portal to the Arctic, where they literally trip over the wreckage of the science team. It should be noted a clan of snow natives living in caves saved them first. And they’re all dressed like they’re going to spring break in Peoria, IL. (What’s with the mascara and lipstick on the decidedly hot Elder chick? At what Antarctic 7-Eleven™ did she buy that stuff?)

The Elder chick can communicate with Mr. Iced To Meet You and introduces it to their “guests.” I figured he’d just eat ‘em, burp vociferously, and be on his merry way. But no, dang it. And if you didn’t see this coming, the financier of the expedition also found the transportal hole and has showed up with guns and RPGs to capture the Sir Fuzz Fuzz in order to exploit for profit and possibly cash.

Epic snowball fight ensues. Lots of natives and evil guys get aerated by ammunition. But not before two fighter jets come through The Hole and immobilize the Froster in some sort of freeze ray. While this is going on, everybody is still kung-fu fighting (not a racist comment — they were actually doing martial arts). Odd, though, no steam — or “Iced Chi” — was coming out mouths, despite sub-zero temps. The least believable part of the movie.

In conclusion, Snow Monster is for low expectation fans of Kaiju movies, barely bloody, punchy (heh) fight sequences, and snow babes. And hey, the massive creature looks 100% tameable.

P.S. You can watch this free on YouTube

P.P.S. Stay through the credits.

The Art of Destruction, Copy-Cat Monsters, Cursed Clothes

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 1, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Some new and/or wild Godzilla: King of the Monsters posters, this time from Japan, wherever that is. Speaking of, the Japanese seem to really get behind Godzilla for some reason. But hey, all Kaiju fans welcome.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Very artsy treatments of a monster that paints cities with his destruction brush. And speaking of, the scenes of destruction in Godzilla: King of the Monsters is deliciously epic. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I’ll only offer one spoiler — BUILDINGS GET KNOCKED DOWN! There, I said it. Not proud of myself for ruining the movie for you, but I couldn’t help myself.

Godzilla New Year

The only criticism I have of G:KOTM is that I’m not in it. Heck, I’m not in any of the buildings the monsters knock down, either. So for that, only four stars instead of five. Sorry, but I have standards.

While you give me the stink eye, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as delicious as epic destruction…

Monster Island

MONSTER ISLAND (available now/SyFy™ Channel)
“As the world tries to stop a giant Kaiju bent on destruction more and more monsters appear — each one more terrible than the last — leaving mankind defenseless until our heroes reach out to a specialist versed in monster lore.”

You already know whose behind this obvious rip of Godzilla: King of the Monsters — Asylum Studios, globally known for not having an original idea in their collective heads. Modern day bootleggers, they is.

Recovery

RECOVERY (June 4, 2019)
“The residents of a female drug treatment facility battle more than their own demons as a mysterious killer begins picking them off one by one.”

Trying to get sober AND battling a mysterious killer that doesn’t come in a bottle? Sounds like they picked the wrong day to quit drinking.

The Nightmare Gallery

THE NIGHTMARE GALLERY (June 18, 2019)
“An anthropology professor investigates the sudden, suspicious disappearance of her star pupil. A mysterious collection of occult artifacts leads her on a nightmarish, Da Vinci Code-esque journey toward an unspeakable truth that will threaten her career, her marriage, and her sanity.”

Potential spoilers: the cult artifacts are beer caps, marking a nightmarish trail to The Tug Tavern. Once inside, The Tug’s irresistible happy hour threatens her career, her marriage and her sanity. And that’s just on Monday. (P.S. I already wrote about this one in its crowd-funding days — two years ago. Apparently, they got crowd-funded.)

In Fabric

IN FABRIC (2019/2020)
In Fabric is a haunting ghost story set against the backdrop of a busy winter sales period in a department store and follows the life of a cursed dress as it passes from person to person, with devastating consequences.”

It’d be super funny if they swapped the cursed dress for cursed underwear. 

Kaiju Banners, Plagued Writers, Violent Violinist

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Continuing to geek out on the onslaught of Godzilla: King of the Monsters marketing, this time a series of banner posters, giving us an up close and personal look at the kaiju battle royale heading our way on May 31, 2019. Note: Rodan looks like my neighbor’s crack-addicted parrot.

In case you need a distraction from all this dizzying giant monster promo, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as entertaining as a crack-addicted parrot…

Alone

ALONE (2019)
“A writer seeking peace and solitude in the countryside in an attempt to recover from tragedy and finish her book. However, as the welcoming country house turns into a living hell, she soon realizes that her inner demons are not the worst of her problems.”

So is she being plagued by ghosts? Werewolves? Bigfoot? Raccoons? Oh, I know — an overused plot device!

The Sonata

THE SONATA (2019)
“Set in London and France, The Sonata centers on young virtuoso violinist. After the death of her estranged but famous composer father, Rose inherits the old mansion in which he lived. There, she discovers her father’s final work: a mysterious music score marked with strange symbols. With the help of Charles, her agent and manager, she deciphers the symbols and, little by little, starts to unlock secrets concerning her father’s past, setting in motion the mechanisms of a plan imagined on the day she was born.”

Spoiler: the deciphered symbols translate to: “Put the ukulele down, you hippie, and get a real job.”

17 Godzillas, Pool Monsters, Satanic Country Clubs

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Another key art treatment for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). This would be the ninth one, and I hope they make nine more. I need to cover an entire wall that needs paint. The latest trailer asks the question, how many Titans (embiggened monsters) are there? To which Dr. Ishiro Serizawa replies: “17 — and counting.” I bet one of ‘em is living in the apartment above me, stomping on the floor like it was Tokyo.”

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

To quell your nervous anticipation for the movie, here are a few upcoming/now available horror movies that may or may not be as horrifying as a paint neglected wall…

Drowning Echo

DROWNING ECHO (available now)
“During a visit to friends, Sara begins having visions and is attacked by an unearthly creature in her friend’s swimming pool; she soon discovers that anyone who comes into contact with the water is in danger and she is driven to confront the mystical and malevolent creature lurking in the depths.”

When I was a kid and visited local community swimming pools, the unearthly creature at the bottom of the pools was usually a turd. I didn’t do it. But I know who did: Republicans.

The Velocipastor

THE VELOCIPASTOR (2019)
“After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil — and ninjas.”

So a priest who can turn into a dinosaur or “Jesus horse.” Now THERE’S a way to make religion way more interesting. Wrote about this back in 2011. Kinda surprised I can remember back that far. It was a trailer for a movie that hadn’t been made yet. Now, all these multiple months later, it’s here. Thank Dino Lord.

Hail Satan?

HAIL SATAN? (2019)
“The Satanic Temple, a mysterious organization led by Lucien Greaves, has called for a Satanic revolution to save the soul of the US.”

One nation, under Satan, for meanness and evil for all. Isn’t that what’s going on now?

Satanic Panic

SATANIC PANIC (2019/20120)
“Times are tough for Sam. Already a cancer survivor at 22, she eeks out a meager existence delivering pizza for minimum wage — and minimum tips — while dealing with an exploitative boss and obnoxious coworkers. When the final delivery of the night promises to take her to a wealthy neighborhood with the chance of a healthy tip, she takes the opportunity to make up for an unprofitable shift. What begins as a quest for cash ends up as a quest for survival, though, when it turns out her customers aren’t who she’s used to delivering to. Instead, they’re a Satanic cult of a very different color: high-society elites for whom worshiping the Dark Lord coexists with country clubs and casseroles.”

A high-society Satanic cult that hangs out in country clubs and eats pizza and casseroles instead of chi-tos (heh)? Clearly, there are more perks to being evil than originally assessed.

The Kings of Kaiju

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rodan

Three new key art posters for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, coming in May 2019. These are pretty dang cool as each of Godzilla’s BFFs (Big F’n Foes) get their own moment in the spotlight.

First, we get to see in sweet detail what Rodan looks like. The gigantic, trouble-making bird had his own movie back in 1956. It was Toho’s (film studio) first color movie and actually featured two Rodans. Wonder if their mom knew the pesky Pteranodons snacked on humans and intentionally knocked over buildings?

Ghidorah

Next up is the three-headed Ghidorah, who was also called Monster Zero back in 1970. In his big screen debut, aliens in shiny suits from Planet X (on the same block as Jupiter), come to Earth asking to borrow Godzilla and Rodan to help smack Ghidorah, who has been flying around and zapping the planet with electric bolts, forcing the English-speaking extraterrestrials to live underground with no windows. Not surprisingly, beans were outlawed.

Mothra

Then we come to Mothra, who was introduced in 1964. (In Japan, the movie was called Mothra vs. Godzilla, but in the States it was titled Godzilla vs. The Thing.) A huge storm (in Japan they called it a typhoon) unearths an egg the size of a shopping mall. In it are twin larvae and Mothra is their mom (or would that be “Momthra”?). Godzilla fancies an omelet and tries to crack the egg, until Mothra flies in as if to say, “Oh, hell no.”

As of this writing Godzilla: King of The Monsters is still about six months away. These new posters help ease my anxiousness to see this monster match-up. Until then, I’ll keep going to my support group meetings.