Archive for New orleans

Hooks, Honey, Hotties and Bees

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil with tags , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh

In Candyman 2: Farewell To The Flesh (1995), Candyman is let out of the mirror in New Orleans on the onset of Mardi Gras, where the public showing of boob is replaced by the public letting of blood.

Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh

That stuff is kinda OK, but the cool part is we get to learn Candyman’s backstory. Talk about skeletons in the closet — Candyman (original name Daniel Robitaille), was the artist son of a plantation slave back in the not-so-good ’ol days. Daniel was commissioned by the plantation owner to paint a portrait of Caroline, his hot to trot daughter.

Candyman: Farewell To The FleshThe paint wasn’t even dry before he and Caroline, got busy wid’it. Once news got out that she was knocked up, Daniel was pursued by a white lynch mob, who sawed off his hand and dipped the bleeding stump into honey. (This is also where he got the Candyman name — a kid stepped up, tasted the stump honey and proclaimed, “Candy, man!”) Then bees swarm all over him, looking to repossess said honey. 

Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh

The plantation owner holds up a mirror to show Daniel his tortured look before dying. Right before he kicks the honey bucket, he looks into the mirror and says, “Candyman.” This explains how his soul was trapped in the mirror and why he appears whenever you comb your tortured hair/brush your lynch-mobbed teeth and invoke his name.

Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh

Lots more plot and sacrifices made on behalf of the hooked hand. And to think all of this started with a taste for forbidden fruit. That’s one helluva sweet tooth Candyman had/has.

Magic Monkeys, Groovy Ghosts and Tubas

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Journey To The West: Demons Strike Back

These are dark days, what with Negan and his bat playing baseball with people’s heads, Black Sabbath playing their final show and Supergirl not returning any of my Bat-signals. (I’m starting to think she’s a bit stuck up.) So yeah, nothing but doom and gloom from dusk ‘til dawn.

Here are some upcoming dark movies to compliment your dark days…

JOURNEY TO THE WEST: THE DEMONS STRIKE BACK
(available now)

“A sequel to the story of Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013). After killing Miss Duan in the last story, Monkey King is now tamed by Tang Sanzang and has become one of his disciples. Tang continues his journey to the West with Monkey King, Sandy and Pigsy. They encounter and flight with many demons during their treacherous journey. These demon battles enable them to grow and learn how to become better people.”

Good grief — someone managed to film all the wacky crap in my head leading up to — and including — a hangover. I don’t know about you, but “taming” the Monkey King is just asking for trouble. You ever see monkeys at the zoo and what they use for flinging purposes? Now imagine if you’re a monkey AND a king. I just got a chill shiver.

Sisters of the Plague

SISTERS OF THE PLAGUE (February 14, 2017)
“Jo enjoys leading haunted house tours around New Orleans. But when her father moves into the house she shares with her girlfriend, terrifying supernatural things start really happening. Seeking a medium’s help, Jo finds she is facing something way beyond her control.”

I remember a time when mediums were rare (heh). Now they’re all over the place. Makes sense that supernatural things are goin’ down in New Orleans; That’s where supernatural was invented, man. They kinda give away the groceries with the press release. But hey, like we couldn’t figure it our for our own supernatural selves?

Ghost of New Orleans

GHOST OF NEW ORLEANS (February 17, 2017)
“A disgraced detective has a supernatural encounter which leads him to investigate the murder of a beautiful cellist that unlocks the truth behind her mysterious death.”

She didn’t really murder die. She switched to tuba and is now leading her own marching band up and down Bourbon Street. Say what you will about tubas, but those things sound like the horns of humanity when properly honked upon.

It Comes At Night

IT COMES AT NIGHT (2017)
“A father will stop at nothing to protect his wife and son from a malevolent, mysterious presence terrorizing them right outside their doorstep.”

Pffft — sounds like it’s a landlord.

Kong: Skull Island

KONG: SKULL ISLAND (March 10, 2017)
Yeah, I’ve e-blurted this one a time or two. But had to wave my freak flag one more time over the new Japanese Kong key art poster. This thing is suitable for framing. (Just like me in a court of law —heh.) The art depicts a variety snack pack of other giant creatures, whose roles no doubt go into the red shirt category. (If you’re a hardcore horror/sci-fi fan, you’ll get the reference.)

In the meantime, I’ll continue to stare longingly at this poster and delete down the days on my iCalendar™ until the movie allows me to watch it for more money than it would take to fill up the tank to get to the theater.

Sucking in the 2000s

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dracula 2000

Drac is back and on the attack. (I should be a rapper; All I need is some fresh beats.) In an interesting updating of the vampire monarch’s diet of throats and human ketchup, Dracula 2000 (2000) takes place in the present, with Van HelsingDracula’s nemesis – also returning, keeping himself alive for 100 years with daily injections of D’s blood, as filtered through wiggly leeches. Eeewww!

Dracula 2000

Van Helsing keeps Drac’s body in an underground vault where hi-tech robbers believe there’s gold or discount coupons for yachts and corvettes. There’s not. So they steal the coffin and let the bat out of the bag.

Dracula 2000

The hunt takes everyone to New Orleans where Dracula 2000 sniffs out Van Helsing’s hotty Daughter 2000, who also pumps filtered vampire blood through her sexy veins. Why she doesn’t take off her clothes to combat eternal evil is anyone’s guess. (Dracula is such a wuss; always chasing after chicks who don’t want him.)

Dracula 2000

A few decapitations, a couple of impalings, a few laughs. The pacing is slow, Drac-Q-Lah isn’t particularly menacing, but there is a brief flash of boobs, Dracula’s other favorite body part to suck on. Otherwise, not the wholesale bloodfest it needed to be.

Zombies Join The Navy

Posted in Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Navy Seals vs Zombies

Navy Seals vs. Zombies (2015). Seems seriously outdated, redundant, and at the same time like a movie made out of a video game, as was crappily done with House of the Dead (2003). Ironically, Navy Seals vs. Zombies works better as a video game than a movie.

Navy Seals vs. Zombies

The plot: “A team of highly skilled Navy SEALS find themselves embarking on the battle of their lives when they come face-to-face with the undead. After a deadly outbreak occurs in New Orleans, the SEALS must fight for their lives, and the city, against an army of zombies.”

Navy Seals vs. Zombies

The fact that this is a no-brainer means no brains were needed to make it. An elite military force with big guns and a seemingly endless supply of ammo mowing down the undead to get to the next level, uh, next scene.

Navy Seals vs. Zombies

So how cool can a horror movie like this be if all it turns out to be is a low-budget shooting gallery? You already know the answer.