The Thrill’a Godzilla

As the days stomp closer to July 29, 2016 and the release of Godzilla: Resurgence (re-titled from Shin Gojira for we American round eyes), what do we exactly know about 31st movie starring the world’s greatest monster/franchise?

For starters, I wasn’t asked to be in the movie. That I have no acting experience (except in front of a judge) and am basically unknown to all of Japan’s movie-making industry is beside the point. I’ve spent half my life watching and re-watching Godzilla movies; If that doesn’t qualify me for a starring role, I don’t know what does.

A new trailer, while cooler than shiitake, doesn’t offer any clues other than how the military and government frantically strategize on how to protect their taxable real estate. All it shows is Godzilla playing in his wreck room.

One thing announced is that Godzilla: Resurgence will feature 328 cameos and supporting appearances, including, Kengo Kora, Ren Osugi, Akira Emoto, Kimiko Yo, Jun Kunimura, Mikako Ichikawa, Pierre Taki, Takumi Saito, Keisuke Koide, Arata Furuta, and Atsuko Maeda. Like you can pronounce any of that.

They can fit in every person in the world with too many consonants in their names, but ignore my easily spelled birth title? Heck, I’d only need round trip airfare to Japan, seven nights in a five-star hotel (the Hotel Chinzanso Tokyo would be lovely), and a few yen to spend while I prep for my movie moment.

As reported by myself in a first report (September 23, 2015) of Shin Gojira/Godzilla: Resurgence, the new G will be 118.5 meters (389 ft) high – over 10m taller than 2014’s Godzilla. That’s close to the same height as Six Flag’s Sky Screamer amusement park ride in Dallas, Texas. If I was on that ride and Godzilla showed up to watch, the people below better have umbrellas.

Godzilla: Resurgence is being released in IMAX, 4DX, and MX4D formats, whose screens are a mere 72 feet tall. Pffft – I’ve been on kiddie rides bigger than that. And I don’t scream on them nearly as much as I used to.

Godzilla Re-stomp

So Toho Studios™ renamed the 2016 release of Shin Gojira to a more sensible Godzilla: Resurgence. And hey, there’s even a new trailer (no Godzilla, just screaming citizens and the iconic gassy roar) and few teaser ad posters to get your G-juices flowin’. Not that you need it – just the word Godzilla should make your towelettes moist.

What’s notable about Godzilla’s new look is that it’s old, appearing more like his original 1954 self than the aftermarket models we’ve seen come and go over the decades. And he has one of those proprietary jagged plates sticking out of the back of his head, a radioactive mohawk if you will. (Maybe G’s been jammin’ some old school punk rock.)

While the U.S. Godzilla sequel is not due until 2018, the Japanese re-boot arrives July 29, 2016. Better, but that’s a long time to wait to see buildings knocked down as if made of Pocky™ biscuit sticks. Note to Japan: I can’t wait that long – please send me an advanced copy of Godzilla: Resurgence as soon as possible. And would it kill you to throw in some Pocky™ biscuit sticks? Please make sure it’s the artificially flavored chocolate version.

Arigatō.

Underwear Godzilla

Because of all your generous contributions to the box office for Godzilla (2014), the Japanese are planning to satisfy our yen (sorry) for more ’Zilla, this one officially titled Shin Gojira, and is set for release in 2016 thereabouts.

The filmmakers state that the 29th Godzilla film (31st if you add the American versions) will be one of the strongest Godzilla of the series. The plot? The King of Monsters smashes everything like he’s always done. (If it’s not broken, don’t fix it. And yes, I get the iony of that statement.)

While details are sparse, the one thing being told is that Shin Gojira will be even taller than the 2014 version. Use this handy comparison chart to wrap your reality around it…

• Godzilla 1954: 164 feet tall

• Godzilla 1985: 260 feet tall

• Godzilla 1992: 325 feet tall

• Godzilla 1998: No one cares as that Godzilla blew sea donkeys

• Godzilla 2000: 180 feet tall

• Godzilla 2014: 350 feet tall

• Godzilla 2016: 355 feet tall (possibly bigger)

Factfiend.com reveals that Godzilla’s height was specially chosen to make him “tall enough to adorably peek over the tippy tops of buildings.”

Directors Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi promise to provide the “most terrifying Godzilla that Japan’s cutting-edge special-effects movie-making can muster.” This clearly means Shin Gojira will be smashing everything in hi-def.

The prefix “shin” has 13 different meanings, ranging everywhere from “new” to “true.” There’s even 54 more meanings when “shin” is added in conjunction with another word or letter. Example: “shin’i” means “underwear.”

Shin’i Gojira – the implications are staggering.