Archive for Texas

Godzilla = Winzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shin Godzilla

With a mere four Oscars™, the gore slasher flick La La Land (2016) has nothing on Shin Godzilla (2016), which stomped away with SEVEN Japan Academy Prizes in Tokyo on March 2, 2017.

Shin Godzilla

Besides pocketing over $72 million fun coupons, which converts to over eight BILLION yen, Shin Godzilla snagged the awards for Best Picture and Best Director. I should’ve been for nominated for Best Fan. Since Godzilla has so many awards, maybe he’ll let me have one. That, or scrunch me into sidewalk paste.

Shin Godzilla

And to make your day even better than it was before you read that last sentence, Shin Godzilla is releasing here in the States on March 22, 2017. There’s a plus and minus to this joyous news: Comicbook.com reports that it won’t contain English sub-titles. (Toho™, who owns every radioactive/copyrighted particle of Godzilla’s DNA, is notorious for this jerk maneuver.)

Shin Godzilla

However, Funimation™, located in Flower Mound, Texas (that town name sounds naughty for some reason), will be releasing Shin Godzilla with all the pronounceable bells and whistles in October of 2017. The price? Who cares? It’s Godzilla, man! Even at eight billion yen, it’ll still be a bargain.

Glowing Aliens

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Midnight Special

Alton Meyer is an eight-year old boy with eyes that shoot beams brighter than a flashlight with a hundred batteries. His hands glow, too. Wish I had glowing hands. No reason. Just seems like it’d be neat.

Midnight Special

Alton, his dad and a friend are being hunted by the Feds, cops, and a wacko religious cult in Texas who think Alton is the next Messiah du jour. They’re on a cross-state run to get Alton to a specific location in Florida where some unknown mind-bending stuff is about to hit the fan. And there’s a lot of fan-hitting that happens on the way there.

Midnight Special

Meanwhile the FBI raids The Ranch, where the cult holds sermons and stockpiles heavy artillery. Seems the pastoral babblings contained encoded satellite transmissions given to the head cult leader by Alton, who was raised at the compound after mom dumped him there when his “powers” became too strong for her to deal with. The penalty for having accessing such encrypted information, says Agent Paul Sevier, is so severe, the Government has yet to think up a suitable punishment. Yeow to that!

Midnight Special

A spectacular display of Alton’s powers comes at a gas station where his dad and friend stop for potato chip supplies. Wearing goggles (so people can’t see his high beam peepers), he brings down a satellite in a shower of flaming chunks on top of them. The Feds are upset as it was an important satellite, one with the sole purpose of detecting nuclear events anywhere in the world. That, and it was freakin’ expensive.

Midnight Special

Stopping to pick up mom, the fugitives are relentlessly tracked by the cult, who manage to violently kidnap Alton. The Feds kidnap Alton from the cult and it’s here the bright-eyed boy reveals his secrets to Agent Sevier. Alton tells him there’s a world above the one they’re currently on, and that he belongs with “his people.” Dutifully freaked out, Sevier manages to get the kid back to the dad, who in an nerve-wracking car chase sequence, gets Alton to the aforementioned coordinates, which happen to be in the Florida Everglades. (You don’t see ‘em, but there were probably hundreds of bugs in the swamp. Ick.)

Midnight Special

And it’s here Alton rejoins “his people” who materialize after a nuclear-esque event. (Too bad the don’t have a satellite to detect it.) Midnight Special (2016) is slow burn intense up to that point, but that scene is the money shot. Who knew the aliens could be this cool? Who knew this movie with its lackluster title would be this cool? You will once you watch it (glowing eyes not required.)

Cannibals, Vampires, Talking Trees

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Child Eater

Lots of horror movies as of late. Wonder that the stinkin’ heck that’s all about? Not like it’s goonin’ me out or anything. Okay, maybe a little.

CHILD EATER (2016)
“Taking it’s cues from dark fairy tales, the story concerns of simple night of babysitting, which takes a horrifying turn when Helen realizes that the bogeyman is real and is in little Lucas’ closet.”

Gotta say, this might be the best horror movie title with a kid reference since 1972’s Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things. Child Eater is based on a 2012 short of the same name. Never saw it. I was busy washing and combing my hair the entire year. (And what a shine!)

Wolves at the Door

WOLVES AT THE DOOR (2017)
“Four friends gather at an elegant home during the Summer of Love, 1969. Unbeknown to them, deadly visitors are waiting outside. What begins as a simple farewell party turns to a night of primal terror as the intruders stalk and torment the four, who struggle for their lives against what appears to be a senseless attack.”

A questionable rendering of the counter-culture Manson murders nearly 50 years ago. Who needs hippie reenactments when today’s home invasion die kill bleed movies (i.e., Them/2006, The Strangers/2008, and You’re Next/2013) are almost as nasty as the real thing?

The Devil's Candy

THE DEVIL’S CANDY (March, 2017)
“A struggling painter is possessed by satanic forces after he and his young family move into their dream home in rural Texas.”

Since most painters are struggling, by extension that means they’re all possessed by satanic forces. That, or cadmium yellow.

Leatherface

LEATHERFACE (2017)
“The origin story for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), in which a young nurse is kidnapped by four violent teens who escape from a mental hospital and take her on a road trip from hell. Pursued by an equally deranged lawman out for revenge, one of these teens is destined for tragedy and horrors that will destroy his mind, molding him into the monster we now call Leatherface.”

The seventh sequel for this butt-rubbed-raw franchise (that was supposed to come out 2015). You ever see a cow that’s been over-milked? Looks like leather.

The Transfiguration

THE TRANSFIGURATION (2017)
“A 14-year-old misfit gets bullied at school and immerses himself in the world of vampires to escape his solitude when he returns home.”

You can tell this kid is already messed up when he delves into the world of vampires instead of preferred Victoria’s Secret™ underwear catalogs. Sorry bloodsuckers; I’m tradin’ you in for a Dream Angels’™ sheer floral lace tunic. I don’t care if it costs $68. I’ll get another job.

Without Name

WITHOUT NAME (2017)
There’s something bizarre and nightmarish waiting in the woods, and its sights are set on Eric, a land surveyor who’s tasked with assessing the woodland area in question just as his marriage is about to crumble. Stressed out by his fractured home life, Eric is tragically susceptible to the woods’ powerful ability to enter the emotionally wounded man’s mind and wreak both physical and mental havoc on him.”

Hey, Eric — don’t listen to those trees, man; They’re a bunch of Republicans. Bushes, too. (Heh.) And don’t get me started on that smack talkin’ Scotch broom…

The Thrill’a Godzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: Resurgence

As the days stomp closer to July 29, 2016 and the release of Godzilla: Resurgence (re-titled from Shin Gojira for we American round eyes), what do we exactly know about 31st movie starring the world’s greatest monster/franchise?

Godzilla: Resurgence

For starters, I wasn’t asked to be in the movie. That I have no acting experience (except in front of a judge) and am basically unknown to all of Japan’s movie-making industry is beside the point. I’ve spent half my life watching and re-watching Godzilla movies; If that doesn’t qualify me for a starring role, I don’t know what does.

Godzilla: Resurgence

A new trailer, while cooler than shiitake, doesn’t offer any clues other than how the military and government frantically strategize on how to protect their taxable real estate. All it shows is Godzilla playing in his wreck room.

Godzilla: Resurgence

One thing announced is that Godzilla: Resurgence will feature 328 cameos and supporting appearances, including, Kengo Kora, Ren Osugi, Akira Emoto, Kimiko Yo, Jun Kunimura, Mikako Ichikawa, Pierre Taki, Takumi Saito, Keisuke Koide, Arata Furuta, and Atsuko Maeda. Like you can pronounce any of that.

Godzilla: Resurgence

They can fit in every person in the world with too many consonants in their names, but ignore my easily spelled birth title? Heck, I’d only need round trip airfare to Japan, seven nights in a five-star hotel (the Hotel Chinzanso Tokyo would be lovely), and a few yen to spend while I prep for my movie moment.

Godzilla: Resurgence

As reported by myself in a first report (September 23, 2015) of Shin Gojira/Godzilla: Resurgence, the new G will be 118.5 meters (389 ft) high – over 10m taller than 2014’s Godzilla. That’s close to the same height as Six Flag’s Sky Screamer amusement park ride in Dallas, Texas. If I was on that ride and Godzilla showed up to watch, the people below better have umbrellas.

Godzilla: Sky Screamer

Godzilla: Resurgence is being released in IMAX, 4DX, and MX4D formats, whose screens are a mere 72 feet tall. Pffft – I’ve been on kiddie rides bigger than that. And I don’t scream on them nearly as much as I used to.

Saddle Splatter

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Kill Or Be Killed

Scheduled for release on March 1, 2016, the titled and re-titled Kill Or Be Killed is being described as a “gore western.” Never heard that term before, but I have to say, I double like it.

Usually movies that start out with a title and end having it changed three times is a red flag. (Kill Or Be Killed began as Red On Yella and then Kill A Fella, neither working on any level for a horror movie, not that the painfully generic Kill Or Be Killed is any better.) But when it features horror legend Michael Berryman, it’s game on.

Kill Or Be Killed

Here’s what will rattle your saddle: “In the autumn of 1900, outlaw Claude “Sweet Tooth” Barbee puts his ‘retirement plan’ in action, attempting to lead his train-robbing gang across Texas to recover a cash stash hidden after a botched railroad heist. They soon discover they’re being hunted by more than just the law – but rather a merciless, unexpected evil quite possibly greater than themselves.

They had me at “Sweet Tooth.” Beyond that, Kill Or be Killed kinda sounds like a cowboy spin on Predator (1987) or some satanic demon dude. Mind you, I’m just extrapolating here. But regardless of how potentially right/not right I may be, looking forward to this one as I admire outlaws who can ride horses without falling off. With that, I have a score to settle with that stupid merry-go-round horse that bucked me off at the Puyallup Fair last summer. I’m calling you out, you painted pile of plywood.

Kill Or Be Killed

P.S. Don’t confuse this Kill Or Be Killed with the 1980 karate punchfest of the same name, or the 1950 movie featuring a wrongly accused of murder guy on the run in South American jungle, or the 1966 Italian western of a gunslinger sticking his barrel between two feuding families, or the 1993 action thriller about  two brothers and a drug empire. (Spoiler: One’s a criminal.)

None of those had merry-go-rounds in ’em.

Mutant Ghoul Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mutant

Mutant (aka, Night Shadow /1984) is another one ’o those ’80s schlocky cult favs, given cheesy charm by David Hasselhoff look-alike, Wings Hauser. Also starring are chemically-altered ghouls with light blue skin, heavy Goth eye makeup, and banana-colored pudding blood. Bananas are good for you.

Mutant

Two city brothers out hitchhiking like it was legal, end up in a small, southern redneck town where their kind ain’t welcome. Run off the road by a truckload of articulate inbreds, the brothers later find themselves in bar brawl knife fight – with the same guys. They also find a body with open sores on his/her face. (Hard to tell if it was a dude or a chick with all that goo leaking out.)

Mutant

Staying the night in a bed & breakfast, the younger brother is grabbed by something with smoking hands, and subsequently extinguished. In his quest to locate his brother, the older one goes around town, finds himself a girlfriend, and gets into more fights with the rednecks, or “Texas Welcoming Committee.”

Mutant

While this is going on, the locals are being converted into pasty-face ghouls with a taste for living lasagna. (One zombie dude runs around while still wearing his glasses. As in life, as in death.) Wings (the older brother), has zombie resistant hair. (I wonder what kind of product he uses?) And his girlfriend looks like Jessica Simpson, but with six or seven additional teeth.

Mutant

The mutated ghouls are somewhat entertaining, turning blue with skin bubbling like hot soup under rotting skin. For some reason not related to lack of toothbrush use, their teeth become black and they claw at the air like a cat pawing an invisible scratch post. Guns will take ’em down, as will flame, so like, boom and burn time. The light hurts their zombie’d eyes, though. (Since they’re undead, they probably forgot about using sunglasses.)

Mutant

The ghouls corner the survivors over and over again – in a school bathroom, a doctor’s office, a gas station… Persistence beats resistance. Help arrives, but are they in time? Will the ghouls mess up Wings’ hair? Will his younger beefcake brother ever button his shirt? Will the rednecks get a lesson in city etiquette? I don’t care – I just wanted to watch mutant ghoul zombies eat people. And to comb my mop top to look just like Wings’ ’80s crown.

 

Texas Vampires

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

This artery-rippin’ sequel of From Dusk ’Til Dawn (1996) is a pretty cool take on vampires. Since these undead heads are made from Texans, they wear snakeskin boots, drive big black Eldorados and have teeth the size of San Antonio lollipops (jalapeños).

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

A group of poor robbers head south of the border to steal five million dollars (or $53,565,073.88 pesos) from a bank guarded by a minimum wage security employee. Along the way one of the robbers goes into the Titty Twister Club (they still had that cool sign left over from the first movie) and gets bit on the collar area by a bartending vampire. (And no, he wasn’t serving Bloody Marys, though you think he would, you know, just for inside laughs ’n stuff). He then sucks on the rest of his gang. When the cops show up (not realizing it’s their last day on the job), it’s carnage ala’ mode.

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

Killer action (heh), campy gore, clever camera angles, which includes a vampire chomping down on a throat – from the inside point of view from its mouth! Despite the fact there’s only one sex scene (barely showing any boob), it does lead to a shower scene which plays as a nifty tribute to Psycho (1960). All the robbers turn into suckers, except one. If he can last the night, he gets all the cash/pesos/vampire coupons and the keys to the Eldorado.

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

The shoot-out between the cops and neck-suckers that lasts until daybreak is pretty much the Bout to Suck The Blood Out of vampire bloodfests. Why can’t all movies – including romantic comedies – be like From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999)?