Archive for Imax

Artful Sharks, Truth-Telling Ouija Boards, Life + Death Stuff

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Meg

Two more new key art designs for the super-sized mega-gigantic extra-large shark movie, The Meg, due out August 10, 2018. (It’ll be on the Imax™ screen — I just made Christmas happen in my pants.)

The Meg

Can’t wait to see this one, although I have friends who absolutely refuse to see it. I don’t know what’s more confusing — that I have friends or why would anyone NOT want to see the biggest shark ever eat submarines like Tootsie Rolls™? I guess sometimes your not supposed to know all of life’s answers. Leave that to Ouija boards.

While I unwrap my pants and head to the laundromat, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be as unholy delicious as Tootsie Rolls™…

Ouija Seance: The Final Game

OUIJA SEANCE: THE FINAL GAME (July 3, 2018)
Sarah and her friends decide to spend the weekend at an old villa Sarah mysteriously inherited. After finding a Ouija board in the attic, Sarah and her friends unknowingly awaken an evil force connected to the villa’s hidden secrets. To fight the unimaginable horror they will have to face their darkest fears and worst nightmares.”

There’s really no way to come up with a new plot for anything involving a Ouija board and teens. That said, last time I used a Ouija board, it spelled out “dumbass” — and I was the only one playing it! Demonic entities can be so cold.

Dead Night

DEAD NIGHT (July 27, 2018)
James and his wife Casey load up their two teenage kids and head out to a remote cabin in Oregon for a weekend trip. When James heads into the snowy forest in search of firewood, he encounters an enigmatic woman passed out in the snow. Bringing her back to the cabin for help, the family has no way of knowing that the woman’s presence is the catalyst for a series of events that will change their lives forever.”

The so-called “enigmatic woman” was quite likely Bigfoot’s Tinder™ hook-up; she probably got lost on the way to BF’s party pad because, hey woods! P.S. I didn’t know James was married with kids. WTF?

Blood Fest

BLOOD FEST (August 31, 2018)
“Fans flock to a festival celebrating the most iconic horror movies, only to discover that the charismatic showman behind the event has a diabolical agenda. As festival attendees start dying off, three teenagers — more schooled in horror-film cliches than practical knowledge — must band together and battle through various madmen and monstrosities to survive.”

Right up my old address. The plot is pretty dang coolio and I would like to participate as I scored the top four spots on an online horror trivia game. Only missed one question: What is the name of Frankenstein’s monster’s creator? (I typed in: “Dracula.” Once again, the Ouija board was right.)

Memento Mori

MEMENTO MORI (2018)
“A teenager girl’s life seems perfect: beautiful, popular, rich. Yet she has a dark secret which is revealed during a pool party, where a violent incident happens that will end with her in a coma.”

In case your Latin is as rusty as your bedsprings, Memento Mori means “Remember you will die.” (And here all this time I thought it translated to “order another beer.”) The title’s been used twice before — once in 1999 (a Japanese “horror” film) and again in 2016, where a boy “dies” on a tattoo parlor table. Odd place for a proctology exam. Seems that’d be more painful as deemed necessary.

Expensive Aliens, World War Werewolves, Wrinkled Time

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien

The seriously talented folks at studioADI have come up with jaw-dropping, stand-alone art pieces based on the creatures in Alien3 (1992). Alien: Resurrection (1997). Too bad they didn’t do one of Ripley in her space underwear in Alien (1979). That was a groundbreaking moment in modern sci-fi.

Alien

Among the holiday dinner centerpieces are the Alien Warrior Half Head ($3,000/limited to 150), the Alien Newborn ($2,000/limited to 100) and the more affordable Alien Queen Embryo ($400). Each of these large and magnificently created xenomorphs will make you scream with glee — or just plain scream. (Don’t do that in space — no one can hear you.)

Alien

If you have a pocket full of space Benjamins, you can click HERE to procure one or more of the coveted designs.

While we’re ransacking the swear jar (mine’s full), here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not look cool on your occasional table…

Infinity Chamber

INFINITY CHAMBER (available now)
“Locked up in an automated prison, Frank Lerner undergoes an interrogation process that forces him to relive the same day over and over. When a war erupts on the outside, he must find a way to escape from a computer system that won’t let him go.”

Hate to break it to you, Frankie — you’re actually in a cubicle in an office building downtown at your day job. And if you’re married? Another prison. Sucks to be you.

Islamic Exorcist

ISLAMIC EXORCIST (available now)
“An Indian couple are devastated when their adopted daughter becomes possessed by a demon. After the father shoots her to death, an investigative journalist delves into the couple’s scary past.”

This is said to have been released out last July (2017, in case you forgot what year this is). Demonic entities are supposed to e-mail me when these types of movies come out. I don’t have time to be checking their Linkedin pages.

Werewolves of the Third Reich

WEREWOLVES OF THE THIRD REICH (December 5, 2017)
“In Germany at the height of World War II, a ragtag group of American soldiers discover Doctor Mengele’s diabolical plan to create an unstoppable army of Nazi werewolves.”

Nazi werewolves. Wonder if they bark in German? The German word for “bark” is “borke.” Wonder if the Nazi werewolves borke in German?

A Wrinkle In Time

A WRINKLE IN TIME (March 9, 2018)
“Meg Murry and her little brother, Charles Wallace, have been without their scientist father, Mr. Murry, for five years, ever since he discovered a new planet and used the concept known as a tesseract to travel there. Joined by Meg’s classmate Calvin O’Keefe and guided by the three mysterious astral travelers known as Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who and Mrs. Which, the children brave a dangerous journey to a planet that possesses all of the evil in the universe.”

This is the latest adaption of the same-named 1962 science fantasy novel written by Madeleine L’Engle. (I quit reading books when I found out the TV had multiple channels.) It’s a big-budget movie with lots of big time movie stars. This means paying big bucks to see it on the Imax™ screen will put a wrinkle in your wallet.

 

 

New York Zombies, Pretentious Sci-Fi, Fun Aliens

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Asylum of Darkness

Watched a sneaky guy using his iPhone™ to record Kong: Skull Island at the movies the other day. Then he had the gall to offer to sell me the bootlegged flick for $10. I had just spent $12 to see it. I made him wait so I could hit up an ATM machine. Hey, I blew all my spare pocket coupons on red vines and hot dogs.

Speaking of blowing, here’s a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that hopefully won’t…

ASYLUM OF DARKNESS (April 11, 2017)
“After awakening in a mental asylum, a patient plans his escape to freedom while fighting off supernatural forces in both the real world, and some that may only live inside his head. But once on the outside, he learns that the life awaiting him is more twisted and dangerous than anything he could conjure in his head, one that is luring him back to the asylum forever.”

Substitute “dive bar” for “asylum” and this will make more sense. Generic title, generic plot, generic waste of time. So yeah, I’m in.

Empire State of the Dead

EMPIRE STATE OF THE DEAD (April 11, 2017)
“The recently deceased rise, feasting upon the living as a zombie outbreak spreads across the globe. In Central New York, a small Marine patrol, led by Sergent Ritter, tries to keep order. But while battling the living dead they are also faced with roving gangs going unchecked and entire military units defecting. Amid the chaos, a drug lord named Ray sees an opportunity to rule the new world rising, and he is sabotaging rescue centers and military bases to help further break down the Government’s attempts to restore order. Who will survive when Ritter and Ray finally face off?”

Empire State of the Dead consists of seven short stories produced and set in New York State, all directed by New York State filmmakers. It includes a series of wraparound segments (and one big finale) tying them all together into one epic feature motion picture detailing the early stages of a zombie outbreak.”

Should be interesting to see how they all meat. Heh. Good thing the zombie outbreak is in New York; I have a hard enough time battling the brain dead in my own neighborhood of Seattle, home of skyrocketing rents and rubbery movie theater hot dogs. Those things are so chewy you could blow a bubble with one.

The Osiris Child

THE OSIRIS CHILD: SCIENCE FICTION VOLUME ONE (April 2017)
“Set in a time of interplanetary colonization, Sy Lombrok, a former nurse who is now a drifter with a haunted past, forms an unlikely alliance with Kane Sommerville, a lieutenant who works for off-world military contractor Exor. In a race against time they set out to rescue Kane’s young daughter Indi amid an impending global crisis precipitated by Exor.”

This one was made in Australia and premiered last year in a theater that’s about 8,113 miles from my freshly swept bachelor pad. Never was a big fan of sci-fi where they give everything super dumb future names, though. Exor? Sounds like prescription butt medicine.

Alien: Covenant

ALIEN: COVENANT (May 12, 2017)
Just because I already previewed this previously doesn’t mean I can’t do it again. I make the rules so I can break the rules. This time it’s with another drool-worthy ad poster. Trying to stay away from the trailers so I can be shocked out of my hot dog bun when I see it at the Imax™, which will no doubt cost $150 to get in. Time to start selling my blood. Again.

The Thrill’a Godzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: Resurgence

As the days stomp closer to July 29, 2016 and the release of Godzilla: Resurgence (re-titled from Shin Gojira for we American round eyes), what do we exactly know about 31st movie starring the world’s greatest monster/franchise?

Godzilla: Resurgence

For starters, I wasn’t asked to be in the movie. That I have no acting experience (except in front of a judge) and am basically unknown to all of Japan’s movie-making industry is beside the point. I’ve spent half my life watching and re-watching Godzilla movies; If that doesn’t qualify me for a starring role, I don’t know what does.

Godzilla: Resurgence

A new trailer, while cooler than shiitake, doesn’t offer any clues other than how the military and government frantically strategize on how to protect their taxable real estate. All it shows is Godzilla playing in his wreck room.

Godzilla: Resurgence

One thing announced is that Godzilla: Resurgence will feature 328 cameos and supporting appearances, including, Kengo Kora, Ren Osugi, Akira Emoto, Kimiko Yo, Jun Kunimura, Mikako Ichikawa, Pierre Taki, Takumi Saito, Keisuke Koide, Arata Furuta, and Atsuko Maeda. Like you can pronounce any of that.

Godzilla: Resurgence

They can fit in every person in the world with too many consonants in their names, but ignore my easily spelled birth title? Heck, I’d only need round trip airfare to Japan, seven nights in a five-star hotel (the Hotel Chinzanso Tokyo would be lovely), and a few yen to spend while I prep for my movie moment.

Godzilla: Resurgence

As reported by myself in a first report (September 23, 2015) of Shin Gojira/Godzilla: Resurgence, the new G will be 118.5 meters (389 ft) high – over 10m taller than 2014’s Godzilla. That’s close to the same height as Six Flag’s Sky Screamer amusement park ride in Dallas, Texas. If I was on that ride and Godzilla showed up to watch, the people below better have umbrellas.

Godzilla: Sky Screamer

Godzilla: Resurgence is being released in IMAX, 4DX, and MX4D formats, whose screens are a mere 72 feet tall. Pffft – I’ve been on kiddie rides bigger than that. And I don’t scream on them nearly as much as I used to.

Blubbering: The Horror of Whales

Posted in Classic Horror, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

In The Heart of the Sea

Even though it’s universally considered to be an American literature classic, the 1851 Herman Melville novel Moby Dick (or The Whale) was in fact the first “nature strikes back” horror story.

Moby Dick

You had the maniacal, revenge-seeking Captain Ahab, the original slasher (except he wielded a harpoon and not a hockey mask and a machete), relentlessly pursing Moby Dick (a name used by more than one male porn star), a gigantic whale that wrecked Ahab’s Sea-doo™ and bit the crazy captain’s leg clean off. (Reports are sketchy as to whether it was his right or left leg. Maybe it was both.)

Just like Victor Frankenstein psychotically tracking his creationist monster through the Black Sea and meeting up in the Arctic Circle for the ultimate pay-per-view, both stories did not conclude well for Ahab and Victor.

In The Heart of the Sea

So the timeless horror classic is headed for the Imax™ screen in the form of In The Heart of the Sea (releasing December 11, 2015), a movie telling the story that inspired Moby Dick and features Thor (Chris Hemsworth) himself, trading in his Mjölnir (or “hammer”) for a whaler’s harpoon. Not really a spoiler, we kinda already know how this is gonna end up – humans will be recycled as whale poo.

In The Heart of the Sea

Here’s the plot: “In 1820, crewmen aboard the New England vessel Essex face a harrowing battle for survival when a whale of mammoth size and strength attacks with force, crippling their ship and leaving them adrift in the ocean. Pushed to their limits and facing storms, starvation, panic and despair, the survivors must resort to the unthinkable to stay alive.”

In The Heart of the Sea

One can only imagine what the “resorting to the unthinkable” stuff is to stay alive. If it’s anything like Free Willy 3: Packed In Spring Water, I think we all know the gory conclusion.