Archive for America

Wailing Wolf-Man

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 13, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Face of the Screaming Werwolf

If you’ve seen 1964’s Face of the Screaming Werewolf and walked away confused as all heck, you’re not alone — Screaming Werewolf, made from parts of several different movies (La Momia Azteca/1957 and La Casa del Terror/1959), is a screaming mess, beside the fact it would’ve been better titled as The Screaming Werewolf Face. (Personal preference.)

Face of the Screaming Werewolf

The movie starts out with doctor-esque archaeologist guys hypnotizing a psychic chic (psy-chic — heh) who life regressions herself as a sacrificial Aztec test dummy. This leads the history dudes to an Aztec pyramid, where they discover and bring back a two mummies (but no daddies — heh). Right here we have several problems — one of the crusty corpses is the sacrificed Aztec gal and the other a regular guy who happens to be a werewolf. How an American werewolf ended up mummified in Mexico is just part of this “movie’s” abstract premise. (Must’ve been a heckuva booze cruise, though.)

Face of the Screaming Werewolf

So they bring the mummies back and a mad scientist, whose lab is located through a secret door in the back of a horror wax museum, applies volts to jolt the man mummy back to life. With only a meager supply of electricity, the experiment fails. Nature steps in, supplying lightning and one heck of a utility bill. Prior to the power-up, his face looked he fell asleep in a bowl of pancake batter. And because it’s a full moon, his moon-beamed mug becomes covered in fur where there was no fur before. Nothin’ left to do now but go on a choking spree.

Face of the Screaming Werewolf

The werewolf runs out into traffic and doesn’t bark at even one car. Then he makes a girl faint, throws her over his shoulder like a sack of pancake flour brought to market, and climbs up the side of an apartment building, all the while being climb-pursued by one of the scientists. Then the werewolf climbs through a window and comes all the way back down to the street using the stairs. (He probably didn’t want to wait for the elevator.)

Face of the Screaming Werewolf

Meanwhile, the Aztec mummy comes back to life and goes after the psychic woman. The werewolf, now slingin’ a different chick who really put up a fight and even smashed a decorative vase over the monster’s head, brings her back to the wax museum. I have no idea why. The scientist throws chemicals around like holy water, starts a fire and battles the werewolf. Somehow the werewolf is bested and catches fire, which makes him turn back into man form, his shirt still buttoned tucked in as if prepping for a school photo. The cops show up to dismiss the numerous “werewolf” sightings as just a simple case of a man burning on the floor in front of them.

Face of the Screaming Werewolf

The werewolf looked werewolf-y enough, but his upper fangs were grimy and his lower fangs Pepsodent™ bright. He wore a belt to hold up his freshly ironed britches and kept shoes on the entire time. They were neatly tied. Didn’t know werewolves to be such fastidious dressers. Too bad the filmmaker didn’t follow suit. (Heh.)

Finnish Superheroes, Hitler Dinosaurs, Vampire Neighbors

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rendel

Been watching the new Marvel™ TV series Iron Fist on Netflix™. There are good aspects and some so bad it causes involuntary facial flinching. Daniel Rand, introduced as a kid who lost his corporate rich mom and dad in a relaxing vacation plane wreck over the Himalayas, is rescued by invisible monks and raised for the next 15 years to be the next Iron Fist, solely designed to wipe out the evil gang, The Hand. They beat him with sticks every day to reinforce their clenched mandate.

15 years later he shows up unexpectedly in downtown New York as a shoeless street bum (with hipster beard and an iPod™), trying to reconnect with his dad’s company. (He’s an heir worth billions and yet can’t afford socks, matching or otherwise.)

All of this I can get behind except they make him say and do stupid things. (Really bad chi-generating meditation moves and stilted kung-fu reference dialogue.) Worst, they give him a lava glowing fist that, when he’s provoked by violence, lights up and he can punch criminals and/or walls right in the sheet rock. Walls pretty much deserve it because they impede proper feng shui. Stupid walls.

All in all, mildly entertaining, but a surprising misstep by Marvel™, whose only blemish on a stellar track record has been The Fantastic Four. (Note to Marvel — PLEASE quite trying to make that one work. No one gives a crap about a guy who can stretch like a rubber band and another one who looks like passed kidney stones.)

Speaking of things to pass on, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not need to be medically assisted to leave your body…

RENDEL (2017)
“A dark avenger is born when a worldwide corporation known as VALA launches an untested vaccine called Nh25 into the market by bribing, threatening, and killing every official opposing them.

Rendel unleashes his own special kind of hell against VALA, threatening to put an end the distribution of Nh25 As blood spills and the money burns, VALA recruits a group of mercenaries to do what they seemingly can’t, eliminate Rendel permanently.”

Rendel is Finland’s first superhero movie. About time they jumped on the bandwagon. Heck, I’m filming my own superhero movie as we speak: Yell Man: Neighbor Wars (pending $10 million crowd-funding.) Sounds like Rendel is a cross between Spawn (1997) and, well, me (I have a suit just like his, so you can see why people would make the connection. And by people, I mean me.) Despite a personal affront, looking forward to this one.

Living Among Us

LIVING AMONG US (2017)
“A documentary crew is sent in to interview a family of vampires whose existence has been made known to the world. But soon the crew realizes their very lives are in danger as they uncover a deadly secret and must fight for survival.”

Sounds like they took the framework of Fright Night (1985) and went to town with it. So vampires are living next door. Might be time to order some garlic polo shirts and Internet-ordered wooden stakes and go door-to-door because now I’m thinking those aren’t just a-holes living next to me, but bloodsucking a-holes.

Iron Sky: The Coming Race

IRON SKY: THE COMING RACE (February 14, 2018)
“Twenty years after the events of Iron Sky, the former Nazi Moonbase has become the last refuge of mankind. Earth was devastated by a nuclear war, but buried deep under the wasteland lies a power that could save the last of humanity — or destroy it once and for all. The truth behind the creation of mankind will be revealed when an old enemy leads our heroes on an adventure into the Hollow Earth. To save humanity they must fight the Vril, an ancient shape-shifting reptilian race and their army of dinosaurs.”

You can look but you may not find anything as crazy cool as Iron Sky (2012). And now with it’s sequel (which I e-barfed about on November 11, 2014) is within release sight. The new trailer shows a reanimated Hitler riding a T-Rex like it was a hobby horse, looking to re-take the world from the inside out. (Turns out those hollow Earthers were right. My apologies.) Consider putting Iron Sky: The Coming Race on your to-do/bucket list.

Lovecraft_Country

LOVECRAFT COUNTRY (HBO/in-production)
“After his father goes missing, Black joins up with his friend Letitia and his Uncle George to embark on a road trip across 1950s Jim Crow America to find him. This begins a struggle to survive and overcome both the racist terrors of white America and the malevolent spirits that could be ripped from a Lovecraft paperback.”

Racists and dark god entities. And how does this differ from the current political administration? You’ve already seen this — every night on the news.

Vampire Sequels, Family Ghosts, Social Media Killers

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stake Land II

Got some vampires, ghosts, tweener ghosts and slashers headed your way. Not real vampires, ghosts, tweener ghosts and slashers, mind you. Just movie ones. But keep an eye open, just in case.

STAKE LAND II (February 7, 2017 / digital, February 14 / DVD)
“Set several years after the events in Stake Land (2010), in which mankind must struggle to survive in the wake of a vampire apocalypse. When his home in New Eden is destroyed by a revitalized Brotherhood and its new Vamp leader, Martin finds himself alone in the badlands of America with only the distant memory of his mentor, the legendary vampire hunter Mister, to guide him. Roaming the wilderness of a steadily decaying country, Martin searches for the one man who can help him exact revenge.”

Revenge. Where would horror movies be without it? One of the best summations of revenge comes from City of Bones (2007) author Cassandra Clare’s first book in The Mortal Instruments series: “I don’t want tea,” said Clary, with muffled force. “I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.”

“Unfortunately,” said Hodge, “we’re all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it’s either tea or nothing.”

Snap! I gotta use that line somewhere. Oh, wait — I just did.

SpectralSPECTRAL (December 9, 2016 / Netflix)
“When an otherworldly force wreaks havoc on a war-torn European city, an engineer teams up with an elite Special Ops unit to stop it.”

Now there’s a grand idea — get a bunch of Army guys to shoot guns at ghosts. Why not just whip out your AK-47 and unleash hell on Mr. Bubble™?

Wait Till Helen Comes

WAIT TILL HELEN COMES (out now / Lifetime, January 2017 / VOD)
“The story centers on a 12-year-old girl who’s the eldest of three children in a blended family that moves from Baltimore into a house converted from a church in the Maryland countryside. The tormented ghost of a little girl comes to haunt the 12-year-old, but forms an intimate, though dangerous, friendship with her seven-year-old stepsister.”

Warning: as this is airing on the Lifetime™ channel, it’s a family-friendly, watered down tale of the supernatural. Too bad; a little blood and guts never hurt anybody. Oh wait…

Slasher.com

SLASHER.COM (2017)
Slasher.com combines the time-honored tradition of young people facing unfathomable horrors in the wilderness with the every day horror of meeting people online, and puts a gruesome twist on the perils of modern dating.”

Slasher social media horror. Maybe they should rename it DeFacebook.com. Heh.

The Thrill’a Godzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: Resurgence

As the days stomp closer to July 29, 2016 and the release of Godzilla: Resurgence (re-titled from Shin Gojira for we American round eyes), what do we exactly know about 31st movie starring the world’s greatest monster/franchise?

Godzilla: Resurgence

For starters, I wasn’t asked to be in the movie. That I have no acting experience (except in front of a judge) and am basically unknown to all of Japan’s movie-making industry is beside the point. I’ve spent half my life watching and re-watching Godzilla movies; If that doesn’t qualify me for a starring role, I don’t know what does.

Godzilla: Resurgence

A new trailer, while cooler than shiitake, doesn’t offer any clues other than how the military and government frantically strategize on how to protect their taxable real estate. All it shows is Godzilla playing in his wreck room.

Godzilla: Resurgence

One thing announced is that Godzilla: Resurgence will feature 328 cameos and supporting appearances, including, Kengo Kora, Ren Osugi, Akira Emoto, Kimiko Yo, Jun Kunimura, Mikako Ichikawa, Pierre Taki, Takumi Saito, Keisuke Koide, Arata Furuta, and Atsuko Maeda. Like you can pronounce any of that.

Godzilla: Resurgence

They can fit in every person in the world with too many consonants in their names, but ignore my easily spelled birth title? Heck, I’d only need round trip airfare to Japan, seven nights in a five-star hotel (the Hotel Chinzanso Tokyo would be lovely), and a few yen to spend while I prep for my movie moment.

Godzilla: Resurgence

As reported by myself in a first report (September 23, 2015) of Shin Gojira/Godzilla: Resurgence, the new G will be 118.5 meters (389 ft) high – over 10m taller than 2014’s Godzilla. That’s close to the same height as Six Flag’s Sky Screamer amusement park ride in Dallas, Texas. If I was on that ride and Godzilla showed up to watch, the people below better have umbrellas.

Godzilla: Sky Screamer

Godzilla: Resurgence is being released in IMAX, 4DX, and MX4D formats, whose screens are a mere 72 feet tall. Pffft – I’ve been on kiddie rides bigger than that. And I don’t scream on them nearly as much as I used to.

American Demons, Swiss Zombies, German Sci-Fi

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ava's Possession

While 2016 got off to a bumpy start in January, with the upcoming releases of four new horror/sci-fi movies announced in the first few molting days of February gives one hope that the rest of the year won’t suck buttock.

First up is Ava’s Possession, arriving March 4, 2016: “Ava is recovering from demonic possession. With no memory of the past month, she must attend a Spirit Possessions Anonymous support group to figure out what happened. Ava’s life was hijacked by a demon, now it’s time to get it back.”

Demonic possession is always good for the soul.

Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies

Gonna have to wait ‘til the end of 2016 to see Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies. I’m okay with that –gives me something positive to look forward to in December besides egg nog. Here’s what AotLZ is about:

“Steve, a young professional snowboarder, his girlfriend Branka and fellow snowboarder Josh get left behind on the mountain. They seek shelter in a garish, loud aprés-ski tavern that’s hosting an all-night party for the longest night of the year. Things go from bad to worse when a scientific experiment conducted by a local entrepreneur unleashes an epidemic of zombies and mutant wildlife, but this is mostly lost on the local drunkards as they themselves are not always so easy to distinguish from zombies. Steve, Branka and Josh have to find a way to survive this hellish night.”

If they’re looking to cast local drunkards, my calendar is wide open.

The Possession Experiment

Speaking of being possessed, The Possession Experiment arrives in the European market on February 13, 2016 and offers YET ANOTHER spin on the curiously popular demonic possession/exorcism theme: “Brandon, a theology student, is teamed with a classmate and are led to investigate a multiple homicide/suicide that eventually is discovered to have been an exorcism gone horribly wrong. Brandon quickly becomes obsessed with the event, and decides the only way to research this topic is to undergo it himself. Brandon realizes that though he was incredibly intrigued by it, he has taken on more than he can handle.”

Performing an exorcism on yourself seems a lot like that Cinnamon Challenge on YouTube™.

EZO1 Madness

Horror not your cup of blood? Then you might want to check out the oddly titled EZO1 Madness (releasing 2016), the first independent sci-fi movie coming from Germany in more than two decades, or 20 years. Described as “combining breathless action in an interesting take on Eastern and Western philosophy and classic horror elements.”

I’m all about philosophy, so this one could be good brain food: “EZO1 Madness is set in a post-apocalyptic world, where the last of human kind are hunted by giant monsters, zombies, genetically enhanced soldiers and ancient machines of war.”

EZO1 Madness is set to make the indie film circuit in 2016. Until such time I’ll go back to reading The Incoherence of the Philosophers For Dummies.

Heaving Horror Hostess

Posted in Classic Horror, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Elvira’s aunt Morgana, a witch, passed away and left the creepy mansion to the iconically top heavy horror movie hostess. Good thing the house has a double-wide garage. Ahem.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

The mansion is in Falwell, Massachusetts, the most right-wing, religiously conservative small town in America, and home to witch burnings back before they had cable TV to entertain them.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Elvira’s great-uncle Vincent wants Morgana’s old recipe book hidden shelf deep in the house that’s actually loaded with witchcraft spells. He does this because he wants to change into a demon. Why? Dunno. Elvira just wants to sell the house so she can fund her own Vegas show and twirl tassels around with her double-wide talents.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Elvira’s wise-cracking and uninhibited fashion sense clash with all of the above. Slapstick gags, non-stop one-liners (“Grab a tool and start bangin’!”), and endless boob shots/jokes. I never tire of either as it turns out. That said, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) bears double-wide viewing.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark