Kaiju Celebration, East Coast Bigfoot, Crocodile Chow

We all know Godzilla turns 70 in November, which means he qualifies for Jyukkyu Kisoku (Japanese Social Security). But did you know Mechagodzilla turns 50 and King Ghidorah turns 60 this year? That’s a lot of skyscraper-sized candles on the cake to blow out…or up. And if you want to attend the party, it takes place April 28, 2024 in Osaka, Japan. Haven’t found any submarines that go there from where I’m sitting, so I guess I’ll have to fly Mothra Air…coach class. 

From the festival’s press statement: “To celebrate, the Godzilla Festival Osaka (also known as G-Fest Osaka) has released celebratory logos and exclusive merchandise for two of the King of the Monsters’ most celebrated foes and their monster milestones. Godzilla Festival Osaka will open free to the public at noon on April 28 at Grand Front Osaka, Oumekita Plaza (4-1 Ohfuka-cho, Kita-ku, Osaka City, Osaka Prefecture). The event will stream on the Godzilla Japan YouTube™ channel. Godzilla Festival Osaka attendees and others in the area will have a chance to purchase an exclusive Godzilla Festival t-shirt and sticker, along with anniversary edition King Ghidorah and Mechagodzilla t-shirts, metal key chains, stickers, and shot glasses.”

So while we all book a flight on Mothra Air and have her drop us off on the 5th floor of the Daimaru Umeda Store where all the cool exclusive merch is being sold, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth celebrating…

BIGFOOT — GRIP OF THE MONSTER / Out now (Tubi™/YouTube™)

“After experiencing a terrifying Bigfoot encounter 20 years ago in the vast Northern woods of Maine, author Max Lee writes a bestseller account of the event. Now, 20 years later, he returns to the scene of the life-changing event.”

Bigfoot has a place in Maine? That doesn’t sound very believable.

IMMORTAL SPECIALS / Out now (Thailand, Apple TV+™)

Nava, a brilliant botany student, searches for the origin of a plant called Chalawan, and to do so he organizes a team of friends to travel through the jungle. There, they encounter a huge man-eating crocodile.”

Chalawan is an extinct genus of pholidosaurid mesoeucrocodylian known from the Late Jurassic or Early Cretaceous Phu Kradung Formation of Nong Bua Lamphu Province, northeastern Thailand. And that’s just off the top of my head.

CUCKOO / August 9, 2024 (Theaters)

“Reluctantly, 17-year-old Gretchen leaves her American home to live with her father, who has just moved into a resort in the German Alps with his new family. Arriving at their future residence, they are greeted by Mr. König, her father’s boss, who takes an inexplicable interest in Gretchen’s mute half-sister Alma. Something doesn’t seem right in this tranquil vacation paradise. Gretchen is plagued by strange noises and bloody visions until she discovers a shocking secret that also concerns her own family.”

In the German Alps, you can get such food as Kaiserschmarrn, Bauernschmaus, Reblochonade and the easily pronounceable Bräustüberlpfanderl. But you can’t find a 7-Eleven Big Bite™ hot dog anywhere to save your mountainous life. And what does any of this have to do with the movie? EVERYTHING.

DEUS IRAE / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Father Javier lives a fractured existence. On one side, he assists families who have witnessed miracles, and on the other he belongs to a trio of excommunicated priests who hunt the possessed to exorcise them under their own terms: with Bibles, fire and shotguns. But when the only way to crush evil is by becoming something even worse, how much of your own humanity — or your sanity — are you willing to sacrifice in order to defeat the Devil?”

Bibles, fire and shotguns. Sounds like the followup album to Agony Column’s God, Guns and Guts (1988).