Archive for Thailand

Chinese Spider-Men, Canadian Zombies, Norway Mutants

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Been endlessly fascinated by foreign country poster versions of U.S. made movies, in particular, horror/sci-fi/fantasy/bromance comedies. Came across three Spider-Man: Homecoming key art renditions made in China. Pretty funny stuff, especially the one of Spider-Man riding a horse. I don’t know why, but that cracks me up. Got me thinking — wonder if there’s a foreign movie poster of, say, Iron Man pulling a rikshaw through downtown Thailand?

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Whilst I go rummaging through the Internet to find one, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies with plain old boring graphics…

Dementia 13

DEMENTIA 13 (October 6, 2017/Limited — October 10/VOD)
“An old-money family is still dealing with the death of its youngest daughter several years later. While honoring the daughter’s death, a long con, an ax-wielding serial killer, and a vengeful ghost all coalesce in the same night to target the family. Everyone in the family has a secret, nobody wants to face what they did, and for someone to survive, the truth needs to come out — sooner than later.”

Dementia 13

This is a re-boot of 1963’s Dementia 13. The actors in the new one are probably wearing more modern footwear, though. Always loved the title. I personally got through the first 12 steps of dementia, but never quite made it one more step. Probably should go on another bender to open that door.

Les Affames

LES AFFAMÉS (2017/2018)
In a small, remote village in upstate Quebec, things have changed. Locals are not the same anymore — their bodies are breaking down and they developed an outlandish attraction for flesh.

A French-Canadian zombie movie. Wonder if the flesh tastes like back bacon? I consulted the Big Book of Word Barf (i.e., Google Translate™) to get the English pronounceable version: The Hungry. Meh.

Thelma

THELMA (November 10, 2017)
“A college student starts to experience extreme seizures while studying at a university in Oslo, Norway. As it becomes clearer that the seizures are a symptom of inexplicable, often dangerous, supernatural abilities, Thelma is confronted with tragic secrets of her past, and the terrifying implications of her powers.

Sounds like Carrie Goes To College. I wonder if her condition is from eating seizure salads in the school lunch room?

Insidious: The Last Key

INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY (January 5, 2018)
Dr. Elise Rainier, the brilliant parapsychologist, faces her most fearsome and personal haunting yet: in her own family home.”

I watched the first three Insidious movies, so guess I’ll have to watch this one, too, just to see how they tie things up. As demonic possession ghost stories go, though, they’re all quite bland, or “meh.”

Blinding Eclipse, Virtual Ghosts, Garbage Children

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Eclipse Map

With the once-in-a-lifetime full-on eclipse just a few days away as of this lunar calendar day, Flipboard.com, a site dedicated to the subjects of the unexplained, the supernatural, paranormal conspiracies, mythical beasts (and where to find them), posted a map as where to best view the eclipse and UFOs that will be tracking the event as well. (I added the UFO pics to the map as I WANT TO BELIEVE their article.)

I’d be remiss in my duties as a highly untrained faux journalist if I didn’t make this socially responsible warning: do NOT watch the eclipse without special glasses (Amazon.com is selling ‘em by the metric ton). You could seriously damage your vision/eyeballs meant for online porn, cat videos and this blog. (Not necessarily in that order — the video where the lazy cat is riding on top of a dog still makes me LOL.)

Speaking of things that should or should not be viewed with eyes wide shut, here’s a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies while you’re waiting for the vanilla sky… (You got both references, right?)

Stasis

STASIS (August 29, 2017/VOD)
“After a night out partying and being left behind by friends, Ava sneaks back home to find that she’s already safe in bed. But that’s not Ava — it’s someone who looks like her. A time-traveling fugitive has stolen Ava’s body, which makes Ava a virtual ghost, who is silent and invisible to the world. But Ava is not alone. There are other body snatchers secretly living among us, plotting to alter the future. Ava realizes she can stop these body snatchers and put the timeline back on course.”

If I came home and saw myself in bed, I’d put rubber snakes, unpaid parking tickets and peeled hard boiled eggs under the covers, then stand back and watch the ensuing hilarity. I sure hope my bed self doesn’t loose control of his/my bladder because of it; I gotta sleep in that thing. (It’s my turn tomorrow.)

30 Years of Garbage: The Garbage Pail Kids Story

30 YEARS OF GARBAGE: THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS STORY
(out now/select theaters/September 20, 2017/VOD/DVD)
“This documentary revisits the artists who made these collectibles famous, showing a rare glimpse into the corporate culture of Topps™ as they launched Garbage Pail Kids through the height of the cards fame, the downfall from the legal battle with the Cabbage Patch kids and their untimely demise. The film is jam packed with interviews of over a half dozen artists. Each artist penned these counter-culture trading cards and each artist shares the inside stories.”

Used to collect those things. My friends, too, as they were convinced I was one of the characters. (I would’ve been the electrocuted rock guitar star, Jolted Joel.) If you do a little homework you can track down The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, which came out in 1987. Not many saw it — the movie only made $1.5 million at the box office. Ironically, people spent more money collecting the horror/sci-fi/pop culture themed cards than on the flick itself.

Mexico BarbaroMEXICO BÁRBARO II (2017/film festival circuit)
“Nine Mexican directors come together to narrate traditions and more brutal, ruthless and bizarre legends of our country. Mexico Bárbaro II shows the world stories that are part of our popular culture, from sweet stories told by our grandmothers, the tooth fairy, witchcraft, the story behind the weeping woman, sexy servers of the Devil, a pagan hero, the burnt woman, up to ancestral culinary bloody rites. Traditions and legends that today continue to cause terror among Mexican people.”

If you saw the first Mexico Bárbaro (2014), then you know you’re in for a sweet, sick ride with II. This little jewel came out of nowhere (okay, Mexico) and the eight shorts that comprise the indie made film were highly gruesome, graphic and gory, which means you should watch it. (FYI: Bárbaro translates to “Barbarian.” After watching the movie, that’s sugar coating it.)

Land of Smiles

LAND OF SMILES (out now UK; 2017/2018/US)
“A young backpacker is lured through the Third World paradise of Thailand, searching for her kidnapped best friend and unknowingly she becomes the object of a sociopath’s obsession.”

Not sure how this differs from, say, a trip to the grocery store and/or cult retreat. Never been to Thailand. I wear T-shirts, not ties. My motto: thrashin’, not fashion. So sayeth Jolted Joel.

Icy Horror, Chilling Ghosts, Cold Demons

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Want a real life/real time horror story? A Yahoo!.com science article published on Thursday, July 13, 2017 stated that unchecked climate change will eventually lead to widespread devastation on Earth. To that I say, YEESH! intentionally in all caps.

The jolting article, written by Business Insider’s Kevin Loria, goes on to say, “Rising seas will inundate coastal cities like Miami, searing heat will increase human mortality, and acidic oceans will become inhospitable to fish and coral, leaving behind little but rubbery masses of jellyfish. These consequences of human activity could be the thing that prevents our civilization from advancing much further. In a particularly extreme scenario, it could even wind up wiping us from the face of the Earth.” (They had me at “rubbery masses of jellyfish.”)

This information is timely given that a trillion ton glacier chunk the size of Delaware recently broke off the Antarctica ice shelf (it’s like a cupboard for frozen water), an event horizon that portends mega doom for at least more than a few Emperor penguins and/or whale-eating polar bears. And all this time I presumed aliens would zap our sorry asses, suck up all the valuables (gas, alcohol, bit coins, frozen burritos) and head back to Mars for a kick ass party.

Geostorm

Earth-ending weather-gone-wild horror movies are nothing new (the most recent upcoming  being Geostorm/2017), but to have it all come to real life is a whole different box office.

Speaking of, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies we may or may not get to see once that huge iceberg smashes into our neighborhoods and precious 7-Elevens™. But hey, at the very least, beer will be the coldest it’s ever been!

Planetarium

PLANETARIUM (August 11, 2017/New York — August 18, 2017/Los Angeles)
“In 1930s France, two sisters who are thought to be able to communicate with ghosts meet a visionary producer while performing in Paris.”

Interesting fun fact: All French people can communicate with ghosts, or “des fantômes.” And yes, it has everything to do with drinking a quart of wine per meal.

Ghost House

GHOST HOUSE (August 25, 2017)
A young couple, Jim and Julie, are vacationing in Thailand where Julie falls in love with photographing small shrines called ‘Ghost Houses’ that are believed to give spirits shelter and comfort. A couple of British travelers take them into the countryside with the promise of showing Jim and Julie a ghost house graveyard where many of the shrines are discarded. After leaving the graveyard with a souvenir, Julie is increasingly plagued by visits from a malevolent spirit that threatens both her sanity and her life. After Julie is literally frozen in a state of terror, Jim must find a way to lift the curse before he loses Julie to the ghost world forever.”

Yeah, you don’t wanna shoplift in graveyards. First, said item(s) are always gonna be marinated in evil. Secondly, you don’t want stealing from the dead on your record. As for the Ghost Houses, rent is oddly steep for those things. I looked ‘em up on Zillow.com. You can see pics of inside these houses and it looks like someone lives there — but you never actually see people in the photos. Sounds like ghosts to me.

Exorcism of the Dead

EXORCISM OF THE DEAD (2017/2018)
“Candace, a deeply troubled young woman, is possessed by an ambitious demon. Her family has tried every conventional method to heal her, but both medicine and psychology have failed. As a last resort, they reach out for aid from the church, unaware the priest who arrives to deal with the situation has his own dark secrets.”

This premise has been done and overdone more times than I’ve been exorcised (47 and counting. Note to stupid preachers — not possessed, just drunk-ish.) But I take my collar off for the demon’s sticktoitiveness work ethic.

Skin Solo

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Haunted Drum

Ping, a clothes-worthy young man in the jungles of Thailand, wishes to be a musician. In other words, he wants to be the drummer for Master Duang’s band. Duang owns a mysterious drum called the Peung Mang. (I would’ve called it “drum.”)

The Haunted Drum

The Peung Mang was reputed to have been made from the skin of a hot chick. If you play the drum right, it kicks out the jams. If you don’t, it melts your face off. Meanwhile, an opposing Master wants a battle of the bands to prove, once and for all, who jungle rocks harder.

The Haunted Drum

During the concert, the skin drum melts the face off its player. So much for his solo. The plan is for the other Master (I forget his name) to hire away all of Master Duang’s student musicians. This would result in shame like you haven’t seen since the original Foreigner broke up.

The Haunted Drum

Ping decides to work harder to become a better musician and save Duang’s band. He also falls in love with Tip, who’s…cold as ice. (Sorry.) Ping and Tip are pretty much the Ken and Barbie of Thailand. She teaches him how to properly play the Peung Mang without getting his face melted off. As well she should – the drum was made with her skin and her soul is trapped within the percussive instrument.

The Haunted Drum

When Muan (hey, I just remembered his name!) gets his group together and steals the coveted Peung Mang, you know some serious duang is about to hit the fan. Even so, The Haunted Drum (2007) is a tedious horror story, low scares, but surprisingly decent gore. But don’t get your hopes up, as this is merely a love story with melted faces.

Talk To The Croc

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , on April 7, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Croc

A yacht-sized saltwater crocodile is eating people who work, live and marinate in the filthy Thailand waterways. That is a complete sentence.

Everybody blames an escapee from Jack McQuade’s Super Fun Crocodile Farm. But the clues – half-eaten human pot pies – are so obvious as to be embarrassing: giant carnivorous turtles! (It’s a theory I’ve been working on since the opening credits.)

Croc

Joining the hunt for the people-eater is Hawkins, a grizzled big game hunter, who wants nothing more than a fresh pair of alligator boots. Hard to find the monster, though, as it ends up in back yard swimming pools (don’t dive head first, try cannonballing) and under stylish shacks built out over the river (makes mopping way easier).

Croc

The trail of happiness leads to the croc’s cave-y lair, where it has stashed a hot chick everybody’s been looking for. That’s prudent planning – store food instead of eating it all at once. I’ll have to remember that.

Croc

The final scene finds Jack with his leg stuck in the crocodile’s mouth. He could get free if only the monster would just chomp a little harder. But there’s a really funny reason it didn’t. And it had nothing to do with the crocodile being made out of rubber and plastic, though that would explain a lot.

Croc (2007) is mildly amusing. Some real blood, some fake blood, some bloody stump sandwiches. Why do movies like this always make me hungry?

Third Eye Blind

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Eye 3

Bored teenagers read a book that describes ten ways to see ghosts.

One of the methods is to get a cornea transplant. Probably gonna have to pass on that one. Another is to set out empty rice bowls and start tapping ’em with chopsticks, the theory being that the sound will attract hungry ghosts. (Don’t know why they’re famished – being dead must surely kill your appetite.) This method proved to be a nice underwear-stainer for most of ’em. Don’t stop now – there’s eight more ways to void the warranty of your Dockers™.

The Eye 3

Another method – rubbing cemetery dirt on your eyes – yields similar results, except this far into the book, the teens now find themselves cursed. I feel much happiness for them.

The Eye 3

One kid is taken by the ghosts. The only way to rescue him is to go into the Land of the Dead and hand out flyers. There is a catch – once there you can’t be dicking around as time is not your ally in this realm. Stay too long and you kiss your Dockers™ goodbye. Guess what happens? I did and yawned so hard I cracked my jaw.

The Eye 3

Relentlessly typical Asian ghosts with pale faces and long, stringy black hair that all look the same. They must belong to a club or something. The Eye 3 (2005) released logically as The Eye 10 in Japan/Thailand/over there, is so boring and fright-less, eye can’t recommend it. You’ll get more satisfaction out of rubbing your own eyes with grave dirt. It’s actually kinda fun in a weird sort of way.