X-Rayed Aliens, Evil TV, Porn Slasher

1986’s Aliens — the followup to Alien (1979) — remains one of the all time best horror sci-fi sequels on this planet or exomoon. In it, space warrant officer Ellen Ripley, nearly six decades after barely surviving the “alien gone wild” incident on the deep space mining ship Nostromo (which left most of her spacemates with gaping holes in their chests) is sent back there to re-establish contact with a terraforming colony. Yeah, all but one were left with gaping holes in their chests. This led to Ripley and a squad of gung-ho marines battling the Alien Queen and her face-hugging offspring. Now, thanks to the Aliens Expanded documentary, we get to revisit Aliens without getting our chests ripped open. Spoiler alert — In case you’ve never seen Aliens, that’s the end result of hatchling aliens crawling down your throat, using your innards as an extraterrestrial Porta-Potty™, and then bursting out in much the same manner as an exploding water balloon.

Here’s what you need to know about this revolutionary documentary experience: “Helmed by the creators of In Search of Darkness, Aliens Expanded brings fans on an unparalleled journey into the extraordinary cinematic legacy of the greatest sequel of all time – James Cameron’s 1986 genre masterpiece Aliens. Coupled with interviews with Michael Biehn (as Corporal Hicks), Lance Henriksen (as Bishop) and many more cast and crew, Aliens Expanded is a first-of-its kind scene-by-scene analysis of Aliens with James Cameron leading the conversation.”

You can get in on the pre-sale of Aliens Expanded starting now and going though May 5, 2024. There are three packages with the digital only version being $49 — AND they add your name to the credits. The second Blu-ray package (also includes digital) goes for $99 and carries a pile of extras, like posters, sew-on patches, a mini book and more. But you’ll want the $139 package with comes with a double pile of cool Aliens stuff, including two t-shirts. Digital delivery is June 2024 and physical delivery arrives July 2024. And all you have to do is click this so as to not be left with a gaping hole of regret in your chest.

So while we all order Aliens Expanded and not go wandering around any alien-infested exomoons, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave your innards feeling like a Porta-Potty™…

THE DEVIL’S WORK / May 23, 2024 (VOD)

“Charlie and Dustin’s idyllic weekend getaway at their friend’s serene countryside home takes a terrifying turn when a blood-spattered woman suddenly appears, stalking them with relentless determination. As this mysterious woman’s sinister mind games escalate, Charlie is horrified to discover that the stalker is none other than her own sister, Lindy. Lindy’s behavior becomes increasingly erratic and violent, and when Dustin attempts to confront her, the situation spirals into danger. The shocking truth behind Lindy’s intentions slowly emerges, forcing Charlie into a desperate struggle for survival against someone she once loved.”

If my blood-spattered sister was stalking me, I’d tell mom.

EVIL SEASON 4 / May 23, 2024 (Paramount+™)

“In the upcoming season, Kristen, David and Ben continue to assess cases that involve wayward technology, possessed pigs, demonic oppression and infestation, a dance muse conjured by alleged witches and an evil relic. Throughout, Leland attempts to lure Kristen into raising a baby Antichrist who was conceived with her ovum.”

One of my favorite TV series in that it has piles of nasty demons, nasty twists, and nasty evil aplenty. And the promise of possessed pigs, demon infestation and a baby Antichrist makes me nasty happy. 

MAXXXINE / July 5, 2024 (Theaters)

“In 1980s Hollywood, adult film star and aspiring actress Maxine Minx finally gets her big break. But as a mysterious killer stalks the starlets of Hollywood, a trail of blood threatens to reveal her sinister past.”

The third installment of the Ti West brilliant trilogy. If you haven’t seen the precursors X and Pearl (2022), you need to stop whatever you’re doing — be it laundry or performing open heart surgery — and watch ‘em right now. And when you’re done, watch ‘em again. You’ll thank me. 

DEER CAMP ’86 / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“In the fall of 1986, six knuckleheads from Detroit travel north to partake in the annual tradition of deer hunting. But something horrific has been awakened and the hunters become the hunted.”

I hope it’s Bambi. Not the cute version, but that new monster one that gores people with its Antlers of Death? That sounds highly entertaining.