Archive for the Bigfoot Category

Lost Bigfoot, Killer Clown, Zombie Thanksgiving

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The movie Sasqua (1975) has possibly the best plot ever: “A hippie commune is attacked by cryptids.” I read that and started crying tears of happiness. FINALLY, someone is doing something about all those stink hippies stinkin’ up the woods and, by extension, the entire world.

Before you break out the champagne (or Miller High Life — The Champagne of Beers™), you can’t watch this movie. Why? Because it only played for about two days at a local theater in Massachusetts back in the ’70s and was never seen again. (FYI: There were a lot of hippies in those days — and every day since.)

But dry your eyes — there’s a documentary called Sasqu — The Lost Bigfoot Film of Massachusetts being worked on as we speak. Here are the details: “Described by The Boston Globe as an obscure horror movie about a hippie commune attacked by cryptids,’ the elusive Sasqua has never seen the light of day outside of a brief and localized theatrical release back in the 1970s, and filmmaker John Campopiano has set out to uncover as much information, and as many relevant interview subjects, as he possibly can.”

While we wait for this Oscar™ contender and celebrate Bigfoot’s efforts for eradicating those who stink and have deprived themselves the glory of the washcloth, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of being spared by the glory of cryptids

MY APOCALYPTIC THANKSGIVING / Out now (VOD, Apple TV™)

“A zombie-obsessed, special needs adult searches for his absent mom while a Korean family and gang compete to be his family. But he teaches everyone forgiveness with the help of his favorite zombie television show.”

Zombies are synonymous with forgiveness, so this one should be bloody heartwarming.

MISTER CREEP / December 5, 2022 (VOD)

“Three college students stumble upon a lost television broadcast of a deceased serial killer and search for its location. They discover a nightmarish cover-up of a clown-faced man who killed hundreds and may still be around long after his death.”

A clown-faced man who killed hundreds. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

THE CHRISTMAS TAPES / December 16, 2022 (VOD)

“In this Christmas horror anthology, a family’s movie night on Christmas Eve is interrupted by a stranger insistent on making the next Christmas ‘classic’ film himself.”

I’m ready for my close-up. Just let me quaff a few pitchers of “holiday cheer” to get in the zone.

#FLOAT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“When a vlogger and her crew embark on their annual river float to commemorate the untimely loss of their friend, they are plunged into a life and death battle with a mysterious local, a sinister paranormal force, and their own fears.”

YET ANOTHER “social media” horror movie. This means it #sucks.

A Kaiju Reborn, Airborne Apes, Post-Puberty Exorcist

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Gods of All That Is Kaiju have FINALLY answered my last call prayers. Gamera, one of the greatest giant monsters ever in the history of ever (spinning Frisbee™ flight abilities, plasma flames blasting out of mouth AND butthole area, Osmond-sized teeth), is coming back after being in hibernation since 2006. Kadokawa Daiei Studio and Netflix™ just announced they’re working on a project called Gamera: Rebirth for 2023. After I post this blog, I’ll need to go swap out my under garments because, you know…

From Joblow.com: “A giant, fire-breathing, prehistoric turtle monster, Gamera was first introduced to audiences in the 1965 film Gamera, the Giant Monster, which begins with an atomic bomb waking him from a long slumber in the Arctic. Over the next six years, Gamera returned in Gamera vs. Barugon, Gamera vs. Gyaos, Gamera vs. Viras, Gamera vs. Guiron, Gamera vs. Jiger, and Gamera vs. Zigra. When the studio was struggling with financial issues in 1980, they cut together a bunch of stock footage Gamera: Super Monster. Gamera then took a fifteen year break before being brought back in a trilogy of films directed by Shusuke Kaneko. Those were Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, Gamera 2: Attack of Legion, and Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris. The most recent film was 2006’s Gamera the Brave.”

While we look for a time machine to transport us to the premier of Gamera: Rebirth’s exact day and time in 2023, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not taste as good as giant prehistoric turtle soup

ALL EYES / Out now (VOD)

“Allen hosts a podcast about strange people and paranormal phenomena. One day, he gets fired from his job. He’s totally distraught, but soon enough, he comes across a case that just might revitalize his career. He’s contacted by a widowed farmer named Don who claims there’s a monster living in the woods near his house, so Allen travels to the man’s home to interview him and see him capture the beast.”

WTF?!? Monsters live in the woods? Dang — I live right next to some woods. This really upsets my stomach area. Sure, Bigfoot lives in there as well, but he’s not really a monster. He’s more of a Naturalist/organic hippie free spirit who just happens to occasionally scare the kale outta people.

CRYO / Out now (VOD)

“In an underground facility, five scientists wake from cryosleep with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep. They soon make a shocking realization: a killer is hunting them down there, and may even be hiding among them.”

Waking up with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep sounds like they had an epic night at the Tug Tavern instead of an underground facility.

GALE: STAY AWAY FROM OZ / Pending release 2022/2023

“Long gone are the days of emerald cities and yellow brick roads in this dark re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy Gale is now an elderly woman, broken by years of paranormal entanglement with a mystical realm, which has now echoed down to her only living relative, Emily, who is being called to settle unfinished business in this terrifying world of Oz.”

Hoping this one is as bloodthirsty and barbaric as the 1939 original. It better not have dork dancing and ear gouging song interludes, though. Crossing fingers for flying monkeys.

BLOOD FLOWER / Release pending 2023 (Shudder™)

“Iqbal, a 16-year-old apprentice faith healer and exorcist, is tormented by visions of the dead and spirits from other dimensions. When a malicious spirit begins to wreak havoc around him, Iqbal is forced to harness his supernatural gifts to save his family and friends.”

A 16-year-old exorcist/faith healer who can see the dead from other dimensions. At 16 I was a paperboy.

Heavy Metal Horror, Bigfoot Booby Trap, Satanic Diapers

Posted in Asian Horror, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

What happens when you mix (or “combine”) comic books with horror and heavy metal? A reason to read, that’s what. This is what we’re getting with Black Tape, a new original horror mystery comic series from AWA Studios, telling the “fictional story of miscreant and rock idol, Jack King.” Um, fictional? I thought all rock stars were miscreants. In fact, there is/was a metal band called Miscreant. (Their 1996 album Inside The Beyond could easily be turned into a comic type book.)

From AWA Studios’ press release: “When Jack King dies suddenly at the height of his musical reign and his cause of death comes with neither rhyme or reason, subsequent events paint a picture of a singing superstar caught in a web of lies, addiction, and even the unholy powers of the occult.”

Art imitates life. Written by award-winning comic creator Dan Panosian (Iron Man, Wolverine) and illustrated by renowned international artist Dalibor Talajiæ (Deadpool, Logan), the four-issue Black Tape is situated in 1960s Los Angeles. (I thought ‘60s bands were either jingle writers for hot dog commercials or beatniks. Or both.) 

While we contemplate turning off the TV and reading a comic book (tough choice), here are few upcoming horror movies that may or may not make you bang your head to the hummable, rhythmic nature of heavy metal, or against a concrete retaining wall (same results)…

THE BIGFOOT TRAP / September 1, 2023 (VOD)

“A journalist’s life is changed forever when he’s locked inside a Bigfoot trap by an insane Sasquatch hunter.”

Bigfoot laughs derisively at the irony.

LEAVE / October 28, 2022 (Norway), Release pending 2023/2024 (US)

“A young woman tries to find her origins after having been abandoned as an infant at a cemetery wrapped in a cloth with satanic symbols. But as she gets closer to answers, a malevolent spirit is telling her to leave.”

Looked everywhere but couldn’t find said Pampers™ with pentagrams on ‘em. I did, though, come across a knock-off brand sporting upside down cross skid marks on both the inside AND outside. A malevolent spirit warned me not to buy ‘em, but I was unable to resist temptation. Evil — thy name is clearance sale.

OX-HEAD VILLAGE / Release pending 2022/2023 (VOD)

“After broadcasting a prank about a haunted building on their social media, three girls disappear. Rumors surface that they were victims of The Ox-Head Village Curse, triggering an investigation by two of their friends, desperate to find the truth about what happened.”

Three down, several hundred million to go.

MASTEMAH / June 29, 2022 (France) TBD 2022/2023 (US)

“After a traumatic accident during a hypnosis seance, Louise, a young psychiatric, opens a new office in the middle of nowhere. When she starts analyzing Theo, a dark and mysterious man, people around her start to die. Could she be confronted by the Devil himself?”

Had to look up this one: “Mastema, a personification of the Hebrew word mastemah, is an angel who appears in the Book of Jubilees, and is the father of all evil. He carries out punishments for God, as well as tempting humans and testing their faith.”

In the Book of JuJubes, however, Mastema tempts humans with colorful, gummy candy drops, testing not only their faith, but the sweet tooth as well. As if it needs to be said, those things are wickedly irresistible — and I wouldst like to live deliciously.

Horror Snack Pack, High School Ghost, Vampire Schooner

Posted in Asian Horror, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Your choice of horror movie viewing couch snacks are many, from 7-Eleven™ Tomahawk Rib-eye steaks in a rich, squeeze bottle chocolate finishing sauce, to canned Lobster Bisque paired with a nice, dry Steel Reserve™. But how many of those TV dinners are as cool as the new Creepshow™ heavily-salted mouth treats?

FYE™ exclusively carries a line of Creepshow™ snacks to munch and later wipe your fingers on your Old Navy™ pants: White Cheddar Skullcrunch Popcorn ($4.99), Sour Gummy Worms (aka, Nightcrawlers/$4.99) and a blood red Creepshow™ Cherry Energy Drink ($3.99) — to help get the rubbery candy worms past your gag reflex.

While you ponder spending extra on gummy (or “gummi”) worms for having the Creepshow™ logo on it (unbranded version: $1.69 on Amazon™), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stress test your gag reflex…

KARADA SAGASHI (aka MIDNIGHT SCHOOL) / Out now (VOD)

“A high school student and her friends are trapped in a time loop by a ghost and the only way to escape is to find the corpse of the ghost’s previous victim.”

Time loop detention for anyone unable to guess how this ends. 

SCREAM 6 / March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

“The four survivors of the Ghostface killings leave Woodsboro behind and start a fresh chapter in New York City.”

The fifth sequel that’s as pointless as the original 1996 movie. FYI: In 1989’s Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Voorhees also visited New York — he was in town with a few days to kill. (Okay, I totally took that from 1990’s Predator 2. You probably wouldn’t know that had I not confessed to my crime.) 

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER / Pending release 2023

“Based on a single chapter, the Captain’s Log, from Bram Stoker’s classic 1897 novel Dracula, the story is set aboard the Russian schooner, Demeter, which was chartered to carry private cargo – twenty four unmarked wooden crates — from Carpathia to London.”

Dracula was in one of those coffins, uh, I mean, crates. The rest of the old time-y suitcases contained his spring/summer evening capes, backup underwear and socks, toothpaste/shampoo/shaving gel, raisin snack packs for the long ocean journey, and hometown dirt. This is so Drac can start a garden once he reaches London. He’s got quite the green thumb for growing…blood oranges. Heh.

TABOO / Pending release 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“Three juvenile criminals, Charity, Charlotte and Michelle, are given one last chance at redemption. They’re sent on a team-building course in a forest with their youth worker, Miss White. While on the course, the group learns they are not alone. The situation goes from bad to worse, and their trip becomes a matter of life and death.”

No other details, so here’s an educated stab at it — their new camp counselor is either Bigfoot or some sort of poisonous moose. Makes sense if you let it.

Bigfoot: “I’m Ready For My Close-up…”

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , on October 24, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

As the world’s most recognizable and celebrated cryptid (claimed, but never proven to exist, which is total bullsh*t), Bigfoot tops the list as a bankable juggernaut, spawning countless books, toys, shirts, bumper stickers, hamburgers, candles, soap and, of course, movies.

There are one zillion movies of Bigfoot being everything from benevolent to malevolent. But no one wants to see the mythical monster be nice. So they turned him into a murder machine, going up against everything from campers and crooks, hippies to holiday mascots.

But where does one start wading into the cesspool of unflattering films about our fearsome fursome? Having seen many of these Bigfoot biographies, here’s a sampler to get you started…

MEGAFOOT (2014)

Part cyborg, part Bigfoot. (Should we start calling him Bionicfoot?) Throw in the pro-gun military and gleeful gut-ripping for wholesome family fun. As if it needs to be said, this could be the best version of Bigfoot ever.

BIGFOOT vs. KRAMPUS (2021)

Satan calls on the evil, reverse-Santa Krampus to cause Christmas calamity. Jesus is out of office, so Bigfoot steps up to save us all.

BIGFOOT vs. ZOMBIES (2016)

A scientist creates a science cocktail that turns everyone into flesh-digesting zombies. Rick Grimes is out of office, so Bigfoot steps up to save us all. 

BIGFOOT vs. D.B. COOPER (2014)

Thrill-seekers go deep in the Pacific Northwest woods to find the $200,000 in lost money infamous plane hijacker D.B. Cooper ransomed in 1971, then bailed out of a Boeing 727 with a parachute. He was never found. But they find Bigfoot, whose been seen flashing Benjamins at local watering holes. 

BIGFOOT WARS (2014)

Bigfoot has finally had his fill with hairless humans. A showdown throwdown pay-per-view will determine who wins the championship pelt.

BIGFOOT BLOOD TRAP (2017)

Entitled (i.e. smug, arrogant, overbearing, stupid) teens inherit hundreds of acres of land that could be used for much-needed strip malls. They go exploring with their cell phones and butt dial Bigfoot. They should have called 9-1-1.

DEAR GOD NO! (2011)

Hippie bikers find who’s hairier when they invade an anthropologist’s house and find out he has Bigfoot in the basement. Where else are you gonna keep him? It does not end well for the big leather dumbf*cks.

Cannibal Restaurants, Paranormal Paintings, Yiddish Vampires

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Vampires, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It’s October/Halloween and time to fire up the grill for some charred Jack-O-Lantern burgers, washed down with a few cauldrons of Witches Brew (aka, enchanted Budweiser™). And what a more seasonal way to do this is with Fire Pit Skull Logs by Hauntic™

The skull logs were a a big hit a few years back with the Internet crowd looking for a way to put more ’ween in their Hallow. Unlike your head, these skulls are made of ceramic soil non-toxic material, are 3.6” x 3.1” x 2.5”, and are gray in color. 

As Hauntic™ tells us, “Our skull logs withstand temperatures of up to 1,800°F and can be reused for years on end.” And hey, they’re doing a sale: buy one skull, get another free. Savvy consumers will want to get in on this insider trading; last year the skulls went for $60 each — right now they’re going for $29.00 for two, so that tabs out at a sweet $14.50 each/a’piece. (Limited deal: click HERE)

While you’re preparing to pay backyard tribute to the flame-faced Ghost Rider in your Weber Grill™, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not cremate your cranium… 

SOME LIKE IT RARE / October, 7, 2022 (VOD)

“Sophie and Vincent’s small butcher shop is on the brink of bankruptcy and their marriage is falling apart. Their lives are turned upside down when Vincent accidentally kills a vegan activist who vandalized their shop. Overwhelmed and terrified of being accused of murder, their only solution is to get rid of the body by turning it into ham. But to their surprise, the ham is so popular that it may save their business.”

Sounds like Sophie and Vincent found the Motel Hell (1980) cookbook.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER / October 7, 2022 (Paramount+)

“Young couple Harry and Ruth take a remote backpacking trip through the Pacific Northwest, but things take a dark turn when they realize they may not be alone.”

Remote backpacking in the Pacific Northwest (where I walk around but don’t backpack as that seems like work), you’re either gonna run into Bigfoot or a murder bear. After watching the trailer, though, Bigfoot/M. Bear might not be what’s going on here. A hint — you’re never alone with a schizophrenic. (Nod to Ian Hunter’s 1979 album by the same name.)

THE VISITOR / October 7, 2022 (VOD)

“When Robert and his wife Maia move to her childhood home, he discovers an old portrait of his likeness in the attic — a man referred to only as ‘The Visitor.’ Soon he finds himself descending down a frightening rabbit hole in an attempt to discover the true identity of his mysterious doppelgänger, only to realize that every family has its own terrifying secrets.”

It wasn’t a portrait — it was a mirror. Sorry to soil your rabbit hole.

BLOOD RELATIVES / November 22, 2022 (Shudder™)

“Francis, a 115-year-old Yiddish vampire, still looks 35. He’s been roaming American back roads in his beat-up muscle car for decades, keeping to himself, and liking it that way. One day Jane, a teenager, shows up. She says she’s his daughter, and has the fangs to prove it. They go on the road, deciding whether to sink their teeth into family life.”

Francis has bigger problems that suddenly finding out he has a daughter who needs braces. There’s the issue of 100 years of unpaid child support.

Vampire Shirts, Florida Bigfoot, Giant Chicks

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , on September 29, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Interview With The Vampire, based on the 1976 horror Goth literary bible by author Anne Rice, premiered November 1994. It had handsome, albeit emotionally turbulent vampires, frilly shirts, deep throating, and — get this — even MORE frilly shirts, MORE vampires and MORE deep throating. It’s like a frilly shirt with extra frills.

Now AMC has rebooted the immortal story into a series and its already been renewed for a second season — ahead of the first season’s debut on October 2, 2022. Unlike vampires, this doesn’t suck and means we’re likely in for one heck of a fang bang.

The original movie’s plot: “A vampire tells his epic life story of love, betrayal, loneliness, and hunger.” 

Boo-hoo. Why do Emo vampires always feel sorry for themselves? How about some cheese to go with that whine? Heck, vampires get to live forever, barring confrontations with churchifixes, medium-rare stakes and bothersome Vitamin D-enriched daylight. They can shape-shift (handy when your first choice restroom is occupied and your bladder is about to go Defcon #1), party all night and sleep all day, and never have to go to the dentist (vampires prefer overbites to braces).

While we’re trying to picture a vampire with Invisline™, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not have frilly shirts in ’em…

THE WILD MAN / September 30, 2022 (Digital)

“Young women have been going missing in Ochopee, FL without a single suspect in custody. Sara, a young journalist, convinces her crew to join her investigation as she travels to Ochopee to document her discoveries, but they soon realize their presence in town is not welcome. What they discover is a secret deeper than fairy tales and legends — it’s much darker and more sinister than bargained for.”

What could be darker and more sinister than naming your town ‘Ochopee’? Geez, how do you even pronounce it? I think I got the “pee” part right, though. I usually do.

MYSTERY SPOT / October 7, 2022 (Digital/VOD)

“A number of lost souls find refuge in a small motel in the middle of nowhere, its only distinguishing characteristic being the ruins of an old Mystery Spot — a long-dead roadside attraction with strange metaphysical powers. Everyone at the Mystery Spot will be affected by its unique properties, but only some will survive its reality-shattering implications.”

I should like to visit this Mystery Spot so as to be imbued with unique properties. The ones I currently have aren’t pulling their weight. Indestructible liver, my ass.

SPIRIT HALLOWEEN: THE MOVIE / October 11, 2022 (VOD)

“When a Spirit Halloween™ store opens in a deserted strip mall, three middle school friends who think they’ve outgrown trick or treating make a dare to spend the night locked inside the store Halloween night. But they soon find out that the store is haunted by an angry evil spirit who has possessed the creepy animatronic characters. The kids will need to embark on a thrilling and spooky adventure in order to survive the night and avoid becoming possessed themselves.”

So a Halloween movie about the real-life Halloween pop-up superstore with socially-arrogant kids locked in it. You might wanna ask permission from Chopping Mall (1986) if it’d be okay to steal their plot.

GIANTESS BATTLE ATTACK / October 2022 (Full Moon Features Channel/Amazon Prime Video)

“Beverly Wood is one of the biggest stars on social media. Millions of fans subscribe to her sexy cam shows and buy her products and it seems like everyone loves her. Everyone that is except her husband and Fuschia, the young upstart who secretly plots to bring Beverly down and take over her online empire forever!”

“But when Beverly’s latest — and untested — brand ‘Unholy Meat-rimony’ gives her some gargantuan side effects, she becomes an even BIGGER force to be reckoned with! Ballooning to beastly proportions, the now 50 foot tall influencer becomes super large, totally in charge and ready for revenge in this wacky comedy that’s positively bursting at the seams!”

Never understood why women who grow into giants (i.e., Attack of the 50-foot Woman/1958) have their clothes grow as well. It’s just not fair, dang it.

A Decade of Drinkin’

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gamera

Wednesday, June 9, 2010, 5:44 pm.

10 years ago to this day I started Drinkin’ & Drive-in, and began a decade long crawl through the gold-filled mud and muck of horror and sci-fi movies that’ve been my obsession since the Dawn of Mankind. And I say that without hyperbole. More or less.

Kaiju

The first blog written/posted was about one of my all-time fav monsters: Gamera, a Godzilla-sized turtle that could shoot flames out of his mouth AND ass. (I can do one or the other, but not both.) Outside of that, I really didn’t have a vision or goal with this blog, other than to blather on about horror movie stuff filled with mouth-twisting typos, 3rd grade grammatical errors and taking extreme liberties with the English language. (I tried Spanish but only managed to learn one word: “cerveza.” I picked the one word that has served me well.)

Gamera

I’ve really enjoyed e-barfing in public. It’s almost as fun as farting in church. On that note, I’d like to thank long-time readers of Drinkin’ & Drive-in and some awesomely funny comments you’ve left me. (“May the devil guide my poop…” — that still cracks me up, Jon from NC.)

Gamera

10 years is/was a good run. But now it’s time to say adiós amoebas. I’m off to pursue other life goals, like chasing parked cars, sponge diving in community swimming pools and collecting air. Future hobbies that will never generate any income includes putting out three e-books (already written), possibly another issue ManSplat magazine (been doing that longer than this blog, despite a 10 year absence), learning how to play the kazoo (man, those things are hard to tune), and generally doing loud stuff.

Dino Uber

So now I leave you with a final post — feel free to finish this sentence…

“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…”

Thank You

Kaiju Banners, Plagued Writers, Violent Violinist

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Continuing to geek out on the onslaught of Godzilla: King of the Monsters marketing, this time a series of banner posters, giving us an up close and personal look at the kaiju battle royale heading our way on May 31, 2019. Note: Rodan looks like my neighbor’s crack-addicted parrot.

In case you need a distraction from all this dizzying giant monster promo, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as entertaining as a crack-addicted parrot…

Alone

ALONE (2019)
“A writer seeking peace and solitude in the countryside in an attempt to recover from tragedy and finish her book. However, as the welcoming country house turns into a living hell, she soon realizes that her inner demons are not the worst of her problems.”

So is she being plagued by ghosts? Werewolves? Bigfoot? Raccoons? Oh, I know — an overused plot device!

The Sonata

THE SONATA (2019)
“Set in London and France, The Sonata centers on young virtuoso violinist. After the death of her estranged but famous composer father, Rose inherits the old mansion in which he lived. There, she discovers her father’s final work: a mysterious music score marked with strange symbols. With the help of Charles, her agent and manager, she deciphers the symbols and, little by little, starts to unlock secrets concerning her father’s past, setting in motion the mechanisms of a plan imagined on the day she was born.”

Spoiler: the deciphered symbols translate to: “Put the ukulele down, you hippie, and get a real job.”

Godzilla-Sized Godzilla, Demonizing Sex, Emo Witch

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Another key art poster for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, and it’s even more kick-ass than the ones before it. This one shows Godzilla squaring off with King Ghidorah while a state capitol no doubt full of screaming Republicans burns metaphorically beneath them. That sentence was as satisfying as a hot shower with limitless Mr. Bubble™.

Total Film

As I’ve gushed over and over, Godzilla: King of the Monsters arrives May 31, 2019. I have Alexa™ doing a countdown for me. To help me control my pee shivers is a cover story on the movie, courtesy of Total Film magazine, which hit the streets today (March 8, 2019). Clearly, I’ll need moist towelettes standing by while I read it.

King Ghidorah

While we wait to see these titans clash, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make Republicans scream…

Catskill Park

CATSKILL PARK (available now)
“Based on a real story, Catskill Park is a chilling tale about a camping trip that turns into a living nightmare when a blizzard traps four friends in 36 inches of sudden snow on Halloween night. A race for life ensues as they are hunted by horrific monsters, discovering a larger alien conspiracy with every terrifying stride.”

Horrific monsters, alien conspiracies and three-feet of soon-to-become-yellow danger snow? Sounds like Seattle during our snow apocalypse a few weeks ago.

Porno

PORNO (2019)
“When a group of naive teens working at a movie theater in a small Christian town discover a mysterious film hidden in its basement, they unleash an alluring succubus who gives them a sex education…written in blood.”

I really should check my basement for succubus infestation. For educational purposes. Ahem.

Tone-Deaf

TONE-DEAF (2019)
After losing her job and imploding her latest dysfunctional relationship, millennial Olive leaves the city for a weekend of peace in the country, only to discover the shockingly dark underbelly of rural America. She rents an eccentric, ornate country house from Harvey, an old-fashioned widower who’s struggling to hide his psychopathic tendencies. Soon two generations collide with terrifying results in this home invasion horror film that is also a darkly comedic critique of the bizarre cultural and political climate that currently exists.”

Harvey is holding back — I say put your psychopathic tendencies on the glass. To do otherwise would be unhealthy.

Daughter of Dismay

DAUGHTER OF DISMAY (2019)
Daughter of Dismay tells the surreal and mystical tale of an emotionally broken witch. She enters the darkness of the woods to fulfill her biggest desire, for which she takes extreme and radical measures that will have sinister consequences. Portrayed in elegant painting-like images, the film is an epic, moving and emotional trip through a world of witchcraft and occultism, leading to a heartbreaking and melancholic finale.”

So this moody witch goes into the woods to “fulfill her biggest desire.” That can only mean one thing: she found Bigfoot on Tinder™.