Space Plans, Evil Talk, Civil War Skinwalker

Had he not died in 1978, filmmaker Edward D. Wood, Jr. — who wrote, directed and produced what is universally called the “worst film in the history of cinema” — would’ve turned 100 years old this year. Ironically, that movie — Plan 9 From Outer Space (1957) — would outlast its critics and only add to Wood’s legacy as the movie is considered a treasured cult classic. And now, on the anniversary of Ed Wood’s birthday, Plan 9 From Outer Space is being novelized. Crossing fingers it has pictures and/or whimsical illustrations.

Here’s the plan: “Encyclopocalypse™ has announced that it will issue mass market and trade paperback editions, along with an e-book, of its Plan 9 From Outer Space novelization on October 10, 2024, which would have been Edward D. Wood Jr.’s 100th birthday. The adaptation of Wood’s famous/infamous sci-fi/horror cheapie featuring Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, Vampira, paper-plate flying saucers and more was written by Bret Nelson, who reveals such shocking facts as a real-life scientific explanation of Solaronite, all Plan 9 plot holes patched with meticulously crafted connective tissue, and…THE OTHER PLANS!”

A thorough investigation on my part (clicking the mouse) reveals that Plan 9 From Outer Space: The Novelization will sell for a reasonable $12.00, while the movie can be rented on Vudu.com™ for a wallet-stopping $2.00 (Or you can buy it for $4.99). U.S. preorders for the print editions and international pre-orders for the e-book are available now at Encyclopocalypse’s™ website (click here). International preorders for the paperbacks will be available soon at assorted on-line booksellers.

So while we contemplate the social implications of a Plan 10 From Outer Space, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be front-runners for the worst film in the history of cinema…

LUMBERJACK THE MONSTER / Out now Japan / Release pending 2024 (Netflix™)

“Akira Ninomiya is a remorseless lawyer who doesn’t hesitate to eliminate anyone standing in his way. One night he is brutally attacked by an assailant wearing a monster mask. Although he miraculously survives the assault, Ninomiya becomes fixated on finding the attacker and getting revenge. Meanwhile, a series of gruesome murders occur where the victims are found with their brains removed from their bodies. While police conduct an intensive investigation, Ninomiya seeks revenge against the assaulter. Who will uncover the truth first?”

This one’s from Takashi Miike, the guy who did Audition (1999), Ichi the Killer (2001), Gozu (2003), and the Dead or Alive trilogy. More fun facts: Miike has directed over 100 movies and also plays as an actor in 20+ more. His signature film style? Extreme graphic violence. Those are important ingredients when making quality movies.

SPEAK NO EVIL / September 13, 2024 (Theaters)

American couple Louise and Ben Dalton, along with their 11 year-old daughter Agnes, accept the weekend-holiday invitation of Paddy, his wife Ciara and their furtive, mute son Ant. What begins as a dream holiday soon warps into a snarled psychological nightmare.”

This is a remake of the 2022 Danish horror hit, Speak No Evil. And get this — it has the same title! What are the stinkin’ odds?

DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY / Release pending 2024 (Netflix™)

“After visiting a crime scene, an ambitious and insensitive tabloid crime photographer falls victim to a mysterious illness that makes him lose his five senses one by one.”

And those five senses would be Nonsense, Commonsense, Horse Sense, Incense, and Frankincense. Fun fact: There is a sixth sense, one where you can see ghosts. They should make a movie out of that.

A TOWN CALLED PURGATORY / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“In the haunting aftermath of the Civil War, principled Yankee lawman Beau Riffen joins forces with Cody Parnum, a tormented ex-Confederate tracker. Their quest to apprehend notorious train robbers leads them to Purgatory, a town eerily deserted. Amidst the silence, they cross paths with a lone trapper and a prisoner harboring secrets who whispers of an ancient menace. As the shadows of Purgatory tighten, an impending confrontation with Yee Naaldlooshii — The Skinwalker — beckons, testing bonds of trust and humanity in their gripping fight for survival.”

Not to be confused with 1999’s Purgatory, also set back in the dusty western days. In that one an outlaw band rides into a town that is actually Purgatory, a place between Heaven and Hell. The bible might call it Purgatory, but I call it the Tug Tavern.