Archive for Civil War

Goth Threads, Bloodthirsty Lawnmower, Ghost Barge

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gold brocade laced pants? Black jacquard waistcoat? Sapphire waist cincer corset? The fashion monster inside me wants out of its cage, all because I clicked on DraculaClothing.com. This clothing site, for all who live in the Darkness (or a drafty 450 ft one-bedroom apartment with insensitive neighbors), is one-stop shopping for vampire, Goth, and steampunk suits, dresses, coats, ties, jewelry, accessories, corsets, and more.

Located in the Czech Republic, Dracula Clothing’s elegantly evil fashions will unleash your inner cosplay or further define your style esthetic, all at extremely affordable prices. (Under $200 dollars, or “Romanian Lei.”) And hey, free worldwide shipping. Minunat!

Who wouldn’t want to go to a snooty masquerade ball dressed to kill in a black brocade long vest with matching velvet officer pants, an onyx tie and a rhinestone skull necklace while you hover around the buffet table, looking to bite the necks of chilled shrimp appetizers? Now THAT would be freakin’ dernier cri!

While we go to DraculaClothing.com for a neck-to-nut, creature of the night wardrobe upgrade, here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be stylish in the day OR night…

BLADES IN THE DARKNESS / Out now (VOD
“Tirana 1997. The chaos left by the fall of Communism has opened the doors to a bloody civil war. Matia, just a teenager, is harassed by his playmates. In an attempt to escape, he hides inside an abandoned bunker. In that spooky building, Matia will be the first to discover something scary and unthinkable that will change his whole life…a bloodthirsty horror armed with deadly blades.”

Sounds like my lawnmower has been moonlighting

MASK OF THE DEVIL / Out now (VOD)

“An intern in a porn movie production battles against the evil powers inhabiting an ancient tribal mask.”

I would very much like to be an intern on a porn movie production. Heck, I’ll pay them to hire me. Please. Don’t make me beg.

TERROR TALK / Out Now (Tubi™)

“When a virus outbreak causes widespread panic, a doomsday prepper retreats into his new house, believing that he’s safe from the dangers outside. He soon discovers his house is haunted by terrifying ghosts.”

Tough call — germs outside, ghosts inside. But it boils down to this: germs will make you a ghost, whereas ghosts can’t transmit germs. So yeah, new roommates. Problem solved. 

THE HAUNTING OF LADY-JANE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

The peaceful waterways of the English countryside are plagued by legends of Ràn — a water spirit who collects the bodies of sinful people along the river. After a disturbing incident left Lily emotionally scarred and estranged from her parents she decides to begin her life again. Now a socially aware writer on female empowerment, she decides to tour the country with Zara, whose journey of self-identity has led her to fully explore life. Lily met Zara through her blog, they decided to become travel companions. They see a chance to travel on a barge the Lady-Jane on the English canals. The journey upriver becomes increasingly bizarre and dangerous when canal ghosts surfaces, and the spirit known as Ràn torments them on their journey.

You know how to torment that super mean Ràn fellow? Pee and/or urinate over the side of the barge into the canal, or “British lap pool.”

Amityville Overdose, Slenderman Diet, Human Popsicles

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Amityville Horror: A True Story

Just when you think they couldn’t milk one more drop out of the Amityville Horror movie franchise cow, now word comes down the udder that 1974, a movie based on the true murders that happened in the infamous Amityville house, is going into production in September, 2017. This will be the 20th such Amytiville movie since 1979. That’s about 19 too many. (By comparison, the Friday the 13th series steps up to the empty plate with a mere 12 titles. In your hockey mask, Jason — ha!)

From the Internet: “On November 13, 1974, Ronald DeFeo, Jr. shot and killed six members of his family at 112 Ocean Avenue, a large Dutch Colonial house situated in a suburban neighborhood in Amityville, on the south shore of Long Island, NY. He was convicted of second-degree murder in November 1975. In December 1975, George and Kathy Lutz and their three children moved into the house. After 28 days, the Lutzes left the house, claiming to have been terrorized by paranormal phenomena while living there.”

This, of course, was the basis for the first movie. And a good one it was, providing neat jump moments, scary this and thats, a flying pig with glowing eyes (better than it sounds), and a bunch of flies forming a halo around a preachy preacher. (A nod to Alice Cooper on that one.)

So why do we need YET ANOTHER Amityville horror movie? Because apparently there’s a significant number of you out there that weren’t even born when the movie first came out. How is that even possible? Suggestion: If you know how to read, try the Jay Anson book (The Amityville Horror: A True Story/1979) of the horrific account first, though. Bonus: you won’t have to plug it in.

Speaking of things you won’t be able to swipe to the left, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth the flick of the wrist…

Witch's Doll

WITCH’S DOLL (2017)
“Ambitious young true crime writer Adeline Gray travels to a remote English village to unravel the mystery behind a family’s murder. While investigating the prime suspect’s now derelict ‘Manor in the woods’, she notices a creepy life-size Victorian doll is following her from room-to-room. After a series of terrifying and inexplicable events, she believes the doll is carrying a hateful spirit wanting to be left alone. Desperate for a career defining story, Adeline’s persistent search for answers soon puts her too at the mercy of the Witch’s Doll.”

Yep, a complete and utter RIP-OFF of Annabelle, the evil doll from The Conjuring/Annabelle: Creation RIP-OFFS. And it should come as no surprise this comes from The Asylum, who have made a thriving career out of RIPPING OFF other people’s intellectual property. Feeling RIPPED OFF? You should.

Realive

REALIVE (October 3, 2017)
“Marc experiences a terrible shock when, at just 32, he is diagnosed with a disease and is given one year to live, at best. Unable to accept his death, he decides to freeze his body before the disease can impair it. Sixty years later, an institution called Prodigy Health Corporation manages to revive him. Although his return to life comes with many medical complications, his body clings to life. It’s the soul that is harder to heal.”

I’m soulless, so bringing me back from a frozen stasis to remove that pesky purple thing on my neck isn’t an argument. And the whole “human snow cone” thing should fall under my discount medical coverage. It better.

Slenderman

SLENDERMAN (Friday, May 18, 2018)
“A tall, thin horrifying figure with unnaturally long arms and a featureless face, is reputed to be responsible for the haunting and disappearance of countless children and teens.”

Getting rid of kids and teens? Gotta say — I’m already liking this man of slender. If this catches on, what do you bet they’ll come out with the Slenderman Diet program?

Tabbot's Traveling Carnivale of Terror

TABBOT’S TRAVELING CARNIVALE OF TERRORS (October 31 2018)
“This traveling carnival, a well-oiled machine of malignant deception moving into its third generation of grinding up choice guests and spitting them out, runs according to its own twisted family plan. Each Tabbott plays their part: Papa, the ringleader and ringmaster; Mama, the fat witch on her throne; the children: Bobbie, a seductively cunning fortune teller; Buck, the temperamental werewolf; Elijah, a silent scarecrow; and their darling Emma, the ghostly child you’d do well not to ignore.”

Sounds like they’re descendants of 1964’s 2000 Maniacs. In that gruesomely brutal (yet still kinda funny) one, people were lured into a small Deep South town for a Centennial celebration where the residents graphically killed them into picnic-sized portions. Had something to do with revenge, the Civil War and the people who just can’t seem to let the loss go.

Confederate Cannibals

Posted in Classic Horror, Misc. Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams

2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams (2010) is a remake of the 1964 splatter classic, Two Thousand Maniacs! and sequel to 2001 Maniacs (2005), in which tourists/travelers are re-routed to the small town of Pleasant Valley, where they are tortured, sliced, diced and put on ice by the locals paying tribute 2001 Confederate rebel-rousers who were slaughtered 150 years ago during the aptly-named Civil War.

2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams

Business hasn’t been good for Pleasant Valley as of late, so they take their Guts ’n Glory Jamboree on the road. Just a lucky break to run into a bus load of ingratiating douche bags filming the reality series, Road Rascals. If there was anyone who deserved to pointy end of a meat cleaver, it’s these annoying a**wipes.

2001 Maniacs: Filed of Screams

The gore is disappointing at best, given its heritage; I’ve seen more blood at hockey matches. The cannibal scene leaves you wanting seconds and the kid who gets impaled on an iron pole, still manages to get up and walk around. Yeah, this is supposed to be a horror comedy, and while there are a few funny bits (sex with sheep — a knee slapper every time), the dialogue, more painful than the deaths themselves.

2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams

Lots of boobies and faux sex scenes, one of which is an old granny being ridden like a hobby horse. To that I say ick. Horror icon Bill Moseley as Pleasant Valley’s Mayor Buckman, is in fine hammy form, though his Southern accent sounds a bit too Northern. If you’re looking for blood, there’s a splatter here, a splatter there. If you’re looking for hard-core gore, you’ll have to go back to 1964 to find it.