Mutant Made Music, Squirmy Religion, King Dong

As of this digital upchucking, the Australian post-apocalyptic action adventure film Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga just arrived in theaters on May 24, 2024. (I haven’t seen it yet as I usually wait for the crowds to get off my lawn.) But thanks to MadeByMutant.com™, I can get its soundtrack on color vinyl and photo-adorned album sleeves featuring the main characters: Thor (post-Avengers/Ragnarok), that skinny chick from The Witch (2015) and The Immortan Joe, the character of the guy who played Toe Cutter in the original Mad Max movie way back in future of 1979. He seems nice.

Scored by Tom Holkenborg, composer/long-time collaborator with Mad Max creator George Miller, MadeByMutant.com™ describes the soundtrack as “some of the most unique and powerful film music of the last decade. With Furiosa, Holkenborg takes the sonic landscape and shifts into higher gear with the loudest revving-engine of a score you’ve ever heard, absolutely pulsating with ferocity and white-knuckle tension.” I’ll say — with track titles like “You’re Scum”, “The Bullet Farm” and “The Darkest of Gods”, this ain’t no Taylor Swift party-mix.

Here’s what goes down in Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (the fifth installment): “As the world fell, Furiosa is snatched from the Green Place of Many Mothers and falls into the hands of a great Biker Horde led by the Warlord Dementus. Sweeping through the Wasteland, they come across the Citadel presided over by The Immortan Joe. While the two Tyrants war for dominance, Furiosa must survive many trials as she puts together the means to find her way home.” In Mad Max, they fought over gasoline. Now they’re fighting over a girl. The future ain’t what it used to be.

So while we all grab this 140 gram exclusive color vinyl in slick tri-fold packaging for $45 (click this), here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not have soundtrack music as catchy as “You’re Scum”…

SQUIRM / Out now (VOD)

“A Catholic priest in a small town village is beginning to tire of receiving the local villagers tedious confessions when a sudden death shakes the seaside community, things spin out of control.”

Not to be confused with the 1976 horror movie of the same name. That one had worms in it. A LOT of worms. I hope this one has worms in it. Doesn’t need to be a lot. A handful or two would be nice.

ERECTING A MONSTER 3: THE RESERECTION / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Victor is living with the trauma of the past while trying to move forward. He decides to transition into a woman but cannot get the necessary surgery because she does not have the skin of the penis to be shaped into a vagina. Her friend reminds her that her schlong is buried nearby, and they can dig it up in order to do the surgery. They dig it up and accidentally resurrect it. Now the dong is going around eating people and growing. They must once again stop it before it grows to gigantic proportions.”

There is literally nothing I could add to this that would make it any better than it already is.

BITCHES GIVING STITCHES / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

Three unassuming ladies are heading to a party on Halloween night when they are suddenly apprehended by a mysterious cult and dragged into their lair. In the cult’s eerie underground chamber it’s revealed that one of their boyfriends has made a sinister deal with the Devil. Faced with imminent danger, the girls must summon all their courage to brave the cult’s dark threats. But in a chilling turn of events, the cult discovers that sometimes dangerous things come in the most unlikely of packages.”

Guess whose boyfriend is not getting laid tonight?

MARTIAN GIRL MASSACRE / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Four 20-somethings travel to an Airbnb™ for a quick getaway. What they don’t expect is a strange creature to be roaming the backyard and turning one of them into a vicious killer.”

I’ve stayed in Airbnb™ places before and never once encountered a strange creature roaming the backyard. I want my money back.