Celebrating Aliens, Two-Timing Exorcist, Dating Mermaids

Today, April 26, is Alien Day, in celebration of one of sci-fi’s all time greatest movies (and some other stuff). This year also marks the 45th anniversary of Alien, which was released May 25, 1979 and September 6, 1979 in the United Kingdom. The reason it took four months later to introduce Alien to the Brits was that it was deemed too horrifying by the United Kingdom Parliament, citing it would scare the fish ‘n chips right out of their arses. (I got this info from a guy with a fake British accent on the bus.)

Facts about Alien Day I totally copied off the Internet: “Alien Day is a widely acclaimed holiday sponsored by the film production company, 20th Century Fox™. It was first celebrated in 2015 as an unofficial holiday in Brooklyn, New York, by a group of folks who aimed to glorify the world of science fiction. In 2016, it became even more organized and recognized as trivia competitions, comic books, Alien video games, clothes, and collectible prizes became parts of events marking its celebration.”

Horror merch companies like Fright Rags™ and Cavity Colors™ have issued limited edition Alien shirts and hoodies, with Fright Rags™ offering a one-day (today) only preorder of Alien survivor/hottie, Ripley’s cat, Jonesy, who everybody thought had an alien inside of it when they went into stasis (science nap) after blowing the stowaway Alien out of the shuttle into space, where apparently no one can hear you scream.

So while we all celebrate Alien Day by day drinking and then taking a long science nap, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not scare the fish ‘n chips out of your arse…

THE EXORCISM / June 7, 2024 (Theaters)

“A troubled actor begins to unravel while shooting a supernatural horror film. His estranged daughter wonders if he’s slipping back into his past addictions or if there’s something more sinister at play.”

This one stars Russell Crowe. I see your red flag — and I raise ’em. Crowe JUST stared in The Pope’s Exorcist (2023). And now he has ANOTHER exorcism movie coming out? While this is not a sequel (production started on this one in 2019, whereas production began on The Pope’s Exorcist in 2020), Crowe’s at risk of becoming typecast and won’t get any other roles. Just ask Superman’s George Reeves. You fly, they’ll buy.

THE LITTLE MERMAID / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Dr. Eric Prince, an archaeologist, makes a dramatic discovery on a small Caribbean island — proof of an ancient, advanced prehistoric society. While his dig is in progress, he meets the mysterious and beautiful Aurora Bey and falls in love. Her arrival coincides with several mermaid sightings and strange disappearances. When Eric’s friend and mentor, Dr. Ashley, arrives on the island, Ashley uncovers the true identity of Aurora and the dangers of the hidden evil inside Eric’s dig site. Will Eric heed his friend’s advice, or will he be blinded by love and the power of the siren, allowing the world to fall to the forces of evil?”

Sounds like the horror version of Splash (1984). Event with the inherent danger, I’m intrigued with the idea of dating a mermaid. We could get some sushi, maybe stop by the aquarium, or go to the beach to see seas shells by the seashore. What could possibly go wrong?

PIGLET / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Deep in the remote Appalachian hills lives Piglet. The son of a once industrious butcher and marred by tragedy, Piglet’s solitary life is shattered when fame-hungry millennials trespass onto his land. They hope to capture paranormal activity on their struggling YouTube™ channel. In a foolish bid to manufacture exploitation, one of them slaughters Piglet’s beloved pig. Little do they know they’ve just incurred the wrath of a vengeful killer. Incensed, Piglet brutally dispatches the trespassers one by one, displaying savage power.”

Piglet, is of course the best friend of the tragically-named Winnie-the-Pooh. In the kid’s books, Piglet’s favorite food is acorns. In this movie, it sounds like his palate leans more towards bloody flesh. Maybe acorns as a pairing.

AIR FRYER SLAUGHTER / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Everyone loves them, has one or wants one — until they start killing and eating your flesh.”

Slaughter I get. But why would anyone want to fry air?