Mythical Pumpkins, Druggie Vampires, Haunted Pee

As a youngster driven to extreme behavioral problems due to being jacked on pancreas-straining amounts of Halloween candy, the OTHER thing I used to look forward to every October was watching the seasonally annual It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! cartoon special. It was about the Peanuts™ gang celebrating Halloween while the elusive cryptid Great Pumpkin lurks in the pumpkin patch, waiting to eat the brains of the kids who don’t believe in him, leaving a strewn trail of guts and gore like parade confetti. While that actual plot might differ, that’s how I remember it.

With that, Funko Pop™ has come out with several It’s A Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown rubber figures: Linus (the Believer) and Snoopy, the ADHD Beagle and his hippie bird pal, Woodstock. From Funko’s™ product description: “Enjoy a holiday classic with Snoopy and Woodstock. This adorable duo is ready to celebrate Halloween in your It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown lineup figures. The figures measure approximately 5 1/2” tall and comes packaged in a window display box.” The Linus with pumpkin figure sells for $12 and the Snoopy and Woodstock with pumpkin fetches a staggering $25. They’re due out in July and you can preoder ’em if you would just click this.

So while we indulge in some extreme behavior while waiting for these toys to arrive, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not get you as jacked as Halloween candy…

VAMPIRAS: THE BRIDES / Out now (VOD/DVD)

“Dracula’s brides must reunite to stop a threats from their past, their sister Mina. With the help of a powerful cartel leader and an army of drug lords under her command, Mina throws Los Angeles into utter chaos, raging for blood.”

Just say no to drugs — and vampires. But mostly drugs.

SNAKEEATER / Out now (VOD)

“An unstable private investigator suddenly awakens on a subway train to find himself plunging deeper and deeper into a nightmare that may very well be of his own making.”

Sounds like he got on the train that only goes to the Tug Tavern. That’s how I usually get there.

CAMPFIRE: DEAD BY DAWN / Out now (VOD)

“Near the woods of Portland, six friends embark on a camping trip on Father’s Day. As they tell campfire stories at night, one story becomes true when the previously fictional unknown killer author who wants to become a famous writer becomes real and tries to kill off the campers within the dark woods and create the best horror crime, murder by doing so.”

He should’ve killed off the idea for this tediously cliched plot/movie title.

A COLD GRAVE / Out now (VOD)

“A chilling silence follows a girl’s disappearance in a haunted forest. Prompting her brother to brave the dark woods, he unveils the secrets that lurk beneath, and a chilling mystery awaits.”

We have a haunted forest here in Washington, called succinctly, Haunted Forest of Maple Valley, which is 25 miles from where I happen to be couch-surfing. It’s a Halloween attraction with a boast that “Our specialties include making grown men cry and sometimes even pee their pants!” I’ve been to the Haunted Forest of Maple Valley and that checks out.