The Scare of Scarecrows, Peaks of Twin, The Fiction of Science

Happened across an article on the conservation.com that explored how the search for mythical monsters can help conversation in the real world. [click HERE]

Seems to me the article was written in reverse. But I digress. The news piece goes on to say that “since 1993, more than 400 new mammals have been identified, many in areas undergoing rapid habitat destruction. The number of undescribed beetles, for example, or flies, let alone microscopic organisms, will be huge.”

So by looking for Bigfoot, you might actually find an entirely undiscovered species, kinda like what is growing in moldy refrigerators and/or public sleeping bags.

Speaking of hopefully finding something new and interesting that could eat your flesh and/or cure elbow herpes, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not tweak yer pique…

THE CROPSEY INCIDENT (available now/VOD)
“Activists venture deep into the woods to investigate gruesome ritual murders. They come face to face with something far more deadly than any serial killer.”

We first heard of groundskeeper Cropsey back in The Burning/1981 after he was BBQ’d during a summer camp prank gone oops. He came out of it a bit on the well done side, but made sure those kids with matches and gasoline weren’t coming back the following — or any — year. Then we got a reintroduction to Cropsey in 2010 after a self-titled “documentary” was released, detailing “two filmmakers investigate the disappearance of five children and the real bogeyman linked to them.” Now Cropsey is back, this time looking like a an oily scarecrow and doing to people what serial killers are paid to do. Wish they’d give him a name that doesn’t sound like a discount haircut, though.

THE VALLEY (available now/Shudder/SVOD)
This supernatural German series begins with the Twin Peaks-ian discovery of a tiara-crowned teen corpse. But there’s a twist: Sophia’s not dead…yet. When she does meet her maker, the amnesiac who found her body realizes he must figure out who killed her in order to unlock his own identity. But solving these mysteries won’t be easy. This valley is filled with secrets, plus a ghost girl, a snail-loving psychic and a bogeyman who lurks in the shadows.

They had me at snail-loving psychic. These foreign, horror mini series on Shudder™ are pretty good, the French made The Returned (2015) being a standout. This one is on every Thursday, but let ‘em pile up so as to binge watch and not have to lose track of the storyline, which is always in subtitles and/or foreign beer speak not as yet mastered by said uneducated slapping bologna flapper.

ANTI MATTER (September 8, 2017/VOD)
“Ana, an Oxford Ph.D. student finds herself unable to build new memories following an experiment to generate and travel through a wormhole. The story follows her increasingly desperate efforts to understand what happened and to find out who — or what — is behind the rising horror in her life.”

I’ve always wanted to travel through a wormhole. Think of the scientific possibilities — you could be watching a horror movie, hit pause, jump in the wormhole that leads to a 7-Eleven™ on the other side of the galaxy, grab a sixer, and be back in time to crack an icy space beer and continue on with your TV viewing experience, all without having to fire up the ’ol Chitttychittybangbang.

BLOOD HONEY (2017)
“Jenibel Heath returns to her family’s secluded island lodge to help her siblings care for their dying father, 10 years after the mysterious suicide of her mother. Set to inherit the bulk of the family’s estate, Jenibel learns of a horrific plot against her and finds herself stuck in a life-threatening nightmare, where she must struggle to survive.”

Red flags go up when they change the movie title, the first being The Hive and now to the admittedly better Blood Honey. As for the plot against Jenibel as she’s set to inherit the bulk of the family’s estate, when doesn’t that happen between siblings? Heck, I’m planning my takeover strategy as we speak.