Archive for galaxy

El Chupacabra vs. The Law

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Guns of El Chupacabra

Jack B. Quick is a space sheriff, whose job on Earth, is to eliminate that pesky sucker of goats, the legendary Chupacabra. He’ll have his Jack hands full; this Chupacabra is six-feet tall, looks like a cross between a seafood platter entree and Japanese pro wrestler, and is actually the presumably housebroken pet of Lord Invader.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Sent by the Queen Bee and King Allmedia (are you groaning out loud yet?), Jack has to be Quick around the Chupacabra in order to not get his goat blood sucked or admonished by the Queen, whose shirt stuffers are metaphorically the size of orbiting planets.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Jack chases Chupacabra around in his spacecraft, an early model Plymouth. To assist in his quest, he packs a shotgun (easily purchased throughout the galaxy). He also has to slap Lord Invader upside the head for letting his pet go outside his interstellar front yard. And if all of this doesn’t leave you gasping for logic, rocket ranger Dan Danger (now would be another good time to groan audibly) shows up to verbally walk us through this land mine-ridden story line. If Jack B. Quick succeeds, he’ll be knighted. If not, food stamps.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Working on a budget so low, the actors themselves paid for it (in more ways than one). Guns of El Chupacabra (1997) is a sci-fi comedy with a half-decent monster costume, wincing dialogue/references, and Julie Strain, who I would pay to just see stand there for 90 or so minutes.

Power Women, Wormholes, Babysitting the Devil

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Year of the Woman

Whilst watching the recent Critics Choice Awards on the ‘ol viewing box (once again, I failed to make it into any category), it was refreshing to see the continued and passionate support of the #TimesUp movement, and to see those who did win awards, not squander their prime time speeches on themselves/politics/UFOs, and kept echoing the point of gender inequality. This was the best part of the show.

Year of the Woman

Kumail Nanjiani, the voice of Prismo on Adventure Time (one of the most imaginative, non-alcohol-fueled cartoon series out there), had this to say during his acceptance speech for The Big Sick/Best Comedy: “I think as men, we have been talking for centuries. It’s time for us to shut up, listen, and amplify.”

year of the Woman

In the spirit of that, and given that 2018 is clearly the Year of the Woman, I hereby lend my support and nominate as movement ambassador, Ellen Ripley from Alien (1979) and for being a take-charge role model and a kick buttock lady who kicks xenomorph buttock all over the galaxy. (Other personal candidates are Diana Prince (Wonder Woman), Natalia Romanova/Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow from Avengers/2012), Melinda May (Marvel’s Agents of Shield) and Princess Bubblegum (Adventure Time).

While everyone waits on you to chime in (and please do) with your candidates for Woman/Women of the Year (and every year), here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may do better with Ripley/Princess Bubblegum in the lead…

The Beyond

THE BEYOND (available now)
“Set in 2019, The Beyond chronicles the groundbreaking mission which sent astronauts — modified with advanced robotics — through a newly discovered wormhole known as the Void. When the mission returns unexpectedly, the space agency races to discover what the astronauts encountered on their first of its kind interstellar space journey.”

It’d be cool to go into space with an advanced robot. Think of all the cool slot-machine beating tips it could teach you. As wormholes go, the ones in my neighborhood could be called the Void. But I prefer their Earth names: The Poggie Tavern, The Tug Tavern, The Maha… (I could keep going into the Void if you want.)

A Demon Within

A DEMON WITHIN (available now)
“A young girl dies in 1914 after a demonic spirit preys on her family. Decades later, a skeptical doctor must stop history from repeating itself by confronting his own demons to save the life of a possessed teenager.”

Seems like everyone is getting possessed these days. Used to be everyone wanted to get married. (If you wanna know what Hell on Earth is, put a ring on it.)

House of Salem

HOUSE OF SALEM (January 23, 2018)
“A group of kidnappers become a child’s unlikely protectors after discovering they have unwittingly been set up to take part in a satanic ritual. As they begin to uncover the truth of the house they find themselves trapped, they must battle demonic forces and uncover a legacy of over a hundred years of murder in the name of the Devil.”

So criminals have to become babysitters? This sounds like a rom-com. Throw in the Devil and madcap situations ensue with hilarious results.


WASTELANDER (January 23, 2018)
“In a post-apocalyptic landscape, an ex-soldier wanders in search of his lost home and family. Along the way, he joins a makeshift group of survivors who convince him to lead them through the wasteland. But when a band of pillaging raiders comes after them, they must fight to survive in this cruel dystopia.”

Wonder why they always frame the future as the Earth having been Napoleon Blown Apart? My vision of the many days after tomorrow include jet-packs, pleasure-bots and self-washing hair.

Super Cars, Rocket Scientists, Evil Elves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Justice League

More key art designs for the upcoming Justice League movie (November 17, 2017), this time side profile mug shots of everybody except Superman. I guess they don’t want to give away the fact that Super Dude is coming back from the dead for this one. (He died at the end of 2016’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice after tripping on his cape and falling in front of a more powerful locomotive. Tragic.)

Justice LeagueAs expected, the first wave of cross merchandising in advance of the highly anticipated Justice League movie starring Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash and Cyborg rolls in with action figures and, quite neato, Hot Wheels™ character die-cast cars. (Crossing fingers for Justice League tissue holders.)

Justice League

While the first series of Justice League cars came out in 2012 for $20.00, the new JL Hot Wheels™ cars (releasing November 1, 2017) are the same price, but are cooler. For instance, the Batman car uses echo location instead of GPS. The Superman car is immune to fender benders. The Aquaman car runs on clam nectar. The Flash car comes with its own speeding tickets. The Cyborg car’s real name is KITT (If you’re old enough, you’ll get that joke.) And if you try and look under the hood of the Wonder Woman car, you get a slap on the face.

Justice League

While we wait for these affordable choking hazards, here are a few horror/sci-fi movies and documentaries that don’t even have their logos on lunch boxes…

Chasing Flying Saucers: The Stanton Friedman Story

“Are flying saucers real? For the past 40 years, Stanton Friedman has been the world’s foremost investigator and lecturer on the UFO phenomenon. He is credited with breaking the famous Roswell UFO case and is a leading expert on the procurement of government UFO documents. This is his story.”

Stanton Friedman’s been my go-to UFO guy for years. For one thing, he’s a former rocket scientist (but makes more bling on the fringe speaking circuit). Secondly, the guy seriously does his research and comes to the table with a stacked deck of facts, the first being that UFOs are real and that we’ve been Air BnB’d by extraterrestrials. Friedman should know; he’s the guy who pulled the pants down on that whole Roswell conspiracy. This isn’t a movie, but anyone wanting to make a UFO flick should watch this. And those who already have made UFO movies, watch Chasing Flying Saucers and go back and re-do everything from scratch.

Beyond The Trek

BEYOND THE TREK (available now)
“A deep space mining vessel has been adrift for two years. It is suspected the crew brutally killed each other, but the reason for the bloodbath is unknown. A rescue crew is sent to find if there are any survivors, what happened and why, but what they discover might make them destroy themselves and the world.”

A Wal-Mart™ version of Star Trek Beyond (2016). So much so, they even patterned their characters after our favorite team of galaxy exploring/laser shooting pioneers — Space Bonanza.

Buckout Road

BUCKOUT ROAD (October 7, 2017/International Black Film Festival)
Buckout Road might be known as the most haunted road in New York State, but nobody really believed it…until now. A college class project on modern mythology turns deadly when a trio of students discovers a series of horrific urban legends surrounding Buckout Road may actually be true. The deeper they dig into the road’s dark, mysterious history, the more dangerous their quest becomes. From witches burning at the stake, to backwoods albino killers, to a modern, unstoppable stalker.”

Gotta be careful with saying this title at box socials, just like “Shiitake” mushrooms and “shih tzu” dogs. (I’m still trying to live down “coccyx”.) As for a “modern, unstoppable stalker, what does that mean — someone who relentlessly follows you around all the time? If that’s the case, then my mailman qualifies.

The Elf

THE ELF (November 7, 2017 (VOD)/December 5, 2017 (DVD)
“Nick is haunted by night terrors stemming from a tragic murder he saw when he was young. After inheriting an old toy shop, Nick discovers a cursed elf doll sealed inside an ancient chest with a naughty list of his family’s names written on it. He soon discovers that the elf was an evil conduit meant to unleash a supernatural killing spree during the Christmas holidays by whoever set it free.”

Christmas horror certainly isn’t in short supply this season, what with Better Watch Out and Red Christmas leading the charge. Last year was pretty good, too, as Krampus (the anti-Santa) was unwrapping skin left and right. And in A Christmas Horror Story (2015), the elves were zombies. I deem that cool. Thought this might be the year of rabid reindeer, but I’ll just have to put that one on my Christmas list for next year.

Extended Superheroes, Enlarged Chests, Shortened Life Spans

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Superman: The Movie

If you were alive back in February of 1982, you got to see Superman: The Movie (1978) play out on ABC over two nights — with an extra 40 minutes (!), previously edited out, completely restored.

If you weren’t alive back in 1982, you’ll get a chance to see all that additional footage — which includes longer looks at Krypton before its destruction, more time in Smallville, even more of John Williams’ iconic soundtrack, and more of Christopher Reeves in action as the Man of Steel — when it gets released on Blu-Ray. When, you ask? Dunno. Sources indicate before the end of 2017, but it could very well be 2018, the year that follows this one,

So 188 minutes of Superman. That’s pretty dang neato. And you can bet your red kryptonite the Blu-Ray will include lots of extras, like commentaries and cape cleaning tips. Until it arrives, you can while away your time on these upcoming/just released horror and sci-fi movies…

Space Boobs In Space

Exmin the Valkyrie returns from a deadly mission to find her bounty contains a bizarre program of glittery aliens, a fashion forward swamp monster, a vampire girl gang, and cheesy special effects from the most ridiculous corners of the galaxy.”

There is not one part of Space Boobs In Space’s press release I didn’t like. And I’m dying to find out what a “fashion forward swamp monster” is. Sounds like one of those last call gals at West Seattle Bowl.


LIFERAFT (available now)
“After their boat mysteriously sinks, a group of friends, with no supplies and strange happenings, try to trust each other long enough to survive.”

This one might’ve come out in 2016, but I just found it now, so no party foul on my part. As for the plight of the screaming floatables, this certainly borrows from The Reef (2010). In that one a boat reverse floats and everybody in the water becomes a fresh sheet item on a circling great white shark’s dinner menu. Don’t know if there’s a shark in Liferaft, though. Be cool if there was as the plot seems watered down. Ahem. P.S. I thought Liferaft was two words.

This Book Is Cursed

THIS BOOK IS CURSED (available now)
“After the occurrence at the Old Haney Logging Camp Road the survivor of the incident, Haus is convinced by his girlfriend Lynn to face his fears and return to the place his friends were brutal murdered. Haus has blacked out the event, and Lynn hopes that his memories will return if he confronts his fears. This is a horrible mistake indeed.”

And this is exactly why I never hang out on Old Haney Logging Camp Road. I hear tell of brutal murders and countless wood slivers, to say nothing of finger-shortening saw mishaps and hatchet nicks to the ankles. Better to hang out on Old Bandaged Wound Trail. Not far from what I hear.

Let Her Out

LET HER OUT (October 20, 2017)
“Helen, a bike courier, suffers a traumatic accident. As she recovers, she begins to experience strange episodic-black outs, hallucinations, and night terrors that lead her to discover that she has a tumor, a benign growth that is the remnants of a ‘vanishing twin’ absorbed in utero. Over time, the tumor manifests itself as the dark and demented version of a stranger. As Helen’s emotional and psychological state begins to deteriorate further and further, she begins to act out in psychotic episodes — influenced by her evil twin — making her a danger to herself and her best friend, Molly. It’s only a matter of time before this evil side of Helen will take her over completely.”

Great movie poster. The plot is familiar (I’m looking in your direction The Unborn/2009), but hey, I support possessed bike couriers. They do important work, despite often being absorbed by an in utero evil vanishing twin.

Religious Fireballs

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


In Believers (2007), YET ANOTHER cult wants to save your soul and take you to the other side of the galaxy where your unconditional faith will be rewarded with immortality. And to purify your soul, you must first enter the Gas Chamber of Salvation and divest yourself of all your earthly belongings: your KISS™ t-shirt and your life (which for SOME of us is the same thing).


The cult, lead by an older scientist-y looking fart, has convinced two dozen people he cracked the code, the one that proves God’s existence. (And here all this time we were worshiping the Bible instead of a math book. I am SO going to Hell.) It is further explained that everyone left behind will suffer total destruction via fire from the sky. (Whoever is planning on lighting candles and tossing ’em off your roof — not funny.)


Two paramedics are taken hostage by cult members. Locked in the Reflection Room (dirty bathroom stall with no toilet paper), their choices are to become one of the Believers and be saved from the fireballs, or be forced to take a death pill that also doubles as a breath mint.


One chooses poison, probably because it tastes better than gas chamber vapors. Everyone is locked into a room and the gas turned on. The medic pulls himself free from his cult handcuffs and force vomits the pill. Whew! Too late to rescue his buddy, though.


Jump ahead a month and the little girl lives with him and his wife in their sunny home and… Hmmm, the sky seems extra brighter today. Must be all those fireballs.

The Scare of Scarecrows, Peaks of Twin, The Fiction of Science

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Happened across an article on the that explored how the search for mythical monsters can help conversation in the real world. [click HERE]

Seems to me the article was written in reverse. But I digress. The news piece goes on to say that “since 1993, more than 400 new mammals have been identified, many in areas undergoing rapid habitat destruction. The number of undescribed beetles, for example, or flies, let alone microscopic organisms, will be huge.”

So by looking for Bigfoot, you might actually find an entirely undiscovered species, kinda like what is growing in moldy refrigerators and/or public sleeping bags.

Speaking of hopefully finding something new and interesting that could eat your flesh and/or cure elbow herpes, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not tweak yer pique…

The Cropsey Incident

“Activists venture deep into the woods to investigate gruesome ritual murders. They come face to face with something far more deadly than any serial killer.”

We first heard of groundskeeper Cropsey back in The Burning/1981 after he was BBQ’d during a summer camp prank gone oops. He came out of it a bit on the well done side, but made sure those kids with matches and gasoline weren’t coming back the following — or any — year. Then we got a reintroduction to Cropsey in 2010 after a self-titled “documentary” was released, detailing “two filmmakers investigate the disappearance of five children and the real bogeyman linked to them.” Now Cropsey is back, this time looking like a an oily scarecrow and doing to people what serial killers are paid to do. Wish they’d give him a name that doesn’t sound like a discount haircut, though.

The Valley

THE VALLEY (available now/Shudder/SVOD)
This supernatural German series begins with the Twin Peaks-ian discovery of a tiara-crowned teen corpse. But there’s a twist: Sophia’s not dead…yet. When she does meet her maker, the amnesiac who found her body realizes he must figure out who killed her in order to unlock his own identity. But solving these mysteries won’t be easy. This valley is filled with secrets, plus a ghost girl, a snail-loving psychic and a bogeyman who lurks in the shadows.

They had me at snail-loving psychic. These foreign, horror mini series on Shudder™ are pretty good, the French made The Returned (2015) being a standout. This one is on every Thursday, but let ‘em pile up so as to binge watch and not have to lose track of the storyline, which is always in subtitles and/or foreign beer speak not as yet mastered by said uneducated slapping bologna flapper.

Anti Matter

ANTI MATTER (September 8, 2017/VOD)
“Ana, an Oxford Ph.D. student finds herself unable to build new memories following an experiment to generate and travel through a wormhole. The story follows her increasingly desperate efforts to understand what happened and to find out who — or what — is behind the rising horror in her life.”

I’ve always wanted to travel through a wormhole. Think of the scientific possibilities — you could be watching a horror movie, hit pause, jump in the wormhole that leads to a 7-Eleven™ on the other side of the galaxy, grab a sixer, and be back in time to crack an icy space beer and continue on with your TV viewing experience, all without having to fire up the ’ol Chitttychittybangbang.

Blood Honey

Jenibel Heath returns to her family’s secluded island lodge to help her siblings care for their dying father, 10 years after the mysterious suicide of her mother. Set to inherit the bulk of the family’s estate, Jenibel learns of a horrific plot against her and finds herself stuck in a life-threatening nightmare, where she must struggle to survive.”

Red flags go up when they change the movie title, the first being The Hive and now to the admittedly better Blood Honey. As for the plot against Jenibel as she’s set to inherit the bulk of the family’s estate, when doesn’t that happen between siblings? Heck, I’m planning my takeover strategy as we speak.

Sex Spaceships, Spectacular Storms and Socks

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Space Babes From Outer Space

Another thing to put on the “probably shouldn’t that do anymore” list: eat hard-boiled eggs while watching Alien (1979). I did and now firmly believe there’s a living organism growing in my inner recycling bin. This sucks as I used to like hard-boiled eggs, even the ones that explode all over your mouth and burn your lips.

Speaking of non-digestible horror, here’s a few upcoming — and hopefully palatable — flicks headed in your general direction…

“Three women from a faraway galaxy come to Earth in search of sexual energy to fuel their ship. With the help of a lonely farm boy, they attempt to harness enough sexual arousal to return to their home planet, all while evading their enemies, the bloodthirsty Scrotes!”

A spaceship fueled by sexual energy. After it runs out of power, the ship will need 10 hours of sleep and a huge bowl of Wheaties™. Then a nap followed by watching TV.

Johnny Gruesome

JOHNNY GRUESOME (in production)
“Johnny Grissom, a murdered high school student, returns from the grave for revenge.”

Now there’s a plot you can hang your boredom on. Johnny G. now joins the ranks of the other one million “return from the grave for revenge” movies clogging up the horror pantheon. (Sorry — word of the day calendar.)


CRUST (production pending crowd-funding)
“A burned out former child star who has hit rock bottom ends up working in a laundromat where he collects all the lost socks. One night he cries into the pile of socks and a bloodthirsty sock monster is born.”

Pretty lame, although we should be thankful he wasn’t collecting lost underwear.


GEOSTORM (October 21, 2017)
“After an unprecedented series of natural disasters threatened the planet, the world’s leaders came together to create an intricate network of satellites to control the global climate and keep everyone safe. But now, something has gone wrong — the system built to protect the Earth is attacking it, and it’s a race against the clock to uncover the real threat before a worldwide geostorm wipes out everything…and everyone along with it.”

Sounds like a twist on Day After Tomorrow (2004), wherein all the climate-change deny’rs get weather reports stuffed up their bumbershoots. The trailer looks deliciously disastrous: gangs of tornadoes, electrifying lightning, surfable tsunamis, summer snow… All that’s missing is a plot.