Archive for serial killer

Killer Snow, Rural Werewolves, Flossing Serial Killers

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Terror

T’was recently announced that Ridley Scott — the man behind three of the six Alien movies (not counting the two Alien/Predator mash-ups) — is doing a horror TV series for AMC. The smoke detector can wait — time to put new batteries in the remote.

The Terror

From the press release: “Ridley Scott’s horror series The Terror is a fictionalized account of a real-life expedition in 1845, in which two ships were lost in the Arctic and all 129 men were killed. The series, which debuts on AMC in March 2018, is based on the 2007 best-selling novel of the same name by Dan Simmons.”

The Terror

While we impatiently wait for The Terror to brighten or screens/life, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that probably don’t take place in the Arctic, though some might leave you cold (heh)…

Amityville: The Final Chapter

AMITYVILLE: THE FINAL CHAPTER (available now)
“A group of paranormal investigators teams up with a wrongly convicted serial killer to track down a mysterious monster responsible for a slew of recent killings.”

YET ANOTHER Amityville movie? [insert facepalm here]. I think this makes 400 Amityville movies, give or take. The press release cracks me up — wrongly convicted serial killer. How does that even make sense? How does YET ANOTHER Amityville movie make sense? This cow has been milked so many times, it’s only giving evaporated milk.

The Howling

THE HOWLING (available now)
“A local myth will be discovered to be true by a group of teenagers on a night out on remote farmland. Is there a bloodthirsty creature that has been wandering the land?”

Not to be confused with 1981’s The Howling or the seven subsequent sequels that slogged on until 2011. This werewolf movie places the creature on a farm. Maybe it’s not a werewolf. More likely a weresheep that hasn’t been sheared for so long, it just looks like a werewolf. I look similar if I skip my annual hair trimming.

Piercing

PIERCING (January 20, 2018)
“Reed is going on a business trip. He kisses his wife and infant son goodbye, but in lieu of a suitcase filled with clothes, he’s packed a toothbrush and a murder kit. Everything is meticulously planned: check into a hotel and kill an unsuspecting victim. Only then will he rid himself of his devious impulses and continue to be a good husband and father. But Reed gets more than he bargained for with Jackie, an alluring call girl who arrives at his room. First, they relax and get in the mood, but when there’s an unexpected disruption, the balance of control begins to sway back and forth between the two. Is he seeing things? Who’s playing whom? Before the night is over, a feverish nightmare will unfold, and Reed and Jackie will seal their bond in blood.”

A toothbrush and a murder kit. Nice to know serial killers maintain healthy dental hygiene. Wonder if he flosses as well? That’s equally as important before going out on a murder spree. (P.S. Regularly brush/floss your teeth, but DO NOT go out on murder sprees.)

Lost Solace

LOST SOLACE (January 30, 2018/iTunes™)
Lost Solace is a fast-paced psychological thriller that depicts the transformation of Spence Cutler, a young psychopath and con artist. He’s never felt empathy or guilt, however, a fateful encounter with a new drug is about to give him a dose of too much reality, and he takes a mind-bending trip down the psychedelic highway of consciousness to come face to face with his own morality and his own twisted soul.”

So the main character is a young psychopath and con artist. Nice to see those just starting out in the job market to have clear career goals. Reach for the moon, I say. But don’t do drugs — that stuff will ruin your life.

Crappy UFOs, Haunted Mansions, Pre-made Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Curse of the Man Who Sees UFOs

Recently watched a “documentary” called Curse of the Man Who Sees UFOS (2016). In the first five minutes the cursed and excitable Christo Roppolo, looking to be in his late 50s, reenacts going to the park at night, looking up and seeing a UFO. The said unidentified flying object sets ‘ol Christo’s innards a’ rumblin’ and he quickly runs over to a tree, drops trou, and lets loose a huge, public steamer. Laughing, he recounts leaving the park with an identifiable wet stain on the back of his britches. That’s icky and funny at the same time!

The eccentric Christo, however, has video proof of multiple UFO sightings around Monterey, CA, documenting quite a few close encounters. And he does this with bowel-emptying glee. (Note to self: bring Handi-Wipes™ on next UFO hunting excursion.)

That publicly stated, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave you feeling like you need to ruin public parks with your steaming wrongness…

I Make Corpses

I MAKE CORPSES (available now)
“A serial killer whose work has suddenly become exponentially easier thanks to a recent zombie outbreak and thus, is able to create corpses and make it look like they were simply killed by the undead to avoid any suspicion on his part. During a zombie outbreak the dead reanimate and Ben becomes a little complacent in ensuring the corpses are disposed of correctly, and soon his handiwork rears its ugly head.”

This is a film short, which is too bad as the premise is pretty clever cool and would make for a double pretty clever cool full-length feature type thingamajig.

Planet Rehab

PLANET REHAB (available now/VOD)
“It’s a race to save mankind and hybrids from the aliens that would get them hooked on crack. One man, Dakota Schill, armed with his crack factory, fights the good fight against the alien intruders. A little crazy, a lot sexy, and definitely off the wall!”

Drug dealing aliens. Would’ve thought they’d try and get us drunk on Romulan Ale; we’d be a lot easier to abduct as alcoholics than as crackheads, who are way monkey crazy and unpredictable. Drunks just wanna sit in their own makings and not do anything else except keep drinking. Or so I’ve heard. Ahem.

Delirium

DELIRIUM (January 19, 2018)
The Hell Gang, an exclusive club made up of a group of school friends, promise their classmate Eddie that he can join the gang if he can just make it to the porch of a legendary local mansion with a dark, sinister past. Others have tried but none have made it within sight of the mansion before fleeing back in terror. And Eddie, who is rigged with a camera to prove he did it, does not return at all! Five members of the gang must now go in to find him. They set off, confident that Eddie is trying to prank them, but what they find in the old mansion is even more terrifying than the campfire stories and legends of murdered children that once lived there.”

Kinda sounds like a spin on Salem’s Lot (1979/2004) and the spooky ass Marsten House, which has been rented to vampires. (They probably had to put down a larger damage deposit to cover carpet cleaning.)

The Russian Bride

THE RUSSIAN BRIDE (2018)
“A Russian woman travels to America with her daughter to marry a reclusive billionaire, who turns out to be a madman and sends their lives spiraling into a living hell.”

Marriage is the best worse horror story ever, and nothing like the rom-coms they churn out like horror movies. If you’re married and are happy, disregard the above sentence.

Heavy Metal Godzilla, Partying With Bigfoot, Zumba Your Demons

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

For those breathing toxic air in Japan (last time there, I came down with itai-itai, or “ouch-ouch”) who’ve seen Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017), the happy slobber-inducing feature-length anime, two things your life depends on knowing.

First, they changed the title from Godzilla: Monster Planet (thereby embarrassing my cheeks red for reporting it as such).

Secondly, a sequel has already been green-lighted/green-lit and already put into production, called Kessen Kidou Zoushoku Toshi (May, 2018). This abstractly doesn’t translate to Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla Monster Planet. (G’Zilla may not be actually versusing Mechagodzilla, but why else would Mecha-G be there, to direct traffic?)

MechagodzillaThey better not change the title on me or I will become so fukōna sawagi.

The sequel premiers in Japan movie theaters in May of 2018, so it’ll be some wait later it gets shown here on the telly. Until that time and space arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that better have the correct titles…

Exorcism of the 7th Demon

EXORCISM OF THE 7TH DEMON (available now)
“After a possession led to his daughter’s suicide, Michael has made it his mission to save others from the same fate. Struggling with faith and purpose, he takes on Satan’s army and the demons that seek his demise.”

Didn’t see the first six exorcisms (aka, not drinking for almost a week). Sobriety, like a demon, is evil, man.

Where Birds Don't Fly

WHERE BIRDS DON’T FLY (available now)
“A serial killer leaves a trail of brutality in San Bernardino, California and it is up to a team of hardened detectives to try and catch him before more innocent lives are taken.”

I think this came out on DVD (a shiny flat 8-track) earlier this year, but available now on VOD (invisible 8-track; can’t tell if its shiny). So EVEN MORE movies about serial killers — like we don’t have enough in back stock in real life.

Inoperable

INOPERABLE (December 1, 2017/limited theatrical run)
“A young woman wakes up in a seemingly evacuated hospital with a hurricane approaching. She realizes the storm has awakened malevolent forces, trapping her in a time loop. She must escape the hospital before the storm passes or she will be trapped in its halls forever.”

Sounds like Groundhog Day (1993) with the possibility of more blood gunk. These time loop themes are pretty fun. Look to The X-Files’ “Monday” (1999) for an excellent example. Then try Run Lola, Run (1998), Triangle (2009), Haunter (2013), and the under-rated Edge of Tomorrow (2014). Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. (I keep getting this odd feeling I’ve done that before.)

Cherokee Creek

CHEROKEE CREEK (2017/2018)
“A bachelor party in the woods gets crashed by the ultimate party animal.”

Calling Bigfoot a “party animal” is pretty dang funny. Not sure why a bunch of dudes are having a bachelor party in the woods. Seems like Las Vegas or The Poggie Tavern might be better choices, what with their relaxed rules on soiling oneself in public due to an overdose of alcohol fun. But hey, If I had the choice, I’d party in the woods as well, what with the possibility of getting drunk with Bigfoot. That’d be pretty sweet.

Provable Sea Monsters, Polish Slashers, Purple Aliens

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frilled Shark

Newsweek recently caught my attention with this headline: “Prehistoric, Dinosaur-Era Shark With Insane Teeth Found Swimming Off Coast of Portugal.” Well dang — they might as well have said, “Free Candy!”

Frilled Shark

The drool-worthy article, written by Dana Dovey, goes on to say that “The rare frilled shark is considered a ‘living fossil,’ as its makeup has remained unchanged for 80 million years. This summer, researchers found one alive and thriving off the coast of Portugal, adding evidence regarding the resilience of this ancient sea creature. The frilled shark has remained the same, both inside and out, since the time of the dinosaurs, with scientists dating it back to the Cretaceous Period, a time when the Tyrannosaurus Rex and Triceratops still roamed the planet.”

The article also goes on to say that the shark’s jaw has more than 300 teeth neatly lined in 25 rows. I bet this thing goes through 100 toothbrushes a month.

Frilled Shark

Even more entertaining were the article’s comments: “OK if I am ever 4,200 ft deep in the ocean off Portugal, I will make sure I avoid this shark.” “Unevolved and been around for millions of years before man? I don’t believe you. Where are the earlier pictures? You know, the ones from millions of years ago as proof.” “People will say this is Photoshopped, but ha! the joke’s on you. Photoshop didn’t exist in the Cretaceous Period.”

While I finish LOL-ing all over myself, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies with story lines that may or may not have existed 80 million years ago…

Fantom Killer

FANTOM KILLER (available now)
“Beautiful women living in a small Polish town are being found butchered in unspeakably grotesque ways. As the police desperately search for clues which could lead to the identity of this misogynistic masked assailant, suspicion begins to mount against the strange younger brother of one of the officers, who had been previously confined to an asylum. Will this fiendish killer be unmasked before his bloodthirsty appetite needs to be satisfied once again?”

This one’s from Poland from back in 1998, and just recently being re-issued and released in the States. Heads up: this movie is in Polish, but with English sub-titles. Crap. I can barely speak English, let alone read it.

The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon

THE RIFT: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (November 28, 2017/VOD)
“An American military satellite crash lands in Eastern Serbia and a team of US and Serbian agents are dispatched to secure the remains of the satellite. But when they locate the crash site all is not as it seems.”

This a sequel to 2012’s The Rift? Heck-a-roo if I know. What I do know about The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon is that some astronauts cuttin’ a rug on the moon find a purple, shapeless, glowing alien life-form. Well hey — bring that lunar novelty back to Earth and see what kind of trouble they can make happen! Crossing fingers it’s one of those things you win at the county fair by throwing darts at balloons filled with purple hydrogen.

Cutlass

CUTLASS (December 12/VOD)
“A young tourist is abducted from her family into the jungles of Trinidad by a dangerous, armed sociopath. While the authorities and her family attempt to find her with no success, she is forced to mentally and physically outmaneuver her captor in an effort to stay alive and escape to safety.”

Sounds like this dumbass abducted the wrong woman. He’d have better luck going up against Trinidad’s infamous Rufous-vented chachalaca. (Watch that beak, dude.) I feel sorry for the sociopath.

Scars of Xavier

SCARS OF XAVIER (2017)
Xavier is a quiet 45-year-old man who lives in Prague. By day he works in a car wash service, but by night he is a brutal and vicious serial killer who primarily targets young women.”

A serial killer who preys on women. Two things — not original by any stretch of the imagination. Also, poor timing — women today, fed up with a-hole men, are about to take over the world. I’d go back to the car wash if I were you, X.

Alien Jockeys, Bad Students, Pool Monsters

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien

You’ll be visibly shaken to find out the fossilized, giant space alien in 1979’s Alien (one of the movie’s iconic scenes) was replicated as a scale model that measured slightly over 3’ x3’. That’s so emotionally crushing as all these years I though that thing was 100’ x100’. Next, someone will tell me there’s no such thing as Krampus. I don’t think I could handle that.

Alien

What’s more shocking is that the space jockey model, previously owned by 20th Century Fox Executive Peter Beale, was put up for grabs by Nate D. Sanders Autographs and Memorabilia Auction with a starting bid of $100,000 smackos. Here’s the sales pitch:

“Scarce model from the 1979 film Alien of the famed Space Jockey character aboard the Derelict Spaceship’, designed and hand-painted by H.R. Giger. One of the most recognizable scenes in sci-fi cinema, the haunting Space Jockey aka The Pilot, found dead aboard the alien spaceship, was conceived and designed by famed Swiss surrealist painter, sculptor and visual effects artist H.R. Giger, whose work on Alien won an Academy Award in 1980.”

H.R. Giger

The auction ended successfully with someone coughing up the mega space bucks for the model. I would’ve bid on it, but I left $100,000 around here somewhere. Probably stuck between couch cushions or in a pair of not-so-fresh britches I threw into a 3’ x 3’ pile of laundry that needs to be washed and/or salvaged by the Nostromo.

So yeah, denied. While you make plans to join me for a candlelight vigil, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cost $100,000 to rent…

Grey Agenda

GREY AGENDA (available now)
“When a group of friends go missing, the local police are shocked at the return of a mysterious stranger. While searching for their missing friends, they uncover a dark secret and the truth behind the ‘Grey Agenda’.”

Abducted by aliens or everyone just at the mall? While I have yet to be abducted by extraterrestrials, I have fallen prey to the black hole pull of the mall. Man, you could spend days in there and no one would even know.

Creep 2

CREEP 2 (available now)
“Sara is a video artist whose primary focus is creating intimacy with lonely men. After finding an ad online for ‘video work’ she thinks she may have found the subject of her dreams. She drives to a remote house in the forest and meets a man claiming to be a serial killer. Unable to resist the chance to create a truly shocking piece of art, she agrees to spend the day with him, but discovers she may have dug herself a hole from which she cannot escape.”

Didn’t see all of the original Creep (2014) movie. I got through the first 10 minutes and was distracted by the mall and felt a driving need to go there. I just couldn’t help myself. I’ll go back and watch it, but first I need to get down to the mall; Hot Topic™ is having a 2-for-1 sale on faux Goth products. Score!

Dismissed

DISMISSED (November 21, 2017/VOD)
“An idealistic, straight-laced English teacher is drawn down a nightmarish rabbit hole by an honor roll student who will stop at nothing to get an ‘A.’”

Is this even a horror movie? At least they got the title right.

Nereus

NEREUS (2018)
“A young girl is attacked by an unearthly creature in her friend’s swimming pool. Later, she discovers that anyone who comes into contact with the water is in danger and she is driven to confront the mystical and malevolent creature lurking in the depths.”

Probable spoiler: The “unearthly creature” could be an unpackaged Baby Ruth™ candy bar, which looks a heckuva lot like a pool monster. Can’t think of anything else that would resemble the dark brown and peanut lumpy treat. Except maybe a Mountain Bar™.

Social Media Demons, Slashing Santas, Shower Power

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ash Vs. Evil Dead

New teaser art for the upcoming season three of Ash vs. Evil Dead, one of the fun/funniest/goriest shows on the ‘ol  Magnavox™. The 10-episode season launches on Sunday, February 25, 2018 at 9PM ET/PT on Starz™. Sunday’s are usually my night to stay in and wash my hair. But I can out it off for a week to see Ash buzz through demons with his chainsaw arm.

Ash Vs. Evil Dead

From the press release: “Ash vs Evil Dead Season 3 finds Ash’s status in Elk Grove, Michigan has changed from murderous urban legend to humanity-saving hometown hero. When Kelly witnesses a televised massacre with Ruby’s fingerprints all over it, she returns with a new friend to warn Ash and Pablo that evil isn’t done with them yet. Blood is thicker than water in the battle of good vs Evil Dead!”

While we impatiently wait five more months, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not lube your chainsaw, metaphorical or otherwise…

BnB Hell

BnB HELL (available now)
“A young woman’s hunt for her missing sister ends at a rundown bed and breakfast in the Hollywood Hills run by an ill-tempered woman called Mommy. Disturbing messages left by former guests suggest unsettling secrets lay buried there.”

Was only a matter of time before the BnB craze became the framework for horror. Already done using the Uber™/Lyft™ model with Ryde (2017): “Technology brings us closer. Or perhaps it brings strangers a little too close. But how much can you really trust someone? With a new ride share service, you never know who you’ll be getting in a car with. Or if you’ll ever get out.” Not a good way to get tips or a clickable star rating. Still, better than the city bus and/or taxis.

Devil's Night

DEVIL’S NIGHT (available now/VOD)
“Daniel, a charismatic teen from a broken home, wants nothing more than to get out of the trailer park. After scraping together just enough money to buy a video camera, he begins making YouTube™ videos in the hope that his antics will lead him to a better life. But when his videos fail to catch on and all his friends leave for college, Daniel’s left all alone. Undeterred, he discovers an old documentary about a serial killer who brutally murdered seven people in a satanic sacrifice not too far from his hometown. Thinking this might be his last chance for success, he decides to film a video in the killer’s house, only to summon an evil worse than anything he could have possibly imagined.”

Good idea — go into a killer’s house of evil with a camera. There’s a reason demons don’t take selfies. And since when are dumbass antics broadcast on social media a career path? Teens be dumb.

78/52

78/52 (October 13, 207)
“An unprecedented look at the iconic shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho (1960), the ‘man behind the curtain,’ and the screen murder that profoundly changed the course of world cinema.”

They’re correct — that one scene, which even has college courses dedicated to it, all but defined modern horror movies, scream queensslashers and screechy violin music. I once had a Psycho shower scene shirt — it read: “Wash all of life’s problems down the drain.” That’s not just funny, but LOL funny.

Apocalypse Cult

APOCALYPSE CULT (October, 2017/VOD/DVD)
“While investigating the legend of a mysterious group of people living in the forest, a local news crew comes across an all-too-real doomsday cult. Trapped in their grasp, the news crew must find a way to escape before they execute their final act of devotion.”

This one actually came out in Australia, home of giant bouncing rabbits, back in 2014. Don’t know why it took so long to get here in the States. Maybe the Land Down Under was dealing with their plague of kid-eating dingos and mosh pit razorbacks. That’s a  good excuse as any. Note to self: plan vacation to Australia and taunt nature after drinking multiple cans of XXXX Gold 12.4% beer.

Once Upon A Time At Christmas

ONCE UPON A TIME AT CHRISTMAS (December 12, 2017/DVD)
“Meet Santa and Mrs. Claus: he’s a one-eyed fiend, she’s a curvy, bat-swinging blonde. This serial killer couple is terrorizing the holidays in an upstate New York town with a series of horrific homicides. Though the victims seem random — a mall Santa, a smooching couple, an innocent family — high-schooler Jennifer and clever cop Sam begin to unravel the sinister pattern behind the slayings. Can they stop the murders before Christmas comes — and there’s no one left to celebrate?”

Diggin’ the twist: Santa and his dame are serial killers. But I have a few questions: like how many gangsta elves are in their employ? Does this mean their getaway car is a reindeer-fueled sled? Are candy canes used as stabby tools of the trade? Can’t wait for Christmas.

More Slashers, More Serial Killers, More Maniacs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pacific Rim: Uprising

Some advance key art for Pacific Rim: Uprising, the sequel to Pacific Rim (2013), which pay-per-viewed skyscraper-sized, human-controlled robots against skyscraper-sized, non-human monsters from another dimension that had a revolving door at the bottom of the ocean. PR: Uprising stomps through theaters March 23, 2018.

Pacific Rim: Uprising

As for what we can expect, more and bigger skyscraper-sized, human-controlled robots against skyscraper-sized, non-human monsters from another dimension. Not a bad thing, I should think. While we impatiently await the weapons of mass entertainment, here are a few horror movies that may or may not be from this alternate universe…

Crazy Lake

CRAZY LAKE (available now)
“A group of coeds looking for fun on spring break have their beach plans canceled and opt for Plan B – fun at a cabin on the lake. Sometimes Plan B can be a real killer!”

This couldn’t be more limp as undercooked bacon. Ironically, it sounds like the coeds will be sliced like bacon. We can only hope.

Lake Alice

LAKE ALICE (available now)
“The Thomas’ travel to their lakeside cabin in the woods for a joyous Christmas celebration with their daughter and her new boyfriend, but the joy is short-lived and the body count is high.”

There’s a real Lake Alice here in Washington, about a machete throw off the Interstate. Fishing opportunities include catchable-size Rainbow Trout stocked in the spring, with Largemouth Bass and Sunfish also present. The public access has parking, a boat ramp and vault toilets. No slashers, though. Sorry.

Cabin 28

CABIN 28 (available now)
“The shocking true story based on the most infamous unsolved murder case in American history. On April 11th 1981, Sue Sharp and her family are enjoying their stay at Cabin 28 in the peaceful holiday resort of Keddie. But a day of fun at the remote getaway turns into a heart stopping nightmare as nightfall brings masked strangers to the cabin. A brutal battle for survival leaves several members of the family dead and one missing. An extensive police investigation follows but no one is convicted of the crime. Now, over thirty years later, Cabin 28 finally gives up its deadly secret.”

Geez, they give away the entire plot in the press release. So we get to see a family slaughtered by slaughterers wearing clown masks. Not seeing a deadly secret here. That, and I’m really burnt out on clowns — circus, rodeo or bar drunks.

Tarnation

TARNATION (November 24, 2017/MonsterFest screening)
“When Oscar’s dreams of becoming a rock star are brutally crushed and her boyfriend leaves, Oscar travels to a ghost town called Tarnation where she and a group of friends have rented a cabin in the woods for a weekend away. Unfortunately the cabin is host to a cursed painting and the surrounding woods are literally, Satan’s playground. Oscar soon finds herself battling a demon unicorn, possessed souls and Satan himself in an epic battle for her soul.”

The plot is weak as wet toilet paper, but the demon unicorn is kinda neat. That’s right up there with a wiccan penguin, mad cow and/or a schizophrenic monkey butler. Last thought: If she goes to a ghost town, how is it she and her soon-to-be expired friends able to rent a cabin? Couldn’t you just, like, stay there for free? Sure, no concierge or mini-bar. But hey, the price is right.