Archive for serial killer

Lost Bigfoot, Killer Clown, Zombie Thanksgiving

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The movie Sasqua (1975) has possibly the best plot ever: “A hippie commune is attacked by cryptids.” I read that and started crying tears of happiness. FINALLY, someone is doing something about all those stink hippies stinkin’ up the woods and, by extension, the entire world.

Before you break out the champagne (or Miller High Life — The Champagne of Beers™), you can’t watch this movie. Why? Because it only played for about two days at a local theater in Massachusetts back in the ’70s and was never seen again. (FYI: There were a lot of hippies in those days — and every day since.)

But dry your eyes — there’s a documentary called Sasqu — The Lost Bigfoot Film of Massachusetts being worked on as we speak. Here are the details: “Described by The Boston Globe as an obscure horror movie about a hippie commune attacked by cryptids,’ the elusive Sasqua has never seen the light of day outside of a brief and localized theatrical release back in the 1970s, and filmmaker John Campopiano has set out to uncover as much information, and as many relevant interview subjects, as he possibly can.”

While we wait for this Oscar™ contender and celebrate Bigfoot’s efforts for eradicating those who stink and have deprived themselves the glory of the washcloth, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of being spared by the glory of cryptids

MY APOCALYPTIC THANKSGIVING / Out now (VOD, Apple TV™)

“A zombie-obsessed, special needs adult searches for his absent mom while a Korean family and gang compete to be his family. But he teaches everyone forgiveness with the help of his favorite zombie television show.”

Zombies are synonymous with forgiveness, so this one should be bloody heartwarming.

MISTER CREEP / December 5, 2022 (VOD)

“Three college students stumble upon a lost television broadcast of a deceased serial killer and search for its location. They discover a nightmarish cover-up of a clown-faced man who killed hundreds and may still be around long after his death.”

A clown-faced man who killed hundreds. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

THE CHRISTMAS TAPES / December 16, 2022 (VOD)

“In this Christmas horror anthology, a family’s movie night on Christmas Eve is interrupted by a stranger insistent on making the next Christmas ‘classic’ film himself.”

I’m ready for my close-up. Just let me quaff a few pitchers of “holiday cheer” to get in the zone.

#FLOAT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“When a vlogger and her crew embark on their annual river float to commemorate the untimely loss of their friend, they are plunged into a life and death battle with a mysterious local, a sinister paranormal force, and their own fears.”

YET ANOTHER “social media” horror movie. This means it #sucks.

Evil Shindig, Teen Dead Speak, Human BBQ

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Without hyperbole, this could be the best party ever in the history of the world: BruceFest, a three-day horror fan extravaganza featuring the legendary Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead — all of ‘em) and Ted Raimi (Evil Dead II, Ash vs Evil Dead, Deathly Spirits, Drag Me To Hell, lots more), is being held at Estes Park, Colorado’s Stanley Hotel (aka, The Overlook Hotel)…the one in The Shining (1980). From the mouth of The Bruce himself: “The Stanley inspired Stephen King to write The Shining when he stayed there. I love the fact that it’s supposed to be haunted.”

Here are the details: “Join us December 1— 3, 2022 for an intimate weekend with Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and 350 true fans, featuring Watch With… live commentary movie screenings, game rooms, Sam Raimi prop collection, photo and signing ops, immersive altered reality game & scavenger hunt, cosplay costume contest, Dance of the Dead, and more!”

“Purchase your pass with a 3-night stay at The Stanley and you’ll get: a BruceFest 2022 poster, signed by Bruce! A photo with The King himself (that’s Bruce!), a $100 PER NIGHT food & beverage credit, and a limited edition BruceFest + Stanley Hotel swag bag! Book your hotel stay now by calling (970) 577-4076. The price? A mere $650, which, if you act NOW, can get a 2-for-1 ticket deal. Groovy! Needless to say, there’s a ton MORE information on the Stanley Hotel website (click here).

While we figure out YET ANOTHER weak excuse to borrow money from someone’s parents/bank/mafia to get tickets, here are few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be rentable on haunted hotel room TV screens…  

GROTESQUE / Out now (Tubi™)

“Mildred Moyer transforms from shy misfit to lovable psychopath when her back-alley plastic surgery is botched. Mildred unleashes brutal vengeance on all those who tormented her in the past.”

Lovable psychopath. That was my childhood nickname. Okay, probably not the “lovable” part. Just replace that word with “sh*thead.”

DARBY AND THE DEAD / December 2, 2022 (Hulu™)

After suffering a near-death experience as a young girl, Darby Harper gains the ability to see dead people. As a result, she becomes introverted and shut off from her high school peers and prefers to spend time counseling lonely spirits who have unfinished business on Earth. But all that changes when Capri, the Queen Bee of the school’s most exclusive clique, unexpectedly dies in a freak hair straightening accident, resulting in the obvious cancellation of her upcoming ‘Sweet 17.’ Capri, however, pleads with Darby from the other side to intervene and convince Capri’s friends to proceed with the party as planned. In order to appease the wrath of the undead diva, Darby must emerge from her self-imposed exile and reinvent herself — which along the way allows her to find new joy back in the land of the living.”

Even in death, teens are annoying. But spirit counseling the dead has been done before (looking in your direction The Sixth Sense/1999). Still, anticipating the “freak hair straightening” accident. Wonder if it’ll be as harsh as that time I tried it. Totally f’d up my Lemmy sideburns AND emo soul patch as well during the unexpectedly painful process. Probably shouldn’t have used Simple Green™.

HUMAN HIBACHI 2: FEAST IN THE FOREST / Release pending 2022 (VOD)

“A clan that lives deep in the woods have a taste for flesh. Through different tactics they find ways to lure unsuspecting campers or those that trespass on their land to their camp where they party and then butcher them for a good home cooked meal.”

Sounds twice as mouthwatering as Human Hibachi (2020), though I’d like to take a look at the menu to see what the appetizers and side dishes are.

HE NEVER LEFT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Gabriel is a criminal on the run with his girlfriend Carly. The couple seek shelter in a run-down motel, only to hear terrifying noises emanating from the adjoining room. Soon, they find themselves the unlucky target of the Pale Face Killer, a masked murderer who has been tormenting the small town for years.”

Terrifying noises emanating in run-down motels are called amenities.

Fuzzy Leviathan, Werewolf Party Crasher, Chilly Creatures

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Cthulhu, horror author H.P. Lovecraft’s quintessential fish face fish monster, first appeared in Weird Tales in 1928. Titled, “The Call of Cthulhu”, the short story was so terrifyingly awesome, the “Great Old One” has since become a pop culture staple for nearly 100 years. Besides Cthulhu books, posters, Athletiwear™, and bathtub toys, you can now get a Cthulhu Chia Pet, available on Amazon™ for $22.73. That’s cheaper than a haircut, which is ironic given that this thing grows “hair” like a weed. Additionally ironic — the hair IS a weed.

From the product description: “Joseph Enterprises™ Inc., the makers of the Chia Pet® and the Clapper®, is expanding its horror collection with a brand new addition to their horror holiday lineup. They say no human can gaze at Cthulhu without going mad. The only form suitable to avoid insanity is by planting and growing your very own Cthulhu Chia Pet!”

“The handmade pottery planter comes with a packet of Chia® seeds good for three plantings, convenient plastic drip tray and planting and care instructions. In just 1-2 weeks your Cthulhu Chia Pet will achieve maximum growth as it takes over your puny existence. Chia Planters can be washed and replanted indefinitely.”

While you skip the barbershop and sacrifice your cash in tribute to Cthulhu, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not drive you mad while gazing at them… 

VIKING WOLF / November 18, 2022 (VOD)

“Seventeen-year-old Thale has just moved with her parents to a small town after her mother has a new job with the local police. After a student is killed brutally at a party Thale attends, she becomes a key witness. Was the killer an animal? A wolf?

Um, they give it away with the movie’s ad sheet. Like we couldn’t have figured it out on our own without any help from the police…or a poster.

A WOUNDED FAWN / December 1, 2022 (Shudder™)

“Meredith Tanning is a local museum curator who is dipping her toe back into the dating pool, only to be targeted by a charming serial killer. When a fateful romantic getaway between the two becomes a tense game of cat and mouse, both must confront the madness within him.”

No one should “dip” their toe in the dating pool. There’s is only one way to do it: CANNONBALL!

THE LEECH / December 6, 2022 (VOD)

“A devout priest welcomes a struggling couple into his house at Christmas time. What begins as a simple act of kindness quickly becomes the ultimate test of faith once the sanctity of his home is jeopardized.”

Uh, oh — sounds like someone didn’t use Glade™ after using the priest’s “porcelain pulpit.”

FREEZE / December 13, 2022 (VOD)

On a rescue mission to the North Pole to retrieve an old friend and his lost expedition crew, Captain Mortimer gets more than he bargained for when his ship is frozen into the ice sheet and set upon by bloodthirsty fish-creatures. Mortimer and his surviving crew flee the ship, beginning a treacherous journey in a frozen desolate wilderness. Suffering from starvation, frostbite and slow madness, they find shelter inside a snowy mountain. Are they safe or have they entered the creatures’ lair?”

All Captain Mortimer has to do is wait for those walking fish sticks to thaw. Then shoot ‘em in the gills with a gun loaded with tartar sauce bullets.

Monster Memorabilia, Death Dad, Senior Citizen Demon

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Slashers with tags , , , , on October 28, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wanna own the hockey mask Jason wore in Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)? How about Freddy Krueger’s knife-glove used in Freddy vs. Jason (2003)? Or would you like to own the Michael Myers’ mask from Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later (1998). You can buy all of this and more…if you have tens of thousands of disposable cabbage not earmarked for alcohol.

Propstore™ is launching a massive horror movie memorabilia auction where one can procure actual movie props, from a Pinhead life-cast from 1978’s Hellraiser and a Child’s Play 2 (1990) Good Guy Factory Doll to Ripley’s jumpsuit from Alien (1979) and Leatherface’s mask from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990).

From their press release: “Over 1,500 rare and iconic lots will be sold during Propstore’s unique Entertainment Memorabilia Live Auction over four days from Thursday, November 3rd to Sunday, November 6th, 2022 from 3:00pm GMT each day. Registration is now open HERE and online proxy bids can now submitted.” P.S. They have a complete list auction items, which are expected to fetch in excess of $12.6 million. Heck, you could buy Pinhead, Jason, Freddy, and Michael themselves for that kind of wallet bling. 

So while you’re digging in a rich man’s couch for loose change to buy Freddy Krueger’s gut-sweater or Dr. Hill’s severed head prop from 1985’s Re-Animator (if you’ve seen the movie, you know where that head has been), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be auctioned off to the lowest bidder…

BLOOD RED OX / October (Theaters), November 8, 2022 (VOD, Digital, DVD

“Amir and Amat, invited on a trip into the South American Rain Forest, quickly find the pleasant visit to Bolivia taking a bizarre turn as Amat starts having strange visions and loses his mind over the ghostly presence of a giant blood-red ox. Amir must save his boyfriend from paranoia, but he quickly realizes that he can trust nothing and nobody, as he might be losing his mind too.”

Last time I went to the South American Rain Forest Tavern, I hooked up with a blood red ox. Her name was Shirley.

MEGALOMANIAC / NOVEMBER 1, 2022 (VOD)

“Felix and Martha, the two offspring of legendary serial murderer The Skinner of Mons, grapple with the grotesque legacy bequeathed to them. While Martha works a menial janitorial job, Felix continues his father’s reign of terror. But following a brutal attack at work, Martha quickly descends into madness, finding she must come to terms with the infamous blood that flows through her veins.”

So the serial killer has kids. Kinda makes you wonder what drew their mom to him. Maybe it was his looks that kill. Heh.

THE BREACH / November 1, 2022 (VOD)

“Counting down his last days as Chief of Police in the tiny town of Lone Crow, John Hawkins must investigate one last case when a mangled body with uncanny wounds washes up on the shores of the Porcupine River.”

If your wounded, mangled body washes up on the scenic shores of Porcupine River, you don’t need a Medical Examiner to determine that the injuries were caused by a friggin’ PORCUPINE

NIGHT OF THE CAREGIVER / November 1, 2022 (VOD)

“A caregiver and a sweet, elderly woman find themselves in grave danger as something demonic dwells in their home.”

Why would demons plague an old lady’s home? Don’t demons have enough hand-knitted sweaters?

Fake Horror, Supernatural Clowns, BFF Zombies

Posted in Zombies, Science Fiction, Misc. Horror, Classic Horror, Fantasy, paranormal with tags , , , , , on October 13, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Horror City Central has taken cherished children’s games and recast them as posters for fictional horror movies. As horror ideas go, this wins an Academy Award™, or at the very least, a non-sweaty handshake and some gum. 

Hungry Hungry Hippos™Mousetrap™Cooties™Operation™. Not only do these games sound like horror movies, they’re perfectly suited for a genre upgrade. Can you think of a fate worse than being sober or to be chowed on by a human-eating hippopotamus? How about being a captured (and likely tortured with process cheese) adult-sized rodent? Or your internal guts rampantly infested with super icky playground germs? It’s like reliving my youth as an adult.

Here’s a few more kid’s games ideas screaming for a fake horror movie one-sheet treatments: “Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Killbots,” “Murder Monopoly,” “Boobies Trap,” “Twisted,” “Strigoi Stratego,” “Kick The Bucket,” “Hide ’n Shriek,” “Hanging with the Hangman”… 

While we go stand in line for movies that aren’t really movies, here are a few upcoming horror flicks that may or may not sink your battleship…

THE LONELIEST BOY IN THE WORLD / October 18, 2022 (VOD)

“When the sheltered and unsocialized Oliver is tasked with making new friends after the sudden and devastating death of his mother, he decides that digging a few up (literally) might be his best bet. However, when he awakens the morning after his excavating escapades, he discovers that his newly acquired friends have mysteriously come to life overnight, launching them all into a series of misadventures as they try to keep their secret safe from neighbors, classmates and social workers alike.”

Making friends with zombies and having madcap misadventures sounds like something to do other than go to work. And who wouldn’t want a BFF (Buried Flesh Feaster) to chillax with? For one thing, nobody would make fun of your movie title… 

JESTERPUS / Pending release, 2022/2023

Merlin returns from his slumber to battle a supernatural clown from Mars.”

Greatest. Plot. Ever. I haven’t seen this yet and am already proclaiming it to be the Best. Movie. Ever.

ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD / Pending release 2022/2023

“When Matt Wilbee decides to end his life, he alerts his estranged high school friends, but after their arrival, a deranged killer starts picking them off one-by-one.”

If this isn’t the definition of one-stop shopping, I don’t know what is.

LOCKED IN / Pending release 2022/2023

“Two women from opposite sides of society find themselves the infatuation of a mysterious killer while struggling with their own convictions and misconceptions.”

Struggling to find their own convictions and misconceptions. Weird. You have a mysterious killer all up in your personal affairs, and all you can think of doing is reflective self-improvement? Maybe you’re not the kind of person a mysterious killer would wanna waste his time with.

Saw, Sawtooth, Saw An Alien

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

So this is ass kickingly cool — an escape room themed around Saw (2004), which is pretty much the ultimate of escape rooms. SAW: The Experience is now open in London (dang it), and you can get tickets for £39.00 (or $37.99 in US folding coupons). Hopefully, you won’t have to hacksaw your piggy bank to fund this fun. (You got the reference, yes?)

Behold — the sales pitch: “You thought it was over, but the games have just begun. This multi-room, theatrical experience is combined with escape room style challenges. Those who dare to play the game will be split into teams of up to six people who will work together to complete challenges and explore multiple rooms to test themselves and others. The experience lasts a full 90 minutes, plus there is a themed bar at the end of it all called The Traproom. So it could easily be a full night of fun with Jigsaw.”

The Traproom is a themed bar experience based on Jigsaw’s workshop, and features a collection of some of his most legendary traps throughout the films franchise. Players will be able to unwind from the horrors they have endured with a selection of drinks created specifically for the experience.”

They had me at “a selection of drinks.” So while you plan your kayak trip to London, mate (I think that’s in England somewhere — I’ll have to look it up), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need editing with a hacksaw…

MASKING THRESHOLD / Out now

“Frustrated by a constant ringing in his ears, a paranoid data analyst documents his obsessive attempts to cure his own debilitating tinnitus through a series of home experiments conducted in a make-shift lab. But as his research becomes increasingly dark and macabre, a horrifying secret behind his maddening condition is revealed with a potential cure more sinister than he could have ever imagined.”

Listening to heavy metal really loud caused his tinnitus. The sinister cure is listening to smooth jazz. Really loud.

RUN SWEETHEART RUN / October 28, 2022 (Amazon Prime™)

“Initially apprehensive when her boss insists she meet with one of his most important clients, single mom Cherie is relieved and excited when she meets charismatic Ethan. The influential businessman defies expectations and sweeps Cherie off her feet. But at the end of the night, when the two are alone together, he reveals his true, violent nature. Battered and terrified, she flees for her life, beginning a relentless game of cat-and-mouse with a bloodthirsty assailant hell-bent on her utter destruction. In this edge-of-your-seat dark thriller, Cherie finds herself in the cross-hairs of a conspiracy stranger and more evil than she could have ever imagined.”

This would work better as a video game.

I’M TOTALLY FINE / November 4, 2022 (VOD)

“Vanessa embarks on a solo trip to clear her head after the death of her best friend Jennifer. But her self-care vacation takes a detour when she finds the recently departed Jennifer standing in her kitchen, claiming to be an extraterrestrial. Together they spend the next 48 hours partying and reminiscing on better days in a comedy that’s out of this world.”

Normally, I wouldn’t go near a teen “sci-fi” comedy, but I have been known to party with extraterrestrials on occasion. In fact, I’m doing it right now.

DARK HARVEST / Pending release 2022/2023

“Every fall in a small Midwestern town, a supernatural specter named Sawtooth Jack arises from the cornfields and approaches the town’s church, where violent gangs of young boys hungrily await their chance to confront the legendary nightmare in an annual harvest rite of life and death. Richie Shepard lives in the shadow of his big brother who won last year’s ‘October Prize’ to get his ticket out of town. To prove himself and join his brother, Richie pairs up with restless dreamer Kelly Haines, who will do whatever it takes to escape this dead-end town. Against the rules and the odds, Richie and Kelly decide to hunt down the legendary nightmare to win the Run and their freedom, together.”

Sounds like a Halloween version of The Hunger Games (2012). FYI — There was a Dark Harvest movie that came out in 2004. That one had teens being harvested by a killer scarecrow. It was the…last straw…for all of them. Heh.

Scary Real Estate, Revenge Trees, Honey Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pant-wetting fans of Stranger Things have a chance to own one of the rarest pieces of memorabilia from the massively popular horror series: the actual house the beleaguered Byers family lived in while their zip code was being plagued by a stinky Demogorgon from the Upside-Down. Feel free to wet your pants now.

For mere bus change, the Byers house at 149 Coastline Rd, Fayetteville, GA, lists on Zillow™ for $300,000. As you already know, it has two bedrooms, 1 bath and is 1,846 sqft. This includes the six Demogorgon-infested acres the house sits on. Affordable, but here’s hoping you don’t get…upside down…on the mortgage payments. Heh.

Even though the place could use some upgrades, like a pool that Barbara Holland could go swimming in (okay, THAT was funny), it’s a “Byers market” (I’m on a roll), and it can be yours by clicking HERE.

While you’re getting pre-approved for a home loan, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worth $300,000…

HAUNTED TRAIL / September 27, 2022 (VOD)

“A group of college friends visit a local haunted trail. After many screams and a few nervous laughs, an actual killer approaches the group. Scared out of their minds, the friends run through the trail, trying their best to get to the end without being killed. After much of the group is slaughtered, the remaining friends make a horrific discovery about who the killer really is.”

Generic college kids. Generic masked slasher. Generic extra-large knife. (Made, ironically, for slicing bologna/baloney). I think they downloaded the script from cookiecutter.com.

FEED ME / October 27, 2022 (VOD)

“Following the death of his wife, a broken man spirals into an abyss of night tremors and depression and finds himself in the home of a deranged cannibal who convinces him to take his own life in the most horrific way imaginable.”

Wonder what taking his life in the most horrific way imaginable means? Given the movie’s title, it can only be one thing — he has to eat kale.

THE KILLING TREE / November 1, 2022 (VOD / DVD)

“On Christmas Eve, a scorned widow casts an ancient spell to resurrect her executed husband. However, when the spell goes wrong, the husband is brought back as an evil Christmas tree. Hell-bent on getting revenge on the one who caused his execution, the body count keeps rising as the Tree hunts her down.”

Resurrected as a Christmas tree. That’s a new one. A snowman or Elf on a Shelf, sure. But this one suggests they don’t care about winning an Academy Award™. (It’s like they’re not even trying.) But hey, at least he’ll come back with ornamental balls. Ahem.

WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY / Pending release 2022

“During his childhood, Christopher Robin befriended Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, and their friends, playing games and also providing them with food. As he got older, his visits grew more infrequent, as did the food supply, causing Pooh and the others to grow increasingly hungry and desperate.

When Christopher went to college, the visits stopped completely, causing Pooh and Piglet to become completely feral and unhinged, resulting in Eeyore and the others getting killed and eaten at some point. Now, Christopher has returned to the forest alongside his new wife, hoping to introduce her to his old friends. Feeling betrayed, this results in them going on a murderous rampage for human flesh as they antagonize a group of university girls who are occupying a rural cabin.”

Beloved childhood characters are now the new hot properties for horror filmmakers/directors bereft of ideas. Example: The Banana Splits Movie (2019), turning the previously lovable Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky into axe murdering murderers.

Before you pooh-pooh this idea, hear me out: Saturday morning kids show icon H.R. Pufnstuff (given his last name, maybe the “HR” stands for “Huge Refer”) could be revamped as a drug dealer, selling jazz cabbage and turning his cult followers into day-glo colored hippie zombies. Note to Hollywood — I’ll be pitching a comprehensive one-page script as soon as I finish watching Heckle and Jeckle: A Murder of Crows.

Watercolor Horror, Upside Down Reality, Jinn Genie

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 27, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Joker

Another watercolor masterpiece by the magically talented Christopher Shy, whose work I’ve e-showcased here numerous e-times. This isn’t key art for the upcoming Joker movie, but it should be. In fact, Shy has done piles of movie art that Hollywooders should be tripping over themselves to license.

Evil Dead 2

Shy has done dazzling treatments of everything from The Evil Dead and Pet Sematary, to War of the Gargantuas and Poltergeist. (Crossing fingers that he might eventually do one of Dude, Where’s My Car?) And he does color variants of each one, kinda like putting different colored lightbulbs in all your lamps.

War of the Gargantuas

You can buy his art by clicking HERE. Make sure to rummage through your mom’s purse for coinage as these pieces range from $105.00 to $230.00. (Hope my mother has a big purse as I want about 12 of his paintings.) But before you go to the Bank of Mom for a hefty withdrawal, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be improved by a little dash of Christopher Shy’s cover art…

We Have Always Lived In The Castle

WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE (available now)
Two sisters live secluded in a large manor and care for their deranged uncle. The rest of their family died five years before, under suspicious circumstances. When a cousin arrives for a visit, family secrets and scandals unravel.”

They had me at “deranged uncle,” who, by the way, is played by Crispin Glover. So yeah, typecasting.

Dark Sense

DARK SENSE (available now)
“Predicting his own death at the hands of a serial killer, a psychic must enlist the help of an ex-special forces soldier to track down the psychopath and evade the government agents out to exploit his special powers.”

If I were a psychic, I’d become a weatherman and “forecast” the weather so accurately, I’d be, like, double rich.

Jinn

JINN (June 13, 2019/Netflix™)
“A group of teenagers whose lives are disrupted when a Jinn in the form of a teenage boy appears to them in the ancient city of Petra. Their friendships and young romances are tested when they set out to stop an even greater darkness that is threatening to destroy the world. Can they come together in time, and find the answers needed, in order to save everything?”

This is a TV series that Netflix™ is describing as a “contemporary supernatural teenage drama.” Take the word “teen” out of it and it might actually be watchable.

The Coma

THE COMA (2019)
“After a colossal and mysterious accident a young talented architect comes back to his senses in a very odd world that only resembles the reality. This world is based on the memories of the ones who live in it — people who are currently finding themselves in a deep coma. Human memory is spotty, chaotic and unstable. The same is the COMA — odd collection of memories and recollections — cities, glaciers and rivers can all be found in one room. All the laws of physics can be broken. The architect must find out the exact laws and regulations of COMA as he fights for his life, meets the love of his life and keeps on looking for the exit to the real world which he will have to get acquainted with all over again after the experience of COMA.”

This Russian-made sci-fi is a visual stunner. Good thing; if you don’t speak Russia words, it’ll all be Greek to you.

Batty For Batwoman, Debt Demon, Classy Slashy

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batwoman

Coming this Fall, CW™ is finally giving us Batwoman (not Batgirl, as erroneously reported October, 2018), starring the inhumanely gorgeous Ruby Rose as the kick ass crime crusher. And when she’s not punching it as Batwoman, Kate Kane (her secret identity), rides around on a motorcycle, has tattoos, wears a leather jacket and a Ramones t-shirt. I wish to hug her.

Batwoman

Here’s what’s about to go down: “Armed with a passion for social justice and a flair for speaking her mind, Kate Kane soars onto the streets of Gotham as Batwoman, an out lesbian and highly-trained street fighter primed to snuff out the failing city’s criminal resurgence. But don’t call her a hero yet. In a city desperate for a savior, Kate must overcome her own demons before embracing the call to be Gotham’s symbol of hope.”

Batwoman

There’s a three-minute trailer for Batwoman, which you need to see. Before you do that, here are a few now available/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as a highly-trained street fighter gal wearing a Ramones shirt…

13 Souls

13 SOULS (available now)
“An evil creature created from the souls of coal miners killed in a mining massacre, takes revenge on a small town every 50 years. His mission is to collect ‘13 souls to pay the debt.’”

There are lots of horror movies about coal mines — you just have to tunnel for ‘em. Heh. For a good throwback coal mine horror flick, give My Bloody Valentine a spin. The 1981 version, not the full-of-holes 2009 remake.

Nun's Deadly Confession

NUN’S DEADLY CONFESSION (available now)
Dr. Morten Holst is a psychiatrist who struggles with as many problems, if not more, as his wide range of unique patients. A detective finds himself in a threatening situation when he gets caught in the doctor’s game while unraveling a mysterious case.”

The cover art is as confusing as the plot. And that nun doesn’t look very holy. God’s probably gonna give her the frowning of a lifetime.

Strawberry Flavored Plastic

STRAWBERRY FLAVORED PLASTIC (available now)
“A sensational, sentimental, and philosophical horror neo-noir that follows the still-at-large crimes of Noel, a repentant, classy and charming serial killer loose in the suburbs of New York.”

There’s a bunch of words that don’t belong in this plot blurb. I can fix it for them — take everything out and just say, “serial killer loose in the suburbs of New York.”

Rock, Paper, Scissors

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS (July 23, 2019)
Serial killer Peter Harris, aka ‘The Doll Maker,’ returns to his ancestral family estate after being released from the state hospital for the criminally insane after 20 years – a ‘cured’ man. Once inside the old house, anguished memories from a tortured childhood and visitations from past victims shake Peter’s resolve, but it isn’t until the lovely young Ashley enters his life that Peter makes a fateful decision, one that rekindles old desires that always have ended in murder.”

Don’t’ confuse this Rock, Paper, Scissors with the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2012, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2018, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2007, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2013, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out earlier in 2019.

Giant Food, Old West Werewolves, That ’80s Critter

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mothra

In the ensuing rush to cash in on all things Godzilla and his new movie (I seemed to have forgotten the title), now comes the 1961 release of Mothra on Blu-ray™ (July 9, 2019/Mill Creek Entertainment) for the first time in North America. I have the original DVD/VHS/Betamax versions drunk purchased from eBay™/Japan, so a Blu-ray version isn’t gonna have me grabbin’ for my coin purse any time soon.

Mothra

If you haven’t seen Mothra, the world’s biggest butterfly, here’s the plottage: “Following reports of human life on Infant Island, the supposedly deserted site of atomic bomb tests, an international expedition to the heavily-radiated island discovers a native tribe and tiny twin female fairies called ‘Shobijin’ who guard a sacred egg. The overzealous expedition leader kidnaps the Shobijin to exhibit in a Tokyo stage show but soon they summon their protector, hatching the egg and releasing a giant caterpillar. When Mothra arrives in Japan and finally transforms into the ultimate beast, impervious to modern weapons, the nation and its people face their destruction.”

Mothra

The first time you see the Mothra egg wash up on the beach, try and guess how many omelets it could make. (I figured it out — it’s one. But you’ll need a frying pan about the size of a football field in which to cook it. And you’re gonna need a LOT of salt and pepper. Silverware? Screw that — just cannonball right into the middle of that gooey sucker!) 

Before we sit down to a Godzilla-sized breakfast, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as a gigantic sacred egg…

High Moon

HIGH MOON (May 14, 2019)
Colt — a gunslinging werewolf slayer from the old west — mysteriously rises from the grave, only to find that the band of werewolves that brutally murdered his wife are still running rampant generations later. Aided by a beautiful widow, a skeptical town sheriff  and a corrupt Mayor, Colt must face off with the bloodthirsty creatures once again to save a sleepy southern town from destruction.”

Seems to me they should’ve gone with Wolf Cop to bring these furry fiends to justice. His opening move would be to throw Nair™ in their faces.

Critters Attack!

CRITTERS ATTACK! (July 23, 2019)
“20-year-old Drea reluctantly takes a job babysitting for a professor of a college she hopes to attend. Struggling to entertain the professor’s children Trissy and Jake, along with her own little brother Phillip, Drea takes them on a hike, unaware that mysterious alien critters have crash-landed and started devouring every living thing they encounter.”

The first Critters movie came out in 1986. And now a sequel that nobody asked for comes out 33 years later (and featuring Dee Wallace who was in the original). Just let it go, man.

A Huanting At Silver Falls 2

A HAUNTING AT SILVER FALLS 2 (2019)
“Several years after a deadly struggle with her serial killer aunt, Jordan, now in college, works to escape her troubled history. But when her aunt’s revenge-seeking specter surfaces to join forces with a deranged convict, Jordan must return to the haunted town of Silver Falls for a final showdown with the ghosts of her past.”

The first one came out in 2013. Didn’t see it. Not sure why. So in this one a ghost teams up with a deranged convict; wonder which one dresses better?

The Chair

THE CHAIR (2019)
Richard Sullivan is an innocent man struggling to escape his fate on Death Row. Witnessing the brutal torture and murder of his fellow inmates, will he find a way to survive, or will the insane events of the prison finally consume him? Everything is not what it seems, and sanity is such an easy thing to lose.”

Prison sure sounds a lot more fun than it used to. They serve pretty good mac & cheese…or so I’ve heard. If some guy with a tattoo of a gun on his face wants some of yours, you should probably share.