Archive for serial killer

Pet Monsters, Human Monsters, Religious Monsters

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Okja

The neighborhood had one of those community garage sales the other day. it’s always fun to rummage through other people’s crap. Hit pay dirt, though, when I found a box of ‘80s horror movies on VHS tape for .25 cents each.

I was so happy until I got home and realized I don’t have a VHS player. Sigh. Might as well go listen to that box of 8-tracks I also scored for about the same price and… Oh, crud; I don’t have an 8-track player, either. There’s $2.00 I’ll never see again.

On that Einstein note, here are some upcoming horror/sci-fi that may or may not be worth .25 cents to watch…

OKJA (June 28, 2917/Netflix)
“For 10 idyllic years, young Mija has been caretaker and constant companion to Okja – a massive animal and an even bigger friend – at her home in the mountains of South Korea. But that changes when the family-owned multinational conglomerate Mirando Corporation takes Okja for themselves and transports her to New York, where image obsessed and self-promoting CEO Lucy Mirando has big plans for Mija’s dearest friend.”

Sounds like a re-imagineering of King Kong/Mighty Joe Young. And looking at the giant creature’s silhouette (is that a French word? Sure the heck seems like it is), it probably eats about 100 pounds of food per meal. At first glance I thought it was a hippo. But when was the last time you saw a hippo on a leash? That’s like putting a turtleneck sweater on a  giraffe.

The Monster Project

THE MONSTER PROJECT (2017)
“A recovering drug addict takes a job with a documentary crew who plans to interview three subjects who claim to be real life monsters.”

Sounds cool. Although what kind of monsters are they? Day vampires? Half moon werewolves? Republicans? Noisy neighbors who won’t quit making noise no matter how much I pound on the ceiling?

A Closer Walk With Thee

A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE (2017)
“Four young evangelical missionaries set up a house church in inner-city Los Angeles to try and save the neighborhood from a Satanist gang. Jordan is a good Christian kid, except that he’s starting to have impure sexual thoughts about his close friend and fellow missionary Eli. When he’s caught watching Eli shower, he is outed to the group and painfully ostracized – until Eli, who happens to be a fledgling exorcist, suggests that a demonic possession might be causing these Jordan’s feelings. Jordan begins to enact signs of possession, prompting Eli to take action. What begins as a ritualistic method of trying to save their friendship quickly spirals out of control and descends into darkness and violence.”

Only a religious nutbag would think homosexuality is a sign of demonic possession. The irony here is that the “fledgling exorcist” is probably gay himself. Gay people don’t need to be exorcised, but religious freaks do.

Summer of '84

SUMMER OF ‘84 (2017/2018)
“Growing up on a quiet cul-de-sac in Ipswich, Massachusetts, Davey’s desperate to believe there’s more to life than what he sees from his bedroom window. But Davey thirsts for more. As their investigation heats up, Davey and his best buds soon discover Mr. Mackey is onto them and their suspicions quickly become all too real.”

The pre-production artwork reveals that there’s a serial killer living in the neighborhood. I bet he doesn’t mow his lawn, but rather hacks it. Heh. For a superior and hard-to-watch serial killer in the neighborhood movie, watch The Lovely Bones (2009). You’ll probably need counseling afterward. Or a hug.

Teen Exorcisms, Tall Phantoms, Big Pigs

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

American Exorcism

Finished binge watching the third season of From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series (2014 – 2017) and the Gecko Brothers locked horns with the Queen of Hell. Gotta say, in human form, she’s quite the looker. But in demon shape she has black/blue lava textured skin, well-flossed snake fangs, Predator hair and a dress Morticia Addams would kill for. Not seeing how she differs from all the other gals at the bowling alley, though.

Speaking of things not that different, here’s a pile of upcoming horror that you’ve seen before, whether you bowl or not…

AMERICAN EXORCIST (May 2, 2017 / VOD — August 1, 2017/DVD)
Damon Richter thought he left the world of possessions, exorcisms and evil behind until an old friend arrives with frightening information about his estranged daughter knowing that only his otherworldly skills can save her.”

The possessed teen is probably just going through puberty, in which case, we’re ALL doomed. Dude, just sprinkle anything labeled Clinique around the house, buy her an iPhone™ and NEVER come into her room without knocking, lest ye be damned.

Even Lambs Have Teeth

EVEN LAMBS HAVE TEETH (May 2, 2017)
“Dreaming of a trip to NYC, the beautiful Sloane and Katie leave for the countryside to earn money working on an organic farm. But on the way they are kidnapped and abused by a sinister family of small-town psychopaths. When the girls finally escape, they decide to return to the scene of the crime and settle the score. It’s not pretty.”

So organic farm hippie chicks have a streak for revenge. How do they think they’re gonna do that — make their torturers eat canned vegetables loaded with GMOs? As for small town psychopaths, aren’t they pretty much in every small town? This is what happens to society when you have no 7-Eleven™ or Starbucks™ within impulsive spitting distance.

Tall Men

TALL MEN (May 9, 2017)
“Terrence Mackleby claims bankruptcy after being over $80,000 in debt. His private world is turned upside down when Terrence is visited by strange demons and tall phantoms in business suits after he applies for a mysterious black credit card, in this nightmarish Holbrookian vision.”

This one used to be called Customer 152. I like Tall Men slightly better, though said height gifted men look like Slenderman’s neighbors. So demons and phantoms wear business suits to work. I guess casual Fridays don’t apply in other dimensions.

Boar

BOAR (2017)
Boar showcases the harsh and beautiful Australian landscape. Lurking within this picturesque setting is a dark and terrifying threat — a beast of staggering size with an uncontrollable desire for blood and destruction. Driven by its insatiable appetite for carnage, it defends its territory with brutal force and savagely takes on any who get in its way.”

With a press release this generic, all you have to do is swap out the title to Razorback (1984), Pighunt (2008), Chaw (aka, Chawz, 2009), Hogzilla (2014). But you’d already know that if you read my preview of this one back in November 4, 2015 (And it still doesn’t have a specific release date, but sometime in 2017.) I’ll re-state it: they should change the movie’s name to Bore.

Rearview

REARVIEW (2017/2018)
“Nicky is a young woman traveling alone to meet her band mates — through the back roads of the British countryside — who escapes the clutches of a dangerous stranger. Her road trip soon turns from bad to worse as she finds herself running for her life as she attempts to escape a serial killer and the hordes of predatory locals in the area known as ‘The Highway of Tears’.”

This one smells like 1986’s The Hitcher. Hope she’s the singer of the band. Can you imagine if she was the drummer? Hauling a drumset around the British countryside, let alone from the band van to the backstage door, is a royal pain in the tom tom.

Kaijus, Bigfoot and Future Cephalopods

Posted in Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

Colossal

The butt-numbing cold and saturating winter rain of 2017 in Seattle has been conducive to staying indoors and watching horror movies. You could couch out to other types of movies, but horror/sci-fi seems to vibe with the doom and gloom outside. While there are no sharknadoes or lavalantulas shooting out of our local volcanoes (we have several), just the thought of going outside and getting my hair messed up by the wind and/or rain goons me out. Call me indoor face. I’ll come out of my burrow when the sun arrives, which is usually around July.

Here’s some upcoming bad weather movies to watch indoors…

Colossal

COLOSSAL (April, 2017)
“A woman moves back home after losing her job and being dumped by her boyfriend. Her life takes a sudden turn when a giant kaiju-like creature appears in South Korea and she begins to suspect she may be connected to it.”

The trailer makes this one look like a comedy. Giant monsters are not funny, dang it. Unless its the Giant Claw, who looks like a puppet made by someone on drugs. The hook for Colossal is that whatever the main chick (Anne Hathaway) does, the monster mimics it. Let’s hope she doesn’t start doing kegels.

Attack of the Cyber Ocotpuses

ATTACK OF THE CYBER OCTOPUSES (Kickstarter/in-progress)
Neo-Berlin, 2079. A dark, rain-soaked city held by mega corporations where the only enjoyment in life is connecting to cyberspace and taking ‘Binary Trip,’ a cyber drug that fries your neurons but promises a feeling better than a hundred orgasms at once. In this setting, a team of crack cyberspace detectives are investigating a new menace: an army of cyber octopuses that are terrorizing the city.”

This one’s trying to crowd-fund its way into your hearts and homes as of this posting. Checking under the couch cushions for spare bitcoins. I’d donate real money, but I live in Seattle, which is built around the super wet Elliott Bay, which is teeming with our own octopuses. They’re quite friendly. Just be careful when petting them; They might act all buddy-buddy and squishy, but while they’re hugging you, one of their spare arms always goes for the wallet.

Laundry Man

LAUNDRY MAN (Available now/Amazon Prime/VOD)
Laundry Man is the story about a clumsy serial killer. It is partly based on the crimes committed by American serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and those committed by the Belgian-Hungarian pastor, Andras Pandy.”

Watched the trailer — more splatter on the platter. The main chick appears to not be wearing a bra. As such, you’ll need permission from your parent(s) or legal guardian(s) to watch this. Wonder where they got the idea for their ad art? Seems vaguely familiar…

Carrie

Primal Rage: The Legend of Oh-Mah

PRIMAL RAGE: THE LEGEND OF OH-MAH (post-production/2017)
“A newly reunited young couple’s drive through the Pacific Northwest turns into a nightmare as they are forced to face nature, unsavory locals, and a monstrous creature known to the Native Americans as Oh-Mah.”

I live in the Pacific Northwest. How dare you call we locals unsavory? We’re loaded with savor. As for the monstrous creature Oh-Mah, never heard of him/her/it. Bigfoot/Sasquatch/Wood Ape/Harry Henderson, of course. But this other pretender to the throne should do what we tell tourists to do — buy our locally made goods and then get the truck outta here. A little rough? Nope. For us it’s quite savory.

Blood, Leather and Mom

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bloody Bits: Shorts Compilation

Still marveling over technology’s ability to stop a horror movie long enough for you to go to the bathroom, and then resume when you’re done. (Did you wash your hands?) Wonder if they make digital catheters, you know, to eliminate the middle man?

Anyway, here’s some plausible pause-ables…

BLOODY BITS (available now)
Black Fawn Distribution, in association with essential Canadian horror film festival Blood In The Snow (BITS), has released the brand new short horror film compilation entitled Bloody BITS – Shorts Compilation. The collection highlights seven of the film festival’s best short horror films and, in support of the DVD’s new release, which is currently available for order exclusively through blackfawndistribution.com.”

I like horror shorts. Not the ones I’m wearing, but the “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” mini movies that cater to my ADD. Normally, I’d just knock that condition into submission with six or eleven beers. But short horror movies achieve the same results, though not nearly as fun.

Leatherface

LEATHERFACE (available now/UK)
“Four wannabe actors take part in a horrifying reality show in which a serial killer stalks them in a remote cabin and their reactions are filmed for TV. The survivor of the week is promised $1 million and the starring role in their very own horror film. The only problem is the role of the killer is being played by a maniacal murderer who has been let out of an insane asylum to continue his reign of terror.”

This one’s a lawsuit-in-a-can. There’s already an official Texas Chainsaw Massacre spin-off called Leatherface (as deftly reported here back in October 2016) pending a 2017 release. This RIP-OFF Leatherface has been released in the UK and has nothing to do with the TCM franchise, even though the guy on the front looks deceptively similar, as does his choice of power tools. International wars were started over far less.

The Belko Experiment

THE BELKO EXPERIMENT (March 17, 2017/VOD)
“The American Belko company in South America is mysteriously sealed off at the beginning of a work day and its employees are ordered to kill each other or be killed themselves. This starts an escalation of violence, where we discover the true nature of each and every Belko employee.”

Corporate employees killing each other. So much for an HR department. Wondering though — if you get killed, does that take away from your accrued vacation time?

Killing Ground

KILLING GROUND (2017)
“Ian and Samantha arrive at an isolated campsite to find an SUV and a tent — no sign of the occupants. As night falls and the campers fail to return, Ian and Sam grow increasingly uneasy. The discovery of a distressed child wandering in the woods unleashes a terrifying chain of events that will test them to breaking point.”

Time to invoke the legally-binding “finder’s keepers” claim here and score yourself some new wheels and a portable roof over your head. Don’t be a douche — do the right thing and leave a thank-you note.

Borderline

BORDERLINE (2017)
“Maria and Silvia have lost their mother and they have decided to put her to rest in the nearby forest. One of the sisters becomes unhinged by the loss. Her mental instability leads to tragedy as the other sibling and others do their best to survive this dark encounter.”

Bigfoot’s not gonna cotton to you burying your garbage on his property. This also makes me wonder why the sisters are dumping no-longer-mom in the woods and side-stepping a formal funeral with all the bling? Maybe they were adopted.

Man Skunk, Twin Ghosts, Hobo Maniacs

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

I Was A Teenage Wereskunk

Yeesh, 2016 was a craptastic year. Good year for horror, though. Here’s some upcoming and uplifting new horror flicks to cleanse the palette for 2017…

I WAS A TEENAGE WERESKUNK (available now)
“Wholesome teenager Curtis Albright’s world is thrown into chaos when he’s sprayed in the face by an enchanted skunk. Now whenever Curtis feels sexually aroused — which is damn near constant for a teenage boy — he turns into a MURDEROUS WERESKUNK!”

An enchanted skunk. Just when you think you’ve seen everything. Still, this one sounds pretty funny. Hope it doesn’t stink. Heh.

Sadako vs. Kayako

SADAKO VS KAYAKO (available now in Japan / January 26, 2017 on Shudder)
“After watching a cursed videotape, Natsumi has only two days before she will be killed by demonic entity Sadako. Her only hope is to pit Sadako against Kayako, a menacing spirit that inhabits a haunted house.”

Sadako from The Ring series and Kayako from The Grudge series are practically the same vengeful, long black hair ghost thingamajig and collectively have appeared in two dozen prequels, sequels, reboots and remakes. Makes sense to get ‘em in a box office lock-up, ala Freddy vs. Jason (2003). Heck, they can even share clothes and hair tips.

Pool Party Massacre

POOL PARTY MASSACRE (2017)
“When Blair, a high maintenance young socialite invites some friends over to her parents house for an intimate pool party, they are unaware that a serial killer is hiding inside the house. What started out as a relaxing summer day by the pool quickly turns into a nightmare as the unknown killer begins to stalk and murdering the young girls one by one.”

Not a lot of plot. But hey, watching over-privileged snots get Cuisinart’d isn’t a bad way to waste time.

Parasites

PARASITES (JANUARY 24, 2017/VOD)
“The industrial barbarianism of downtown Los Angeles is equal parts player and punisher in this survive-at-all-costs tale of a group of friends who get lost in the seedy streets where they encounter a crazed gang of homeless derelicts that captures and maims them one-by-one. One lucky man escapes on foot, naked and unarmed, with a pack of depraved transients in pursuit, staying only seconds ahead. Clinging to sanity and reduced to helpless prey, with only instinct to guide him, can he survive this coliseum of horror?”

Industrial barbarianism. Sounds like a metal sub-genre. The songs practically write themselves. Time to start a band.

Slasher’s Aren’t Very Knife

Posted in Classic Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

American Nightmare

There’s a razor blade slasher reducing the population of strippers in New York. What the heck, man? These ladies perform a vital service to society and you wanna kill them? Messed up, dude. This sets the sex and violence mood in 1983’s American Nightmare, a low-grade/low-rent slasher flick filmed in Toronto, home of Pothole Filler Imperial Stout™.

American Nightmare

So there she was, naked in a hotel room, about to close a business deal with a client, when the messed up dude pulled out a razor made for shaving, and cut her throat — and she didn’t even need a shave! Again, messed up.

American Nightmare

Earlier, Isabelle (the stripper-slash-hooker-slash-slasher victim) left messages for her brother to come save her from danger. (In New York, that could be anything from a serial killer to a dirty public toilet seat). He doesn’t know he’s way too late, and searches every strip joint in town. Gotta love his methodology; hope he brought a lot of small bills — to, um, buy information, of course.

American Nightmare

The guy (Eric) hooks (sorry) up with a dancer (Louise) and they both go on the empty-lead search. In-between all of this is LOTS of bold displays of the female anatomy set to music and an increasing bare body count. There’s even a sex scene that, back in 1983, was likely rated-X. By today’s standards and practices, it would only fetch a PG designation. But hey…ladies dancing without the muss and fuss of clothing. Like I said, a VITAL service.

American Nightmare

The killer in this gritty slasher flick gets it in the end. Okay, that didn’t come out right. Regardless, his identity came as no surprise. What IS a surprise was the transvestite hooker. A surprise to her clients, anyway. Ha!

Home For The Holidays with Serial Killers and Robots

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Never Open The Door

Nothin’ like celebrating the impending holiday season with some slashers, serial killers and robots. Oops, I forgot — robots now prefer to be called “cyborgs.” Fine by me. A rose by any other name,

NEVER OPEN THE DOOR (December 6, 2016)
“Three happy couples retreat to a cozy secluded cabin in the woods to enjoy Thanksgiving. A badly wounded stranger appears at the door, and when they let him in, he throws up blood and collapses on the floor. As he dies, he points towards the lovers and croaks his final words: “Never open the door”. The dumbfounded group of friends start to panic as one of their own inexplicably disappears. Doubt rises by the minute and mistrust soaks through the cabin. As strange men surround the cabin, escape becomes paramount. Who will open the door?”

I don’t want to goon you out, but if a wounded stranger shows up on your doorstep at Thanksgiving and throws up on the floor, it’ll likely be me. I’ll leave without a fuss as long as your prepare a to-go box with turkey, mashed potatoes and 16 airline bottles of vodka. (I’ll find my own mixer in the dumpster behind 7-Eleven™ — good pickins!) And would it kill you to throw in a couple of slices of grandma’s pumpkin pie?

I Am Not A Serial Killer

I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER (December 9, 2016 / VOD)
John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous and he knows it. He is 16 and helps his mum and aunt at the family mortuary. John is obsessed with serial killers but really doesn’t want to become one. So for his own sake and the safety of those around him he lives by rigid rules to keep himself “good” and “normal.” When somebody starts murdering people in John’s small Mid-West town, he has to investigate and risk letting his own dark side out in order to stop the killer. But without his rules to keep him in check he might be more dangerous than the monster he is stalking. As the icy winter tightens its grip on the community a deadly supernatural game of cat and mouse ensues.”

John Wayne Cleaver. Now there’s a name you can hang your entrails on. As for living by “rigid rules” to stay “good” and “normal,” I bet ’ol JWC is one just Jagermeister smoothie away from drumming up business for the family business.

Detour

DETOUR (January 9, 2017 / VOD)
“Harper, a seemingly naive law student, obsesses over the idea that his shifty stepfather was involved in the devastating car crash that left his mother hospitalized and comatose. He drowns his suspicions in whiskey until he finds himself suddenly engrossed in conversation with volatile grifter Johnny and his stripper companion, Cherry. As daylight breaks and the haziness of promises made becomes clearer, how will Harper handle the repercussions (not to mention the violent duo — on his doorstep)? Employing a split-narrative structure to tell this tale of deception and murder, Detour takes the audience on a thrill ride full of hairpin turns, where it’s never quite clear what or who can be trusted.”

I’m sorry — I didn’t catch anything after “drowning in whiskey.”

Ghost in the Shell

GHOST IN THE SHELL (March, 2017)
“The Major (Scarlett Johansson), a special ops, one-of-a-kind human-cyborg hybrid, leads an elite task force known as Section 9. Devoted to stopping the most dangerous criminals and extremists, Section 9 is faced with an enemy whose singular goal is to wipe out Hanka Robotic’s advancements in cyber technology.”

The stunningly gorgeous Scarlett Johansson as a one-of-a-king human-cyborg hybrid. That explains a couple the things, the first of which is why she doesn’t return my e-mails. (I’m probably just spam to her.) Regardless, this live action sci-fi thriller is based on the enduringly popular Japanese seinen manga series by Masamune Shirow that got its start back in 1989. Scarlett Johansson got her start in 1984. I could probably make a connection there, but the cyborg part of my humanity is on the blink — again — so just go with it.