Archive for scarecrow

The Scare of Scarecrows, Peaks of Twin, The Fiction of Science

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Biofoot

Happened across an article on the conservation.com that explored how the search for mythical monsters can help conversation in the real world. [click HERE]

Seems to me the article was written in reverse. But I digress. The news piece goes on to say that “since 1993, more than 400 new mammals have been identified, many in areas undergoing rapid habitat destruction. The number of undescribed beetles, for example, or flies, let alone microscopic organisms, will be huge.”

So by looking for Bigfoot, you might actually find an entirely undiscovered species, kinda like what is growing in moldy refrigerators and/or public sleeping bags.

Speaking of hopefully finding something new and interesting that could eat your flesh and/or cure elbow herpes, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not tweak yer pique…

The Cropsey Incident

THE CROPSEY INCIDENT (available now/VOD)
“Activists venture deep into the woods to investigate gruesome ritual murders. They come face to face with something far more deadly than any serial killer.”

We first heard of groundskeeper Cropsey back in The Burning/1981 after he was BBQ’d during a summer camp prank gone oops. He came out of it a bit on the well done side, but made sure those kids with matches and gasoline weren’t coming back the following — or any — year. Then we got a reintroduction to Cropsey in 2010 after a self-titled “documentary” was released, detailing “two filmmakers investigate the disappearance of five children and the real bogeyman linked to them.” Now Cropsey is back, this time looking like a an oily scarecrow and doing to people what serial killers are paid to do. Wish they’d give him a name that doesn’t sound like a discount haircut, though.

The Valley

THE VALLEY (available now/Shudder/SVOD)
This supernatural German series begins with the Twin Peaks-ian discovery of a tiara-crowned teen corpse. But there’s a twist: Sophia’s not dead…yet. When she does meet her maker, the amnesiac who found her body realizes he must figure out who killed her in order to unlock his own identity. But solving these mysteries won’t be easy. This valley is filled with secrets, plus a ghost girl, a snail-loving psychic and a bogeyman who lurks in the shadows.

They had me at snail-loving psychic. These foreign, horror mini series on Shudder™ are pretty good, the French made The Returned (2015) being a standout. This one is on every Thursday, but let ‘em pile up so as to binge watch and not have to lose track of the storyline, which is always in subtitles and/or foreign beer speak not as yet mastered by said uneducated slapping bologna flapper.

Anti Matter

ANTI MATTER (September 8, 2017/VOD)
“Ana, an Oxford Ph.D. student finds herself unable to build new memories following an experiment to generate and travel through a wormhole. The story follows her increasingly desperate efforts to understand what happened and to find out who — or what — is behind the rising horror in her life.”

I’ve always wanted to travel through a wormhole. Think of the scientific possibilities — you could be watching a horror movie, hit pause, jump in the wormhole that leads to a 7-Eleven™ on the other side of the galaxy, grab a sixer, and be back in time to crack an icy space beer and continue on with your TV viewing experience, all without having to fire up the ’ol Chitttychittybangbang.

Blood Honey

BLOOD HONEY (2017)
Jenibel Heath returns to her family’s secluded island lodge to help her siblings care for their dying father, 10 years after the mysterious suicide of her mother. Set to inherit the bulk of the family’s estate, Jenibel learns of a horrific plot against her and finds herself stuck in a life-threatening nightmare, where she must struggle to survive.”

Red flags go up when they change the movie title, the first being The Hive and now to the admittedly better Blood Honey. As for the plot against Jenibel as she’s set to inherit the bulk of the family’s estate, when doesn’t that happen between siblings? Heck, I’m planning my takeover strategy as we speak.

Kung fu Scarecrow

Posted in Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , on June 3, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Scarecrow

Scarecrow (2002) is YET ANOTHER horror movie to use the Carrie (1976) theme of an outcast student who obtains supernatural powers to exact terrifying revenge on those that made fun of him and/or wouldn’t invite him to any of their heavy metal vomit parties.

Scarecrow

The twist here is that the kid gets killed to death by his white trash mom’s new drunk boyfriend (who, just moments before, was porking ’ol mom in the trailer), and comes back reincarnated as a wisecracking scarecrow. Makes sense. As the protector of all things corn-on-the-cob, the scarecrow hacks and chops his enemies to mulch. [Insert yawn here.]

Scarecrow

Where they really dropped the melon is by giving the scarecrow acrobatic skills; he jumps and flips around as if an extra in a kung fu movie. That, and they didn’t make him very tall. Even his mom – who is horizontal most of the time – is bigger than he is. You’d think Scarecrow would stuff his shoes with all that straw he has laying around. Worse, the puns he cracks before each kill are more tired than the plot.

Scarecrow

The only scares this scarecrow delivers are to the crows that would crap on his crops.

Zombies and Hookers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Sleeping Room

A couple new horror moving picture shows for your consideration, one involving a sex pervert (hey, who isn’t?) and Nazi zombies in the other. (Yawn.)

The Sleeping Room (2015) is in reference to a rest area for working girls in-between clients/sex perverts. A teenage call girl puts in some mattress time at an old time-y brothel, where the employees often lie down on the job. Heh. She discovers a secret room, an antique penny arcade called a Mutoscope (cool name), and secrets pertaining to her crazy mom who killed her parents before turning the crazy kill on herself. The movie’s press release also uses the phrase “extreme sexual tastes.” I’ll have to Google™ that. Hope there’s pictures.

Scarecrow

P.S. The Boogeyman on the ad poster must be related to the Scarecrow in Batman Begins (2005). Or at least share the same habidasher.

Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead

Next up is Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead. YET ANOTHER zombie movie using Nazis. No release date announced, but here’s the plot or “synopsis”:

“Set in WWII, American soldiers fight a horde of zombies created by the Nazis using war prisoners. They have only one night to save their own lives, but the enemy is stronger and stronger…”

You gotta watch out for those “stronger and stronger” zombies. (Yeesh – who, besides me, writes press releases like that?) I didn’t see the first one, so it’s highly probable I’ll watch this one. I honestly don’t know why.

Eating Corn With A Pitchfork

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Scarecrow Slayer

As a four-year-old riding on a farm tractor at midnight, plowing the fields (couldn’t it wait until morning?), Tony Todd (Candyman in a previous life) watched his dad get pitch-forked by a demonically possessed scarecrow. At this point we don’t know if the pitchfork was real or just a prop.

Scarecrow Slayer

When Tony grew up, he wrote numerous books about the forked up cornfield guardian and learned that yes, booze can solve just about all of your problems. He even managed to capture the darn thing, tied it up in said field of corn and keep his shotgun and mind-clearing whiskey at the ready.

Scarecrow Slayer

Along comes two frat pledges whose job is to steal the scarecrow and bring it back to the dorm (probably to have relations with it). Tony, senses amplified by alcohol, runs out with all guns blazing and shoots one of the kids in the stomach-y area. Through the magic of Art Institute™ special effects, the boy’s soul is sucked into the scarecrow, thereby reanimating it and setting out on a murderous vegetable-esque rampage.

Scarecrow Slayer

Tony made two mistakes in regards to Scarecrow Slayer (2003): one was starring in it. The second was not having enough booze to blot out this epic career fail.

Scarecrows: The Last Straw

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 8, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Husk

The set-up: three college dudes and a chick whose favors was once sampled by at least two of ’em, end up in haunted cornfield inhabited by scarecrows that run really fast and gut you with a scythe, or “Texas pocketknife.” 

Husk

The plot: once the main scarecrow dude gets inside your mind’s underwear, you end up in an abandoned house in the upstairs room, making a back-up supply of scarecrow masks with an old sewing machine. Those not yet turned into scarecrows will be trying ’em on soon.

Husk

The sub-plot: there’s a psychic backstory that shows an abusive farmer teachin’ his boys how to be men by gutting pigs for sandwiches and soup flavorings. I’m not spoiling anything by telling you the younger kid is the demon scarecrow.

Husk

Husk (2010) is standard cornfield horror that’s been done lots better in Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981). The irony of all this is I didn’t see one crow. What a rip-off.