Horror x 3000, Space Guitars, Ghoul Roommate

Today, June 10, 2024, marks the 14th anniversary of this here blog-o-rama, which I started on June 10, 2010. The math checks out. And as of this posting, I’ve done exactly 3,000 blah-blah-blogs. That seems rather excessive…and more ambitious than I thought I had in me. Regardless, it’s been a brakeless ride filled with wincing grammar, unavoidable typos and the best non-paid waste of time this side of nightly sitting on my roof, waiting for our space brothers to get me off this toilet we call Earth. Onward.

I’m a hardcore fan of horror/sci-fi movies and guitars and the joyous chaos both invoke. If you’re like-minded, you might wanna check out Devil & Sons™ Customized Guitars. Their humble description: “At the Devil & Sons™ workshop artist, luthier, and maker Daniel Devilson modifies and pimps guitars and basses to create works of art you can play. Daniel’s love of sci-fi and steampunk show through in the one-off creations you can find at Devil & Sons™. From the Fury Road inspired Mad Axe, to the Terminator B.C. Rich Mockingbird hybrid, via the Alien-themed guitars, these are artwork instruments that you won’t find anywhere else.”

Thus behold, the D&S Genesis™ — Craftcaster™ ($3,240.18 US). “The spacecraft body is hand-constructed using the kit bashing method, and the hand-painted finished is based on the designs of classic sci-fi illustrator Chris Foss.” And there’s the Solar: Craftcaster™ (same price as above). “The Solar is a guitar from another world and another time. It’s the second in Devil & Sons™ new Craftcaster™ series of guitars inspired by classic sci-fi spacecraft design.”

I myself own several guitars, including a sweet customized Epiphone™ “Skulltar” (my name for it, pictured above), which is my go-to in case Metallica needs me to help them sell concert tickets. Besides looking like it came straight out of a non-sucky horror movie, this “Instrument of Doom” has essential features: it’s super loud and it DOESN’T PLAY BALLADS. Just ask my neighbors.

So while we all visit Devils & Sons™ Customized Guitars and buy (click this) one of their sweet axes and start a band (metal), here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be better than seeing me on stage with Metallica…

GIGANTIC: REAL GIANT HUMANOIDS THROUGHOUT HISTORY / Out now (VOD)

“The early 1900s were filled with hundreds of reports from reputable sources of giant skeletons unearthed from ancient burial mounds, but where is this evidence now? Explore the legends of giants with six fingers and toes, a trait attributed to ancient supernatural androgynous deities and their offspring, a trait that was eventually abandoned for the five-fingered homo sapiens of today. Explore the lore, the myth and the evidence with this explosive research.”

As a youngster, the first giant humanoid I ever saw was the Jolly Green Giant™, the brand mascot on canned vegetables. He scared the string beans right outta me. The next giant humanoid I saw was Ultraman. His uncommonly tight uniform scared the men’s locker room right outta me.

DEATH WHISPERER 2 / October 10, 2024 (Theaters/VOD)

“In a world shrouded by darkness, a relentless force seeks retribution, undeterred by boundaries or morality.”

Who wouldn’t? I currently have no boundaries/morality, so when do I start?

I’LL PLAY MOTHER / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“After the death of their birth mother, two young children are placed in the care of prospective adopter parents, however, it’s not long before the new family begin to question if something more sinister is at play.”

So who’s the problem here — the adopter parents or the kids? I’m guessing it’s the motherless brats, who likely did away with their womb mommy for not letting them watch Baby Sharknado.

GHOUL / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Karla, a freelance photographer moves into a new house in Las Vegas and thinks it’s haunted. A few people — a low-life thief, a creepy handy-man, an angry nosy neighbor, and a few more — get brutally murdered by something horrible that is living in the attic.”

Given the annoying nature of my neighbors, I would like to offer the “something horrible” free attic rent and full bathroom privileges. But not to murder anyone — just think having an eccentric roomie might be fun.