Murder Doll, Murder Insects, Murder Hat

The sci-fi horror hit M3GAN scored big at 2022’s box office and whose marketing was so pervasive, which spawned a wildly viral social media dance trend, you knew about it, even if you didn’t see it. The movie’s protagonist “M3gan” — a science-created, fully-functioning young girl doll — was so lifelike, it made it super creepy when “she” went all murderville on non-plastic lifeforms. And in anticipation of a sequel scheduled for May 2025, you can own a screen-accurate, life-sized M3GAN doll for a the human-mocking price of $494.99.

The 1:1 replica life-sized M3GAN doll, offered by NECA™, is pitched thusly: “This fantastically accurate replica doll stands approximately 55 inches tall, duplicated from actual film-used digital files. It has an articulated inner-armature, movable eyes, and synthetic hair (matched to screen-used hair samples). Her clothing is made from film-used patterns and includes a dress with inner lining, two striped sleeves, a bow-tie, underwear, tights, and shoes. The fabric material of her dress matches an exact swatch of the dress from the movie, and her shoes are customized with details from the screen-used shoes.” Preorder it here.

So while you consider buying a life-size lifelike female child doll and hope everyone you know doesn’t de-friend you, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV series that may or may not fulfill all your horror (or otherwise) fetishes…

THE DEADLY SWARM / April 2, 2024 (VOD)

“A group of cash desperate friends attend a medical trial retreat. Lured under false pretenses and run by the suspicious Dr. Feldman, little do they know that the doctor has unwittingly created a race of killer flies — and they are hungry for blood.”

Not to be confused with 2003’s Deadly Swarm. That one had killer wasps. And a soundtrack by…Sting. Okay, not really…but man, that’s comedy gold!

HANKY PANKY / April 19, 2024 (VOD)

“A man and a talking napkin save the world from an evil top hat, and also learn to love.”

I knew top hats were evil, but was unaware napkins could talk. I’ll be mindful of that the next time I run out of toilet paper.

WITCH / April 30, 2024 (VOD)

“Small town, England. 1575. William embarks on a journey to prove the innocence of his wife, Twyla, falsely accused of being a witch.”

A witch or something that rhymes with witch?

INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE SEASON 2 / May 12, 2024 (AMC+)

“In the year 2022, the vampire Louis de Pointe du Lac recounts his life story to journalist Daniel Molloy. Picking up from the bloody events in New Orleans in 1940 when Louis and teen fledgling Claudia conspired to kill the vampire Lestat de Lioncourt, Louis tells of his adventures in Europe, a quest to discover old world vampires and the Theatre Des Vampires in Paris, with Claudia.”

I tried watching the first season, but found it to be…anemic. Heh.