Naked Ghosts, Bathroom Sharks, Werewolf Hair Care

Happened across an online petition to stop ghosts from wearing clothes. It’s called Stop Ghosts From Wearing Clothes. And the point of their argument is that “it’s a complete joke to assume any clothing material would assume any spiritual nature simply because the person who happened to be wearing it should cease to exist in any physical form.” They go on to point out that “any civilized ghost would choose to reappear in the form in which they first took residence on Earth — naked.” Naked ghosts. Makes sense when you think about it. 

The Stop Ghosts From Wearing Clothes manifesto: “Ghosts have always traditionally been portrayed as both dead, and fully clothed in the attire in which they escaped their mortal coils. No matter what your views on any form of afterlife, only a complete moron who had spent too long investigating spirits of a more ‘bottled’ nature could ever believe that the clothes the deceased was wearing at the time of their demise would also somehow become ghostified.” And the punchline: “We, the undersigned, call for an end to ghosts wearing clothes, not learning to adopt the accents and mannerisms of their current environments, and hardly ever being disabled or of mixed race origin.”

While you decide where you stand — or sit — on this divisive issue, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not require pants while watching ’em…

BATH TUB SHARK ATTACK / Out now (VOD)

“A young down-on-their-luck couple settle for a cheap apartment that seems too good to be true. Little do they know, something lurks in the drain of the bathtub. Something that’s thousands of years old. And it is hungry.”

Usually it’s the toilet.

OLDER GODS / Out now (VOD)

“A cosmic horror film of Lovecraftian proportions that follows a man’s descent into madness as he tries to investigate an apocalyptic cult that caused the death of his friend.”

Being in an apocalyptic cult doesn’t seem like a good business model. Every day would be a going-out-of-business sale.

HOME FOR RENT / US Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Ning and Kwin are a couple with a seven-year-old daughter, Ing. They move to a condo room and rent out their house to two tenants: Ratree, a retired doctor, and her forty-year-old daughter, Nuch. After the new tenants have moved in, Ning notices that Kwin begins to exhibit unusual behavior. He becomes secretive and often disappears from the condo at 4 a.m. Kwin even sports a triangle-shaped tattoo, the same design as Nuch’s. As her husband’s behavior becomes more and more disturbing, Ning also realizes that her daughter is being preyed on by some unseen sinister force. She has to do everything to protect her daughter from this dark cult.”

This is a Thailand horror movie. Nice to know condos in other countries also have sinister forces. But here in the States, we refer to them as HOAs.

IT BE AN EVIL MOON / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“A disgraced scientist develops a hair growth formula derived from pickled wolfsbane and his transformation from a shy genius into a mindless, flesh-eating werewolf.”

You mean I don’t need to be chomped on by a werewolf to become one when all I have to do is order some pickled wolfsbane from Instacart.com? Why am I just hearing about this now? Better order two jars, just to be safe.