Werewolf Bones

An Arizona archaeological dig using minimum-wage help unearths the skeleton of the Yetiglanchi, or “werewolf.” A worker gets scratched on established bones and slowly turns into a Yetiglanchi himself. No chick in a bar is ever gonna believe that’s your real name when you try and hit on ’em.

Later, a security guard where the bones are being kept out in the open, is infected and he transforms into a werewolf – while driving his car. Having not seen a werewolf drive a car before, I was duly entertained. Too bad werewolves can’t drive worth a ding dong; He never used his blinker once before the exploding crash that took his short-lived hair-filled life.

A smooth city writer shows up to report on this deal. The supermodel lab assistant, with flaming red hair and heaving bosom, are attracted to each other like goats. Yuri, the doctor’s bully punch dispenser, uses the werewolf skull to beat on the writer, wounding and infecting him in the process. The writer becomes the written.

He’s now a living a barber’s nightmare from which there is no return. All he has to do is break the news to his new girlfriend. But not before shredding Yuri into shreds. (Yuri, it should be noted, is such a supreme a**hole d*ck pr*ck, he deserves to be shredded into parade confetti.)

You’d expect a movie called Werewolf (1996, aka, Arizona Werewolf) to end on a happy note. But this one is just plain confusing, with werewolf writer and his girlfriend, now growing facial hair, looking at the camera and smiling. Excuse me, but werewolves aren’t supposed to smile. They grimace. This just ruined everything because it just wasn’t believable.