The Coffin They Carry You Off In

The CoffinIf you live in Thailand – and most of you probably do – you’re likely aware of an ancient Thai burial ritual after you kick the incense burner. First, they put your soulless meat bag in a coffin where guests show up in dark clothes to pay respects/party/touch your stuff. And hey, you get a free Coke™ (I’m totally not making that up.) The soon-to-be fertilizer that was you is kept in a house for seven days before seeing how flammable you’ve become. (On the eighth day, Pine-Sol™ City.) During those first six days monks come over and pray (probably that you don’t come back to life and eat your guests). And they put flowers around your coffin because, hey – visible stink fumes.

The ONLY reason I bring this up is to remind myself to never die in Thailand. OK, that and to introduce you to the hit Thai horror thriller, The Coffin, which broke records in 2008 for the highest grossing movie of all time in Thailand. Apparently, everyone there can relate to the subject matter.

The CoffinThe Coffin has two strangers meeting after their lives have been f’d up by tragedy. Su, a chick missing an “e” in her name, has been diagnosed with lung cancer just days before her wedding. (Best to not wear white.) Chris, on the other side of the bad luck coin, has a longtime girlfriend who has fallen into a mysterious coma. (No big – most girls I’ve ever dated do the same thing when I try and get to third base.)

Both Su and Chris need to purge themselves of bad karma, and heard about an f’d up ritual that has a living person get into a coffin and pretend to be dead in order to double flush your inner bad juju. That would totally creep me out, so I wouldn’t do it. Unless I was really drunk. Then I’d pimp out my coffin with some cool punk rock stickers and pictures of Dracula and…never mind.

The CoffinSoon, Su’s cancer disappears and Chris’ girlfriend wakes up in the mood. But Su and Chris have only a short time to celebrate as they’ve disrupted the Laws of Karmic Balance (or something like that) and paranormal sh*t hits the fans.

Sounds cool. The Coffin releases here in the States on August 30, 2011. Unless you die first and monks pray that you don’t come back to life and rent it.

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