The Rift: Power To The Peephole

The RiftPrivacy in this decade is an illusion. You can’t take a dump in public or share a romantic interlude behind a 7-Eleven™ with your new soulmate you just met at the bowling alley without someone capturing the exchange of bodily fluids and posting it on Facebook™ and YouTube™.  It’s bad enough ghosts can see everything you do. Same with angels, who catch you having a non-religious personal moment, and fly off and tell God. But in this day of diminishing individual privacy, it’s even more disheartening to find out aliens, or whatever they are, have been peeping at us for years as well. And that makes me mad.

The Rift, a metaphor for our political system, is a new movie about something in the sky keeping tabs on us, and attempts to expose those intergalactic voyeurs and give them an Earth frowning of a lifetime. Hey, it’s OK to come to our planet and browse, but keep your probes out of my grill.

Ivan Petrenko Karkarov is the Russian physicist who first noted the phenomenon back in 1982. He uncovered the answer as to who or what has been watching us shower and touching ourselves in a pleasing manner. But before he could expose them, he mysteriously disappeared off Earth’s marquee. Now, thirty years later, weirdo radar anomalies start popping up around the world and black rifts appear in the sky. And inside those rifts something is moving – and it’s watching us.

Theories as to what WTF is going on:

1. A big upgrade to GoogleMaps.

2. God has more than one eyeball and is not a Cyclops as first theorized.

3. The aforementioned aliens surfing for amateur Earth porn.

4. Whoever is left in The Phantom Zone after Lex Luther figured out how to dick with Superman yet again by unlocking the door.

5. High-tech intersection cameras to catch and ticket even more red light runners. (Note to City of Seattle – you’ll get your blood money soon enough, you parasites.)

The RiftP.S. There was another movie called The Rift, which came out in 1990. It had more to do with submarines, mutated sea monsters and kelp viruses that turn you into Seaweed Face than aliens peep-holing us. And yet both movies invade your personal space. You just have to decide which is the lesser of two intrusions.

I’ll take my chances with the kelp.

The Rift

One Response to “The Rift: Power To The Peephole”

  1. nice post man, its good your exposing the truth

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