Moon Woman

Woman in the Moon

I freakin’ hate Netflix™ for raising their prices and glutting themselves on grease-fried profits. But occasionally I keep my amplified grumbling to myself and neighbors when I come across heritage horror and sci-fi classics in their catalog. In this case Woman In The Moon, which came out in 1929. That’s when really old people were born.

Woman in the Moon

Woman In The Moon continues with Austrian-American filmmaker Fritz Lang’s use of women playing strong pivotal roles (i.e., Metropolis, 1927) instead of doing the dishes or crying, like they were often portrayed as doing back in the really old people days. Called the “first real serious science fiction film,” Woman in the Moon, a silent movie (Silent? With a woman in it? Yeah, right. Note to women – kidding! Please let me feel you up) is Lang’s 26th in a career that saw a staggering 55 of his movies come to market.

Plowing through genres ranging from sci-fi and horror, to gangster and westerns, nearly all of them were done with Lang’s proprietary impressionism and ground-breaking use of light and shadows that didn’t involve some stagehand turning on and off a light switch after he yelled, “Action!”

Woman in the Moon

Woman in the Moon (shouldn’t it be “on”?) is a timeless classic. In it, a scientist has irrefutable proof there’s gold on the moon, and insists someone build him a g*ddamn rocket ship right the heck now so he and some other scientific believers can go get it and become rich, I tell you.

Before they can get their launch pad on, mean criminals, hearing of the plan to mine the moon, force Professor Mannfeldt and entrepreneur Hellus (cool name) into taking them as add-on luggage. Hellus’ girlfriend Friede also luggages along. No space helmets required for anyone, just winter Cardigan sweaters as it’s friggin’ cold in space.

Woman in the Moon

Once on the moon, gold, like so much lunar cheese, is f’n everywhere. A fight ensues, shots are fired, some words get said. A bullet takes out an oxygen tank, making it so not everyone can get back to Earth. Rock, paper, scissors provides the ultimate decision. (Not really, but I’ll just say it involved scientific methodology and the drawing of some sort of space straws.)

Prior to the trip, another scientist (only mentioned) theorized that the far side of the moon has a breathable atmosphere. This was later validated in 1973 by Pink Floyd. Man, people back in the late Twenties (and early ’70s) were so ahead of their time.

As for the “woman in the moon” part, who do you think drew the shortest straw?

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