Demon Ghost Priests

There is more gore, guts and leaking human radiator fluid in The Cemetery’s two-minute trailer than most horror movies have by the time the credits roll. And here’s the bestie best part – the liberated organs look real and not fake, like the ones on the evening news.

Arriving on DVD August 20, 2012, The Cemetery is a place of closure for unfortunates who died during exorcisms gone wrong. Of course, this didn’t happen in these days times. This was back in the pre-internet days of 1671, where those without TVs and spiritual substance were tortured to the point of blood gooshings by priests who tried their Christian best to cast out the demons who made you and me such filthy heathens.

Were they working in our best interest, or just really liking making us suffer and bleed all over the church/slaughterhouse floor? I think we all know the answer here.

Fast forward (or double click) to today. A team of cynical paranormal investigators plan to find out the truth of these past atrocities. Mind you, they’re thinking these old stories are just double cow flop, having done bogus shows on abandoned prisons, haunted houses and decrepit mental hospitals. All of which can be pretty dull if there are no real ghosts to mix it up with. So off they go into the spooky Pennsylvania woods where they become the by-products of discount butcher shops, made so by the demon ghost priests of yon.

So I’m thinkin’ good stuff here. And hey, The Cemetery’s soundtrack boasts some gnarly heavy metal stylings by Fleshgod Apocalypse, Ulcerate, Circle of Dead Children, and Squash Bowels. Sounds like the stuff the demon ghost priests do to the living. But with more solos.