Dinoshark Will Chew You Out

DinosharkDinoshark, the latest monster mammal mash-up, arrives on DVD/Blu-ray™ on April 26th, 2011. If you were lucky(!) enough to see it on the SyFy Channel™ a few months ago, you were treated to a “prehistoric eating machine” that looked like a whale turd with flippers and a gaping mouth lined with jagged teeth custom-made for tougher cuts of meat, like surfers, divers and tourists. For as many people as he ate, they should’ve call him “Dine-o-Shark.”

Dinoshark Dinoshark hails from Antarctica. Not sure why. Maybe because penguin burgers taste better down there, unlike Hawaiian penguins who are loaded with preservatives and dripping in tanning oil. Heading to Mexico on vacation (just like his Facebook™ friend, Sharkotpus), D-Shark goes all spring break aggro on the beach crowd, which makes the water turn both yellow (fright pee) and red (death blood). I guess that would make the water kinda orange.

Up From The DepthsBut long before there was Dinoshark, there was a similar monster shark thingamajig in 1979’s Up From The Depths. Like penguins, Depthy also came from Hawaii, and turned vacationers into beach lasagna. Then again, that’s his job.

Up From The DepthsThe plot of Dinoshark is just as thin. But you don’t watch this stuff for Shakespearean dialogue, ambient lighting and anything remotely resembling a story line. Character development? Just gets in the way.  It’s like going to see rodeo clowns – they are not there to entertain us, they are there to be gored by bull horns. Same principal.

Next up for Dinoshark creator Roger Corman is Piranhaconda, a half piranha/half anaconda creature that eats beach-goers. Same plot, different monster. And yet I never seem to tire of it.

I’m really not a complex person.

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