Jurassic Shark(s)

Sharks are as popular as zombies these days, with as many oceanic apex predator movies arriving as fast as anyone with a camera can get close-ups of ’em chewing with their mouth open. Jurassic Shark, filming in September, 2011 and coming out 15 minutes later, is next on the food chain, and concerns a group of students and a gaggle of criminals shipwrecked on an island by a giant shark. (Never ask a shark for direction while at sea.) And because an oil company was illegally drilling for sharks there, someone’s gotta pay.

Jurassic Shark is a popular title. Fans of the genre will no doubt recall another shark movie by the same name, which came out in 2002. It’s been since re-titled as Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. In that one, giant sharks are protesting cable rates by chomping on workers trying to install underwater cable lines. But those sharks eating boats and the screamy inside fillings are but kids – Mom, considerably larger, arrives just in time to make the movie suck even harder.

Then there’s the Jurassic Shark picture book (2004) written by Deborah Diffily, with bloodless, G-rated shark attack illustrations done by Karen Carr. Then there’s the Jurassic Shark brand racing apparel (you supply the blood and screaming). The there’s the Jurassic Shark documentaries on the Discovery Channel™. Not a lot of cavemen are shown being eaten by the ancient eaters. Too bad.

I’m gonna make my own movie and call it Jurassic Shark. Why not – everyone else is doing it? I don’t want to be the last kid on my block to do one. if I don’t, I’ll be socially ostracized and develop a complex or something.