Archive for X-Box

Big Money Horror Bouts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Freddy vs. Jason

Before the epic battle of Alien vs. Predator (2004),  there was Freddy vs. Jason (2003), which matched dream date/teen-hater Freddy Krueger with hockey-fan/butcher Jason Voorhees. (Put me in the Alien/Krueger corner; Jason is a one-punchline joke and Predator cheats.)

Freddy vs. Jason

Everyone quit believing in Freddy Krueger and started worshiping X-box™. Freddy can’t come back from the sleep aether to kill you if you don’t believe (i.e., fear) in him. (This is in reference to the Candyman rules – you don’t say his name five times, he won’t appear and gut you.)

Freddy vs. Jason

So Freddy has to resurrect the only unstoppable serial killer with a machete and hockey mask who can handle his PR: Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees. I know, there’s hundreds of hockey-masked goons with machetes (NHL). But Jason was the first who mattered.

Freddy vs. Jason

High body count (makes sense), some obligatory boobies (thank you), terrible plot (but you knew that), and Jason and Freddy getting into a less-than-fulfilling physical argument that escalates into decapitation and was solely designed to cash in ($115 million at the box office). In other words, slasher business as usual.

Existenz – The Ultimate Gameboy

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Existenz

Thematically picking up where Videodrome (1983) left off, eXistenZ, filmmaker David Cronenberg’s 1999 sci-fi flesh machine, goes Nintendo™ and X-Box™ one step further by turning your body into a game cartridge. Creating a “bio-port” in the base of your spine, you can plug yourself in to the game pod (made out of hi-tech fish guts and wires) and play cool virtual games. (I bet Virtual Outhouse is a top-seller. Satisfying replay value.)

Existenz

Allegra, the gaming industry’s most heralded creator, brings select gamers together to test-run eXistenZ, her latest creation. A rival company interferes with a botched assassination attempt, and the fun begins. Sort of. At times, moving as slow as a 14.4 modem, the plot almost swamps itself by adding too many confusing elements and no bare bio-butts.

Existenz

Cool parts include lots of goopy gore (a gun made from fish bones shoots human teeth), mutant creatures harvested for their weapons and fish ’n chips applications, and Jennifer Jason Leigh looking replay value hot hot as a sultry, bed-warming blonde genius.

Existenz

The finale has a nice hook, but since nobody gets gainfully naked – digitally or otherwise – it all falls a bit flat. In short, eXistenZ is a wry statement on how gaming has replaced sex in our lives, it has nothing on that stud, Super Mario™.

Existenz