Archive for WTF

Fog Monsters, Hunting Grandma, Fort Fantastic

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

WTF!

Watched the first episode of The Mist and am wondering if I should watch the rest of the season (as it plays out) or move on to something like Game of Thrones (I’m about six years behind). The Mist’s set up was underwhelming as they tried to cram too much character B.S. into it as the mist (which looked like fog to me), comes out of nowhere and envelopes a small mountain town.

So if you’ve seen the movie, you know that there be mutated monsters in the mist. What we got with the first episode of the TV series adaptation is a the aftermath of a dog being monster’d, a high school girl date raped at a party, a homeless military guy going nuts, a mom high school sex ed teacher getting fired for explaining BJs to her students and the requisite religious nut. Oh, and they don’t show any monsters. I feel betrayed and/or ambivalent at the same time.

Here are a few upcoming horror, sci-fi and fantasy movies that may or may not end up in land clouds caused by cold air passing over warmer water or moist land…

WTF! (August 1, 2017)
“Three years ago, 22 year old girl-next-door Rachel barely survived a brutal massacre that left her friends in pieces. Time has passed, Rachel has moved on, but unfortunately history has a way of repeating itself. Her close friends are spending spring break in a secluded house in the woods, and they have cordially invited her to join. Little does she realize that another bloodbath will be showing up as plus one. Once Rachel and her friends arrive at the cabin, the partying, sex, and terror begins.”

Tired, worn, cliched, photocopied, mimeographed…at least they got the title right.

Dave Made A Maze

DAVE MADE A MAZE (August 18, 2017)
“Dave builds a fort in his living room and ends up trapped inside by fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and creatures, leaving his girlfriend Annie to head up the eccentric rescue team to go in after him.”

So Dave discovered drugs. It’s all about moderation, Dave. If I built a fort in my living room, it’d probably look like Area 51. Hey, UFOs aren’t just for looking at.

The Ritual

THE RITUAL (October 13, 2017 (UK)/2017/2018 (US)
A group of college friends reunite for a trip to the forest, but encounter a menacing presence in the woods that’s stalking them.

It has to be Bigfoot or one of their former college professors dressed up as Bigfoot. Really, those are the only two explanations. They should call this 7 Days A Weak: weak premise, weak dialogue, weak budget, weak characters… I shan’t waste your time any further on this subject.

Lasso

LASSO (2017/2018)
“Simon and Kit, two young leaders of an Active Senior tour group, out on an adventure to a small-town rodeo festival located deep in the woods. It’s a great experience for the group…until they try to leave. Simon and Kit must save themselves, and whatever seniors they can, from becoming victims of a deadly Rodeo Ritual. Together the group must fight to survive the night from relentless bloodthirsty cowboys on the hunt for human livestock.”

Humans hunting grandpas and grandmas is new, but the concept of humans hunting humans for sport is not. A couple ’o fun ones to watch are 1976’s Logan’s Run and 1987’s The Running Man, both of the sci-fi variety. Spoiler — lots of running. You’ll feel like you got a month’s worth of exercising after watching ’em.

Damned To Heck

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned (1995) is a pointless remake of 1960’s movie of the same name/plot/ending but with “John Carpenter” added. Maybe someone thought adding the legendary horror/sci-fi director’s name to the title would make it sell more. It did, but that strategy didn’t make the movie better.

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

One day everyone in Midwich, California passes out, right in the middle of what they were doing. Not good for some of the small town’s residents, one of whom happened to be grilling food and tested the charcoal temperature with his face. Later, everyone wakes up going, “WTF?”

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

A few months pass and all the child-bearing women in town are knocked up, giving birth in record time to super-intelligent, Aryan Nation-esque white-haired kids with glowing eyes. Again we ask, “WTF?”

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned  These psychic youngsters can use their minds to make you do stuff, like slice your skin open with a scalpel. Where this movie differs is with lots more blood and things that cause the letting of blood. (There was none of the above in the original and/or its sequel.)

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

The final solution to stopping these alien ankle-biters is the same the second time around (think brick wall—literally), but one protective mother found a way to get around it. Pity – I generally like to see kids go kaBOOM.