Archive for woodchipper

Puppet Purgatory

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Devil Doll

The Great Vorelli is great for several reasons, none of which has anything to do with his righteous beard. Vorelli is a hypnotist/ventriloquist who, along with his lap dummy Hugo, thrill London audiences with amazing feats of making wood talk. Backstage, Vorelli keeps Hugo in a locked cage. I would’ve stuffed him in a closet or something. But what the hell do I know about ventriloquism?

Devil Doll

Hugo, as it turns out, houses the soul of a former assistant, transferred there by Vorelli. And Vorelli hates that little b-hole, mocking and taunting him by saying stuff like, “You’ll never drink booze again.” (Actually, it was wine, but I don’t like wine, so I substituted booze instead. It’s my blog – I do what I want.)

Devil Doll

Vorelli is fixated on a young heiress and plans to use his skills to make her hot for him so he can appropriate her bank account. Vorelli needs the doll to kill her and transfer her soul into the puppet, thereby making Hugo’s chi homeless. But the dummy ain’t no dummy, and Hugo gets his moment in the sun by turning tables on his brow-beating boss.

Devil Doll

Vorelli has about as much charisma as an articulated mannequin. Hugo doesn’t say much, but is a man of action and pulls a soul-transfer maneuver Vorelli would’ve been impressed with. And the heiress’ boyfriend? A trophy to parade around until he’s needed to finally do something in the last two minutes. Devil Doll (1964) needed a woodchipper to liven things up.

Booze Cruise With Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Ship

The intro of Ghost Ship (2002), a haunted-ship-at-sea flick, has one of the best opening sequences to a horror movie ever seen. Unfortunately, after that it heads for the drain faster than a non-alcoholic beverage.

Ghost Ship

A lush and plush Italian ocean liner sets sail to America in 1962, back before over-priced cruises such as this were offered on Expedia.com™. A spectacular group death sequence (I really want  to ruin it for you, but I won’t – this time) slaughters everyone on board, except for a little girl. Then the ship disappears for 30 years until suddenly discovered bobbing around the sea like a rusty Christmas ornament.

Ghost Ship

Before the Navy can pee on it and call it theirs, a salvage team heads out to claim the ghost boat’s booty. Soon enough, bad things not related to sea sickness begin to take place: visions of the little girl, wires and cables moving around, noises that sound like Aquaman processing some bad clams, horny ghosts who drop top… From there, though, it becomes The Shining at sea, with haunted ballrooms and interactive spectres.

Ghost Ship

The crew is dispatched one by one and the true story of what really happened to the boat comes to the surface, kinda like a high-fiber bowel movement that just won’t go down with one flush. Sufficient measurements of blood and cool ghost effects, and the atmospherics are just the right shades of evil and half-lit darkness. But you get the haunting feeling you’ve seen it all before.

Too bad they raised the bar so high with the opening shot – that alone was pure art, like a ballet dancer caught in a wood chipper.