Archive for witchcraft

Glow-In-The-Dark Horror, Werewolf Hockey, Witch Religion is Best

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If you wanna tap into your inner kid or just goof off on company time, then the Horror Glow-In-The-Dark Coloring book (Thunder Bay Press™) is just the ticket. Illustrated by Juan Calle and Santiago Calle, for $12.03 (Internet price) you get reams of delightful horror scenes to help pass the time until you can clock out for the day. 

From Wal-Mart’s™ website: “These creepy scenes will haunt the room, casting an eerie glow on all who behold their horrors. With 90 bone-chilling illustrations to color — including 24 that glow in the dark — Horror Glow in the Dark Coloring lets you unleash your creativity unlike never before. Graveyard scenes, nightmares, and grotesque mandalas are only a few of the dark themes to be found in this book. Each page is perforated, so you can remove your finished artworks and hang them on your wall.” (buy it here)

While I order one with the full intention to color outside the lines (I live by my own rules, man), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be more scary than a coloring book…

BE MINE / February 10, 2023 (Meta Horizon Worlds/Meta Quest TV)

“The VR experience follows Becca, a college senior who’s going to throw the best Valentine’s Day party ever. There’s just one caveat: everyone invited is secretly there to help Becca catch her Valentine’s Day stalker — an anonymous maniac in a Cupid mask who kills any man that gets close to her with a bow and arrow. But this Valentine’s Day will be slightly different as everyone is ready to turn the tables on the killer that walks among them. With the help of the police, her sorority sisters and the fraternity next door, Becca and the party fight back to stop the carnage and uncover the mysterious secret behind a bloody Valentine’s Day massacre.”

A Cupid mask? Weak. Aspiring maniacs should really do more homework.

MY ANIMAL / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Heather, an outcast teenage goalie, longs to play on the hockey team of her small northern town. She meets and falls in love with newcomer Jonny, an alluring but tormented figure skater. The girls’ relationship blossoms despite Heather’s struggles with her alcoholic mother, her hidden sexual orientation, and a familial curse that transforms her into a feral wolf under the full moon. Heather and Jonny’s secret tryst soon clashes against the conformity of their small community, exposing dangerous truths and igniting a passionate, violent night of personal transformation.”

A werewolf playing hockey. And we had a werewolf playing basketball in Teen Wolf (1985). Clearly, lycanthropes dig sports. Bet they’d be really good at dog-sledding.

WAIT FOR IT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Seen from the perspective of survivor girl, Darcy is living in the aftermath of her own encounter with a psycho-slasher killer. She travels home after a night out with friends, always remaining wary of the inevitable return of her tormentor.”

Great — they spoiled the movie by telling us Darcy survives. Hey douche-bags — what am I getting for Christmas?

SORCERY / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

Chiloé Island, 1880. After her father is murdered by a German colonist, Rosa, a 13-year-old Huilliche girl, renounces her Christian upbringing and seeks shelter with Mateo, the leader of an Indigenous organization that practices witchcraft. Under Mateo’s gruff yet tender tutelage, she learns the art of sorcery and vows to settle the score. Rosa’s vengeance leads to a brutal crackdown by the island’s Chilean Christian authorities and puts her on the path to discovering her dormant powers.”

Renouncing your pray-per-view religion is like cable-canceling your soul. There are better — and cheaper — alternatives out there, many with way more features.

Witch Whisky, Cash For Killers, Sheriff Wendigo

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Cask 88™ is globally known for their pursuit and curation of rare and old whisky, or “fancy fun juice.” Adding to their impressive catalog comes their Scottish Witchcraft Series: Daemonologie™. I can’t spell that, but can certainly drink it.

Here’s their marketing pitch: “Introducing the second release in a new series that is taking whisky collections to another world – one with a darker side. The latest bottle in the Scottish Witchcraft Series goes back in time to offer artistic illustrations based on the book of the Daemonologie written by King James VI. Our modern conceptions of witches owe much to what was written this book, assisted by Shakespeare’s Tragedy of Macbeth, whose depictions of witchcraft are drawn directly from Daemonologie. Don’t miss your chance to own another of the most feared whisky releases of all time, order today.”

A bottle of their witch whisky, which glows in the dark (the bottle and you after drinking it), goes for a shot glass-breaking $108.69 + tax + $38.78 standard shipping. Spooky — watch your money disappear.

So while you’re weighing rent money on this rare bourbon versus $23.99 for Budweiser, 30 pk (12 oz. cans), here are few upcoming horror movies that may or may not take 10 years to ferment…

MISSING / November 4, 2022 (Theaters) / November, 28, 2022 (VOD)

“Depressed and in debt following the death of his wife, Santoshi tells his young daughter Kaeda he’s found a way out. Pointing to a reward note, he vows to find the infamous serial killer ‘No Name’ and cash in, claiming to have seen the man in the flesh a few days earlier. Kaeda cannot take her aloof father seriously.”

A serial killer named “No Name.” There’s marketing for you. So what is a serial killer bounty worth? $1.99 + tax.  

FRIENDSHIP GAME / November 11, 2022 (VOD)

“A group of teens come across a strange object that tests their loyalties to each other and has increasingly destructive consequences the deeper into the game they go.”

In my day this was called “Spin the Bottle.” Had different rules, though — instead of donkey smooching the person the bottle pointed to, you had to drink whatever was in the bottle. Yeah, I totally rigged the game.

ASTONISHING TALES OF TERROR: ROCKTAPUSSY/ September 27, 2022 (Canada), 2022/2023 (US)

Astonishing Tales of Terror follows a group of everyday heroes after they unwittingly awaken an ancient monster. When an intrepid reporter bumps into a down-on-his-luck miner, the duo join a rag-tag bunch of survivors as they attempt to fend off mind-controlled zombies, possessed medieval knights, and a gigantic demonic demigod: The Rocktapus!”

This Rocktapus you speak of — I wish to audition for his band. How many guitar solos do you want me to do — eight? Is it eight?

THE WENDIGO / Pending release, 2022

A malevolent Algonquian spirit resides in the wilderness of Northeastern America. Described as a stag-headed beast with hooves and antlers, the creature possesses hapless souls who break certain taboos. After a social media star disappears in the woods of North Carolina, his friends are set to figure out what happened to him. Ignoring the legend of the cursed land was their first mistake.”

I’ve broken so many taboos, it’d take two or more duly deputized Wendigos to bring me to justice. Warning to Wendigos: I will not go gentle into that good night.

Serious UFOs, Fleshless Creatures, People Copy Machine

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 27, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO

A recent headline (aka, click-bait) on Politico.com caught my wandering attention: “The Navy Is Working on Guidelines for Reporting UFOs After Pilots Pushed to Have Sightings Taken Seriously.” About flippin’ time — we’re long past the point of legalizing UFOs.

UFO

From the article: “There have been a number of reports of unauthorized and/or unidentified aircraft entering various military-controlled ranges and designated air space in recent years,” the Navy said in a statement in response to questions from Politico. “For safety and security concerns, the Navy and the [U.S. Air Force] takes these reports very seriously and investigates each and every report.” They’re lucky I’m not in the Navy and/or the U.S. Airforce — I’d be calling in UFO sightings up to and including four times a day.

UFO

So how much does investigating UFOs cost? According to the article, a cool $25 million pocket coupons. Seems excessive, especially when that cash could be better spent flying the President to and from golf courses.

UFO candy

While we wait for the armed forces to get its guidelines in line, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be taken seriously by the Navy

Demon Eye

DEMON EYE (available now)
“A young woman returns to her father’s country house where she discovers an amulet with connections to witchcraft. The amulet has dark powers and will grant her greatest wish, but in return, two deadly demons are unleashed.”

My greatest wish would be to have two deadly demons unleashed. Oh, and I want an amulet. I just bought a new shirt and need to accessorize.

Crossbreed

CROSSBREED (available now)
“In the near future, the President of the United States of America hires a team of military veterans to retrieve an alien bio-weapon from a top-secret research facility orbiting the Earth. These highly trained mercenaries must infiltrate the space station and recover the deadly experimental alien cargo located on-board. All is going according to the plan until the cargo escapes.”

These mercs are f’d in the black hole. How do you escape from an alien on-board a space station? It’s not like you can just jump out a window. Since it’s in space, I’m pretty sure all the windows are locked.

Winterskin

WINTERSKIN (May 21, 2019)
“Gunned down in the snowy wilderness and desperate for shelter, Billy Cavanagh is taken in by kooky old lady Agnes, unaware that her isolated log cabin is being stalked by a bloodthirsty skinless creature hellbent on getting inside.”

Of course the skinless creature wants to get inside — with no flesh and being stuck outside in the snow, he’s probably freezing his fleshless ass off.

Assimilate

ASSIMILATE (May 24, 2019)
“While making a web-series mocking their quaint small town, three high school kids slowly discover that their relatives and neighbors are being killed and replaced by creatures that metamorphose into an exact copy of their victims. As the police and adults begin to change, and their own lives are threatened, the kids’ only weapon is to covertly record the takeover and put it on the web in a desperate attempt to attract outside help.”

I liked it better when it was called Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956, 1978, 2007).

Streaming Zombies, Witch Sisters, Evil Internet

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Black Summer

Netflix™, the world’s most popular movie streaming service, is set to unleash a zombie apocalypse come April 11, 2019. A prequel of sorts to the five-season Z Nation on the SyFyChannel (cool series, but at times a bit hard to chew on), this one takes place just a few months after the humanity diaper-change. Whereas Z Nation started out four years into the deadening.

Z Nation

Here’s what to expect: “Set in the dark, early days of a zombie apocalypse, a mother torn from her daughter who embarks upon a harrowing journey to find her. Thrust alongside a small group of American refugees, these complete strangers must find the strength they need to fight their way back to loved ones. But in order for Rose and her team to brave this hostile new world, they will need to make brutal decisions to contend with zombies — and each other.”

Black Summer

Kinda stock for a zombie uprising. But hey, what walking dead premise isn’t? If this ain’t your jam, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth a Netflix™ subscription…

Blood Craft

BLOOD CRAFT (April 9, 2019)
“Two sisters who suffered abuse as children at the hands of their sadistic father decide, after his death, to use witchcraft to bring his spirit back to get revenge.”

Which begs the question — how do you get revenge on a ghost? It’s not like you could squirt shaving cream in his hand while he’s sleeping and then tickle his nose. If you could, that would be super harsh punishment.

Depraved

DEPRAVED (2019)
Alex leaves his girlfriend Lucy after an emotional night, walking the streets alone to get home. From out of nowhere, he is stabbed in a frenzied attack, with the life draining out of him. He awakes to find he is the brain in a body he does not recognize. This creature, Adam, has been brought into consciousness by Henry, a brilliant field surgeon suffering from PTSD after two tours in the Mideast, and his accomplice Polidori, a predator determined to cash in on the experiment that brought Adam to life. Henry is increasingly consumed with remorse over what he’s done and when Adam finally discovers a video documenting his own origin, he goes on a rampage that reverberates through the group and tragedy befalls them all.”

Sounds like Frankenstein’s getting a makeover. I bet the Queer Eye guys could do miracles with this fashion hot mess.

A Psycho's Path

A PSYCHO’S PATH (2019)
“Set in the late ’60s, a psychopath that stalks the streets of a small California desert town, killing it’s residents at random. This leaves Captain Peters and his small police force to search for the killer’s whereabouts before more victims turn up.”

So where would a killer hide in a small desert town? I don’t think this psychopath thought this one out.

Nekrotronic

NEKROTRONIC (2019)
Howard North, who unknowingly holds a secret power, is dragged into a conflict between a family of badass demon hunting Nekromancers, and Finnegan — an evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet — and is also his mother. Molly, a fierce Nekromancer warrior, is desperate to destroy the demon and believes that Howard has the right stuff to become a true hero. Together, they must work together to exorcise the fiend from the web and blow her back to Hell.”

An evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet? Not sure how that works, especially when the Internet has already possessed the world. Still, I bet this evil thingamajig knows all the cool porn sites.

Godzilla-Sized Godzilla, Demonizing Sex, Emo Witch

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Another key art poster for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, and it’s even more kick-ass than the ones before it. This one shows Godzilla squaring off with King Ghidorah while a state capitol no doubt full of screaming Republicans burns metaphorically beneath them. That sentence was as satisfying as a hot shower with limitless Mr. Bubble™.

Total Film

As I’ve gushed over and over, Godzilla: King of the Monsters arrives May 31, 2019. I have Alexa™ doing a countdown for me. To help me control my pee shivers is a cover story on the movie, courtesy of Total Film magazine, which hit the streets today (March 8, 2019). Clearly, I’ll need moist towelettes standing by while I read it.

King Ghidorah

While we wait to see these titans clash, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make Republicans scream…

Catskill Park

CATSKILL PARK (available now)
“Based on a real story, Catskill Park is a chilling tale about a camping trip that turns into a living nightmare when a blizzard traps four friends in 36 inches of sudden snow on Halloween night. A race for life ensues as they are hunted by horrific monsters, discovering a larger alien conspiracy with every terrifying stride.”

Horrific monsters, alien conspiracies and three-feet of soon-to-become-yellow danger snow? Sounds like Seattle during our snow apocalypse a few weeks ago.

Porno

PORNO (2019)
“When a group of naive teens working at a movie theater in a small Christian town discover a mysterious film hidden in its basement, they unleash an alluring succubus who gives them a sex education…written in blood.”

I really should check my basement for succubus infestation. For educational purposes. Ahem.

Tone-Deaf

TONE-DEAF (2019)
After losing her job and imploding her latest dysfunctional relationship, millennial Olive leaves the city for a weekend of peace in the country, only to discover the shockingly dark underbelly of rural America. She rents an eccentric, ornate country house from Harvey, an old-fashioned widower who’s struggling to hide his psychopathic tendencies. Soon two generations collide with terrifying results in this home invasion horror film that is also a darkly comedic critique of the bizarre cultural and political climate that currently exists.”

Harvey is holding back — I say put your psychopathic tendencies on the glass. To do otherwise would be unhealthy.

Daughter of Dismay

DAUGHTER OF DISMAY (2019)
Daughter of Dismay tells the surreal and mystical tale of an emotionally broken witch. She enters the darkness of the woods to fulfill her biggest desire, for which she takes extreme and radical measures that will have sinister consequences. Portrayed in elegant painting-like images, the film is an epic, moving and emotional trip through a world of witchcraft and occultism, leading to a heartbreaking and melancholic finale.”

So this moody witch goes into the woods to “fulfill her biggest desire.” That can only mean one thing: she found Bigfoot on Tinder™.

Naked and Nude Witch

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart (1992) starts out with a short bit with 6’1” B-movie goddess Julie Strain, naked, showering, putting on her makeup, styling her hair and being spectacularly naked.

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

She’s prepping for her role as a stripper/singer Belladonna. FYI: Julie lets ’em out of the blouse bag again during her performance at a club called Coven. Apparently, she sold her soul to become a successful rock star. (The asking price about that of a TV dinner.)

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

There’s a warlock talking in an echo-y voice who owns Belladonna and makes her strip instead of sing. Most of the movie, though, is about someone looking for someone, blah, blah, blah. 

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

Julie has sexuals with him in a romantic freight elevator, which you only hear and not really see. (The sex, not the elevator.) That displeased me. The other irritation point is the plot almost has nothing to do with witchcraft, and plods along as a really complicated and boring murder mystery.

Julie Strain

Forget the movie and just watch Julie doing that naked stuff in the intro. Like I’m doing right now. For the fifth time.

Retro Apes, Monk Madness, Virtual Lower Class

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Planet of the Apes

Super7.com — maker of retro action figures, shirts and possibly tea-strainers of pop culture personages/things, are offering a series of six retro Planet of the Apes action figures or “toys” for a non-retro price of $15.00 each. So cool, and yet my wallet is pushing back.

Planet of the Apes

Here’s from the press release: “Super7 is beyond stoked to be part of the 50th Anniversary of the original Planet of the Apes film! Now you can travel back to an alternate universe where Apes are waiting at the toy shop after the sci-fi classic blew 1968 minds. Far out, man!”

Far out, man. I heard a hippie say that to me once. I had no idea what he was saying. Maybe it was his response to me telling him he should experience the glory of the washcloth.

Dr. Zaius

So you can get Cornelius, Dr. Zauis, General Ursus, Nova, Taylor and Zira individually or as a set for $90. (No discount for a group purchase). It should be noted that the Taylor action figure isn’t wearing clothes and when you pull the string on the Nova figure, it doesn’t say anything. (Kidding, none of ‘em have strings and most seem to wearing at least a smile.)

Click HERE snag ‘em (the packaging is way cool). And should decide not to buy ‘em. Here are a few now available/upcoming horror and sci-fi films that unfortunately talk when you pull the string…

The Nursery

THE NURSERY (available now)
“When Ranae, a college student babysits for a family with a tragic history, she finds herself stalked by a sinister presence and haunted by ghosts from her own past. Soon, she and her friends must confront the angry, evil spirit hunting them down one-by-one on a deliberate march towards its ultimate prey.”

Geez — what is it with people “haunted by ghosts from their own past”? Who doesn’t have that? heck, I have about a baker’s dozen — or Th13teen Ghosts (heh) — of ‘em just waiting to trip me up every time I’m hired to babysit. Hey, it beats delivering newspapers in the rain. Like the ghosts, that B.S. messes up my hair.

House of Evil

HOUSE OF EVIL (available now)
“Set in the early 70’s, House of Evil tells the story of a young couple, John and Kate, that move into an old mansion in the countryside. Soon they discover that the house is haunted by the Devil himself, who want to possess them and enter the world.”

Even though it was filmed in Italy and released in 2017 where Italian food was born and tastes way better than it does over here in the States, this is an English language flick. Never mind that the plot is so worn out, even the Devil herself only makes cameos; Italian food is tastier than hell.

The Apperance

THE APPEARANCE (2018)
“An officer of the Inquisition and rational man of science, visits a remote monastery to investigate a bizarre murder of a monk. Something evil is afoot. But is the terror man-made or the result of witchcraft?”

Nope, it’s witchcraft. It’s the only thing that makes sense, especially when you have an evil foot.

Empathy, Inc.

EMPATHY, INC. (June 24, 2018)
“At the lowest and most desperate moment in his life, hotshot venture capitalist Joel meets old friend Nicolaus and his business partner Lester, who are seeking investors in a new technology known as XVRXtreme Virtual Reality — from their company Empathy, Inc., which is said to offer the most realistic and moving experiences for users by placing them in the lives of the less fortunate. Joel gets the startup its funds but soon discovers that the tech’s creators have far more sinister uses in store for their creation and that the reality it provides its customers isn’t virtual.”

This borrows heavily from 1984’s Dreamscape. But if Empathy, Inc. want real virtual experiences for their customers, best to not let them put their pity hat on to step into my shoes. I have an evil afoot.

Literary Predator, Neighborly Witchcraft, Plagiaristic Poltergeist

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If It Bleeds

If you know how to read and can do so without moving your lips while doing it, here’s a juicy book you might wanna put on your Halloween gift wish list. If It Bleeds (Titan Books), a collection of stories about the Predator movie franchise, arrives October 17, 2017, edited by Bryan Thomas Schmidt, and features an all-star writer’s mosh pit, including Kevin J. Anderson, Wendy N. Wagner, Mira Grant, Dayton Ward, Jennifer Brozek, Tim Lebbon, Jonathan Maberry, Andrew Mayne, Weston Ochse, Larry Correia, S. D. Perry, Steve Perry, Jeremy Robinson,  John Shirley, Peter J. Wacks, Bryan Thomas Schmidt, Holly Roberds, and David Boop.

Need more convincing? Didn’t think so. But here’s the book’s advance press release anyway: “Over the centuries, extraterrestrial hunters of the Yautja race — also known as the Predators — have encountered humans on Earth and in the depths of space. Offered here are sixteen all-new stories of such hunts, written by many of today’s most extraordinary authors. Inspired by the events of the original Predator movies, graphic novels and novels, these adventures pit hunter against prey in life-and-death struggles where there can be only one victor.”

You can get If It Bleeds for a mere $9.99/Kindle Edition/$12.33 paperback. The price may vary, depending on what planet you’re mercilessly hunted on. And while you get your reading chops honed by looking at ingredient labels on bags of pork rinds and convenient snack-packs, here are a few just-released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to augment your literary needs…

Drone Wars

DRONE WARS (available now)
“When drones arrive in a flash, slaughtering humanity and stripping the Earth of its resources, a small team of scientists hiding in Los Angeles works to expel the drone menace once and for all.”

Replace the word “drones” with “politicians” and the word “expel” with ”impeach”, then you’ll have a much scarier movie.

Stranger's Relative

STRANGER’S RELATIVE (available now)
“Angela rents a room in the house of an African American woman, who offers services of witchcraft. After her arrival, paranormal activities begin to happen, causing her to experience intense situations full of intrigues. Convinced that there are evil entities in the house, Angela decides to move, but evil chases her wherever she goes, leading her to an unexpected outcome.”

That’s the problem with rental witchcraft — unless you know what you’re doing, everything can go a lot further south than you’re probably baptized for. That’s why you should always practice safe hex.

Chameleon Shadow

CHAMELEON SHADOW (available now)
“When darkness is attached and dreams haunt the head, an alternative source of relief can be found in the darkest of places by a most unbelievable being the elusive Chameleon. When a young photographer seeks relief from his recurring nightmares, the Chameleon provides a cure. Little does he know the side effect is the realization of his nightmares materializing in the real world.”

That’s called waking up and going to work.

Poltergeist Encounters

POLTERGEIST ENCOUNTERS (December 12, 2017)
“A questionable group of paranormal investigators with their own web series receive the offer of a lifetime. They must stay one night in a potentially haunted house to receive a large sum of money. It seems like easy money to Anton, team leader of the group, and privately, an unbeliever in the supernatural. Mick, Roach, and Terrance are all investigators that take the entire situation far too lightly, before everything they believe changes. On that fateful night, they learn that it’s all fun and games until things get real.”

The word “poltergeist” is one of those horror movie hot buttons, designed to lure you in with perceived ghost action. As is far too often when we’re promised a thrill ride and end up in the plastic ball pit at Chuck E Cheese™, we turn to booze instead of boos. (Yeah, I used that joke before. Gimme a break; I was up all night busting ghosts. I mean, “poltergeists.”)

Teenage Wiccans, Alien Ghosts, Hair Metal Horror

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Here’s some wild, but not totally unexpected news: The CW and Warner Bros. are teaming up on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, a remake of the hit comedy TV show, Sabrina The Teenage Witch (1996 — 2003), but with a darker edge. Kinda like what they did recently with Archie and Riverdale.

From the press release: “ This is a re-imagining of the origin and adventures of Sabrina as a dark coming-of-age story that traffics in horror, the occult, and witchcraft. The series is described as being tonally in the vein of horror classics like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist and will see Sabrina wrestling to reconcile her dual nature as a half-witch, half-mortal while standing against the evil forces that threaten her, her family, and the daylight world humans inhabit.”

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Wonder if Casper The Friendly Ghost will make a cameo? If so, hope they take the friendly part out and just have him mysterying up the hood while looking for the body of Casper the dead kid.

Until that day arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/TV series to conjure on the tube…

Ghosted

GHOSTED (October 1, 2017/Twitter)
Leroy Wright is a cynical skeptic and former missing persons detective, who thinks that ‘aliens’ are a big ’ol bunch of B.S. and that people who believe in them are certifiably nuts — people like Max Jennifer. Max is a genius true believer in the paranormal who’s convinced his wife was abducted by aliens.”

A new comedy “ghost-busting” TV series on Fox™, premiering first on Twitter™ of all things. The trailers look pretty funny — like I do after a night of imbibing (sorry — word of the day calendar), so I guess I’ll watch it. But not on Twitter — I’m gonna watch it on TV like everyone should legally do.

Dead Ant

DEAD ANT (October 10, 2017)
“When the one-hit-wonder glam metal band Sonic Grave embark on a trip to Coachella in hopes of a comeback, their peyote trip pit stop in Joshua Tree incites an ‘unworldly’ viscous attack, and they must rock themselves out of harms way.”

Poison

“Rock themselves out of harms way.” Sounds like the story of my life. Hair metal fans will see the rip-off/homage of Maybelline™ models Poison’s 1986 Look What The Cat Dragged In debut album on the key art. I’ll watch it, but just know that my mantra is “thrashin’, not fashion.”

The Sandman

THE SANDMAN (October 14, 2017)
“With a clandestine government agency closing in on the young girl, Claire and Madison will have to work together to find a way to stop the Sandman before he claims his next victim. Factor in the sinister Valentine who leads a cadre of bureaucrats who do not mean well and soon, strange things start happening whenever Madison is around. Things move around by themselves. Cabinet doors open and close. Almost as if there’s some kind of supernatural entity in the house. It’s a journey you’ll have to fully experience to understand.”

Sounds like 1984’s Firestarter, wherein a little girl who can make things burn just by using her mind, is chased by those looking to apply her skills to a job in the government. I say give the little gal a bag of marshmallows and make snacks happen.

Blood Runs Thick

 

BLOOD RUNS THICK (2018)
“A beautiful young woman struggles with frightening hallucinations and a crumbling mental state after her husband goes missing.”

Horrible movie art. Looks like it was done by someone who was hallucinating and in the grips of a crumbling mental state. Hey, I just described ME!

Blinding Eclipse, Virtual Ghosts, Garbage Children

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Eclipse Map

With the once-in-a-lifetime full-on eclipse just a few days away as of this lunar calendar day, Flipboard.com, a site dedicated to the subjects of the unexplained, the supernatural, paranormal conspiracies, mythical beasts (and where to find them), posted a map as where to best view the eclipse and UFOs that will be tracking the event as well. (I added the UFO pics to the map as I WANT TO BELIEVE their article.)

I’d be remiss in my duties as a highly untrained faux journalist if I didn’t make this socially responsible warning: do NOT watch the eclipse without special glasses (Amazon.com is selling ‘em by the metric ton). You could seriously damage your vision/eyeballs meant for online porn, cat videos and this blog. (Not necessarily in that order — the video where the lazy cat is riding on top of a dog still makes me LOL.)

Speaking of things that should or should not be viewed with eyes wide shut, here’s a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies while you’re waiting for the vanilla sky… (You got both references, right?)

Stasis

STASIS (August 29, 2017/VOD)
“After a night out partying and being left behind by friends, Ava sneaks back home to find that she’s already safe in bed. But that’s not Ava — it’s someone who looks like her. A time-traveling fugitive has stolen Ava’s body, which makes Ava a virtual ghost, who is silent and invisible to the world. But Ava is not alone. There are other body snatchers secretly living among us, plotting to alter the future. Ava realizes she can stop these body snatchers and put the timeline back on course.”

If I came home and saw myself in bed, I’d put rubber snakes, unpaid parking tickets and peeled hard boiled eggs under the covers, then stand back and watch the ensuing hilarity. I sure hope my bed self doesn’t loose control of his/my bladder because of it; I gotta sleep in that thing. (It’s my turn tomorrow.)

30 Years of Garbage: The Garbage Pail Kids Story

30 YEARS OF GARBAGE: THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS STORY
(out now/select theaters/September 20, 2017/VOD/DVD)
“This documentary revisits the artists who made these collectibles famous, showing a rare glimpse into the corporate culture of Topps™ as they launched Garbage Pail Kids through the height of the cards fame, the downfall from the legal battle with the Cabbage Patch kids and their untimely demise. The film is jam packed with interviews of over a half dozen artists. Each artist penned these counter-culture trading cards and each artist shares the inside stories.”

Used to collect those things. My friends, too, as they were convinced I was one of the characters. (I would’ve been the electrocuted rock guitar star, Jolted Joel.) If you do a little homework you can track down The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, which came out in 1987. Not many saw it — the movie only made $1.5 million at the box office. Ironically, people spent more money collecting the horror/sci-fi/pop culture themed cards than on the flick itself.

Mexico BarbaroMEXICO BÁRBARO II (2017/film festival circuit)
“Nine Mexican directors come together to narrate traditions and more brutal, ruthless and bizarre legends of our country. Mexico Bárbaro II shows the world stories that are part of our popular culture, from sweet stories told by our grandmothers, the tooth fairy, witchcraft, the story behind the weeping woman, sexy servers of the Devil, a pagan hero, the burnt woman, up to ancestral culinary bloody rites. Traditions and legends that today continue to cause terror among Mexican people.”

If you saw the first Mexico Bárbaro (2014), then you know you’re in for a sweet, sick ride with II. This little jewel came out of nowhere (okay, Mexico) and the eight shorts that comprise the indie made film were highly gruesome, graphic and gory, which means you should watch it. (FYI: Bárbaro translates to “Barbarian.” After watching the movie, that’s sugar coating it.)

Land of Smiles

LAND OF SMILES (out now UK; 2017/2018/US)
“A young backpacker is lured through the Third World paradise of Thailand, searching for her kidnapped best friend and unknowingly she becomes the object of a sociopath’s obsession.”

Not sure how this differs from, say, a trip to the grocery store and/or cult retreat. Never been to Thailand. I wear T-shirts, not ties. My motto: thrashin’, not fashion. So sayeth Jolted Joel.