Archive for walking dead

Bookended By Godzilla, Zombie Blood, Alien Park Job

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

Looking for a Christmas present to buy for me this year? I already took care of your shopping — go to Etsy.com and click over to Mokushop’s, um, shop, and you’ll find awesome, under $70 custom wooden hand-chiseled bookends.

Kraken

With TV around, I don’t do books, so you’ll have to buy me some to go with ‘em as well. But for a chance to own either the Godzilla and/or Kraken (giant octopus) bookends, it might be worth my time to learn how to read.

Godzilla Coloring Book

These things are “extremely limited”, so you’ll have to hurry, Don’t worry about wrapping ‘em as I’ll already know what they are. Thanks for the thought, though. Very Christmas-y of you.

While I wait for you to ship the bookends to me, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth as much as chiseled wood…

Christmas Blood

CHRISTMAS BLOOD (December 4, 2018)
Christmas is a time of peace, love and family. But not for Norway as a psychopath dressed in a Santa Claus suit has been terrorizing them for the past 13 years. For as soon as the caroling starts, this demented Kris Kringle dispenses bloody ax blows regardless of whether you’ve been bad or good. As the holiday approaches on one snow-covered town filled with revelers, a pair of detectives work against time to find and arrest this bearded serial killer. Will they manage to stop this demented St. Nick before he kills again?”

As of this holiday season, there are 100,000 horror movies about serial killer/psychopath Santa Claus killers. Know what I want for Christmas for a change? No more of these same-plot movies.

Attraction

ATTRACTION (December 4, 2018)
Moscow finds itself on the brink of destruction after a mysterious spaceship crash-lands in the center of the city. While the government seeks to find out what the ship’s passengers want and how to protect the local population, the rest of the city residents break into conflicting factions. Some view the aliens as a threat that should be extinguished, while others hope that the visitors are peaceful and offer an opportunity to learn more about the world beyond. When a young woman finds herself torn between her seemingly normal life and the alluring promise offered by one of the all-too-human extraterrestrials, the fate of the entire world is left hanging in the balance.”

A social commentary on immigrants or a poorly-named sci-fi movie about aliens parking downtown wherever they want? You already know the answer.

Johnny Z

JOHNNY Z (2019)
“A half human, half zombie named Johnny, holds the cure to the zombie epidemic. After escaping Nordac, an experimental medical prison, Johnny comes under the guidance of a martial arts Grandmaster named Jonray who agrees under a dying wish to protect and embarks on a journey to find a missing doctor while battling personal demons.”

Sounds like Johnny Z is just another name for Murphy, the half human/half zombie in Z Nation zombie apocalypse TV series on the SyFy™ Channel whose inner gunk holds the cure for un-zombie-ing. Wonder if they’re blood brothers?

The Vanishing

THE VANISHING (2019)
“On an uninhabited island 20 miles from the rugged Scottish coast, three lighthouse keepers arrive for their six week shift. As Thomas, James and Donald settle into their usual, solitary routines, something unexpected and potentially life-changing occurs — they stumble upon something that isn’t theirs to keep. Where did it come from? Who does it belong to? A boat appears in the distance that might hold the answer to these questions. What follows is a tense battle for survival as personal greed replaces loyalty — and fed by isolation and paranoia, three honest men are led down a path to destruction.”

They don’t say what it is they discovered. But after a minimum amount of thought, it can only be one thing for a the isolated men on that remote island; a supermodel.

X-Files Anniversary, Demonic Kids Games, Zombie Baby-Making

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The X-Files

Talk about finding the Holy Grail of sci-fi TV series — 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment™ is issuing all 11 seasons/218 episodes of The X-Files on DVD/Blu-ray box set on October 15, 2018 to commemorate the pop culture phenomenon’s 25th anniversary. Now you can binge watch (take the week off from work) all those elusive flying saucers, aliens, monsters, demonic stuff, and subsequent government conspiracies. That’s the good news. The bad news is its only available (for now) in England. Blimey!

The X-Files

Yeah, there’s been X-Files box sets before, the last one released a few years ago and only went to Season 10. At $148.00 for the Blu-ray collection and $119.00 for the DVD set, it was still a bargain at twice the price. The only drag is that the new box set contains 59 discs; Trying to find a particular episode in a sea of shows seems unduly laborious (sorry — word of the day calendar).

The X-Files

So while you click on over to Amazon.co.uk to buy it ($117.00 in U.S. converted dollars), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a Fox Muldar/Dana Scully investigation…

Light As A Feather

LIGHT AS A FEATHER (October 12, 2018/Hulu)
“An innocent game of ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board’ goes wrong when the five teen girls who played start dying off in the exact way that was predicted, forcing the survivors to figure out why they’re being targeted — and whether the evil force hunting them down is one of their own.”

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Sounds more like a wishful health condition than a game. If it’s pure evil they’re looking for, those girls should start playing Twister™, the Exorcist edition.

Welcome To Mercy

WELCOME TO MERCY (November 2, 2018)
“A young woman struggles against the unholy forces that possess her in this terrifying occult thriller. After being stricken with stigmata, single mother Madaline is sent to a remote convent where nothing is what it seems and her friend August is seemingly the only person she can trust. Together, they must confront the demons inside Madaline before she becomes the Antichrist.”

Wikipedia™ defines stigmata as a term used in Christian Mysticism to describe the manifestations of bodily wounds, scars and pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, such as the hands, wrists, and feet. My bartender defines it as falling into sharp sticker bushes while wobbling home unholy drunk.

Mail Order Monster

MAIL ORDER MONSTER (November 6, 2018)
“12-year-old Sam Pepper lost her mother in a car accident and her reclusive, quirky nature makes her an easy target for bullying. Realizing she’d had enough, Sam orders the parts to build a ‘Monster’ from a comic book ad, and is finally able to get back at the bully. Life becomes gets more complicated when Sam discovers her father Roy proposes to his girlfriend Sydney, Pepper relies on her monster to keep her from getting a new mom.”

Comic book back page ads in my day only sold stuff like X-Ray glasses (didn’t work), live Seamonkeys (didn’t float), Kryptonite “rocks” (regular rocks painted green) and Space Shoes for $1.98 (still wearing ‘em).

Zoo

ZOO (2018/2019)
“Karen and John have lost the spark of married life the day they were notified that they were unable to conceive. Now they almost live like the walking dead, imprisoned by everyday life and on the verge of divorce. When the world is hit by a pandemic that really turns people into zombies, the couple have to lock themselves in their apartment, waiting for rescue. While the world outside is falling apart, they are forced to find their way back to each other and reclaim their lost love.”

Stuck indoors while zombies are taking over outside and nothing to do but practice making babies? This doesn’t sound like a dark horror comedy but rather…THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!

EDM Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave

In Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave (2005), an Ecstasy/energy drink drug is synthesized in a college lab from the deadly chemical from the preceding movie (i.e., Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis/2005).

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave

It was “discovered” in an oil drum in the attic of the uncle/secret military government dude who originally developed the nerve gas fumes, which reanimates the dead. Must’ve been hard to get the oil drum up into the attic without spilling it all over boxes of old Christmas lights, clothes that seem to shrink with every passing year and family photos that remind you how fat you’ve become.

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave

The easily swallowed pills turn the experimental-drug-taking “free-your-mind” students into even more mindless zombies, just in time for the big Halloween rave. Rave music sucks. It always has. Anybody who thinks it doesn’t is no doubt already brain dead, because you’d have to be to listen to that computerized noise.

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave

But I digress. The big party turns into a brain du jour buffet, with under-grad zombies biting and chewing on whatever is inside the heads of those being bitten, which looks like bubble gum with hair on it. There’s even a zombie rat, that turns out to be a better actor than everyone combined.

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave

One part comedy, one part horror, one hundred parts stupid. No wonder zombie college students want brains — they never had any to begin with.

Mystery Godzilla, Occult Virgins, Pet Dinosaurs

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Funko Godzilla

Funko, fast becoming my favorite pop icon toy company, just released a Godzilla “mystery” box. Also called “mystery minis”, you get to see two Godzilla toy figures — regular and flaming (as in “on fire”), and one that’s not visible. Kinda neat. It’s like opening a peanut shell and wondering if you’ll get one of those allergy-triggering legumes (a peanut is part of the bean family), or some sort of invasive larvae that’ll grow to the size of your arm and eat the peanut butter sandwich that’s hanging from the end of it.

Godzilla Earth

We already know there’s a bunch of different Godzillas: MechaGodzilla, Space Godzilla, JesusZilla (actually, he’s just the son), and those river-dancing all over what’s left of humanity in Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017): Godzilla Filius and the 300 meter-embiggened, Godzilla Earth. I don’t think Godzilla Earth could fit in even God’s toy box, so I’m thinkin’’ the mystery ‘monster‘ is Ghost Godzilla. Don’t know if he even exists, just though it sounded cool.

Funko Godzilla

While you click away from this blog to go check out Funko.com (yes, you WILL be blown away), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies may or may not seem as cool as…Ghost Godzilla

The Night of the Virgin

THE NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN (June 12, 2018)
Javier Badola is a lonely young man who attends a New Years Eve party with the intention of losing his virginity. After midnight he finds himself alone and rejected until a middle-aged woman invites him back to her apartment. What promises to be an epic sexual debut turns into his worst nightmare when he discovers that the woman has a perverse occult agenda.”

Seriously? What guy doesn’t go out with the intent of losing his virginity — or at least re-imagineering it? And just so we’re clear, it just. ..doesn’t…matter if the woman has a perverse occult agenda. It’s super fun happy times for your swimsuit area, man! And if there are any “virgins” out there reading this, I’ll give you some advice via an old joke: “Sex is a lot like air — it’s no big deal until you’re not getting any.”

Canaries

CANARIES (2018)
“In the style of Shaun Of The Dead, The Lost Boys and Attack the Block, Canaries is a funny, dark and action packed sci-fi horror comedy that pits a group of drunken friends on New Years Eve in a Welsh valley against an invasion task force of creepy time-traveling aliens. A kick-ass M.O.D agent, an insecure radio DJ and a kung fu master who owns the local B&B learn their new years resolution this year is simple: STAY ALIVE.”

Why do I have a sudden desire to move to a Welsh valley? I hear the residents are out of this world. P.S. I wanna be a kung fu master, but don’t wanna own a B&B. The things people do all over sheets — there’s the real horror story.

Zombiepura

ZOMBIEPURA (2018)
“When a mysterious virus breaks out in an isolated army camp, a lazy reservist soldier and his tough commander must work together to survive, and learn what it means to be real soldiers.”

Wow, it’s like they don’t even try and come up with a new spin on zombies. Sounds like Gomer Pyle versus the Undead.

The Adventures of Jurassic Pet: Chapter 1

ADVENTURES OF A JURASSIC PET: CHAPTER 1 (2018)
“An adventurous teenager summons the courage to help a friendly dinosaur to escape from the clutches of a mad scientist that wants to use him for experimentations.”

I imagine the worst part about a pet dinosaur is cleaning the litter box.

Vinyl Horror, Mix ’n Match Predators, Slaves To Evil

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mystery Minis

If you have some loose bus change totaling $169.99 jingling around in your britches, you may want to click on over to HouseofMysteriousSecrets.com to pre-order their case set of miniature vinyl horror movie icons to put on various shelves and/or tabletops in the place you change (and hopefully wash) said britches.

Mystery Minis

Each of these cooler than heck collectibles is 3 1/4” tall and are bendable into different poses. For instance, the possessed Regan doll (The Exorcist/1973) could be bent over to reenact projective vomiting. Other characters include multiple versions of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and Pennywise (1990 version). These dolls can be purchased separately, but why? Pre-order all of ‘em now as they’re arriving July, 2018. 

And while you’re clearing your shelves of unread books/plastic bowling trophies to make room for ‘em, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be collectible…

Pred4tor

PRED4TOR (2018)
“From the outer reaches of space to the small-town streets of suburbia, the hunt comes home in Shane Black’s explosive reinvention of the Predator series. Now, the universe’s most lethal hunters are stronger, smarter and deadlier than ever before, having genetically upgraded themselves with DNA from other species. When a young boy accidentally triggers their return to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and a disgruntled science teacher can prevent the end of the human race.”

Already e-blogged about this prior, though I can’t recall when as I’ve been distracted by…pizza. So this is the latest key art and official plot — Predators swapping DNA spit in the shower with other species. You have my attention. Note to Predators: If it doesn’t involve probing or the touching of the swimsuit area, I would like to be genetically-upgraded so that I, too, may join your social club.

The Dark

THE DARK (2018)
Undead and hating it, young flesh-eater Mina haunts the woods surrounding her childhood home. When she befriends a physically abused boy, she must figure out why, for once, she isn’t feeling homicidal.”

Interesting spin on the zombie theme. I bet Mina eats the abused boy’s parents. And I hope she burps/farts as loud as the horns of humanity after finishing her meal. Parents or others who abuse kids should get even worse punishment than being digested and crapped out by a zombie.

Threshold

THRESHOLD (2018)
“A group of graduating college seniors find themselves stuck in the spooky residence of the college President after a graduation party. The house changes as they move through it, no passage leading the same way twice. They soon discover the house is a labyrinth, and at its center is an ancient monster of mythology. As they are eaten one by one, they learn they are part of a ritual and must find their way out of the house by solving the maze if they are going to survive.”

It’s said that Threshold’s monster is a Minotaur, a creature half man, half bull. So does he sleep in a bed or a barn? I bet he’d be king of the rodeo at those county fair bull-riding contests.

Satan's Slaves

SATAN’S SLAVES (2017/Indonesia – 2018/US)
“A record-breaking box-office hit upon release, Joko Anwar’s affectionate remake of 1980’s Pengabdi Setan is one of horror cinema’s recent triumphs: an atmospheric, expertly-shot roller-coaster ride of a haunted house film, inspired as much by Indonesian folklore as by retro genre classics.”

Slashfilm.com has this to say about that: “A Quiet Place and Hereditary have already been dubbed 2018’s scariest films to beat, but you can add Satan’s Slaves to that list now – the most horrifying film of 2018 you haven’t heard of yet.” With that kind of endorsement, it kinda makes your mouth start slobbering all on its own. Better wear a plastic shirt (and possibly pants) when I go see it. Heck, might as well buy a wet suit.

The Devil Is A Jive Turkey

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Godzilla, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 24, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Devil's Express

A bunch of ancient Chinese warrior monks with swords and crossing guard yellow pajamas put an evil amulet into a box. Then they put that box into a bigger box. And before it can do a “Pop Goes The Weasel” on ‘em, they landfill it into a deep cave-y hole, then slice themselves into sandwich bologna in order to maintain the secret whereabouts of said demonic jewelry, which would release a height/weight proportionate demon.

Devil's Express

Flash forward to mid-1970s New York, where a really tall, muscular and shirtless kung fu instructor with an afro and anti-whitey attitude the size of Manhattan is teaching street thugs how to make that slappy sound when punching people in the sac, in this case a gang of Chinese gangstas, whom they are constantly turf warring.

Devil's Express

Luke Curtis, the superfly of slapping (and kicking and karate chopping), decides to go to China to ramp up his punching skillz, taking along the street-slang yapping student, Rodan. (No, not Godzilla’s smart-mouth/beak pterodactyl, but a jive turkey.) It’s here Rodan steals the evil amulet (it thought outside the box) and it’s transported back to Harlem, where it unleashes the demon, who possesses a guy in a suit and turns him into a bug-eyed zombie that rips people open as if a birthday present. Then he goes into the subway where it’s nice and dark — exactly where you’d want to go to kill some time and other things. Soon, mangled bodies are showing up like pawn shop jewelry.

Devil's Express

The cops think it’s a war between the African American gang (some of who are white) and the Chinese gang, who all wear black t-shirts and white pants. Both sides make that slappy sound when executing really slow and inept kung fu offenses to upper and lower torsos.

Devil's Express

A tentative truce is suggested and the Chinese kung fu master tells Luke about the amulet and its powers to possess people, use loved ones against its enemies and cause hallucinations that’ll definitely stain gold lamé bell-bottom jumpsuits (Luke’s stylish action wear) OR white pants. He ventures into the subway for a demonic kick-boxing confrontation that has runaway subway trains appearing out of nowhere and then disappearing, heavy duty smacking and the letting of blood.

Devil's Express

The Devil’s Express (aka, Gang Wars/1976) is one of those “so bad, you can’t help but watch it” movies. Painful dialogue, exaggerated fight facial expressions and a manifested demon who looks like a glowing eyed mummy wrapped in cloth that’s been dipped in one of New York City’s finest garbage cans. The only thing better is Luke’s pimp-esque wardrobe. Now to go on Amazon.com to see if I can find a gold lamé bell-bottom jumpsuit to go with my platform shoes. Then it’s off to the subway for me.

Real X-Files, Angels & Zombies, Future Grrrls

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Art Bell

Sad to report the April 13, 2018 passing of Art Bell, 72, one of the paranormal’s iconic advocates. Host of the globally-popular Coast To Coast AM late night radio show for twenty years, Art’s show was a seriously presented forum for all things paranormal, demonic, ghostly, cryptid, crop circle-y and all around monsterific. And while Art’s charismatic deep voice and dry delivery wasn’t enough, his callers’ supernatural stories and UFO sightings were the stuff custom made for ratings.

Art Bell

So popular was his radio show, he was syndicated in 500 markets in the U.S. and Canada. (Canada, by the way, is where all things paranormal were born, no doubt fueled by Moosehead beer.) Radio DJ Alan Stock described Art’s show as being “like a Disneyland for sci-fi.” Coast To Coast AM still broadcasts with the super cool George Noory at the mic. (He also regularly appears on the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens.)

Art Bell

So here’s to you, Art Bell — thank you for being the legendary voice for the real X-Files. And while you can hear archived shows on YouTube™, here are a few just released and upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that might’ve been right at home on Coast To Coast AM…. 

AVZ: Angels Vs. Zombies

AVZ: ANGELS VS. ZOMBIES (available now)
“At the end of days seven archangels arrive to deliver us from evil. Get ready for the resurrection, the dead will rise.”

Never understood the term “archangel.” Does that mean they have osteoporosis? So angels doing battle with zombies. Seems like everybody wants to take a swing at the undead these days. Heck, God’s delivery sycophants have battled everything from Bigfoot to aliens to even other angels. (Angels are like the Amazon Prime™ of religion.) be double awesome if someone would come up with AVS: Angels vs. Sharktopus.

Along With The Gods

ALONG WITH THE GODS: THE TWO WORLDS (available now)
Ja-hong, a firefighter, is taken to the afterlife by three guardians, where only after passing seven trials and proving he lived a noble life will he be able to reincarnate.”

Guess if firefighter Ja-hong is in the afterlife, he must not have been that good at his day job. And who wants to reincarnate? Being back on this toilet Earth is the last place I’d wanna return policy. Except my favorite bar, which I coincidentally call “the afterlife.”

House on Elm Lake

HOUSE ON ELM LAKE (available now)
“A couple and their young daughter move into a lake house that remained unsold due to the brutal, ritualistic murder of a family years ago. Soon, they realize that a dormant evil has awakened, a possessive force that has preyed on unsuspecting families like theirs for centuries.”

A house on Elm Lake? Is this Freddy Krueger’s Airbnb™? If I was dormant evil and lived on a lake, I’d wake up, goon out a few ducks and make splishy splash happen. And I’d do it in a Speedo™, you know, just to up the horror factor.

Future World

FUTURE WORLD (May 25, 2018)
“Inside a desert oasis, a queen lays dying as her son Prince travels across barren waste lands to find a near-mythical medicine to save her life. After evading violent raiders on motorbikes led by the Warlord and his enforcer, Prince meets Ash, the Warlord’s robot sex companion-assassin who’s in search of her own soul. As Prince is captured by the Druglord, the Warlord’s forces roar in — and Prince fights to save the remnants of humanity.”

The trailer makes this look like a Road Warrior (1981) knock-off, but with lots more riot grrrls. Maybe they should call it Mad Maxine. The drool-worthy Milla Jovovich stars and still looks a sexy fresh as she did in the Resident Evil (2002) six-movie franchise, where she got more attractive with each consecutive sequel. I bet she eats a lot of preservatives. Heh.