Archive for Waffles

Big Ass Lava Spiders

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 24, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lavalantula

Lavalantula (2014), a new sci-fi SyFy™Channel offering about giant tarantulas erupting from of volcanoes, could very well land in the Seven Wonders of the World™ ranking, right up there with Beer, Boobies, Waffles and Godzilla. (I forget the other two, but you can totally bet they are true wonders.)

Big Ass Spider!

Directed by Mike Mendez, the guy who did Big Ass Spider (2013), Lavalantula, looking to do a Sharknado (2013) cash in, has a tried ‘n true plot: “Lavalantulas attack Los Angeles.” F-ing brilliant!

The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill

While we’re waiting, check out another buzz word titled horror movie, The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill (2014). While I thought we all agreed to quit using “paranormal” in their titles, PDC begins in 1963 (pre-hippie period) with a black mass (church service with a really big collection plate) in Clophill, Bedfordshire by a coven of dark witches. Animal sacrifices, blood, necromancy, waffle mutilation… Scary stuff, for sure.

A documentary film team (indicating this is another one of those wretched found footage flicks) is assembled to investigate the legend of the Clophill witches and to try and uncover the truth behind the paranormal events. “What followed during that long weekend at Clophill was a terrifying journey into the unknown.”

The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill

Problem with movies like this is the “journey into the unknown” is already known as it’s been done over and over every since that highly insulting Blair Witch Project, which started the annoying “found footage” sub-genre back in 1999. Then again, horror movies aren’t usually known for originality.

Me? I’m sticking with lava spiders, beer and boobies. And waffles when no boobies are available.

Nutty Horror

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Squirrels

Squirrels have been referred to as rats with good PR. That’s dang funny. I’ve since paraphrased in order to impress the high society crowds I hang out with by employing lines like, “I say dear fellow, waffles are merely pancakes with good PR.” Top drawer stuff. Always gets a laugh.

Squirrels are in the Top 10 of all time cute animals that you just want to rub against your face and give ’em adorable names like “Mr. Fuzz,” “Chip Monk,” and “Destroyah.” In truth, though, squirrels, the latest animal to be made a horror villain, are four-legged toilets brushes that can infect you with foamy rabies with one well-place nibble.

Squirrels

Scheduled for release in 2014 and based on a 30-second concept by producer Timur Bekmambetov (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter/2012), the blandly titled Squirrels finds our furry forest friend wreaking utter havoc. Hence…

“When a young man’s estranged father is killed under suspicious circumstances, he returns home for the first time in years to get to the bottom of the mystery. Hoping to uncover some logical explanation, he instead finds his mom’s sleazy new boyfriend, a natural gas company buying up the town, an angry female sheriff who happens to be his ex-girlfriend, and an army of flesh-eating squirrels hellbent on destroying everything in their path due to an erosion of their food chain as a result of environmental destruction by the gas company.”

Blood Waffles

Flesh-eating squirrels. Kinda rolls right off the tongue. I bet these squirrels would eat your tongue. If they didn’t, then the movie wouldn’t have a whole lot of appeal. Yeah, the whole thing sounds pretty dang dumb. I’d rather see a movie about acid syrup-spraying waffles that punch square holes in you. And the movie could be made in Belgium. And cities under siege by these lethal breakfast monsters call on butter companies to combat… Yeah, pretty dumb as well. I really thought I was on to something there for a sec.

And then the beer wore off.