Archive for VHS tape

Outrocking Evil

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

The ‘80s hair band Triton is rocking hard and riding free and features a camera aware/body builder/studded leather Speedo™-wearing lead singer, John. (You’d think he’d have a more rock appropriate name, like Poser McPose, Flexi Hamstring or Dangle.) John and his ham band play anthem power rock songs like “We Live To Rock,” “Engery,” and (my fav) “Edge of Hell (Wildlife)”, what with its “don’t bore us, get to the chorus” catchiness. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a solid hook.

Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

Triton’s manager insists the band retreat to an isolated farmhouse in I Don’t Know Where We Are, Canda to work on 10 minutes of new material to add to their show. (Note to band — just put “tonight”, “alright” and “let’s fight” into the lyrics and you’re good to go. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

Traveling in a three-tone van (orange, white and black), the rockers bring their girlfriends and the female keyboard player with hair so big, you can see my house from there. No sooner than the band sets up in the barn and starts rocking like they’re in front of 10,000 invisible screaming fans, they take a break and start having sex with each other, with some of the band members wearing sunglasses — indoors — during their act(s) of shame. That is so rock.

Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

To mix things up, a car full of groupies show up to group with the group. As this is happening, the Devil — depicted as a rubber alien thing — shows up to top the charts, with assorted rubber, finger puppet demons as special guests. I am not making this up. Once evil reveals itself, John transforms into his studded leather Speedo™-wearing counterpart, complete with lightning bolts emitting from his muscular visage, power posing with some of the best traffic jam constipation facial expressions ever committed to VHS tape.

Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (1987) features lots of boobs and so much hairsprayed hair, Aqua Net™ should have been given a screen credit. Regardless, this wincing attempt to meld hair metal with vulcanized evil reminds me of the drunken heckling I used to do at local rock shows: “You suck — break up!”

Halloween For Christmas

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

All Hallows' Eve 2

Here’s a good idea – make a Halloween-themed horror movie and release it on December 1. I know it makes you sick to your stomach think about it, but while they’re at it, why not release an Easter-themed movie on Groundhog’s Day?

Not sure why the folks behind All Hallows’ Eve 2, the sequel to 2013’s All Hallows’ Eve, have decided to bypass October altogether for their movie release. October is the reigning champ for all things horror, albeit out-pacing Christmas by a slim margin.

And since they’re screwing it up with the release, why not go all the way and issue a sales poster accompanied by absolutely no plot information whatsoever? How difficult can it be to burp out a blurb? If you don’t want anyone to see the movie, you’re going about it in the right way.

All Hallows Eve

Here’s what went down in All Hallows’ Eve, the first one:

While watching two children on Halloween night, the babysitter finds an old VHS tape in the kids’ trick or treat bag. The tape features three tales of terror, all linked together by a murderous clown. As the night goes on, strange things begin to occur in the house. It isn’t long before the babysitter learns the horrifying truth…the maniacal clown is slowly working his way into her reality.”

I’m assuming All Hallows’ Eve 2 continues the maniacal ways of Art the Clown and includes more linked horror tales. Guess I won’t find out as I’ll be well into my Christmas horror season of movies by then. Art’s just gonna have to wait until next year until I get my seasonal flavor back.