Archive for Venus

Sci-Fi – Made in Mexico

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ship of Monsters

The Spanish-made sci-fi Ship of Monsters (aka, La Nave de los Monstruos/1960) is so endearingly bad, you can’t help but love the super goofy monsters (including a bone bare reptile that talks), scantily-clad space girls who wear bathing suits while piloting around the galaxy, and the added-value dialogue: “This place of full of rebels without a cause…”, “I’ll slap you around with my shoe…” and the time-honored “Do you swing both ways?”

Ship of Monsters

The planet Venus, occupied by horny chicks (a radiation scourge wiped out all the dudes), rocket around the galaxy, kidnapping male creatures of all sizes, shapes and complexions, to bring back for Uranus exploring dates. A malfunction forces the spaceship to land on Earth, specifically Chihuahua, Mexico, where the two supermodel space chicks encounter the tall-tale telling Lauriano, a horse-ridin’, singin’ caballero who asks the stars for a chick to “share his affections” with.

Ship of Monsters

The smooth talking Lauriano educates the space chicks in the ways of Earth love by smooching their lips and proposing marriage. Gamma, the space ship captain, calls dibs on Lauriano’s saddle horn, which makes Beta, the first officer, jealous and full of vengeance.

Ship of Monsters

Beta unfreezes the monsters and proposes that they take over Earth. Turns out she’s actually a vampire and the blood of our peeps is loaded with acrid richness. Pffft – trying sucking on a beer, lady; aside from a bit ‘o belching, no neck aftertaste.

Ship of Monsters

The male monsters have great space names: Uk (pronounced ‘ook’), Tawal, Zok (rhymes with ‘sock’) and Crassus, who emphatically proclaims, “I will devour your entrails by the light of Utare and its seven moons…” And he flippin’ means it, man!

Ship of Monsters

But in the end, Lauriano, who only wanted someone with which to share his affections, shows that love triumphs over monsters, vampires and the robot Torr, whom he calls “Tractor.” If that doesn’t warm your heart, you’re probably dead.

P.S. Amazing fun fact: All the monsters from across the galaxy speak Spanish. I know, right? How awesome is that?

Robots Hate You And Your Planet

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Target Earth

What if you woke up in a hotel room in a big city, only to discover you’re the only one in the entire city? Besides pulling down your pants and running out into the street screaming, you’re probably go looking for somebody to explain WTF.

No, this isn’t a Twilight Zone episode, though it plays out like one. Rather, it’s the plot for Target Earth, an obscure sci-fi movie from 1954, which predated TZ by five years.

Target Earth

So Nora King, having just woken up from a flubbed suicide attempt (she tried sticking her head in a toaster – just kidding), discovers all of Chicago is bereft of tax-paying citizens. Wandering around and starting to completely lose her beans, she eventually happens across a guy with impeccably combed hair just coming to after being smacked unconscious by criminals. Aha – an excuse is established!

Target Earth

They go wandering and hear a piano being played in a cocktail lounge of all things. It’s here they meet a guy and his gal, both getting drunk as skunks because hey, free booze! Through the haze of sweet alcohol, they tell Nora and her crime statistic guy that the town had been evacuated because of a mysterious invading force, but that they were unable (too drunk) to go with the rest of the group.

Target Earth

Now there are four and… What the flap – they find another person. Now the town is starting to feel crowded. They find a newspaper with a headline warning of impending disaster, so new guy is freaks out and tries to start a car when he gets mad zapped by…an alien robot from Venus! That’ll teach him to try and jack a vehicle.

Target Earth

The group heads into a hotel, finds rooms and try to figure out their next maneuver. If they were of sound mind and body, they’d pry open the mini bar. Before everyone figure out a plan, a criminal shows up with a gun and holds everyone hostage. Um, I think they were doing that to themselves.

Target Earth

Bullets fly and then there were three. But an alien robot, scouting for loose citizens to eye fry, hears the gunfire and crashes into the hotel, eventually clanking its way up the stairs to the room where all the action is.

Heading to the roof, the robot is in slow pursuit. The drunk guy sacrifices himself to save Nora and her bullet perforated boyfriend and is vaporized by some sort of science beam. Before you can say “they’re f’d in the b-hole), the Army shows up, and using a loud speaker broadcasting a disrupt-o signal, disable the robot before it can shine a light on the situation.

Target Earth

You never get to see the alien robot army, just the one tin can. The introduction of the criminal with a gun didn’t make sense. Not staying in the cocktail lounge didn’t make sense either because hey, free booze! And when the “army” shows up, there’s only a couple of jeeps. And too much time is spent talking and not screaming.

Target Earth needed to find a bulls-eye.