Archive for Valley of the Sasquatch

Bigfoot & Aliens With A Plan

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Valley of the Sasquatch

Yep, I’m a sucker for Bigfoot movies, even though I have yet to see one with a creature design better than the Jacks Link’s™ Bigfoot. (Man, those commercials make me LOL all over my Old Navy™ self.) That’s the same argument I have with werewolf movies as well, though I did like the ones in Dog Soldiers (2002). Very challenging to make a realistic suit covered in artificial Yak hair.

Jack Link's Sasquatch

Now that I’ve shaved that off my chest, Valley of the Sasquatch is the just released horror indie featuring my favorite cryptid. Or should I says cryptids? Yep – time to go all plural as Valley features a tribe of Sasquatchians. Here’s how they put the Foot down…

“A father and son are forced to move to an old cabin in the woods after a devastating tragedy. The forest unearths a tribe of Sasquatch who are determined to protect their land.”

Sorry you’re going working through a devastating tragedy, but a determined Sasquatch is nothing to screw with.

Plan 9

Releasing February 18, 2016 is Plan 9, a remake of 1959’s Plan 9 From Outer Space, the best worst horror movie of all time. Yep, someone had the artificial balls and vision to reboot this messterpiece, which is classic for all the wrong reasons. Here’s the what what on the movie…

“Nilbog is a small town with a big story – the beginning of an invasion! However, instead of lasers, spaceships, and epic force, these aliens have a different plan for the inhabitants of Earth: to resurrect the dead as their own army set with but one goal…to wipe out all mankind!”

“On this Halloween night only the townsfolk stand in the way of total domination. From the police department to those trapped in a convenience store, and even those trying to stay alive in the streets, this night will decide the fates of all who walk the planet and thought they were the top of the food chain.”

Plan 9 From Outer Space

My ONLY misgiving about Plan 9 is that they didn’t ask me to be in the movie. Guess I’ll have to find a different crap sci-fi remake to star in to put on my bucket list. (I’m looking in your direction Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.)

Suffering Sasquatch

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Suffering

Two new ones to accentuate your hallowed couch time: The Suffering (release pending sometime 2015) and the intriguing Valley of the Sasquatch (2015), which has a valley of some sort and possibly a Sasquatch if the title is to be believed.

In The Suffering: “Henry Dawles is at a crossroads in life. A diminished bank account and a baby on the way with his estranged wife have his personal life in shambles. When Mr. Remiel, an elderly shut-in, offers Henry a lucrative sum to appraise his rural estate, he accepts without hesitation.”

What follows is a harrowing exploration of mind and madness. A journey through an estate as vast and beautiful as it is secretive and horrific. When Henry closes in on the land’s dark truth, Remiel’s eccentric behavior takes a menacing and unforgettable turn.”

Need some clarification here as “eccentric behavior” can encompass anything from scratching your butt and smelling your fingers to practicing the Dark Arts with instructions found on the Internet. I’m guessing Mr. Remiel does both.

Valley of the Sasquatch

Valley of the Sasquatch is a great title. So why are red flags going up? First, no one in the history of the world has been able to make a great Sasquatch/Bigfoot movie. (OK, Harry and the Hendersons/1987. Hey, guilty pleasure – stay out of my wheelhouse.) Secondly, of all the 1,017 Bigfoot movies I’ve seen, the best costume is the one in the Jack Link’s™ Beef Jerky (or “meat snacks”) commercials.

Jack Links

So here’s the rally in the valley: After losing their home following a devastating tragedy, a father and son are forced to move to an old family cabin. This trip into the forest will unearth not only buried feelings of guilt and betrayal, but also a tribe of Sasquatch that are determined to protect their land.”

Valley of the Sasquatch

Of course Sasquatch is territorial – every time a hunter, day hiker, camper, forest ranger leaves a trail of stink in the woods, you’re dissing and pissing in Bigfoot’s hood. Can’t blame him for wanting to eat your face like it was an overpriced meat snack. (They had to pay for the suit somehow.)