Archive for undead

Bloody Vampires, Bloody Puppets, Bloody Expensive Guitars

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Game of Thrones guitar

With Game of Thrones dominating the non-political headlines, the series final season has people tripping all over themselves to cash in before its relegated to binge-watching re-runs. [Disclaimer: I tried to get into GoT and only made it through the first five episodes. There were so many characters/story lines that clashed with my attention deficit disorder, I’d have needed an abacus to keep track.]

Game of Thrones guitars

Fender Custom Shop™ is releasing three GoT themed guitars. Even if you don’t play the git-fiddle, these things would make you look awesome just carrying ‘em around, like to the store or while commuting to work on a flying dragon. Here’s the deets:

Game of Thrones guitars

“As opulent as its namesake — the ambitious house with designs on the Iron Throne — the Sigil Collection Game of Thrones House Lannister Jaguar is an homage to that avaricious clan. This bespoke guitar was painstakingly crafted by Principal Master Builder, Ron Thorn, who called on his extensive experience with materials to work 24k gold leaf into the elegant, sweeping form of the Jaguar. Crafted to order, this guitar could only have come from Westeros — and the Dream Factory, the Fender Custom Shop.

Game of Thrones guitar

“Avaricious” is an interesting term to use in a press release. It means “having or showing an extreme greed for wealth or material gain.” Well, heck — it’s like they’re inside my head! Unfortunately, my lack of wealth will keep me from buying one of these guitars, which range in price from $25,000 to $35,000.

If you need something to watch after Game of Thrones concludes, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not have been made for $25,000 to $35,000 smackos…

Blood From Stone

BLOOD FROM STONE (2019)
“A woman trying to escape the vampire’s grip, and struggles to cope with the vampire curse in a society where old ways refuse to die.”

Why fight it? I’d love to be a vampire. I kinda am already as I suck on long necks. Heh.

The Room

THE ROOM (2019)
Kate and Matt are a young couple in their thirties in search of a more authentic and healthy life. They leave the city to move into an old house in the middle of nowhere. Soon they discover a secret hidden room that has the extraordinary power to materialize anything they wish for. Their new life becomes a true fairytale. They spend days and nights indulging their every desire of material possession, swimming in money and champagne. Yet beneath this apparent state of bliss, something darker lurks: some wishes can have dire consequences. That room could very well turn their dream into a nightmare when it gives them what they’ve been waiting forever and that nature was denying them.”

I liked it better when it was called The Monkey’s Paw.

Blood Rise: Subspecies V

BLOOD RISE: SUBSPECIES V (February 14, 2020)
Spanning 500 years in the life of the vampire Radu Vladislas, this long-anticipated prequel to the Subspecies series chronicles Radu’s descent from a noble warrior for the Church to a depraved creature of the night. Stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth, he has no knowledge of his bloodline: his mother a demon; father a vampire. Trained and exploited by a brotherhood of mystic monks to slay all enemies of the Church, fate brings him back one night to the castle of his father, armed with the monster-slaying Sword of Laertes, to destroy the vampire Vladislas and reclaim a holy relic: the Bloodstone. The events of that night turn Radu from a noble man into a vampire with no master, setting him on a centuries-long quest for sustenance, for companionship, for the treacherous one who stole him from the sun, and for the Bloodstone he hopes will bring him peace.

Even as uneven as the Subspecies movies (four flicks, 1991 — 1998) have been, it’s nice to see Radu back in action and licking the Bloodstone like it was a bleeding ice cream cone. After all these years, though, he’s looking a bit long in the tooth. Ahem.

Blade: The Iron Cross

BLADE: THE IRON CROSS (February 14, 2020)
Charles Band’s Puppet Master series continues as an unspeakable evil from Blade’s past emerges in the form of a murderous Nazi scientist named Dr. Hauser. As Hauser’s heinous crimes are discovered, the psychic war journalist, Elisa Ivanov, awakens Blade, and together the bloody journey of revenge begins. It’s Herr Hauser’s reanimated undead army versus a possessed doll and a beautiful vengeance-seeking clairvoyant.”

This will be the 15th (!) installment in the Puppet Master film series, which began in 1989. That’s one helluva puppet show. For a really fun killer puppet movie, try Trilogy of Terror (1975), featuring the legendary (and toothy) Zuni fetish doll. That thing caused me to bespoil my trousers back in the day. The cleverly named sequel, Trilogy of Terror II, was released in 1996. I chose to not watch it as getting stains out of britches is not as easy as Oxi Clean™ Refreshing Lavender & Lily Liquid Laundry Detergent claims it is.

Carnival Dinosaurs, Uncle Zombie Wants You, Girly Vampires

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 26, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jurassic World — The Ride

If you have mounting a dinosaur on your bucket list (okay, that came out wrong), get ready to scratch it off when Universal Studios Hollywood opens the theme-park attraction, Jurassic World — The Ride, summer of 2019. Now you won’t have to travel back in time (another bucket list line item) 145 to 201 million years ago for the experience.

Jurassic World — The Ride

Here’s how they’re gonna justify a high ticket price: “Once aboard specially designed rafts, guests will navigate the lush environs of dense vegetation, traversing new areas besieged with towering dinosaurs meandering just an arm’s length away from visitors. Encounters with such docile creatures as the Stegosaurus and Parasaurolophus will quickly turn awry as predatory Velociraptors and Dilophosaurus begin to wreak havoc, turning guests from spectators to prey. When the Tyrannosaurus rex begins to battle one of the attraction’s new behemoth dinosaurs, the rafts will spill down a treacherous 84-foot waterfall as the sole means of escape.”

Iron Sky

While I personally tend to stay away from carnival rides that can kill you (I’m looking in your direction, extra-spin-y Merry-Go-Round), I’ll be content to watch you do it. While you unpack that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as fun as a raft full of screaming people going over an 84-foot waterfall…

The Man With The Magic Box

THE MAN WITH THE MAGIC BOX (April 4, 2019)
“This Orwellian sci-fi thriller is set in the dystopian future of 2030 Warsaw. A man wakes up without any memory of his previous life. He is assigned an apartment and a job as a janitor in an office building. But when he finds an old radio from the 1950s, it triggers mysterious visions of another past life. As he tries to piece together his past identity with the help of his beautiful but aloft boss, he runs afoul of a totalitarian government willing to do anything to stop him. A beguiling sci-fi love story that is at turns bleak, absurd, unsettling, and oddly affecting.”

A dystopian future that’s a sci-fi love story? I liked it better when it was called A Boy And His Dog (1975).

Dead Trigger

DEAD TRIGGER (May 3, 2019)
“A mysterious virus has killed billions and turned many others into bloodthirsty zombies. Unable to stop the virus, the government develops a video game Dead Trigger that mirrors the terrifying events that curse the world. The players who kill the most zombies in the game are recruited to combat the zombie horde in real life. Led by Captain Kyle Walker, the elite team travels to Terminal City, the origin of the outbreak, to find a team of scientists who have been working on a possible cure for the virus. The only way to get to them, however, is through a city full of terrifying undead mutants.”

Several observations: 1.) Zombies are not blood thirsty. They don’t even drink. If you need a designated driver, ride with a zombie. 2.) Being good with a gun on a video game does not make you a special ops shooter in real life. You have to be in rap video for those kinds of creds. 3.) A possible cure for the zombie virus is not possible. If there was, then why would we want to watch zombie movies? 4.) This plot is pulled from the cookie sheet of hundreds of similar zombie movies. But that’s kinda obvious.

The Furies

THE FURIES (2019)
Rebellious high school students Kayla and her best friend Maddie are stalked and abducted by a sinister presence while out bombing their neighborhood with graffiti. Waking up, in the woods, bound and disoriented in a claustrophobic coffin-like apparatus, Kayla’s first thought is of Maddie. Before she has a chance to ruminate on the dreadful fate that may have befallen her friend, Kayla notices a terrifying masked man fast approaching, armed with a razor-sharp ax. As a chase ensues, it soon becomes clear that Kayla and her pursuer are not alone.

The punishment for unlawful graffiti a razor-sharp ax? Sounds too lenient.

Carmilla

CARMILLA (2019)
Miss Fontaine is a governess to 15-year-old Lara who lives in total isolation in her family home. Struggling to find an outlet for her burgeoning sexuality, Lara is enchanted by the mysterious Carmilla and the pair strike up a passionate relationship. However, with rumors and superstition rife and with the exhortation of the family doctor Carmilla’s presence in their home begins to strike fear into those around her.”

This one is said to be inspired by the 1872 same named novel (or “book”) by Sheridan Le Fanu, and is considered one of the first works of vampire fiction. I didn’t know vampires could read.

Snaring Zombies, Memory Bots, NSFW Horror

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Living Drum

If you’re a musician, you probably know about Reverb.com, a marketplace for people to buy, share and trade a myriad of music instruments, gear, accessories and broken rock dreams. It was here I found a custom George Romero/Night of the Living Dead-inspired snare drum, a novel way to pound on zombies.

Living Drum

This 6 lug, 14-inch “drum of the living dead” will set you back $149.99 plus $32.00 to ship it from Manchester, NH. Not sure if you play it with drum sticks or a machete or a machete shaped like a drum stick.

Living Drum

Before you go all marching drum on the undead, here are a few available now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not keep a beat…

Derelict

DERELICT (available now)
“Three friends find themselves fighting for their lives when their urban exploration goes horribly wrong.”

These guys go into an abandoned building covered in graffiti that looks like it was done by an artistic seagull with diarrhea. Then, for no reason whatsoever, they encounter a gas mask wearing killer with a hay baling hook and leather pants. Now we know what happened to all those law-breaking graffiti artists. Damn punks.

Havana Darkness

HAVANA DARKNESS (available now)
“Traveling to Havana, Cuba, to investigate the origins of a mysterious manuscript supposedly written by acclaimed American novelist, Ernest Hemingway, three friends are thrust into a terrifying game of cat and mouse when they find themselves trapped inside an abandoned building nestled in the center of the country’s vibrant capital. With time running out fast the threesome must maneuverer through a maze of deadly traps to find a way out of the building before they’re hunted down.”

Other countries have abandoned buildings and serial killers, too? Who knew?

Violentia

VIOLENTIA (available now)
“A nano-tech engineer finds a way to recreate memories using nanobots. But when his daughter is killed in a school shootout, he enlists in a secret government program to find a cure for violence using a psychopath’s memories as testing ground. This leads him down a dark path where the lines between reality and memories begin to blur.”

If that guy stuck nanobots in my head to extract memories, they better be outfitted with hip-waders.

Terror 5

TERROR 5 (April 5, 2019)
“While most of the residents of a small Argentinian town attend a funeral procession following a tragic building collapse, the few who do not will face terrors of their own in this mash-up of urban legends. Bondage, torture, zombies, governmental corruption.”

The trailer shows a scene of a guy wearing Gene Simmons/KISS makeup while riding wildly on a motorcycle. It also shows some sex and bare naked nudity. Not sure which I like better.

Streaming Zombies, Witch Sisters, Evil Internet

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Black Summer

Netflix™, the world’s most popular movie streaming service, is set to unleash a zombie apocalypse come April 11, 2019. A prequel of sorts to the five-season Z Nation on the SyFyChannel (cool series, but at times a bit hard to chew on), this one takes place just a few months after the humanity diaper-change. Whereas Z Nation started out four years into the deadening.

Z Nation

Here’s what to expect: “Set in the dark, early days of a zombie apocalypse, a mother torn from her daughter who embarks upon a harrowing journey to find her. Thrust alongside a small group of American refugees, these complete strangers must find the strength they need to fight their way back to loved ones. But in order for Rose and her team to brave this hostile new world, they will need to make brutal decisions to contend with zombies — and each other.”

Black Summer

Kinda stock for a zombie uprising. But hey, what walking dead premise isn’t? If this ain’t your jam, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth a Netflix™ subscription…

Blood Craft

BLOOD CRAFT (April 9, 2019)
“Two sisters who suffered abuse as children at the hands of their sadistic father decide, after his death, to use witchcraft to bring his spirit back to get revenge.”

Which begs the question — how do you get revenge on a ghost? It’s not like you could squirt shaving cream in his hand while he’s sleeping and then tickle his nose. If you could, that would be super harsh punishment.

Depraved

DEPRAVED (2019)
Alex leaves his girlfriend Lucy after an emotional night, walking the streets alone to get home. From out of nowhere, he is stabbed in a frenzied attack, with the life draining out of him. He awakes to find he is the brain in a body he does not recognize. This creature, Adam, has been brought into consciousness by Henry, a brilliant field surgeon suffering from PTSD after two tours in the Mideast, and his accomplice Polidori, a predator determined to cash in on the experiment that brought Adam to life. Henry is increasingly consumed with remorse over what he’s done and when Adam finally discovers a video documenting his own origin, he goes on a rampage that reverberates through the group and tragedy befalls them all.”

Sounds like Frankenstein’s getting a makeover. I bet the Queer Eye guys could do miracles with this fashion hot mess.

A Psycho's Path

A PSYCHO’S PATH (2019)
“Set in the late ’60s, a psychopath that stalks the streets of a small California desert town, killing it’s residents at random. This leaves Captain Peters and his small police force to search for the killer’s whereabouts before more victims turn up.”

So where would a killer hide in a small desert town? I don’t think this psychopath thought this one out.

Nekrotronic

NEKROTRONIC (2019)
Howard North, who unknowingly holds a secret power, is dragged into a conflict between a family of badass demon hunting Nekromancers, and Finnegan — an evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet — and is also his mother. Molly, a fierce Nekromancer warrior, is desperate to destroy the demon and believes that Howard has the right stuff to become a true hero. Together, they must work together to exorcise the fiend from the web and blow her back to Hell.”

An evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet? Not sure how that works, especially when the Internet has already possessed the world. Still, I bet this evil thingamajig knows all the cool porn sites.

Zombie Headwear, Pig People, Lab Rats

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Faces of Horror

Horror movie make-up legend Tom Savini and his Trick or Treat Studios is once again making his line of Halloween (or church) full-head zombie masks available for money. This is good news for those of us who want to explore a new fashion look for around $25.00. (No word if these masks are made of human skin.)

Savini knows what a zombie should look like, having worked on such horror movies as Dawn of the Dead (1978), Day of the Dead (1985) and even directing the Night of the Living Dead reboot in 1990. Using his vast experience and flesh-rotting art skills, Savini is offering the mask models “Graves,” “Mort” and “Tombed”, which will ship in August/September 2019.

Tom Savini

While you hit up the boss for an advance on your paycheck to get in on this action, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be suitable for Halloween and/or church…

I'm Just F*cking With You_1.jpg

I’M JUST F*CKING WITH YOU (April 1, 2019/Hulu™)
“A man and his sister on the way to a family wedding endure a night of increasingly frightening practical jokes during a one-night stay at a secluded motel.”

Great movie title. Bet parents will be taking their under-age kids to this one.

Red 11

RED 11 (pending distribution/2019)
Red 11 is a horror/thriller set in a dark, twisted version of the Legal Drug Research world. At these facilities, young guys become lab rats to make quick money, but our hero RED 11 is here to buy his way out of a huge debt to the tune of $7,000. This story shows the quirks, characters, and comedy of being a human lab rat, but with a sci-fi and horror twist, because while under the influence of experimental drugs, Red 11 doesn’t know if what’s in front of him is fact or fiction.”

This one is from Robert Rodriguez, so even with the low production budget of $7,000, it’ll look at least like $9,000 movie. There’s an interesting TRUE story behind this (from the press release) — “The movie is based on the research hospital where Robert Rodriguez sold his body to pay for El Mariachi (1993), ‘Red 11’ is the shirt color and number he was assigned.” I need to find that place so I can get the rent paid this month. Let’s see Rodriguez make a movie outta that.

Tales From The Lodge

TALES FROM THE LODGE (2019/UK)
“In an isolated lodge somewhere in England, five old university pals, now nudging 40, gather for a weekend to scatter the ashes of their friend, Jonesy, who drowned himself in the lake three years earlier. They settle in for a fun evening, entertaining each other with stories of murders, ghosts, zombies and possessions, but as day turns to night the gang become aware of another horror story unfolding around them. And this one is real.”

Is this a cliched horror movie plot or an episode of Scooby Doo? Just thinkin’ out loud — I’ll probably watch it regardless.

Bullets of Justice

BULLETS OF JUSTICE (2019)
“During the Third World War, the American government initiates a secret project named ‘Army Bacon’ in order to create super soldiers by breeding human beings with pigs. 25 years later a breed called ‘Muzzles’ have occupied the top of the food chain, eating and farming humans like animals. Rob Justice is an ex-bounty hunter working for the last line of human resistance – a group of survivors hiding in a nuclear bunker deep underground. His mission is to find out how Muzzles came to power and destroy them.”

Army bacon? Breeding humans with pigs? Hybrids called Muzzles? Head..about…to…explode — too…many…jokes…

196 Days of Zombies

Posted in Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

28 Weeks Later

28 Weeks Later (2007) picks up where 28 Days Later (20020) left off, with downtown England quarantined because of the Rage virus that turns people into extreme zombies quicker than you can say, “Ouch — stop biting my arse, you arsehole!” 

28 Weeks Later

A man and his wife are outside of the city, holed up in a cottage with some old people and a few others. The zombies find them and start projectile barfing virus blood all over their victims, which tuns them into zombies in, like, three seconds. Cornered, the man manages to get away, but cowardly leaves his wife to be overtaken by the flesh-eating horde. He makes it back to the city where the U.S. military has declared Martial Law and is letting people back in through a screening process. They think the “infected” are all confined to the outlying areas.

28 Weeks LaterThe coward man and his two kids are reunited, but the law-unabiding children sneak out of the containment zone and make their way back to their former home for some penny candy, whistles and House of the Dead Playstation™ game. But someone’s there and it’s…MOM! Yes, she was bitten by the zombies. No, she didn’t “turn” as she carries a gene in her blood that keeps the Rage virus from messing up her hair and vomiting gunk all over bit Britain. 

28 Weeks Later

The military brings her back for studying. About this time the coward man is notified his wife is still alive. Um…OOPS! He uses his security clearance to visit her and even gives her a kiss as if to say, “Sorry ’bout the whole abandonment ’n zombie attack thing, honey. So, what’s new?” But she bites his lip as he’s going in for the apology smooch. You know what happens next.

28 Weeks Later

Along the way, more flesh eating, flesh burning, flesh running, flesh screaming. And the camera work, which at times feels like they strapped a camcorder onto a frog hopped up on meth, is quite dizzying. But the story line holds and cowardly dad’s hottie teen daughter is about one year away from a Zombie Maxim center spread: Uninfected Girls of Great Britain.

Zombie Kingdom

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Kingdom

Do you like watching skin-snacking zombies tearing into soon-to-be-expired flesh? Who doesn’t? Which is why, if you aren’t already, you might wanna watch Kingdom, a period piece Korean zombie six-episode flesh-fest that showed up on Netflix™ on January 25, 2019. I do believe with all my heart that was just a few weeks ago as of this writing.

Kingdom

I previewed this a period piece ago, but in case you were combing your hair and missed it, here’s the premise…

Kingdome

“The deceased king rises and a mysterious plague begins to spread; the prince must face a new breed of enemies to unveil the evil scheme and save his people.”

Kingdom

Sort of tantalizing, but it doesn’t begin to hint at the slaughterhouse gore and zombie action therein. The first episode, set back in the days where starving poor people lived in house made out of bamboo and mud and rich people wallowed in the mud of wealth and much cleaner clothes, takes nearly the whole one hour first show to get going. But when it does, have something to clean up the mud you’ll no doubt fill your pants with.

Kingdom

An overloaded “hospital” (made of bamboo and mud) is getting desperate for food and medicine. The 100 year old head doctor hasn’t been seen for days. And when he finally shows up, he’s carrying the rotting corpse of a young unlucky previous human. Well hey, cook that sucker up and feed it to the ecstatic starving people! Just don’t tell them what they’re eating. (It tastes like Peking duck — a bit gamey, but lip-smackingly tasty.)

Kingdom

Once consumed, people go into mouth-frothing spasms, die painfully, then come back to life and go all World War Z on everybody standing nearby not yet dead. And like the zombies in World War Z (2013), these undead heads relentlessly run, tackle, climb and throw themselves off roofs. And they do something else not usually seen in zombie movies. (No spoiler, but there’s a hint in 2007’s I Am Legend.)

Kingdom

It only takes a few seconds for a zombie bite to get you up and running, which means this plague is a flippin’ pandemic. Tons of butt-clenching close calls, explicit gore and a sub-plot involving the royal elite abandoning their lower than lower class subjects. It will make you mad if you’re lower than low.

Kingdom

Get past the political positioning first episode and get ready for a top notch flesh-snacking, which does a good job of leveling the social class playing field.