Archive for TV Dinners

Horror Snack Pack, High School Ghost, Vampire Schooner

Posted in Asian Horror, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Your choice of horror movie viewing couch snacks are many, from 7-Eleven™ Tomahawk Rib-eye steaks in a rich, squeeze bottle chocolate finishing sauce, to canned Lobster Bisque paired with a nice, dry Steel Reserve™. But how many of those TV dinners are as cool as the new Creepshow™ heavily-salted mouth treats?

FYE™ exclusively carries a line of Creepshow™ snacks to munch and later wipe your fingers on your Old Navy™ pants: White Cheddar Skullcrunch Popcorn ($4.99), Sour Gummy Worms (aka, Nightcrawlers/$4.99) and a blood red Creepshow™ Cherry Energy Drink ($3.99) — to help get the rubbery candy worms past your gag reflex.

While you ponder spending extra on gummy (or “gummi”) worms for having the Creepshow™ logo on it (unbranded version: $1.69 on Amazon™), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stress test your gag reflex…

KARADA SAGASHI (aka MIDNIGHT SCHOOL) / Out now (VOD)

“A high school student and her friends are trapped in a time loop by a ghost and the only way to escape is to find the corpse of the ghost’s previous victim.”

Time loop detention for anyone unable to guess how this ends. 

SCREAM 6 / March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

“The four survivors of the Ghostface killings leave Woodsboro behind and start a fresh chapter in New York City.”

The fifth sequel that’s as pointless as the original 1996 movie. FYI: In 1989’s Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Voorhees also visited New York — he was in town with a few days to kill. (Okay, I totally took that from 1990’s Predator 2. You probably wouldn’t know that had I not confessed to my crime.) 

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER / Pending release 2023

“Based on a single chapter, the Captain’s Log, from Bram Stoker’s classic 1897 novel Dracula, the story is set aboard the Russian schooner, Demeter, which was chartered to carry private cargo – twenty four unmarked wooden crates — from Carpathia to London.”

Dracula was in one of those coffins, uh, I mean, crates. The rest of the old time-y suitcases contained his spring/summer evening capes, backup underwear and socks, toothpaste/shampoo/shaving gel, raisin snack packs for the long ocean journey, and hometown dirt. This is so Drac can start a garden once he reaches London. He’s got quite the green thumb for growing…blood oranges. Heh.

TABOO / Pending release 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“Three juvenile criminals, Charity, Charlotte and Michelle, are given one last chance at redemption. They’re sent on a team-building course in a forest with their youth worker, Miss White. While on the course, the group learns they are not alone. The situation goes from bad to worse, and their trip becomes a matter of life and death.”

No other details, so here’s an educated stab at it — their new camp counselor is either Bigfoot or some sort of poisonous moose. Makes sense if you let it.

Undead Tribute, Get To Know Bigfoot, Death Personified

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead

As hardcore The Walking Dead fans have burned into their iCalendars™, the 100th episode — and season eight AMC™ opener — happens on Sunday, October 22, 20017. (And you thought the total eclipse was worth watching.)

The Walking Dead

To celebrate/commemorate, TWD episode director/ makeup effects master Greg Nicotero teamed up with his insanity talented KNB FX design team to whip up some tasty tribute posters, all in the style of one of the coolest horror shows ever on TV. Included with the above slick tribute to Alien is zombie/star character homages to Back to the Future, The Thing, Thunderball and The Omega Man. Pretty swear word cool. (You can find them all by following Greg on Instagram™.)

As the countdown to The Walking Dead marches on, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that probably stole their ideas from all of the above…

Zombies

ZOMBIES (available now/VOD/Limited – October 31, 2017/DVD)
“When the world is in shambles, plagued by a zombie outbreak, only the strong will survive, but just how much determination will it take? Will Luke and his crew have enough ambition and ammunition to outlive the undead?”

The title and plot should tell you how high they set the bar for themselves. This is so stock, it should be sold in grocery stores next to canned soup and frozen TV dinners.

Death On Scenic Drive

DEATH ON SCENIC DRIVE (September 30, 3017/Hard Line Film Festival/Germany)
“During the cold winter months at a secluded countryside home, a young woman named Larissa encounters an entity that transforms her into Death itself. She reins violence against Dallas Henson and the family that resides there.”

Not sure why this one is being premiered in Germany when it’s Canadian-made. Bloody-Disgusting.com says Death On Scenic Drive is a “Gothic filled with gore, madness, weirdness, satanism and screeching, squelching music.” Sounds just like my upstairs neighbors on any given week night.

Discovering Bigfoot

DISCOVERING BIGFOOT (October 27, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“What we think we know of human origins and evolution is about to change forever as we discover the truth about a species that has remained elusive by outwitting and evading modern man for decades despite his best efforts. Journey into the heart of Sasquatch Country and experience three incredible days in the field with Bigfoot experts. This unprecedented feature film includes extraordinary never before seen Sasquatch footage that will shock the world. Witness a terrifying altercation between Sasquatch Researcher Todd Standing and three Sasquatch creatures in the wild.”

The trailer for this documentary purports to show “indisputable” photographic/video evidence of Bigfoot, and even go so far as to include a few snippets of said proof. I’m convinced — and you’re talkin’ to a guy who stands in line at the Puyallup Fair to get an autograph and a picture with a guy in a Bigfoot suit handing out hot tub clearance sale flyers. Say what you will about the mythical wood ape — that guy can sell ice cubes to an eskimo.

The Purge: Island

THE PURGE: ISLAND (July 4, 2018)
The Purge: Island is a prequel that will focus on the events that lead up to the very first Purge event, an experimental test on Staten Island.”

Cool, but I can’t wait for The Purge: Outer Space. In that one we get carte blanche to go all probe-y on those invasive aliens. They won’t know what violated their swimsuit/spacesuit area. Payback’s a b*tch, space b*tches — ha!

Mermaid Chronicles

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

She Creature

An early 1900s con artist and his hot girlfriend work in the carnival trade industry and are part of the circus sideshow freak division. There they try and make people believe that gal in the water tank is a mermaid. Because this is a traveling circus, I’m leaning towards not fully believing it, although I unconditionally have faith the bearded lady’s facial hair is authentic, and by extension, valid.

She Creature

One day they meet an old sailor fart who claims to have a real mermaid in his possession/bathtub. This mermaid is of supermodel caliber and doesn’t wear a waterproof top of any kind. She has weird teeth and her tail is somewhat slimy. But man, that’s one sexy aqua woman. For a fish, anyway.

She Creature

The con artist steals the mermaid and manages to get it onboard a ship sailing to America, where they will make lots and lots of money by having her be a spokesmodel for a new line of fishing poles or something. Because of the mystic nature of their gilled passenger, strange and icky happenings happen during the journey, like drunk sailors being eaten tar tar.

She Creature

The mermaid just happens to be the Queen Mermaid, whose job it is to deliver fast food to her hungry people. It’s here the mermaid fully morphs into her real form, which is a lot less attractive than the topless tuna she was before. By the time the ship runs aground and everyone’s screaming for their lives, she looks like a cross between the Queen Alien in Aliens (1986) and that alien gal in Species (1995). She tosses the dead bodies/TV Dinners™ into the waiting mouths of one million mermaids surrounding the boat. OK, maybe it wasn’t a million, but it was dark and I couldn’t see very well. But they splashed around a LOT.

She Creature

She Creature (2001/originally titled Mermaid Chronicles Part 1: She Creatureis a good idea for a movie, but there’s not nearly enough blood or flesh-eating scenes. The mermaid looks a heckuva lot like the real ones I’ve seen at the carnival, though, so that’s pretty cool.

The She-Creature

P.S. It would not be in anyone’s best interest to confuse this She Creature with the The She-Creature that came out in 1956. It could cause social disruption of some sort.