Archive for train

Ghosts on a Train

Posted in Asian Horror, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Red Eye

As a little girl, Oh Mi-sun’s train conductor father was deemed responsible for a commuter train wreck that killed 100 or so travelers. This coincided with her birthday. (Looks like no B-day present from papa this year.) This causes Oh Mi-sun to internalize inner shame for 15 years.

Red Eye 2

Now old enough to get a job and buy her own dang presents, she takes a position as an attendant assigned to ride on this particular train’s last run. Oh, yeah — several of the train cars not damaged by the wreck all those shame-filled years ago are the very ones she’s serving Sapporo™ and squid snacks on. What are the odds?

Red Eye

Slowly, Oh Mi-sun starts having visions of dead people on the implied haunted train (they better have a ticket). Along the way the choo choo stops on the track to let a little ghost girl go by — long enough to allow the ghost train behind them to merge into a “two-for-one” hell ride.

Red Eye

In a pace made for ghost snails, it comes to our attention that the conductor also had links to the past ka-BOOM. Then several more passengers are given time to associate themselves with the historic disaster. Things finally pick up as the ghost train and the regular train come to their proposed conclusion (see, “ka-BOOM!”). Oh Mi-sun’s dead dad re-appears for a look see, as do several other dead-yet-breathing passengers.

Red Eye

Normally a ghost train movie would be a welcome site to my sore TV. Not this one. South Korea’s Red Eye (2005) is slow, patience-testing and filled with coach-class special effects. By the time it was over I felt as though the ghost train had left me at the station. All a-bored.

Red Eye

P.S. I challenge you to not confuse this Red Eye with the U.S. Red Eye, with the same title and released the same year. This one takes place on a plane. That rhymes with train, so I can see why you might be flummoxed.

God and Satan On A Train

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Night Train To Terror

If you’re updating your bucket list, put 1985’s Night Train to Terror on it. With its mind-juggling array of monsters, demons, rampant nudity and wincingly painful music/signing/dance choreography segments from a bunch of New Wave kids dressed in day-glo spandex and headbands making a video for MTV™, this is one of the more surreal horror movies you’ll ever see.

Night Train to Terror

It starts out almost like a bar joke set up: God and Satan are on a train, negotiating for souls, in this case three specific ones. (The train conductor addresses the Most Unholy One as Mr. Satan. Train conductors are so polite.) Elsewhere on the train (headed to Hell, by the way), the New Wave kids are rocking out, dancing gleefully and happily singing so bad, you’ll believe you’re in Hell already.

Night Train To Terror

Broken into three mini stories, Night Train to Terror wastes no time getting to the good stuff: The Case of Harry Billings involves a hypnotized guy who lures people into being graphically tortured and skulls squashed for their remaining fairly fresh organs to be marketed.

Night Train to Terror

The Case of Greta Connors follows with a guy and a gal having lights on sex before hooking up with a cult that is enamored with death and all it’s perks. This culminates with a Jimi Hendrix lookalike who gets an electric chair treatment (at a cocktail party, no less) and melts right before your eyes. Thankfully, his headband survived.

More spastic dancing and screwdiver-in-your-ear singing.

Night Train to Terror

The Case of Claire Hansen, the final segment, has a corporate ladder-climbing Devil’s apprentice, who set his job goals a little on the high side: to destroy all of humanity. He should start with the New Wave kids making all that racket in-between the stories. A group of Immortals tries to stop him. Good luck with that.

Night Train to Terror

All of this is just a capsule summation. But every story is drenched in everything from couch pillow-sized flying death bugs and claymation monsters tearing clay victims in half like they were a wishbone, to demon things, heads making like water balloons hitting concrete, open-face surgeries, flooding blood and other bodily fluids, and more importantly, comprehensive naked stuff, all of which is punctuated by mid’80s blow-dryed hair, glow-in-the-dark fashion and headbands. (I knew those things could withstand the test of time.)

Night Train to Terror

So who wins the souls, God or Satan? Not gonna spoil the soup, but those on this Highway to Hell are making specific fashion statements. Regardless — and this is clichéd as all get out — you have to see Night Train To Terror to believe it.

Coach Class Werewolf

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Howl

Is it just my fertile imagination or are there more movies being made about werewolves as of late? Besides the fact werewolves – or “wolf men” – are gooning out my neighborhood and digging through trash cans for human entrails (next block over, you hairy dumbf*cks), it seems I wake every morning at noon to find YET ANOTHER werewolf movie is about to go to market.

Is this a bad thing? I say HECK NO! Werewolves are all purpose apex predators and don’t wear Hot Topic™ clothes and act all depressed and Goth-y like vampires do. Nor do werewolves drop out of the sky in tornadoes. Nope, just good old fashion die/kill/bleed. Or the reverse of that. See how versatile werewolves are?

Howl

So there’s this new werewolf move called Howl (release date pending 2015), not to be confused with that 2010 James Franco movie of the same name where he plays professional hippie Allen Ginsberg who yaps about his life and art. Nor is Howl to be associated with all those wretched The Howling sequels. (The original one in 1981 was pretty cool, though).

The Howling

Nope, this Howl has a werewolf or two, a train and human entrails not yet committed to recycling. Here’s the plot…

“Joe, a young ticket collector, is riding the last train out of London on a dark and stormy night along with a meager bunch of passengers. When the train brakes violently and comes to a sudden halt deep in the middle of a forest, it seems they have hit something on the line. But when the driver ventures out to investigate, he never returns, leaving the passengers in a state of panic – particularly when Joe sees the driver’s mutilated body outside the carriage.”

Howl

“Realizing there’s something dangerous lurking in the forest, Joe tells the passengers to make barricades to secure themselves in the carriage, but soon the deadly creature is stalking the besieged train and smashing through their defenses, picking them off one-by-one. Joe rallies his “pack” of passengers to fight back. During a vicious battle they manage to kill the creature, revealing it to be a hideous mutated fusion of human and wild animal – a werewolf. However, celebrations are cut short when they hear more howls coming from the forest…”

Dog Soldiers

Howl stars Sean Pertwee, who appeared in the superior werewolf movie Dog Soldiers in 2002. He has experience dealing with these ferocious flea bags and is a good choice to have on board. And the train probably has a bar on it. Werewolves, trains and cocktails. I smell a sequel coming on.

Death Denied – But Not For Long

Posted in Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Final Destination 3

The filmmakers lost sight of what made their first two Death-comes-calling Final Destination movies so kick ass and turned this franchise into an assembly line of “yeah, what ev” deaths.

Final Destination 3

In Final Destination 3 (2006) there’s no story to speak of and the killings just aren’t that cool. (Example: Two topless teen chicks roast to well done in a sun-tanning bed. When does that not happen on a daily basis?) Attempting to piece together clues as to how and why Death is coming for them, a guy and his girl go through the motions to try and stop the chain of events that will inevitably lead to their expiration dates.

Final Destination 3 Two sorta cool things: The DVD comes with a feature that allows you to “choose their fate,” meaning you have the power to save their lives. I kept choosing “die,” so I don’t know what happens when you hit the “don’t die” button.

Final Destination 3

The alternate ending is much better than anything the movie has to offer and echoes the original FD, but with a train instead of a plane. While I might have gone with a submarine loaded with Mentos™ and Cherry Coke™ heading for a busy intersection with malfunctioning stop lights, I’m down with the choo choo.

Aliens On A Train

Posted in Aliens, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , on March 25, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Express

A meteorite forces a train carrying what could be our next President to stop, thereby letting the meteor aliens onto the vehicle – without a ticket. Not cool, aliens. A cop who suspects aliens are on the train has a puppet helicopter fly him over it so he can drop down and arrest those dang thangs. To complicate matters, the puppet train is about to rear-end another puppet train up ahead carrying puppet radioactive waste.

Alien Express

These extraterrestrials are quite possibly the worst looking space creatures this side of those boot-crushable fuzzballs in Gremlins (1984). They have cartoon-sized plastic teeth, growl like an unfed stomach and zip around so fast as to be almost invisible. Besides a taste for human flesh, their blood is methane, or “farts.” When the creatures are lit, they do the blue flame mambo and explode.

Alien Express

The dialogue should count as comedy it’s so bad (“We’ve got to get those aliens somehow…and we’ve got to do it NOW!”). The “you’ve got to be kidding me” ending of Alien Express (2005) is but whipped cream on this turd sundae.