Archive for toothbrush

Mutant Ghoul Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mutant

Mutant (aka, Night Shadow /1984) is another one ’o those ’80s schlocky cult favs, given cheesy charm by David Hasselhoff look-alike, Wings Hauser. Also starring are chemically-altered ghouls with light blue skin, heavy Goth eye makeup, and banana-colored pudding blood. Bananas are good for you.

Mutant

Two city brothers out hitchhiking like it was legal, end up in a small, southern redneck town where their kind ain’t welcome. Run off the road by a truckload of articulate inbreds, the brothers later find themselves in bar brawl knife fight – with the same guys. They also find a body with open sores on his/her face. (Hard to tell if it was a dude or a chick with all that goo leaking out.)

Mutant

Staying the night in a bed & breakfast, the younger brother is grabbed by something with smoking hands, and subsequently extinguished. In his quest to locate his brother, the older one goes around town, finds himself a girlfriend, and gets into more fights with the rednecks, or “Texas Welcoming Committee.”

Mutant

While this is going on, the locals are being converted into pasty-face ghouls with a taste for living lasagna. (One zombie dude runs around while still wearing his glasses. As in life, as in death.) Wings (the older brother), has zombie resistant hair. (I wonder what kind of product he uses?) And his girlfriend looks like Jessica Simpson, but with six or seven additional teeth.

Mutant

The mutated ghouls are somewhat entertaining, turning blue with skin bubbling like hot soup under rotting skin. For some reason not related to lack of toothbrush use, their teeth become black and they claw at the air like a cat pawing an invisible scratch post. Guns will take ’em down, as will flame, so like, boom and burn time. The light hurts their zombie’d eyes, though. (Since they’re undead, they probably forgot about using sunglasses.)

Mutant

The ghouls corner the survivors over and over again – in a school bathroom, a doctor’s office, a gas station… Persistence beats resistance. Help arrives, but are they in time? Will the ghouls mess up Wings’ hair? Will his younger beefcake brother ever button his shirt? Will the rednecks get a lesson in city etiquette? I don’t care – I just wanted to watch mutant ghoul zombies eat people. And to comb my mop top to look just like Wings’ ’80s crown.

 

Banned Horror

Posted in TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , on November 25, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Teeth

Recently clicked across CinemaBlend.com’s Top 10 banned movie posters and was bemused by what the censors “protected” us from. I am just so glad someone has my back here. You never know what these “socially disrupting” images would do to my brain. Note to censors: no one needs you, so go to Heck.

The first banned movie poster is the ad sheet for the black horror comedy, Teeth (2007). In that one, Dawn, a virginal young girl discovers she has a second set of teeth growing where a toothbrush normally doesn’t brush. This was news to her until she was forcibly sexed by a classmate and the sudden explosion of terror and anger brought on the clampdown. (The next sound you hear is that of one million guys crossing their legs.)

Teeth

The banned poster doesn’t even come close to the chomping action, especially when she seduces her selfish punk rock brother who let their mother die while he was doing the bedspring symphony on a gal with really low standards. What happens after this sexy Dentist the Menace does afterward is one of the “holy sh*t” moments that, if you’re a guy, will stick with you for, I don’t know, the rest of your life.

Still, there was something quite familiar with Dawn’s lower smile.  It reminds me of something I once saw on Tatooine

Great Pit of Carkoon