Archive for tomb

Loch Ness Literature, Born Again Mummies, Religion Reimagined

Posted in Evil, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 28, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Loch: Heaven's Lake

Author Steve Alten is the writer who makes a living writing about giant sharks. In facto, his 1997 novel, Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror, was the inspiration for The Meg, the blockbuster 2018 hit monster shark movie that made a billion clams at the box office. You may have heard of it.

The Loch

The Loch, Alten’s 2005 novel, is optioned to be turned into a movie as well. I didn’t read the book, but I assume it has something to do with the Loch Ness Monster. (Maybe I should learn to read.)

Loch Ness Monster

Until that happens, Alten has an upcoming sequel to that book titled, The Loch: Heaven’s Lake. Here’s the synopsis: “Zachary Wallace travels to a mysterious lake situated in a crater atop a caldera in South China/North Korea after a series of monster sightings.”

The Meg

Sounds right up my inlet. You (or me) can pre-order the hardback version for $27.95 on SteveAlten.com. Other platforms will be available on Amazon.com. (Order it directly from Steve — Amazon doesn’t need the money.)

The Meg

Before you check your 401k to see if you have $27.95 in it, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as hunting for monsters in any country with with or without flushing toilets…

The Mummy Reborn

THE MUMMY REBORN (April 4, 2019)
“A group of teens in financial ruin that decide to rob the local antique store of an ancient amulet. But what they don’t realize is that this tomb is cursed, and when the amulet is separated from it’s master he will do anything to get it back. Our burglars must save the day and return the Mummy to it’s tomb before it is too late to save the world.”

Not seeing a point here. Teens steals the Mummy’s bling and the Mummy self-resurrects to get them fitted for a Chicago overcoat (look it up). Isn’t this the same plot used for every Mummy movie ever made?

I Trapped The Devil

I TRAPPED THE DEVIL (April 26, 2019)
“When Matt and his wife Karen show up unannounced at the home of his estranged brother Steve to celebrate the holidays, they are instead greeted with a horrifying surprise: trapped in the basement is a man. But not just any man. Steve believes that his hostage is none other than the devil himself. As shock and skepticism turn to fear and paranoia, Matt and Karen find themselves facing a terrifying quandary: is Steve dangerously unhinged? Or could the mysterious stranger really be evil incarnate? Either way, the stage is set for a true Christmas from Hell.”

If you really want to trap the devil, just zip up your pants.

The Convent

THE CONVENT (May 3, 2019)
“In the early 17th century, innocent young Persephone is falsely accused and put on trial for her life. Her fate seems sealed except for the timely intervention of the mysterious Reverend Mother offering her not just sanctuary, but hope. For the Reverend Mother is the self-appointed leader of a small religious retreat, a secluded Priory, where her fellow Sisters devote their lives to the Lord and seek atonement for their pasts. But upon arrival, Persephone is plagued with terrifying visions and soon realizes that it’s not salvation that awaits but a battle for her very soul itself.”

Curious horror sub-genre, this evil nun stuff. Which begs the question — if nuns are evil, do they punish you for being nice?

Room For Rent

ROOM FOR RENT (May 3, 2019/Theaters | May 7, 2019 / VOD)
“Lonely widow Joyce rents out a room to make easy money. She meets mysterious drifter Bob and takes him in as a long-term tenant. She becomes obsessed with her much younger guest, making him the object of her deepest romantic fantasies. When a friend’s betrayal derails Joyce’s fantasy world, she seizes control of her own destiny with a deadly mission to finally get what she deserves.”

GMILF gone wild.

They Call Him Mr. Vampire

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mr. Vampire 2

Mr. Vampire (not his real name) and his Two Stooges assistants, dig up an ancient tomb, looking to steal its contents. They find a vampire husband, wife and child, who all come back to life, thanks to the bumbling antics of the two assistants who need a solid front kick to the rice bag.

Mr. Vampire 2

That’s pretty much it for Mr. Vampire 2 (1986). Stupid comic bits, over-choreographed kung-fu fights and pratfalls, and those dumb hopping vampires.

Mr. Vampire 2

Throat-ripping and blood? Not a severed vein or crimson neck leak to be found. Mr. Vampire, you are hereby relieved of your duties.

Ankh If You Love Mummies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 20, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

The Mummy

It’s easy to see why movies about mummies have never really caught on except for that one in 1999 with Brendan Fraser, which had a budget $80 million and went on to make nearly $416 million. The Mummy Returns, a 2001 sequel, made even more genēh maṣri – $433 million to be exact. (The Scorpion King/2002, the second sequel (prequel/spin-off, actually), took a camel dump at the box office: $91 million budget, $165 million worldwide box office. Yeesh – talk about sand in your gallibaya.)

The Mummy

With only a few exceptions, mummy movies aren’t big box office cake. Why? For only thing, crappy name. Mummy is what little British kids who wear jumpers and have crooked teeth call their moms. Secondly, same outfit in every movie (freshness-expired bandages for shirt AND pants), no discernible orator skills, walks like an Egyptian. In horror movie terms he’s a minimummy wage monster. Heh.

Day of the Mummy

With about as much frequency as a mummy – which is basically a zombie wrapped in toilet paper – is resurrected, now comes Day of the Mummy (2014), (Hmmpf – they should’ve started out with Night of the Living Mummy, followed by Dawn of the Mummy.)

Here’s how the try and spin it: “Jack Wells arrives in Egypt in search of a famed diamond, The Codex Stone. His journey leads him to a team of archaeologists who are exploring the recently discovered tomb of the cursed King Neferu. With his centuries-old slumber disturbed by timeless human greed, the King rises from the dead with a bloodlust that cannot be staunched and a raging fury that will shred flesh from bone, bringing terrible, tormented death to all who dare witness the Day of the Mummy.”

Day of the Mummy

Why are all Egyptian kings cursed? What is it about that job that forces you to sleep in dirt for centuries until some get-rich-quick types dig you up and compromise your amenities? I bet the Help Wanted classified ad doesn’t mention anything about that in the job description.

In case you needed another excuse to avoid Day of the Mummy (releasing Oct. 20, 2014 in the UK and December 9 in the States), it was shot POV style; That technique only works effectively in porn.