Archive for The X-Files

Dogged by Man-Dog

Posted in Classic Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mongrel

Jerry is having nightmares, which is like a tummy ache in your head. He keeps dreaming that he’s a rabid man-dog, chewing up his fellow temp tenants of the slummy boarding house. Then he wakes up, only to find a few baorders have chewed up like postman-flavored Milk Bones™.

Mongrel

The nightmares began after he sees one of the tenants teasing the landlord’s dog, Sir Barks-a-Lot. (Actually, that’s not really the pup’s name, but it fits as he won’t quit yapping.)  The dog breaks loose and goes for the pot roast that is the guy’s neck. The dog is shot for not finishing his dinner. This clearly upsets Jerry, thus the traumares (trauma nightmares).

Mongrel

There’s a cute gal who leads him on, yet won’t fill his dog dish with some lovin’, if you catch my drift. There’s also a couple of bully asshooks who accidentally kill one of the boarders during a joke gone bad. So much for Ken’s ‘80s blow-dried hair, mid-western affable good looks and J.C. Pennys’ briefs. (He was electrocuted after being shocked awake, knocked over a discount lamp, which landed in a puddle of water from a shattered vase. I guess those flowers might’ve been used for his funeral, except everyone decides to cover up the killing and buries him without ceremony. So much for tradition. And this goons out  Jerry even more.

Mongrel

In dude-dog form, Jerry growls like an empty stomach and goes on a biting spree. Before he can make dinner out of the cute gal that won’t put it on the floor for him (to be fair, she did give him a back rub earlier, sending signals that there was an open road to romance ahead), the cranky, rifle-toting landlord shows up and has an Old Yeller moment with Jerry.

Mongrel

Mongrel (1982) is so bad and low-budget, the actors — starring Mitch Pileggi (The X-Files’ Agent Skinner) in his movie debut — probably paid the director to be in it. Thought this one was gonna be a werewolf movie, but it was not. Watching it ended up being the first time a dog put a human to sleep.

The Future of The X-Files

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The X Files

As a slobbering devout fan of The X-Files television series, which ran from 1993 to 2002 – and two movies: The X-Files: Fight The Future/1998 and The X-Files: I Want To Believe/2008 –  by the end I was still left with a few unanswered questions, one of which was whether or not Agent Dana Scully is single/available or secretly seeing/doing Agent Muldar, her long-time FBI partner, on the side. (It’s never been stated out loud to my satisfaction.)

Fight The Future / I Want To Believe

Got another shot at closure with the return of the series for one season in January 2016, reuniting key X-Files stars, minus the Lone Gunmen, all three of whom died in episode 15 of the ninth season, titled “Jump The Shark.” (That term is defined as a point in a television series, at which far-fetched events are included merely for the sake of novelty, indicative of a decline in quality.)

Jump The Shark

It’s also a famous reference to a 1977 Happy Days episode where Fonzi, on water skies and wearing a motorcycle jacket, ski jumps over a holding pen that has a leather-eating shark in it. Say what you will, but I was on the edge of my seat for that one – cheering for the shark.

The X-Files

Speaking of happy days, here’s what to expect from the new mini series: “The return of The X-Files comes thirteen years after the original series run and brings six brand new episodes from creator/executive producer Chris Carter, mixing stand-alone episodes and those that further the original show’s mythology. Stars David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are re-inhabiting their roles as FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Mitch Pileggi also returns as FBI Assistant Director Walter Skinner.” (AD Skinner is totally badass.)

The X-Files

Even more amazing is that they’re resurrecting the way nasty Cigarette Smoking Man. CSM died in The X-Files last episode, his journey to the other side enabled by rocket missiles, right before he told Muldar and Scully that the aliens are scheduled to invade Earth in 2012. (That actually happened. No one noticed.)

I Want To Believe

The X-Files returns Sunday, January 24th, 2016 at 10pm EST and again the following night at 8pm EST on the Fox Network, with the premiere episode scheduled to screen at the New York Comic Con on October 10, 2015.

The X-Files

Only one other question in regards to the new X-Files – looking at the promo pics, I’m wondering out loud if Agent Scully has been taking supermodel pills? That gal is one hot dish, or “saucer.” Heh.

Alien Germs

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Not Human

Alien plagues are nothing new. In fact, my neighbor came down with a case of it just the other day. (He better have – if he’s faking it just to keep me awake all night with his “coughing,” then there’s a probing with a double-capacity turkey baster in his near future.)

An alien plague is at the b-hole center of Not Human, an indie sci-fi action flick that just arrived on DVD (March 2015). Once contracted, this extraterrestrial germ goons you out big time and mutates you in ways only non-alcoholic beer can do.

But don’t trust me implicitly; here’s the plot which I copied and pasted off the internet: “Not Human follows the story of peaceful, rustic Metzburgh: a quiet village whose glory days are long past after the collapse of Metzburgh grain.”

Not Human

“When a meteorite crash lands in the peaceful community, Glen, a homeless ex-employee of the grain silos, gets too close to the crash site and a chemical poison sprays out of the meteorite, enveloping him. The chemical agent known only as Ombis begins to turn his insides into a slimy substance, consuming Glen’s body and spreading the alien infection.”

“The virus starts to overrun the unsuspecting village. Adding to the chaos, a mysterious government special containment team shows up and attempts to keep order while trying to contain the alien plague.”

If all those years watching The X-Files has taught me anything it’s that the government can’t be trusted with anything extraterrestrial. Thanks to them, I now spend most of my nights looking to the skies for weather balloons. I want to believe in weather balloons.

Helix: Disease TV

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Helix

I’m often wary of made-for-TV horror and sci-fi as they water it down so much as to be a non-alcoholic beverage. Then along comes brutally brilliant stuff like The Walking Dead and American Horror Story to set things right for TV again.

So it is with these same high hopes I wish for Helix, an intensely gripping sci-fi series about disease-gone-wild, premiering on the improving SyFy™ Channel in January, 2014. If you haven’t seen the trailers, feast your face on this: “Helix is an intense thriller about a team of scientists from the Centers for Disease Control who travel to a high-tech research facility in the Arctic to investigate a possible disease outbreak, only to find themselves pulled into a terrifying life-and-death struggle that holds the key to mankind’s salvation…or total annihilation.”

Total annihilation. Those two words go together like “cold” and “beer.”

Helix

What gives me excitement pee shivers is that Steven Madea is on board as Helix’s co-executive producer. You may have seen his credit on Lost, CSI: Miami, and The X-Files.

All things being equal, Helix is a contemporary spin on 1971’s Andromeda Strain, which I deftly reviewed and posted on January, 9, 2013. As I recall, the seas were rough that day. I had finished the first of what was to be an entire half rack of Budweiser. Sharing was not an option.

To let the review enrich your life, click HERE