Monster Auction, Pharmaceutical Felines, Terrible Whales

Got a few hundred thousand spare bitcoin laying around? Then you might wanna head over to PropstoreAuction and get your fan freak on at all the cool movie memorabilia going up for grabs in Los Angeles, June 28 — 30, 2023. And you can preorder the auction catalog for a wallet-stopping $60 to see all the horror/sci-fi/fantasy movie props going up on the auction chopping block. (click here)

Want the evil clown doll from Poltergeist (1982)? It’s expected to bid out between $200,000 to $400,000. Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia dress from the original Star Wars movies and the Batpod used by Christian Bale in The Dark Knight (2008)? Yeah, projected to fetch around $2,000,000 each. Need Harry Potter’s distressed costume with glasses from 2002’s Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets? Expensive, but you do need a new enchanted bathrobe, yes?

Other props include Jason Voorhees’ hockey mask from Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Thor’s cracked Mjolnir hammer used by both Natalie Portman and Chris Hemsworth in 2022’s Thor: Love and Thunder, one of Harrison Ford’s costumes from Blade Runner (1982), and that super scary spider head from John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982).

From PropstoreAuction’s website: “Propstore is holding a preview exhibition at its office facility in Valencia, CA by appointment from May 29 to June 20. The exhibition will feature over 80 lots, giving fans and hopeful bidders the chance to see props and costumes from the auction up close and ask questions to the specialists.” Click here for more info than I have time to include.

So while we all fantasize about driving the Batpod to the store while wearing Princess Lei’s dress and Jason’s hockey mask, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as super scary as a spider head…

COCAINE COUGAR / Out now (DVD/Blu-ray), Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“A cougar high on cocaine escapes an animal testing facility and wrecks havoc on Los Angeles.”

Cougars in L.A. doing cocaine? When haven’t they? 

MOTHER, MAY I? / July 21, 2023 (VOD)

“Emmett wants to clean and flip his recently deceased mother’s house: get in, get out, and avoid any trauma still lingering from when she abandoned him as a young child. Anya, his fiancé, see’s this as an opportunity to finally force Emmett to deal with his trauma because she believes it is preventing him from being the partner she needs. So she convinces him to take mushrooms to get him to let go. But something strange happens while they’re tripping: she starts behaving like his mother. The next morning he wakes up sober, but she still won’t drop the act. Anya loves playing games — is this her taking it too far? Or did his mother’s spirit somehow possess her?”

This is what happens when you take drugs. Stick to beer and stay out of trouble. P.S. Don’t do drugs.

WHALE GOD / Release pending 2023 (VOD/DVD/Blu-ray™)

“Once a year, the quiet fishing village of Wadaura in Southern Japan is in a turmoil. The whalers have always concentrated their efforts to try and catch a Killer Whale which is easily twice as large as an ordinary leviathan, and passes by in the offing at the same time every year. Shaki, whose grandfather, father, and elder brother were all victims of the Killer Whale, is determined to kill it. As an inducement, the headman of the village promises to give his only daughter and all his possessions to anyone who succeeds in disposing of the terrible whale.”

This one came out in Japan in 1962 marketed under the generic title, Killer Whale. Now, six decades later, we’re finally gonna be able to see this lost Kaiju movie, with the title amphibian being a practical special effect and, get this, built to scale! Watch the trailer on YouTube™ to see how b*tchin’ cool this Orcinus orca is.

THE MOVERS / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“A close-knit family who moves into a seemingly charming neighborhood, only to discover all is not what it appears. As they face persistent threats, the family begins to question their reality and the world around them. It’s a nightmarish universe of deceiving angels and compassionate demons, lost souls desperately seeking a way out.”

I live in a seemingly charming neighborhood as well, and it has a deceiving angel (me) and compassionate demons (Amazon™ delivery people). 

Dog Thing, The Birth of Evil, Frankenbrother

One of the most f’d up scenes in horror sci-fi movie history happened in 1982’s John Carpenter’s The Thing, when an alien organism, discovered by a Norwegian research base in Antarctica, infects a sled dog. The doomed doggy is rescued by American researchers and they put the fuzzy mutt in the pen with the others pups. It’s here where the alien life-form turns the dog inside out as it tries to mimic its host. The infamous result was super sick, mega gory, and set the bar high for extraterrestrial relations with humans. And now you can relive that scene with NECA’s™ release of The Thing – Dog Creature Ultimate Deluxe 7″ Scale Action Figure. Ickiness just got more fun.

From NECA’s™ press release: “From ordinary dog to morphing monstrosity, this fully articulated deluxe figure includes more than 25 interchangeable pieces to customize your Dog Creature for maximum horror. It comes in collector-friendly five-panel packaging with opening front flap. The action figure sells for $59.99 (preorder it here) and is expected to ship in September of 2023.”

So while you decide if you’re a dog lover and won’t touch this…THING…with a 10-foot Milk-Bone™, or a fan of all things horror regardless of how revolting it is, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not belong buried in Antarctic snow…

EXORCISM IN UTERO / May 23, 2023 (VOD)

“Herma Frigg, a pregnant woman running from a bad relationship, becomes possessed when she puts on a magical ring she discovers in the basement of the house where she is house sitting. Haunted by stranger dreams, she sleepwalks next door to visit Peter O’Neill, the pre-teen horror movie buff living next door. As Herma’s body transforms and her mind deteriorates and Peter deals with family drama, these visits lead to an unusual bond between the two. But can Peter find a way to help Herma find a way out of her predicament and save her unborn baby?”

So that’s where I left that ring…

THE ANGRY BLACK GIRL AND HER MONSTER / June 9, 2023 (VOD)

Vicaria is a brilliant teenager who believes death is a disease that can be cured. After the brutal and sudden murder of her brother, she embarks on a dangerous journey to bring him back to life.

Yeah, death is a disease that can be cured — but the doctor bill will kill you.

THE MONSTER MASH / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“The Monster Mash features three gruesome mini-horror films: ‘Whispering Hollow Road,’ a dark, shadowy noir with a monstrous twist; ‘The House,’ a modern Gothic tale of lycanthropy; and ‘Homebound Horror,’ a grimy grind house tale of otherworldly revenge.”

If Slayer, whose songs sound like the above, did the soundtrack, this could be retitled The Monster Mosh. Okay, not quite comedy gold, there. More like comedy copper.

DOCTOR JEKYLL / Release pending (2023)

“Dr. Nina Jekyll is a recluse who finds friendship with her newly hired help, Rob. They must work together to prevent Hyde from destroying her life.”

I say let your freak flag fly. My dual personality usually comes out on Tequila Tuesdays at the Tug Tavern. That guy can be a real dick.

Scary Clothes, Electrocuties, Apocalypse On The Rocks

Horror merch sites are like porn websites — just when you think you’ve seen ‘em all, a new one pops up. While most are pretty dang cool (Fright-Rags, Pizza Printing Party, Nightmare Toys), few are as maniacally colorful and bent brain wild as BeastWreck. Shirts of their original horror/sci-fi art will actually scare your other shirts right out of the closet, or in my case, the clean pile, which looks a heckuva lot like the dirty pile.

BreastWreck’s melding of horror and pop culture is printed on the aforementioned shirt, but hoodies, stickers, decals (fancy name for stickers), lapel pins, key chains, and patches as well. Need frameable art? BW’s art print horror homages to Gigan, The Thing, Friday the 13th and RoboCop are essential interior decorating, or in my case, inferior decorating.

While you click here to get some of BeastWreck’s awesome swag, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/series that may or may not belong in a clean pile…

THE HEADMISTRESS / March 3, 3023 (VOD)

“When a debt-ridden teacher inherits an abandoned lakefront inn, she and a group of potential buyers visit the property, where they discover a dark, sinister secret and a malignant supernatural presence determined to keep them there forever.”

It’s called a mortgage.

THE POWER / March 31, 2023 (Amazon Prime Video™)

“A group of teenage girls mysteriously develop a special power that allows them to electrocute people at will.”

You mean teenage girls don’t already have that power?

SPIN THE WHEEL / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“During the last hours of the world complete strangers all find their way to a local watering hole to enjoy a few beverages for their last hours of existence. Little do they know that a man named Lou may or may not be the Devil. He offers each of them a chance to save the world, but only if they can beat him at a game of Russian Roulette. Each stranger in the bar has their own secrets, which slowly surface throughout the game’s runtime.”

The world is ending and you’re only having a “few” beverages? I’d drink like there’s no tomorrow. 

WHAT THE WATERS LEFT BEHIND: SCARS / Release pending, 2023 (VOD)

“An Anglo-American indie rock band winds up stranded in Epecuén, where their internal conflicts and the bad luck of their tour quickly lose importance before the hell that awaits them.”

Epecuén is located in the Buenos Aires Province of Argentina and is famous for being flooded in 1985 when a dam broke and became known as the town that drowned. What this has to do with the movie I have no idea. But it sounds like a better plot than whatever this one has.

The Greatest Thing

In the sci-fi classic The Thing (1982), a bunch of scientific guys and other bearded associates live in total man-land in a remote Antarctic sub-station. It’s here they conduct experiments on snow and what happens when warm yellow liquid is introduced to the frozen crystals.

A Norwegian science team nearby flies overhead in their helicopter and shoots at a fleeing dog. They miss, copter goes boom, snow melts. Investigating, our guys fly over to their ice pad and see the place has been trashed as if the aftermath of an Aqauvit™ hot tub party.

They take back video tapes, which may hold clues as to why they weren’t invited to the shindig. The footage — kinda like the Blair Snowbitch Project — reveals the Norwegians found a freakin’ huge UFO buried under the snow and partially excavated it. They also find a frozen body of some sort and haul it back to their science hut to study. But the darn thing is still alive — and it’s in that dog, too.

From this point on the invader assimilates itself into a “host,” becoming that person and starts spreading its disease. One science face figures it out and smashes all the radios and helicopters. The others don’t like him for doing that. But he had to — the rate of infection is exponential — and calculated the bad news should the entity make it back to the States.

When the alien does its body swap it has to cook for a while. The in-between stages look like zombie Jell-O™ recipes gone bad: slippery guts, goopy brains, rapidly wiggling tentacles from here to there…

The part where everyone is tied up by the ultra cool Snake Plisskin (uh, I mean, Kurt Russell — same dif) and their blood tested to see who’s what they are and aren’t, is one of horror/sci-fi’s all-time best sequences.

When a head extricates itself from its host body and sprouts spider legs and shoots tentacles out of its mouth, you’ll be melting a lot of snow. With no way to escape, the team is systematically f’d.

The intensity and special effects of this remake (Howard Hawk’s 1951, The Thing From Another World) raised the bar so high, it took years for other movies of this ilk to even start being cool again. And this was in 1982! So in conclusion, if you watch this movie and don’t 100 percent agree with me, you’re WRONG.

Cannibals, Evil Hospitals, Murderous Relatives

There’s good news and bad news about this awesome hand-painted poster of the 1981 remake of The Thing. The good news first: It was done by Matthew Peak, the guy who did five Nightmare on Elm Street movie posters. It’s 24”x36” and is hand-numbered and limited to 225 copies for $65.00. (And like my liver, it also glows in the dark.)

The bad news: The poster is already sold out. But check back with the super cool bottleneckgallery.com to see if it’ll be re-issued. You’re welcome. 

So whilst I was on Christmas holiday, a bunch of horror/sci-fi movies were released without my permission. My biggest pet peeve with this blog is when movies slip under my radar. So if they got by you as well, here are a few new ones ready to view-per-pay…

THE HARROWING (available now)
“Haunted by the ritualistic killing of his best friend, a vice detective determined to discover the truth goes undercover into a forensic hospital and is plunged into his own personal hell where demons might be real.”

The demon is really the hospital’s resident proctologist with a really big finger.

BOOK OF EVIL (available now)
“Stan Harris is a procrastinating horror novelist who gets a call from his publisher warning him that he’s only got until the end of the night to complete his latest work. As paranormal events start unfolding around him, Stan finds all new inspiration, and danger, while completing his stories.”

Hey Stan, if you want inspiration for horror stories, meet me at The Tug Tavern — I have such sights to show you.

CANNIBALS AND CARPET FITTERS (available now)
“A group of carpet fitters are sent on a job to an old country house in the middle of nowhere. However they soon discover it’s a trap set up by the savage, cannibalistic family, The Hannings. The carpet fitters are forced to fight for their lives or risk ending up being the evenings dinner. Unfortunately they are not quite your typical heroes!”

Sounds like a British spin on Tucker And Dale Versus Evil (2010). That is not a bad thing. And hey, who doesn’t like British carpet fitters or cannibals, mate?

SOMETIMES AUNT MARTHA DOES DREADFUL THINGS (available now)
“While on the run from the law, two criminals decide to hide out in a small Florida town. The ringleader, Paul, concocts a plan to pretend to be his child-like accomplice Stanley’s estranged Aunt Martha. Taking over a large old house, Paul and Stanley attempt to lay low, but trouble soon arises when a local girl takes a liking to Stanley and invites him out with her friends. Paul, becoming increasingly paranoid, decides that the only way they can maintain their cover is by murdering everyone who has even the slightest suspicion of what’s really going on, but Stanley isn’t so sure he wants to keep on hiding.”

Cool movie title, but yeesh — this plot needs some work. Let’s start by taking out all the characters and improv the rest.

9 Years of Parade-Worthy Horror

Today is the nine-year anniversary of my very first posting on WordPress™. After I upload this, I’m going outside to wait for my parade. There’s sure to be tens, maybe dozens, of people showing up, so I better get there early to get a good viewing spot. Okay, that made no sense at all.

That said, over the years and in line at the grocery hole (Thriftway™ — more expensive than Safeway™, but easier to get to), I’ve been asked a least one million billion questions about myself and this here Drinkin’ & Drive-in blog. Figured it was about time to put it on the glass so everyone who reads this thing (thank you) can finally get some closure.

“How long have you been doing the Drinkin’ & Drive-in blog and how did you get started?”
I was hired by Microsoft (aka, MSNEntertainment.com) back in 1997 to do a PAID daily horror/sci-fi movie blog called Fright Site. That program ended in 2010 (at least their checks didn’t bounce), but I wasn’t done yet. After about three seconds of studied and careful consideration, I started up Drinkin’ & Drive-in on WordPress.com and have been doing it WITHOUT PAY since June 9, 2010. So 25 years total, give or take. (I’m not really a math guy.)

How come you don’t accept paid advertising on your blog?
Because ads suck. I’d rather keep doing the blog for no pay than have it cluttered with banners promoting trendy pants and boxed squeezy mattresses. (Disclaimer: WordPress™ might have small pop-up ads that, like my thirst for beer, I have no control over.)

“How would you describe your blog?
I don’t do horror/sci-fi/fantasy movie reviews as it requires more brains than I currently have operating inside the vending machine that is my head. Rather, I just endlessly watch all kinds of horror and sci-fi and merely relate what I’ve witnessed. As opposed to a food critic, I would rather not analyze the notes and complexities of food and just eat the damn hamburger.

“What are your favorite kinds of horror movies?”
Longtime readers (thank you, David. H and Jon from NC) will know I’m a big fan of giant monster movies, Japanese or otherwise. This is followed by ghosts, werewolf and shark movies. My least favorite types of horror movies are those with slashers/serial killers. There’s more than enough of those types of people in the news everyday. For sheer crazy weirdness, I really dig those Japanese extreme gore movies and pretty much anything regarding UFOs.

“Have you ever seen a UFO?”
Not as yet. But I do believe the people who say they’ve seen one. The truth is out there, I want to believe, etc., etc. I do, however, eat UFOs  almost every day: unidentified frying objects.

“Are there any types of horror movies you won’t watch?”
Though I have seen enough of ‘em to know not to watch that kind of stuff anymore, are horror movies involving torture porn, rape and real or fake violence against real and/or fake animals, though I will make an exception for critters that are zombies. (I’m looking in your direction Zombeavers/2014). Oddly, I don’t feel the same way about violence towards fish. (Ironically, I’m eating a tuna fish sandwich while writing this.)

“You don’t use swear words in your blog — why not?”
Anyone can swear — it’s like the karaoke of language. My “journalism skills” are offensive enough without adding salty/florid language to it. That, and I just sound dumber than usual if I do.

“What are your favorite horror/sci-fi movies?”
Too many to list, but here’s a few classics I never get tired of watching over and over and over: Planet of the Apes (1968); Godzilla (1954); The Legend of Hell House (1973); 30 Days of Night (2007); The Thing (1982); The Wolf-Man (1941); Alien (1979); The Evil Dead (1981); Let The Right One In (2008); An American Werewolf in London (1981), and A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). There’s about two dozen more, but this is a nice representation of my cinematic tastes.

Recent ones (as this time and space) that kicked me in the britches are The Witch (2015), It (2017), It Follows (014), Stranger Things (2016), The Babadook (2014), Godzilla (2014), Shin Godzilla (2017) and Kong: Skull Island (2017), to name a few.

“After all these years, why keep going?”
A curious but relentless compulsion, really. That, and it’s a way to justify all those decades sitting on a couch watching TV. And no, I’m not fat from doing that, nor would I even think about body shaming someone who is. I currently weigh just 6.5 lbs. over my target weight for height and age, despite my insatiable thirst for all things adult beverages, which is generally Budweiser™. And I don’t drink hard alcohol — too many notes. That’s not to say I’d turn down a complimentary sip or three. Ahem.

What critique would you give your blog?
I tend to ramble. I feel as though it should be more “don’t bore us — get to the chorus.” But I don’t wanna leave anything out. Obsession is harsh mistress. Also, I occasionally repeat myself due to the erratic nature of both my brainwaves and horror movie release schedules. That bugs the insects outta me.

“How come your blog or even yourself is not on social media?”
I do this blog for free, so why make more work for myself? As for me not being on social media, besides the fact that trendy medium sucks green donkeys, I don’t think the world needs to hear what I had for breakfast or what cat video I just watched.

“How old are you?”
For an accurate answer, cut my liver in half and count the rings.

“How much longer are you going to keep doing Drinkin’ & Drive-in?”
That’s up to my liver.

Udder Horror

Dan Reilly is a farmer. But unlike ’Ol MacDonald, who also had a farm, In Isolation (2005), Dan is severely broke, so he has to rent his cows out for genetic research. That, or lose his late father’s farm, full of knee deep mud and cow poop. (Hey Dan — have you though about growing popcorn trees?)

Bovine Genetics Technology has been paying him cash to inject his one of his pregnant cows with a serum that will make them grow faster and produce juicer hamburgers. The opening scene has a research scientist sticking her arm (all the way up to her shoulder) into a cow’s outgoing hay chute. Why, oh why didn’t I turn off the DVD player right then and there?

Something bit her hand. I’m’ thinking it was a baby alligator ’Ol MacDonald flushed down the sewer and one of Dan’s cows ate it and…sorry. Later, the cow goes into labor and the calf gets stuck between cowhole and freedom. The scene where Dan and a young couple on the run found squatting near his property assist the delivery process is one of the ickiest horror scenes ever scene. It’s almost enough to make you swear off juicy cow burgers and baby alligators.

The newborn abomination, horribly disfigured by science, makes with the biting, which results in a nail gun defense strategy. Dan is the opposite of happy. He expresses this to the doctor who is wrecking his burger factories. But science cannot be denied, nor can the parasitic embryos still alive in the dead cows.

As in The Thing (1982), it’s determined that no one can leave the farm, as the science cow is loaded with infectious what-nots and has the distinct probability of destroying humanity, vegetarians included. While you never get to see science cow in all its inside-out glory, this thing seems to be all teeth, causing udder, uh, utter chaos as it goes on the attack.

It should be stated that crawling under the floorboards of a barn where cows turn hay into Texas pancakes is disgusting beyond belief, yet necessary for one’s survival. Only one makes it out alive. Who was it — the cow, the doctor, Dan, the squatter guy who knocked up his girlfriend after the cow bit him? The knocked up girlfriend? I’d crawl under a wet, infected barn before I ever told you.

Undead Tribute, Get To Know Bigfoot, Death Personified

As hardcore The Walking Dead fans have burned into their iCalendars™, the 100th episode — and season eight AMC™ opener — happens on Sunday, October 22, 20017. (And you thought the total eclipse was worth watching.)

To celebrate/commemorate, TWD episode director/ makeup effects master Greg Nicotero teamed up with his insanity talented KNB FX design team to whip up some tasty tribute posters, all in the style of one of the coolest horror shows ever on TV. Included with the above slick tribute to Alien is zombie/star character homages to Back to the Future, The Thing, Thunderball and The Omega Man. Pretty swear word cool. (You can find them all by following Greg on Instagram™.)

As the countdown to The Walking Dead marches on, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that probably stole their ideas from all of the above…

ZOMBIES (available now/VOD/Limited – October 31, 2017/DVD)
“When the world is in shambles, plagued by a zombie outbreak, only the strong will survive, but just how much determination will it take? Will Luke and his crew have enough ambition and ammunition to outlive the undead?”

The title and plot should tell you how high they set the bar for themselves. This is so stock, it should be sold in grocery stores next to canned soup and frozen TV dinners.

DEATH ON SCENIC DRIVE (September 30, 3017/Hard Line Film Festival/Germany)
“During the cold winter months at a secluded countryside home, a young woman named Larissa encounters an entity that transforms her into Death itself. She reins violence against Dallas Henson and the family that resides there.”

Not sure why this one is being premiered in Germany when it’s Canadian-made. Bloody-Disgusting.com says Death On Scenic Drive is a “Gothic filled with gore, madness, weirdness, satanism and screeching, squelching music.” Sounds just like my upstairs neighbors on any given week night.

DISCOVERING BIGFOOT (October 27, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“What we think we know of human origins and evolution is about to change forever as we discover the truth about a species that has remained elusive by outwitting and evading modern man for decades despite his best efforts. Journey into the heart of Sasquatch Country and experience three incredible days in the field with Bigfoot experts. This unprecedented feature film includes extraordinary never before seen Sasquatch footage that will shock the world. Witness a terrifying altercation between Sasquatch Researcher Todd Standing and three Sasquatch creatures in the wild.”

The trailer for this documentary purports to show “indisputable” photographic/video evidence of Bigfoot, and even go so far as to include a few snippets of said proof. I’m convinced — and you’re talkin’ to a guy who stands in line at the Puyallup Fair to get an autograph and a picture with a guy in a Bigfoot suit handing out hot tub clearance sale flyers. Say what you will about the mythical wood ape — that guy can sell ice cubes to an eskimo.

THE PURGE: ISLAND (July 4, 2018)
“The Purge: Island is a prequel that will focus on the events that lead up to the very first Purge event, an experimental test on Staten Island.”

Cool, but I can’t wait for The Purge: Outer Space. In that one we get carte blanche to go all probe-y on those invasive aliens. They won’t know what violated their swimsuit/spacesuit area. Payback’s a b*tch, space b*tches — ha!

Visiting Flesh-Eaters

Wanna see a couple of ill-intent criminals consumed by a flesh-eating creature? Well hey – who doesn’t?

Gonna cost you, though. The Visitors – a crowd-funded movie on Indiegogo [click here] that’s reputed to contain healthy elements of The Evil Dead and The Thing, need your fun bucks to make the criminal-eating possible.

Here’s the pitch: “After settling into their new home in the country, the Cooper family’s night of peaceful relaxation is brought to an abrupt halt when two mysterious drifters come knocking on their door. As the drifters attempt to unleash a strategic plan of terror upon the unsuspecting family, their plan is soon foiled by a flesh-eating creature fixated on only one thing – survival.”

“In order for the family to survive the night they must entrust in the one person who once sought to harm them, but as the events of the evening begin to unravel it becomes clear that there is more to this situation than meets the eye and more than one monster lurking in the shadows.”

Hmm – sounds like they need to work together with one or more criminals to fend off this creature that eats flesh. Since The Visitors is set in the country, I’m betting the flesh-eating creature is a mad cow with mad cow disease. Makes sense when you think about it.

What An Ice Hole

Don’t know why, but movies set in the snow (The Abominable Snowman/1957; The Thing/1982, Dead Snow/2009, are always exciting. And hey, snow is fun! You can draw on it without using a metaphorically big pencil (don’t let the steam sting your eyes); You can make lovely patterns in it using only your butt (“snow lungs”); And you can slide on it like a freshly oiled floor and giggle like a little schoolgirl while doing it, especially if you’re drunk (every winter since I turned 21).

So it’s with anticipation  I wait for the release of The Dark Below, a new horror thriller (pending 2015) making a big splash at Fantasia. As the press release says, “In this visually stunning, experimental thriller set on Michigan’s wintry frozen Great Lakes, a brutish serial killer imprisons his still-living latest victim in the watery depths. Thus begins a uniquely chilling story of survival and shocking revelation.”

Fangoria magazine goes further and declares, “You haven’t seen anything like it. This accomplished experiment in narrative storytelling tears every convention apart.”

I’m thinkin’ a snowball fight of epic proportions.

Wishful thinking aside, The Dark Below, starring the legendary Veronica Cartwright, is a “terrifying tale about a divers struggle to stay alive beneath a frozen lake while a killer hunts them from above.”

I bet The Dark Below is a sort of distorted reality wherein the killer is some sort of reverse land Orca hunting humans to eat as they swim and frolic below in the icy water. Relentless pursuit has always been the hungry whale’s first line of culinary strategy.