Archive for The Shining

Xeroxed Haunted House

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

7 Days To Live

Whoever wrote The Shining (1980) should be going after the filmmakers of 7 Days To Live (2001), a connect-the-dots horror formula rip-off.

7 Days To Live

A novelist and his wife buy a patently haunted mansion in a countryside marsh to put their grieving behind them after their son ate a bee and choked to death. (He should’ve put some butter or salt on it first.) The house has a dubious history — 20 years earlier a man killed his wife in there and let the body sit in front of the TV for a week before the authorities went to investigate their electric bill.

7 Days To Live

The house, it seems, has a way of finding out your deepest fear, then smacking you in the forehead with it. In this case, the wife getting tell-tale signs that she’s going to die in seven days. All the while, her writer husband is doing a second-rate Shining knock-off with mood swings so wild he could be a circus ride.

7 Days To Live

After noting her bent hubby’s excessive use of four-letter words, the freaked wife investigates the house’s f’d up past and discovers the place is built on a giant graveyard. (Yeah, like graveyards are believable.) Then her dead kid comes back to hit her up for allowance. Then her husband gives her a head butt (which was right up there with any finishing move you’d see in a WWE™ pay-per-view). Then mud ghosts come out of the marsh seeping into the basement. (That’ll happen when you leave the DOOR OPEN.)

7 Days To Live

Then you get bored because there’s too much talking and not enough bleeding. Cheese Whizhaunted house fare with a dorkball ending — the husband and wife write a best seller about their experiences. Amityville Horror (1979) been there, done that. If you have seven days to live, don’t waste 90-minutes of it watching this photocopied ass jamboree.

Ghost Hotels, Unnatural Disasters and Cigar Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stanley Hotel

Prepping for my annual solo holiday trek to downtown Portland, OR, my favorite city within 175 miles from where I’m littering. This year will be a bit different as I plan on visiting several Chamber of Commerce endorsed haunted buildings, one of which happens to be the very hotel I’m staying at. (Love the new bathroom upgrades at The Benson, but the ghosts could be a bit more spookier.)

Room 217

The hotel that’s on my bucket list is, of course, The Stanley Hotel (aka, The Overlook Hotel in The Shining), located at 333 E Wonderview Ave, Estes Park, CO. (And in case you need the zip code: 80517.) Their website has this to say about that: “The Stanley Hotel features a variety of rooms with high paranormal activity including the famous Stephen King Suite 217, the Ghost Hunters’ favorite room 401; as well as 407, 428 and 1302. These are among our most-requested rooms, availability is limited.”

White Eagle Saloon

While I polter-hunt/drink in Old Town Pizza, Crystal Ballroom and the White Eagle Saloon, all of which have documented ghost sightings (and tasty snacks), here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not scare the Christmas wrap outta you…

Dangerous People

DANGEROUS PEOPLE (available now)
“In the early 1970s two murderers pick up a girl in a bar and take her back to their apartment. A moment of brutal violence occurs, which leads to a series of mind games to see who lives and who dies. Dangerous People is a psychedelic trip that is equal parts crazy, scary, sexy, funny, sick and tragic.”

Crazy, scary, sexy, funny, sick and tragic. Aren’t those the ingredients on Fruity Pebbles™ cereal boxes? (That stuff has more artificial coloring than a beauty parlor.)

Channel Zero: Butcher's Block

CHANNEL ZERO: BUTCHER’S BLOCK (2018)
“Inspired by Kerry Hammond’s ‘Search and Rescue Woods’ Creepypasta tale, Butcher’s Block tells the story of a young woman named Alice who moves to a new city and learns about a series of disappearances that may be connected to a baffling rumor about mysterious staircases in the city’s worst neighborhoods. With help from her sister, they discover that something is preying on the city’s residents.”

This sounds a lot better than the fizzled dud, Channel Zero: No-End House (2017). Sure, it got off to a great start, what with some teens going into a reputed spook house that preys on your innermost fears and doesn’t have an exit. But every slow-moving episode that followed felt like a no-end mini-series.

The Quake

THE QUAKE (2018)
“In 1904 an earthquake of magnitude 5.4 on the Richter Scale shook Oslo, with an epicenter in the ‘Oslo Graben’, which runs under the Norwegian capital. There are now signs that indicate that we can expect a major future earthquake in Oslo.”

You could almost predict this one — it’s being done by the same folks who made the Norwegian hit disaster movie, The Wave (2015). Another prediction: Once The Quake comes out, they’ll start working on The Really Windy Day, A Tree In the Road and The Pothole.

Rise of the Living Dead

RISE OF THE LIVING DEAD (2018)
“In 1962, Dr. Ryan Cartwright was on the scientific and altruistic path to find a way for humans to sustain life in the event of M.A.D. (Mutual Assured Destruction), a huge topic brought on by the Cuban Missile Crisis. Little did he know that over the course of the next several years of his life, he would take a well-funded and military focused journey to the darkest corners of the world as he creates the ultimate weapon for the government and a curse that will plague mankind for the rest of days.”

Cool title for YET ANOTHER zombie movie. Interesting to frame it around the Cuban Missile Crisis, which, I always thought was a near miss catastrophe about the Cuban cigar shortage. (Cigars are missile-shaped, hence, I assumed, the term.) Warning: this is what beer does to you.

Old Witches, New Demons, Modern Zombies

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead Official Cookbook

There’s an ironic aspect to the AMC’s official cookbook (and survival guide) from The Walking Dead as the only meals on the menu are humans — and they’re eaten tatare, not cooked. Yeah, TWD had non-zombie people butchering other non-zombie people and grilling the succulent carved butt roasts for their protein needs. Unless you came up with a marinade or spices to flesh out (sorry) the flavor, you don’t really need a cookbook. Just heat and eat.

While you chew (sorry) on that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cleanse the palette…

The Cured

THE CURED (September 9, 2017)
“In the aftermath of a devastating virus which transformed the infected into zombie-like monsters, Mankind is struggling to rebuild societies deeply divided between the uninfected and those who did succumb to the virus and are still haunted by their violent actions. In the backdrop, the rise of a terrorist movement threatens to plunge the world into chaos again.”

This one was formerly titled First Wave. Glad they changed it as it sounded like a surfer movie. The premise echoes that of the The Returned (2013) French zombie movie and subsequent TV series. A thought — if you substituted “virus” with “beer” you get the same results.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER (October 27, 2017)
Steven, a charismatic surgeon, is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister.

A charismatic surgeon? I bet he’s a real cut-up. Heh.

Demons

DEMONS (October 6, 2017/VOD)
“A psychological thriller that marries elements of The Exorcist, The Shining and The Big Chill, Demons tells of a celebrated fiction writer and former priest who, along with his wife, are tormented by the ghost of her late sister, as the details of her grisly death are slowly uncovered.”

When they say “marries elements of…”, it usually means ripped off. But what do you expect from a premise so overused, they could’ve bought the script from Goodwill™.

Pyewacket

PYEWACKET (2017/2018)
“A frustrated, angst-ridden teenage girl awakens something in the woods when she naively performs an occult ritual to evoke a witch to kill her mother.”

Had to look up “Pyewacket” as it seemed like a made-up word, like “gummy bear” or “Lake Titicaca.” Turns out it’s an actual ghost of a witch, famously outed by Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins back in March of 16444 in the town of Manningtree, Essex, England. I guess this makes Hopkins the first Ghostbuster.

Ghost Lives Matter

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Riding The Bullet

Riding The Bullet (2004), adapted from the Stephen King novella of the same name of all things, is not one of the better King horror movies out there. Not surprising, as director Mick Garris had done four weak SK’s adaptations (Sleepwalkers/1992, The Stand/1994, The Shining re-boot that needed to be given the boot/1997, Quicksilver Highway/1997, prior to this unfulfilling mess. (Garris later went on to do several more King movies: Desperation/2006 and Bag of Bones/2011).

Riding The Bullet

Riding the Bullet is set in October, 1969. Hippies, gateway drug pot, rock and/or roll, and only one pair of bare boobies. Alan, morose college art student (i.e., hippie) is pretty certain his hot girlfriend is breaking up with him, despite her wanting to smooch his scruffy emo face. On his birthday he smokes pot, drinks non-twist top booze and attempts to commit suicide while taking a bubble bath with candles. A demon appears to urge him on. Alan’s friends bust into the bathroom to birthday surprise him, only to see he’s slit his wrist. Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?

Later finding out his widowed mom had a stroke and is in the hospital, Alan hitchhikes in the dark (about 100 miles) to emote at her bedside. His companion is his own doppelganger who calls B.S. on his poor decision making process.

Riding The Bullet

As Alan accepts rides from red flag travelers (draft dodger, old man with a hernia, greaser demon ghost), he endures alternate situation scenes and confusing flashbacks wherein his mom tells a young Alan his dad is dead, having been involved in a car accident. That’s funny; could’ve sworn he opted out by sucking on the end of a shotgun.

Riding The Bullet

As with all King movies, there’s a self-discovery underpinning that didn’t translate to the big screen this time. What works extraordinarily well on paper (say, a book), doesn’t have enough time to flesh itself out on your TV. So hit the gas pedal on the thrills – the greaser demon ghost gives Alan a ride. He died earlier years prior whilst ramming his sweet 1958 Plymouth Fury into a truck transporting pumpkins to market (same car in King’s Christine/1983), and gets his head cut off from all those super sharp pumpkin shards.

Riding The BulletThe greaser demon ghost tells Alan he has to choose between him and his hospitalized mom who gets to go to Hell, with the Ride the Bullet roller coaster ride of Alan’s youth that he was too much of a p*ssy to ride as a kid, as the metaphor for the whole flippin’ film.

Riding The Bullet

Later, adult Alan reflects on his hippie past, his now dead mom, his ex-wife (he married his college girlfriend for four years) and the greaser ghost demon, who shows up to offer him a ride. Alan tells him to go away. The end.

If you didn’t read the book (sorry, I was busy), this leaves a pumpkin truck load of questions unanswered. You’re left dangling like a severed head. For instance, what was the back story of his dad painting the walls with his particulate matter? I’m guessing it was he found out his son would grow up to be a pot-smoking emo wuss who was too scared to ride the bullet. Dad did – and look how nicely that turned out!

The Horror of Mondays

Posted in Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Monday at 11:01AM

Monday at 11:01AM is an odd title for a… Um, I don’t know what it is. Horror, sci-fi, porn with clothes on? But the press release says it’s a suspense thriller. I don’t know what that means. That’s probably to make it sound more like a “film”  instead of a “movie.” Whatever the case, it has an intriguing movie poster as well as a plot…

Monday at 11:01AM

“Michael and Jenny, a happy couple, are out for a blissful weekend in a picturesque resort town. While Jenny shops in a local boutique, Michael stops off at the local watering hole, where he meets a friendly bartender (Lance Henriksen) and a sexy temptress (Briana Evigan).

Monday at 11:01AM

Michael declines her overtures, but even stranger events take place in a local hotel – such as ghostly happenings in Suite 327, the sounds of violent lovemaking that only Michael can hear; and a cult of Druid worshipers who suddenly emerge from the local forest and chase after Michael. Doing the smart thing, Michael and Jenny head out of town – only to discover that their only escape route, a mountain tunnel, is blocked by the Highway Patrol.”

Monday at 11:01AM

Monday at 11:01AM appears to borrow heavily from The Shining (1980). For instance, Suite 327. The spook room in The Shining’s Overlook Hotel was Room 237. All Monday did was switch the numbers around. And Lance is spot on as the “Llyod-esque” bartender. And in the trailer, Michael is seen slowly unraveling like a discount sweater and eventually ending up dragging a bloody axe across what appears to be clean floors.

So when does Monday at 11:01AM get released? My best guess is Monday. At 11:01. AM. Heh.

A Maze To Amaze

Posted in Classic Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Maze

In The Maze, a 1953 Goth horror semi-classic, Gerald MacTeam was on the eve of his wedding to the perky Kitty Murray when he gets a poolside telegram that his eccentric uncle who lives in a spooky ass castle with zero amenities in the Scottish Highlands, just kicked the bucket. Guess who just inherited the bucket?

The Maze

Gerald has to go to the castle to pee on his uncle’s grave and promises Kitty he’ll be back in time for some spoon-fed vows and honeymoon wows. Weeks go by and Gerald hasn’t come back. (Keep running, Gerald!) So Kitty does what any woman would in a situation like this – she and her aunt Edith head to the castle with full suitcases to solve the mystery of the sparse spouse.(Hint to Kitty: he’s not hiding in the groom closet.)

The Maze

Showing up unannounced and uninvited, Gerald is p*ssed – and he looks like he’s aged 20 years. Mysterious castles with a mysterious secrets will do that to you. He’s mad, irritated, stressed and restless. What – did he get married already? The two butlers aren’t much help, especially when the maid was recently murder killed in some sort of deathly fashion.

The Maze

Clearly, Gerald is hiding something. And what a something it is – in the backyard is a Shining-sized hedge maze that is verboten to enter, with signs indicating as much. And castle rules also state that all guests must be in their rooms and the door locked from the outside by 9PM. Since there’s no TV or electricity to run it, might as well call it a night – or go snooping around the…MAZE!

The Maze

Burning curiosity of her former fiancée, those creepy noises outside her door and those very non-human tracks all over the place drive Kitty and her aunt into the maze where they hear splashing sounds. Could it be Gerald switched teams and is having a “boys only” pool party? Or might it be the family curse finally being brought out in the open?

The MazeTo give away what it is would be me sinking to new lows, which I’m not adverse to. Needless to say it’s funnier that a castle full of butlers. And Gerald’s lengthy explanation at the end even more so as it involves “the secret” and that he and his ancestors were merely its servants. Turns out Gerald was a “butler” as well. Don’t worry, Kitty – he still has the castle. And I hear there’s a pool in the backyard.

The Moon is a Conspiracy

Posted in Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Operation Avalanche

Of the funniest things on YouTube™ are the conspiracy theory videos, everything from the Kennedy assassination (the CIA did it) and 911 (George Bush did it), to UFO denial (the military keeps doing it) and the best of ’em all, how the Apollo moon landing on July 20, 1969 was faked. (Pffft – the astronauts were real; it’s the moon that was faked.)

Room 237

According to the Internet, legendary filmmaker Stanley Kubrick, who did The Shining, was hired by NASA to stage the entire thing as we didn’t have the technology to pull it off in 1969. In fact, the 2013 documentary Room 237 is an exhaustive analysis about how Kubrick hid hints in The Shining about his involvement in the cover-up that still endures to this day at fever pitch.

Operation Avalanche

How fun for the rest of us who are greatly amused and entertained by all of this that there are two new movies about the faked moon deal. Operation Avalanche (2016) goes like this: “In 1967, four undercover CIA agents were sent to NASA posing as a documentary film crew. What they discovered led to one of the biggest conspiracies in American history.”

Moonwalkers

Then there’s Moonwalkers (2015), starring none other than Harry Potter’s favorite ginger, Ron Weasley. Here’s how that one goes: “After failing to locate the legendary Stanley Kubrick, an unstable CIA agent (Ron Perlman) must instead team up with a seedy rock band manager (Rupert Grint) to develop the biggest con of all time-staging the moon landing.”

Faked

This is all so flippin’ cool and a veritable fountain of validation for all those faked moon landing nutbags who have spent countless hours/years clicking around the Internet for “proof” of something that happened 47 years ago. (Note to nutbags – don’t stop busting NASA’s chops; I’m loving every second of it.)