Archive for The Shining

Old Witches, New Demons, Modern Zombies

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead Official Cookbook

There’s an ironic aspect to the AMC’s official cookbook (and survival guide) from The Walking Dead as the only meals on the menu are humans — and they’re eaten tatare, not cooked. Yeah, TWD had non-zombie people butchering other non-zombie people and grilling the succulent carved butt roasts for their protein needs. Unless you came up with a marinade or spices to flesh out (sorry) the flavor, you don’t really need a cookbook. Just heat and eat.

While you chew (sorry) on that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cleanse the palette…

The Cured

THE CURED (September 9, 2017)
“In the aftermath of a devastating virus which transformed the infected into zombie-like monsters, Mankind is struggling to rebuild societies deeply divided between the uninfected and those who did succumb to the virus and are still haunted by their violent actions. In the backdrop, the rise of a terrorist movement threatens to plunge the world into chaos again.”

This one was formerly titled First Wave. Glad they changed it as it sounded like a surfer movie. The premise echoes that of the The Returned (2013) French zombie movie and subsequent TV series. A thought — if you substituted “virus” with “beer” you get the same results.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER (October 27, 2017)
Steven, a charismatic surgeon, is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister.

A charismatic surgeon? I bet he’s a real cut-up. Heh.

Demons

DEMONS (October 6, 2017/VOD)
“A psychological thriller that marries elements of The Exorcist, The Shining and The Big Chill, Demons tells of a celebrated fiction writer and former priest who, along with his wife, are tormented by the ghost of her late sister, as the details of her grisly death are slowly uncovered.”

When they say “marries elements of…”, it usually means ripped off. But what do you expect from a premise so overused, they could’ve bought the script from Goodwill™.

Pyewacket

PYEWACKET (2017/2018)
“A frustrated, angst-ridden teenage girl awakens something in the woods when she naively performs an occult ritual to evoke a witch to kill her mother.”

Had to look up “Pyewacket” as it seemed like a made-up word, like “gummy bear” or “Lake Titicaca.” Turns out it’s an actual ghost of a witch, famously outed by Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins back in March of 16444 in the town of Manningtree, Essex, England. I guess this makes Hopkins the first Ghostbuster.

Ghost Lives Matter

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Riding The Bullet

Riding The Bullet (2004), adapted from the Stephen King novella of the same name of all things, is not one of the better King horror movies out there. Not surprising, as director Mick Garris had done four weak SK’s adaptations (Sleepwalkers/1992, The Stand/1994, The Shining re-boot that needed to be given the boot/1997, Quicksilver Highway/1997, prior to this unfulfilling mess. (Garris later went on to do several more King movies: Desperation/2006 and Bag of Bones/2011).

Riding The Bullet

Riding the Bullet is set in October, 1969. Hippies, gateway drug pot, rock and/or roll, and only one pair of bare boobies. Alan, morose college art student (i.e., hippie) is pretty certain his hot girlfriend is breaking up with him, despite her wanting to smooch his scruffy emo face. On his birthday he smokes pot, drinks non-twist top booze and attempts to commit suicide while taking a bubble bath with candles. A demon appears to urge him on. Alan’s friends bust into the bathroom to birthday surprise him, only to see he’s slit his wrist. Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?

Later finding out his widowed mom had a stroke and is in the hospital, Alan hitchhikes in the dark (about 100 miles) to emote at her bedside. His companion is his own doppelganger who calls B.S. on his poor decision making process.

Riding The Bullet

As Alan accepts rides from red flag travelers (draft dodger, old man with a hernia, greaser demon ghost), he endures alternate situation scenes and confusing flashbacks wherein his mom tells a young Alan his dad is dead, having been involved in a car accident. That’s funny; could’ve sworn he opted out by sucking on the end of a shotgun.

Riding The Bullet

As with all King movies, there’s a self-discovery underpinning that didn’t translate to the big screen this time. What works extraordinarily well on paper (say, a book), doesn’t have enough time to flesh itself out on your TV. So hit the gas pedal on the thrills – the greaser demon ghost gives Alan a ride. He died earlier years prior whilst ramming his sweet 1958 Plymouth Fury into a truck transporting pumpkins to market (same car in King’s Christine/1983), and gets his head cut off from all those super sharp pumpkin shards.

Riding The BulletThe greaser demon ghost tells Alan he has to choose between him and his hospitalized mom who gets to go to Hell, with the Ride the Bullet roller coaster ride of Alan’s youth that he was too much of a p*ssy to ride as a kid, as the metaphor for the whole flippin’ film.

Riding The Bullet

Later, adult Alan reflects on his hippie past, his now dead mom, his ex-wife (he married his college girlfriend for four years) and the greaser ghost demon, who shows up to offer him a ride. Alan tells him to go away. The end.

If you didn’t read the book (sorry, I was busy), this leaves a pumpkin truck load of questions unanswered. You’re left dangling like a severed head. For instance, what was the back story of his dad painting the walls with his particulate matter? I’m guessing it was he found out his son would grow up to be a pot-smoking emo wuss who was too scared to ride the bullet. Dad did – and look how nicely that turned out!

The Horror of Mondays

Posted in Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Monday at 11:01AM

Monday at 11:01AM is an odd title for a… Um, I don’t know what it is. Horror, sci-fi, porn with clothes on? But the press release says it’s a suspense thriller. I don’t know what that means. That’s probably to make it sound more like a “film”  instead of a “movie.” Whatever the case, it has an intriguing movie poster as well as a plot…

Monday at 11:01AM

“Michael and Jenny, a happy couple, are out for a blissful weekend in a picturesque resort town. While Jenny shops in a local boutique, Michael stops off at the local watering hole, where he meets a friendly bartender (Lance Henriksen) and a sexy temptress (Briana Evigan).

Monday at 11:01AM

Michael declines her overtures, but even stranger events take place in a local hotel – such as ghostly happenings in Suite 327, the sounds of violent lovemaking that only Michael can hear; and a cult of Druid worshipers who suddenly emerge from the local forest and chase after Michael. Doing the smart thing, Michael and Jenny head out of town – only to discover that their only escape route, a mountain tunnel, is blocked by the Highway Patrol.”

Monday at 11:01AM

Monday at 11:01AM appears to borrow heavily from The Shining (1980). For instance, Suite 327. The spook room in The Shining’s Overlook Hotel was Room 237. All Monday did was switch the numbers around. And Lance is spot on as the “Llyod-esque” bartender. And in the trailer, Michael is seen slowly unraveling like a discount sweater and eventually ending up dragging a bloody axe across what appears to be clean floors.

So when does Monday at 11:01AM get released? My best guess is Monday. At 11:01. AM. Heh.

A Maze To Amaze

Posted in Classic Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Maze

In The Maze, a 1953 Goth horror semi-classic, Gerald MacTeam was on the eve of his wedding to the perky Kitty Murray when he gets a poolside telegram that his eccentric uncle who lives in a spooky ass castle with zero amenities in the Scottish Highlands, just kicked the bucket. Guess who just inherited the bucket?

The Maze

Gerald has to go to the castle to pee on his uncle’s grave and promises Kitty he’ll be back in time for some spoon-fed vows and honeymoon wows. Weeks go by and Gerald hasn’t come back. (Keep running, Gerald!) So Kitty does what any woman would in a situation like this – she and her aunt Edith head to the castle with full suitcases to solve the mystery of the sparse spouse.(Hint to Kitty: he’s not hiding in the groom closet.)

The Maze

Showing up unannounced and uninvited, Gerald is p*ssed – and he looks like he’s aged 20 years. Mysterious castles with a mysterious secrets will do that to you. He’s mad, irritated, stressed and restless. What – did he get married already? The two butlers aren’t much help, especially when the maid was recently murder killed in some sort of deathly fashion.

The Maze

Clearly, Gerald is hiding something. And what a something it is – in the backyard is a Shining-sized hedge maze that is verboten to enter, with signs indicating as much. And castle rules also state that all guests must be in their rooms and the door locked from the outside by 9PM. Since there’s no TV or electricity to run it, might as well call it a night – or go snooping around the…MAZE!

The Maze

Burning curiosity of her former fiancée, those creepy noises outside her door and those very non-human tracks all over the place drive Kitty and her aunt into the maze where they hear splashing sounds. Could it be Gerald switched teams and is having a “boys only” pool party? Or might it be the family curse finally being brought out in the open?

The MazeTo give away what it is would be me sinking to new lows, which I’m not adverse to. Needless to say it’s funnier that a castle full of butlers. And Gerald’s lengthy explanation at the end even more so as it involves “the secret” and that he and his ancestors were merely its servants. Turns out Gerald was a “butler” as well. Don’t worry, Kitty – he still has the castle. And I hear there’s a pool in the backyard.

The Moon is a Conspiracy

Posted in Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Operation Avalanche

Of the funniest things on YouTube™ are the conspiracy theory videos, everything from the Kennedy assassination (the CIA did it) and 911 (George Bush did it), to UFO denial (the military keeps doing it) and the best of ’em all, how the Apollo moon landing on July 20, 1969 was faked. (Pffft – the astronauts were real; it’s the moon that was faked.)

Room 237

According to the Internet, legendary filmmaker Stanley Kubrick, who did The Shining, was hired by NASA to stage the entire thing as we didn’t have the technology to pull it off in 1969. In fact, the 2013 documentary Room 237 is an exhaustive analysis about how Kubrick hid hints in The Shining about his involvement in the cover-up that still endures to this day at fever pitch.

Operation Avalanche

How fun for the rest of us who are greatly amused and entertained by all of this that there are two new movies about the faked moon deal. Operation Avalanche (2016) goes like this: “In 1967, four undercover CIA agents were sent to NASA posing as a documentary film crew. What they discovered led to one of the biggest conspiracies in American history.”

Moonwalkers

Then there’s Moonwalkers (2015), starring none other than Harry Potter’s favorite ginger, Ron Weasley. Here’s how that one goes: “After failing to locate the legendary Stanley Kubrick, an unstable CIA agent (Ron Perlman) must instead team up with a seedy rock band manager (Rupert Grint) to develop the biggest con of all time-staging the moon landing.”

Faked

This is all so flippin’ cool and a veritable fountain of validation for all those faked moon landing nutbags who have spent countless hours/years clicking around the Internet for “proof” of something that happened 47 years ago. (Note to nutbags – don’t stop busting NASA’s chops; I’m loving every second of it.)

Be Witched

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Salem

The rich tapestry of witches seems to have taken root these days, fueled possibly by the success of the TV series Salem (2014), an annoyingly hard-to-follow depiction of fevered witch paranoia life in stinky Massachusetts in the late 1600s. (If your neighbor thought you to be in league with Big D, you were proved it merely by hearsay in a court of law and burned alive in the public square, the colonial version of a tailgate party.

The Lords of Salem

Rock dude/horror filmmaker Rob Zombie even tried his hand at some lovin’ from the coven in 2013 with the The Lords of Salem. (I’m generally a fan of Zombie’s music and film work, but that thing is outright laughable and does great disservice to our witchy women.)

The Last Witch Hunter

Regardless, the market fire burns hot for Wiccans and their vibrant community. Vin Diesel (Riddick himself!) is set to release The Last Witch Hunter (2015), followed by The Witch (2016), a period horror piece that promises some wicked wickedness.

The Witch

Here’s what The Witch is conjuring (heh): “Evil takes many forms in this vintage horror thriller set in New England in the 1600s about a family and their suddenly missing children.”

The Witch

Okay, not a lot to go on. But the trailer is a tasty appetizer. And early reviews gush that The Witch “blends The Crucible, The Shining and The Exorcist in a frightening New England folktale.”

Wiccapedia: A Modern Day White Witch's Guide

You can find more information about witches in Wiccapedia: A Modern-Day White Witch’s Guide (2011), written by “spiritual life coaches” and celebrity witches Shawn Robbins and Leanna Greenaway. If those aren’t kick ass credentials, then you’re likely a non-believer. I fear for your very soul.

Witching & Bitching

P.S. For a really fun/funny/f’d up witch movie, check out Spain-made Witching & Bitching (2013). The first 15 minutes alone will put a spell on you (heh).

Frozen Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Necrosis

College friends – three guys, three gals – spend the weekend in an upscale cabin on Donner Mountain, home of history’s first cannibal dinner party. They were warned not to go up there by that weird guy in town. The caretaker warned them the generator was operating intermittently. The weather report warned that a freak snow storm was on its way, even though it was supposed to be nothing but sunshine and balloons. And the spirits of the half-eaten Donner party are showing up to warn them they’re not gonna make it back off the mountain. (That’s the problem with a college education—you think you’re smarter than ghosts.)

The caretaker’s body is found frozen in a position of “aiyeeeee!,” which wrecks the mood for any weekend snuggling. His body later vanishes as though taken away by ghosts or coyotes or ghost coyotes.

Necrosis

The one character of ethnicity (an Asian dude) is chosen as the guy to drink from the six-pack of paranoia and do The Shining (1980) bit on his friends. The ghosts appear with evenly paced frequency, and only the Asian guy can see ’em. They look like overly ripe bananas, have axe scars on their faces, and cause you to make yellow snow.

In flashbacks we see ’em eating the living. No indication on what they had for dessert, though after chowing down on face steak, how could there be room for any?

Necrosis

One couple finds a snow tractor and tries driving off the mountain for help. That leaves the Asian guy, who finds a loaded rifle and ghost-busting ammo plenty of time to slide down the insanity pole. The ghosts never actually do anything except exacerbate the man’s mental decay.

The acting and fight scenes are as stiff as the frozen caretaker. What little blood shown is at least the right color. And the guy going mad needs to watch The Shining a few more times to learn how to freak out in style and really sell it.

Necrosis

The abrupt, pointless ending of Necrosis (2009) is both dumb and welcome. A better plot would’ve been to have the Donner party ghosts and the college friends have a snowball fight, then later sit around the fireplace, tell stories and drink hot chocolate. Boring yes, but not as much as this movie.