Archive for The She-Creature

How To Make A Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

How To Make A MonsterIf you ever wanted to know how to make a monster without alcohol, then How To Make A Monster, released in 1958, is your ticket. Warning: Like sweet refreshing booze, this might mess with your mind: a monster movie about making monster movies. I know, right? I’m being forced to question my own existence over that one.

How To Make A Monster

In this semi-horror classic, Pete Dumond, chief make-up artist for American International Studios, has been creating monsters for the big scream for 25 years. That is, until stupid NBC came in and bought the place, putting two East Coast a-holes in charge. Here’s the b*tch of it all – they want to make comedies and musicals instead of monsters. How dare the both of them?

How To Make A Monster

This puts Dumond and his makeup kit out on the street. Good – that gives him plenty of time to implement a rather ingenious revenge agenda: to get the exact monsters he’s created to do his murderous bidding. Brilliant, I say out loud.

How To Make A MonsterDumond mixes some brain anesthetizing gunk into the makeup he applies to his two teenage movie stars, Larry Drake and Tony Mantell, who play a teenage werewolf and a teenage Frankenstein. Once numb and number, Dumond hypnotizes the boys into doing dirty deeds, like killing off the East Coast a-holes. Did I not say brilliant out loud in the previous paragraph?

How To Make A Monster

But why stop at two a-holes when the movie studio is full of ’em? Eventually the bloody, clue-ridden trail leads police back to Dumond’s place, which he’s fashioned into a museum of monster mask props that he calls his “children.” Okay, a little wackadoo, but his skills are not to be openly mocked.

How To Make A Monster

Before the cops can get there to double arrest him, Dumond, who lured his unsuspecting creature teen killers there, is about to make his final curtain call when the curtains – and Dumond himself – catch on fire, thanks to a handy lit candelabra meant for design and ambiance purposes.

I WAs A Teenage Werewolf / I WAs A Teenage Frankenstein

How To Make A Monster uses the same monster makeup that was used in I Was A Teenage Werewolf and I Was A Teenage Frankenstein, both released in 1957. Cooler still are the actual movie masks on Dumond’s wall of flame: It Conquered the World (1956), Invasion of the Saucer Men (1956), The She-Creature (1956) and Attack of the Puppet People (1958).

Is it too much to say brilliant out loud one more time? I think not.

Mermaid Chronicles

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

She Creature

An early 1900s con artist and his hot girlfriend work in the carnival trade industry and are part of the circus sideshow freak division. There they try and make people believe that gal in the water tank is a mermaid. Because this is a traveling circus, I’m leaning towards not fully believing it, although I unconditionally have faith the bearded lady’s facial hair is authentic, and by extension, valid.

She Creature

One day they meet an old sailor fart who claims to have a real mermaid in his possession/bathtub. This mermaid is of supermodel caliber and doesn’t wear a waterproof top of any kind. She has weird teeth and her tail is somewhat slimy. But man, that’s one sexy aqua woman. For a fish, anyway.

She Creature

The con artist steals the mermaid and manages to get it onboard a ship sailing to America, where they will make lots and lots of money by having her be a spokesmodel for a new line of fishing poles or something. Because of the mystic nature of their gilled passenger, strange and icky happenings happen during the journey, like drunk sailors being eaten tar tar.

She Creature

The mermaid just happens to be the Queen Mermaid, whose job it is to deliver fast food to her hungry people. It’s here the mermaid fully morphs into her real form, which is a lot less attractive than the topless tuna she was before. By the time the ship runs aground and everyone’s screaming for their lives, she looks like a cross between the Queen Alien in Aliens (1986) and that alien gal in Species (1995). She tosses the dead bodies/TV Dinners™ into the waiting mouths of one million mermaids surrounding the boat. OK, maybe it wasn’t a million, but it was dark and I couldn’t see very well. But they splashed around a LOT.

She Creature

She Creature (2001/originally titled Mermaid Chronicles Part 1: She Creatureis a good idea for a movie, but there’s not nearly enough blood or flesh-eating scenes. The mermaid looks a heckuva lot like the real ones I’ve seen at the carnival, though, so that’s pretty cool.

The She-Creature

P.S. It would not be in anyone’s best interest to confuse this She Creature with the The She-Creature that came out in 1956. It could cause social disruption of some sort.