Archive for The Lovely Bones

Pet Monsters, Human Monsters, Religious Monsters

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


The neighborhood had one of those community garage sales the other day. it’s always fun to rummage through other people’s crap. Hit pay dirt, though, when I found a box of ‘80s horror movies on VHS tape for .25 cents each.

I was so happy until I got home and realized I don’t have a VHS player. Sigh. Might as well go listen to that box of 8-tracks I also scored for about the same price and… Oh, crud; I don’t have an 8-track player, either. There’s $2.00 I’ll never see again.

On that Einstein note, here are some upcoming horror/sci-fi that may or may not be worth .25 cents to watch…

OKJA (June 28, 2917/Netflix)
“For 10 idyllic years, young Mija has been caretaker and constant companion to Okja – a massive animal and an even bigger friend – at her home in the mountains of South Korea. But that changes when the family-owned multinational conglomerate Mirando Corporation takes Okja for themselves and transports her to New York, where image obsessed and self-promoting CEO Lucy Mirando has big plans for Mija’s dearest friend.”

Sounds like a re-imagineering of King Kong/Mighty Joe Young. And looking at the giant creature’s silhouette (is that a French word? Sure the heck seems like it is), it probably eats about 100 pounds of food per meal. At first glance I thought it was a hippo. But when was the last time you saw a hippo on a leash? That’s like putting a turtleneck sweater on a  giraffe.

The Monster Project

“A recovering drug addict takes a job with a documentary crew who plans to interview three subjects who claim to be real life monsters.”

Sounds cool. Although what kind of monsters are they? Day vampires? Half moon werewolves? Republicans? Noisy neighbors who won’t quit making noise no matter how much I pound on the ceiling?

A Closer Walk With Thee

“Four young evangelical missionaries set up a house church in inner-city Los Angeles to try and save the neighborhood from a Satanist gang. Jordan is a good Christian kid, except that he’s starting to have impure sexual thoughts about his close friend and fellow missionary Eli. When he’s caught watching Eli shower, he is outed to the group and painfully ostracized – until Eli, who happens to be a fledgling exorcist, suggests that a demonic possession might be causing these Jordan’s feelings. Jordan begins to enact signs of possession, prompting Eli to take action. What begins as a ritualistic method of trying to save their friendship quickly spirals out of control and descends into darkness and violence.”

Only a religious nutbag would think homosexuality is a sign of demonic possession. The irony here is that the “fledgling exorcist” is probably gay himself. Gay people don’t need to be exorcised, but religious freaks do.

Summer of '84

SUMMER OF ‘84 (2017/2018)
“Growing up on a quiet cul-de-sac in Ipswich, Massachusetts, Davey’s desperate to believe there’s more to life than what he sees from his bedroom window. But Davey thirsts for more. As their investigation heats up, Davey and his best buds soon discover Mr. Mackey is onto them and their suspicions quickly become all too real.”

The pre-production artwork reveals that there’s a serial killer living in the neighborhood. I bet he doesn’t mow his lawn, but rather hacks it. Heh. For a superior and hard-to-watch serial killer in the neighborhood movie, watch The Lovely Bones (2009). You’ll probably need counseling afterward. Or a hug.

Lollipops and Death

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 3, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Lovely Bones

The Lovely Bones (2010) is one of those rare combinations of the horrifying act of child murdering built around a ghost netherworld full of sunshine and lollipops.

The Lovely Bones

Susie Salmon, a 14 year-old neighborhood girl the absolute embodiment of innocence, is heartbreakingly raped and murdered by the old guy across the street in their neighborhood. Not a plot spoiler — as stomach-turning as the premise is, they want you to know this. Thanks a lot.

The Lovely Bones

Susie’s spirit is caught in a Disney™-esque fantasy world (the lobby of Heaven, as it turns out) where she can see her family — and the guy who killed her. And she’s joined by the killer’s other victims in the afterlife as well. Man, that’s some f’d up club to be in.

The Lovely Bones Even without the dazzling eye-candy fantasy stuff (I made up the lollipop part), this one’s a stunner, as the grieving father – an emotionally destroyed Mark Wahlberg – is just mere feet from the guy who killed his daughter the entire time, and believes Susie is trying to contact him from beyond the realm with clues. marky Mark spends his days relentlessly tracking down the guilty party. He better hurry – the killer’s next target: Susie’s sister, Lindsay. Bruuuutal.

The Lovely Bones

Not easy to watch, The Lovely Bones doesn’t end the way you want it to, but it offers some closure all the same. A lollipop might help ease your pain.