Archive for The Langoliers

Ghost Town With Real Ghosts. And Dogs.

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stephen King's Desperation

Not since The Stand (1994) has a Stephen King movie adaptation had such a high body count. And these expired husks aren’t just for statistical/social reasons: they’re rotted, leaking, stinking and bloated, with snakes and hairy tarantulas coming out of mouths and holes where the eyes and south of the belt exit-only ramps used to be. Like human non-recycleables, these things are all over the place.

Stephen King's Desperation

One person is responsible for all this carnage: the town sheriff. He’s so sadistic, you cringe in your swimsuit (hey, the washing machine’s broken —don’t judge me) every time he traps another victim on a long stretch of highway just outside the small Nevada town of Desperation. Those he doesn’t kill right away land in a small jail. The others get shot without a lick of thought. (i.e., a five year-old girl.)

Stephen King's Desperation

As with all Stephen King stories/adaptations, you’re overloaded with complex characters, one of which is always “different,” in this case a young boy who speaks directly to God. Good thing as the other God (i.e., Tak) is possessing bodies (i.e., the sheriff) and making them rot from the inside out (i.e., goopy drawers).

Stephen King's Desperation

The first half of Stephen King’s Desperation (2006) is intense enough to make your underpanties twist up under the driveshaft. The small town is completely dead from the inside out. Dozens of dogs evenly line the street as if waiting for a cat parade. Vultures peck nonchalantly at bodies, snacking lightly in-between meals. And there are rattlers (snakes) and crawlers (spiders) everywhere you step. (The grocery store scene will make you think twice about ever walking into a food shop full of dead people again.)

Stephen King's Desperation

The second half, where the God kid and Tak’s prisoners get out of jail (great scene) and try and figure out what the flip, starts to sink under its own weight. Outside of town is the Chinese Pit, a coal/gold/gravel mine where Tak’s cathedral nightclub was disturbed, thereby unleashing the vengeful god and making the Chinese immigrants who were digging in the mine all those happy years ago to go crazy and kill each other with pick axes to the chest vicinity. Stephen KIng's Desperation

The get-out-of-jail people wrestle with moral issues, more spiders and a cougar in a bathroom that changes shape to that of a Vietnamese guy with a bomb. That part will make sense if you just have patience. Instead of getting out of town, the survivors head for the mine where they have a redeeming showdown with Tak, complete with flashback wedgies and dialogue that works better in a book than in a movie with gnarly, decomposing bodies all over the place.

Stephen King's Desperation Normally, I’m all about vengeful gods wreaking havoc, especially if they look like a monster and/or evil something or rather. But Tak looks like cigarette smoke (ala, Lost), which isn’t so scary, unless you factor in the health detriments of second hand smoke. The ending gets kinda “group huggy,” but in the end a decent take on a book with too many pages. Better, anyway, than Stephen King’s ultra-crappy The Langoliers (1995). (The movie version.) Man, what a punch bowl turd that thing is/was/continues to be.

Time-Eaters

Posted in Giant Monsters, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , on September 22, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Langoliers

Without hyperbole, I can emphatically overstate that The Langoliers (1995) is the all time worst movie adaptation of one of horror author Stephen King’s books ever made in the history of the everything. (The wretched Rose Red/2002 is a close second.)

The Langoliers

A commercial flight full of passengers goes through a time rift (like a regular rift, but with more colors), and come out the other side with most of the people gone, as though they turned into transparencies and departed the plane in mid-air.

The Langoliers

A handful of wildly disparate characters – including a 10 year-old hyper-intelligent blind girl and a freakishly paranoid corporate executive – discover there’s no one left on land, either. Also, beer doesn’t fizz when opened, farts don’t smell and sandwiches taste like cardboard. And not that cool designer cardboard, either. All the while they hear a strange, ominous crunching sound off in the distance, like someone rolling around on bags of potato chips.

The Langoliers

As the corporate exec slips his grip and goes off the mental high dive, the rest struggle with the theory of what is believed to be the Langoliers, creatures that eat leftover time itself. They need to get their ass out of the past and back into present time where beer fizzes the way its supposed to.

The Langoliers

The ground and buildings around them are being devoured by the laughable Pac-Man type creatures as everyone not dead (um, there was a few regrettable incidents) re-boards the plane and heads for the time rift. Unfortunately, they have to be asleep in order to sync back up with the present. Someone needs to be awake to fly the plane and… No sequel for one lucky person.

The Langoliers

Interesting premise, but the unlikely characters (they work better in book form) and the horrendous Langoliers that look like giant clams with teeth (dumb name, dumber monsters) make you wish you could go back in time and not watch it all over again.